An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The dooce® Xbox Live Second Chance Giveaway

Jon was fiddling with our xBox yesterday when he found this video of Chuck and Coco on the hard drive. I’d always wondered what their voices sounded like.

We tried for hours to decipher what Coco was saying, and if you slow it down and play it backwards it goes: WORSHIP SATAN. WORSHIP SATAN.

So get this… turns out Microsoft wants to give away another xBox package (an xBox plus a Kinect console plus a Joyride game plus a one year xBox 360 Live membership) and then award five additional people a one year xBox 360 Live membership. Same rules and conditions apply as the last giveaway, and the contest is open until 11:59 PM ET on December 3, 2010.

This time in your comment you should guess what Coco was getting at. You won’t be judged on your guess, but I think it’ll be fun to see what you’re thinking, as we were thinking, “Yum, poop is good! Yum, poop is good!”

(If you are having difficulty viewing the video, you can click here to view it.)

  • angmarie

    I love second chances!! This would be such a fantabulous Christmas gift!

  • Agent Scully

    She is discussing the benefits of Obamacare. Duh.

  • devinftw

    ahaha. i think it’s an appeal for tasty food. 🙂

  • amybonk

    She’s disgusted with Wikileaks.

  • JulieVK

    “Shouldn’t we be going after the really tall one? All of this seems to be her fault.”

  • knolting

    Coco is obviously discussing the pros and cons of bumping off the one child that likes her in the house. Who else will play pony with her if Marlo is gone?! Leta won’t even look at her.

    Also: I always imagined Chuck’s voice to more Michael Palin-esque.

  • bonniemortensen

    I don’t know what she was saying, but whatever it was caused my dog to come running. Now, that’s power.

  • jessicass

    Coco is saying her favorite Leslie Nielsen line because she’s sad he died.

  • nmo2409

    She says “Bring It”.

  • TheDailyB

    I think they’re demanding compensation for their part in promoting this little internet gig…

  • nothingmuchtosay

    “Helium! I swallowed a helium balloon! Can’t you hear me?”

  • AllPaws

    All I know is it cracked me up that for a second they looked like the beginning of the Brady Bunch, in their little squares looking at each other.

  • cmeurer

    They just want to be left ALONE to eat, sleep and poop.

  • bugsydav

    CoCo is saying ever so kindly…UNFOLLOW! 🙂

  • calamityjanee

    Coco is saying “But shouldn’t we enlist the evil squirrels from outside who can take the fall for this after they ninja their way through the window well? Then we may be blameless and full of bacon.”

  • Goose Face

    I think Coco is the real mastermind here and is just playing dumb to fool Chuck. They will work together to get rid of the humans and then Coco will turn on Chuck and become the ruler of Dooce Land!

  • Hoper9897

    Marlo? Marlo who? I need something to chew on….where is the man’s shoes????

  • tmd636

    She’s totally looking at herself and saying “I’m much cuter than Chuck, I just don’t understand the attention he gets!”

  • willL

    I just like smiling; smiling’s my favorite.

  • fl_liz

    I think Coco’s attempting to channel the spirit of Lou in some half wit doggy-seance.

  • Janefere

    I think Coco was repeating the same thing over and over again, “So, like, are you done with this yet and can WE GO OUT AND PLAY?”

  • Table_4_Six

    “Damn, Chuck, that voice of yours could use a little dash of testosterone.”

  • Donna Pilato

    No, Coco is just begging to be let outside to play – she wants no part in any evil plots.

  • Blue Lotus

    Coco: “Are we some kind of super awesome dog spies now? Why are we discussing this with this mode of communication…is this a secure line? And besides the young human named Marlo leaves tasty treats around all the time! She’s very beneficial for my survival!”

  • MilkmaidMama

    Coco is going to team up with squirrels! I love this, made my day!

  • alisonofagun

    I think she’s wondering why she doesn’t have boogers. Wait, what?

  • rach

    I just thought Coco was farting the whole time. Squeaker!

  • accountessa

    “What are we going to do today, Chuck?”

    “The same thing we do every day, Coco. Try to take over the world.”

  • melanie.1211

    Coco is wondering if she’ll be allowed an endless supply of poop to eat after mission is accomplished.

  • Juli71

    she’s saying, “look! Breakin’ is on Starz AGAIN!!!!”

  • kittykerri

    I think Coco is talking gibberish to distract Chuck from the fact that she does indeed like Marlo and would rather have Marlo around than Chuck.

  • cubanlilly

    Food! Poop! Food!

  • SeaDour

    Trying to convince Chuck not to go through with it.

  • VegasNative

    Coco was definitely trying to remember where she put the last batch of poop in the yard so she can dig it out of the snow in a couple of weeks and snack away!

  • honkytonk


  • mymsie

    Coco was distracted by an odoriferous smell and then pleased to find it was emanating from her own heiny.

  • raddit

    Outside? Treat? Poop? Outside? Treat? Poop?

  • bookluster

    I heard: “The same thing we do EVERY night, PINKY. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!”

  • eisengrim

    It’s perfectly obvious: “I buried Paul”

  • Kyoodle

    Tell me, honestly…does this fur make my butt look big?

  • savcord

    I have no clue what she was saying..sounded Russian to me haha

  • Bella-Sweet

    I love how their heads tilt as they talk

  • K8eloo

    Chuck doing his best R2D2 impression … wait, isn’t Halloween over? I thought this was a giveaway for Christmas?

  • Indigo

    Coco: “Winter is my favorite time of year – frozen poop popsicles!”

  • notamommyyet

    I’m pretty sure that the conversation runs something like Pinky and the Brain from the Animaniacs.

    “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” -Chuck (aka Brain, of course)

    “Um… I think so Chuck, but what if the squirrels won’t wear the nylons?.” -(Coco/Pinky….. Narf)

  • wasagooze

    She keeps starting deep metaphysical conversations and thennnn…..Shiny things!

  • ispellkonfusion

    I’m not giving her much credit. She was speaking in dog babble–no rhyme or reason.

  • brigids_fire114

    I don’t even think I want to venture into the realm of attempting to decipher what Coco was getting at during that whole conversation, for fear of having suited men showing up at my front door demanding that I explain my involvement in the latest attempt to take over the world. However, whatever it was that was being discussed was obviously of some excitable importance, as my own puppy began frantically bounding all over the bed behind me during the entire recording. I fear for my own safety and the vomit-free zone of my bedcovers at this point now.

  • kparlin

    “You do the wet work yourself, Mr. Calendar dog!”

  • txterryo

    Coco is clearly saying, “squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    (Second chances are awesome!)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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