An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Featured community question with accompanying sappy ending

Today’s featured question comes from user kebhome:

If ever there was a question with so many possible answers from one person depending on what stage of life she’s in.

As a kid: “How many days until Christmas?”

As a teenager: “Please let today be a good hair day, please let today be a good hair day, please let today be a good hair day…”

In college: “I cannot wait to have sex.”

Early twenties: “Should not have had that last shot of tequila.”

Late twenties: “BABIES! BABIES! BABIES!”

Early thirties: “What I would give to wake up one morning and have my biggest worry be whether or not my hair is going to look good.”

Now that Marlo is nine months old, we’ve settled into a pretty predictable routine, and at this stage in life predictable is delicious. Every morning Leta wanders into our room sometime between 5:30 and 6AM, heads over to Jon’s side of the bed and goes DAD. DAD. DAD. DAD. This goes on for about seventeen DADs until I punch him in the back and he jumps with a WHAH?! BEAVERS?! DUCKS!? TACO SALAD.

When he finally realizes what’s going on he’ll bury his head into his pillow and mumble, “Leta, go play in your room.” This is only part of the ritual, because Leta will go, “So you want me to go play in my room?” And Jon can’t respond simply YES or THAT’S WHAT I SAID. He must say the words, “Yes, I want you to go play in your room.” And if he veers at all from this script the whole scene has to start over at the beginning, except the second rendition usually involves a lot of spontaneous yelling and blaming my side of the family.

Then we try to go back to sleep until Marlo wakes up, usually between 6:30 and 7AM. I sleep with the monitor on my side of the bed, and I wait to make any move until her waking sounds have transitioned from COME. GET. ME. NOW. to okay, they are ignoring me, fine, what very cute sounds can I make to entertain myself? Baba? Dada? Deeda? MAMA! MAMA MAMA! And then I nudge Jon and go, “It’s time. She’s being adorable.”

I stumble upstairs to make the bottle (remember, our kitchen is upstairs because Utah is weird), and Jon corrals Leta and they go retrieve the baby. That’s usually when the earth splits in half because of Marlo’s delighted howling. She’s sort of happy about Jon, yes, but it’s Leta that drives her wild. Mad. INSANE. And then Jon has to wrestle Marlo like a wild badger to change her diaper successfully. Usually he walks away bleeding.

We all meet back in the bedroom for what will be the quietest ten minutes of our day, what could possibly be the best ten minutes of our day: Marlo nestled into Jon’s arm eating her breakfast, Jon reading Twitter, Leta waiting patiently until the moment she can tickle her little sister. And usually I’m lying on my side of the bed thinking, “This really is all I ever hoped it would be.”





(All these were taken on my iPhone this morning using the Hipstamatic app, pairing Kodot Verichrome film with the John S Lens.)

  • Sonika

    Oh yes. I’m in my late 20’s and my first thought after “MORNING? AGAIN? I did this YESTERDAY.” is “BABIES. BABIES. WHEN DO I GET THE BABIES?”

  • ERStolpe

    My first thought seeing your first picture? “How the hell does she keep from piling layers of stuff on that mantelpiece?” I’m over the age of two people who can drive, vote and rent an automobile and I still can’t keep from having piles of papers and books and mail and clothes on every horizontal surface in my room.

    My first thoughts upon waking? “Mmmph, why did I stay up so late?”

    Love the scenes of domestic tranquility.

  • Petite Chenille

    Recently, my first thought waking up has been: “Where the heck is the sun? Isn’t this supposed to be spring?”

    Looking forward to that changing!


    Got no snark, here. That was right on and the photos really captured it.


    Oh, wait, what does Bossy think when she first wakes up? She thinks, “Really, morning? With the So Soon?”

  • adrienne jackson

    for the first time ever i am ready to hit pause in my life. i seriously need to freeze time because our routine/life is very much like those mornings of yours. and i never thought that could be possible with an almost 4 year old and a 2.5 year old.

    thanks for inspiring me to be a better blogger and photographer because this shit is worth documenting.

  • filmlady

    There are no first thoughtS (i.e., plural) when the alarm goes off. Just one:

    SHIT it’s early.

  • kschendel

    Thoughts? In the morning?


    “Hot damn I aint dead yet” leaps to mind, but then honestly I can’t say that my grammar and spelling is that good when I first wake up. In fact, to be honest, “I gotta pee” probably wins most days. And even then it’s more of a visceral reaction than conscious, lucid thought.

    Sorry but that’s the way it is, as a famous newsman used to say.

  • mandora

    Having a 2 year old and a 1 year old and a husband who’s a baker/pastry chef (read: works at 4am), my mornings are not so delightful.

    My first thought on waking – efffff…..


    Your family precious-ness is inspiring. 🙂 <3

  • Natalie Smith

    You see to have it all together. I hope I’m like that when I finally have children!

  • cadiz12

    if history repeats itself, the fact that Marlo goes crazy for Leta every day and big sister waits patiently to play at this stage means that even though they’ll tussle through their teen years, they’ll have nothing but love, support and momma-bear protection for each other when they’re grown.

    i can’t think of anything better.

  • Nannykeel

    My first thoughts are always, why me? M
    y shih tzu Bubba comes into my bed every morning at approx. 4:47 and rubs all over me until I get up and let him outside. This only takes about 5 minutes but then the rest of the day he is Daddy’s dog and won’t have anything to do with me…lol so why do I have to be the one he comes to at 4:47 every day?

  • LoveMeDaily

    I’m always trying to think of the proper way to put the quiet moments into sufficient enough words to duplicate their greatness on paper, or at least screened wordy-ness. Job well done.

    Also, everyone has jowls in the morning. I think its something about not having enough energy to hold your head up properly. The effect always seems exhausted by the lingering darkness of night. Sunlight, un-welcomed by those of us who cling to every second of sleep, seems to banish those nasty jowls super fast. No surgeon needed.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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