An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

The dooce® Xbox Live Second Chance Giveaway

Jon was fiddling with our xBox yesterday when he found this video of Chuck and Coco on the hard drive. I’d always wondered what their voices sounded like.

We tried for hours to decipher what Coco was saying, and if you slow it down and play it backwards it goes: WORSHIP SATAN. WORSHIP SATAN.

So get this… turns out Microsoft wants to give away another xBox package (an xBox plus a Kinect console plus a Joyride game plus a one year xBox 360 Live membership) and then award five additional people a one year xBox 360 Live membership. Same rules and conditions apply as the last giveaway, and the contest is open until 11:59 PM ET on December 3, 2010.

This time in your comment you should guess what Coco was getting at. You won’t be judged on your guess, but I think it’ll be fun to see what you’re thinking, as we were thinking, “Yum, poop is good! Yum, poop is good!”

(If you are having difficulty viewing the video, you can click here to view it.)

  • maryannplus4

    “Why are you in the box, yeah but how did you get in the box, are you coming out of the box?, ok, get the small human but how did you get in that box again? ok, but will they still feed me if you are in the box? what is that box? Can I come in the box? I AM in the box? I dont’ feel like I am in a box?”

  • BarbaraMSD

    I’m not sure what she’s saying, but I think she sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher doing helium. I also think it’s possible that her thoughts are on some sort of plane that are impossible for human minds to translate, and maybe–just maybe–she’s brighter than all of us, and the real problem is that we are just too slow to keep up with her blazing intellect.

    Nah. She’s thinking about squirrels and poop.

  • thebookofarmaments

    Something along the lines of “The evil humans made me sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher again.”

  • Parker

    “but chuck, i just want the squirrels, where are the squirrels, please can i go find the squirrels”. . .

  • joysinger98

    Coco is wondering when they are going to come out with the new game for dogs on xbox.

  • Erin47

    Booo, I can’t listen to it at work! I’ll listen to it at home tonight though because now I’m totally curious about a helium sucking squeak dog.

  • dialing footnoterphone

    -CHUCK! HIII where have you been!? I haven’t seen you in ages.

    -Oh right, I forgot about that.

    -Nooo… but could you help me find a big stick to play with? And maybe some more treats in the yard?

    -Mom and dad are away? I thought they just went outside for “air”. Will they be home soon?

    -What are leavings? Are those the treats out in the yard? I want some more!

    -Won’t that hurt her?

    -But I like that one! She doesn’t scream and run away from me.

    -She’s nice and pets my fur! She plays with me and lets me lick the food off of her face!


    [off camera]

    -Too late…

  • smagann

    Squirrel? Squirrel! Must chase the squirrel!

  • BeppyBoo

    She is wondering when their meeting will be over so she can get going on the Cyber Monday deals!

  • VermontGrl

    I love this so very much! Love the head tilts!

  • amzorbas

    Hmmmm….I think Coco is smarter than she lets on. And whoever said Coco was saying, “Shouldnt we be focusing on the tall blond lady, it seems to be all her fault?” – made me lol.

  • shannonj

    Coco to Chuck: “What is wrong with you, you are not a real dog!”

  • Ena Murphy

    I’m coo coo for coco puffs.

  • orchidaceous

    I think it’s quite obvious that Coco wasn’t paying any attention to Chuck at all. She was merely expressing her displeasure at Bristol Palin’s loss on DWTS.

  • missjunebug21

    I think she is saying, “oh no but I will have no nemisis if we take her out…we must keep her for entertainment!”

  • ibuschell

    I think Coco has you all fooled pretending to be dumb- she’s actually the mastermind giving Chuck all the instructions on how to carry out her evil plan

  • Jgamma

    Hey, I wonder what Marlo….SQUIRRELL!

  • neblena

    Coco is definitely thinking about running outside and eating poop … waiting for the plotting to be done with.

  • rchamberlin

    Stay away from my fireplace.

  • Ginsburg

    Really? But she is just like me. You really just want to get rid of me. Do you want to get rid of me?

  • mkdsmall

    Coco is thinking….Me? Me? I have been called to serve?? Now where is my BISCUT?!?

  • koehmstedt

    I wouldn’t even know where to begin with what Coco is saying – she sounds like she has a balloon caught in her throat. Thanks for the 2nd chance!

  • JWysok

    She’s thinking it would all be so easy if all the creatures would just stay in one place. How can she be calm if they’re always running around!

  • zelmazz

    Coco will go along with anything Chuck says…what a sheep.

  • jennylaho

    She wonders A) why Chuck sounds a little like Emma Thompson, B) …

    Yeah, it’s mostly the Emma Thompson thing.

  • KMGill

    Isn’t Coco begging Jon to dance again?

  • ronnagail

    I think she’s wondering why Chuck’s farts sound like a squeaky balloon.

  • margiestroman

    “I would certainly do what you are asking if I only knew what you are saying. Nope, still don’t understand, sorry!”

  • poptart66

    Coco is informing you that she is an alien from a far away planet where eating your own fecal matter is a sign of genius and high honor and once she can get you to understand that, the mother ship will reveal it’s universal knowledge to you and you will then rule the world. Ahahahahaha…

  • ccharrell

    Coco is obviously sending out a secret message- HELP MEEEEEE!

  • redhead-grrl

    “What?”; “what?”; “what?” HERD! Must break free and HERD!

  • delo

    Coco has clearly read the Art of War and is telling Chuck that the control of a large force is no different than the control of a few men, it is only a question of dividing the force, or poop as the case may be.

  • daedreelong

    “Maybe if I keep tilting my head like a goofball I’ll deceive the humans into thinking I lack intelligence.”

  • teri88

    Sounds to me like she is saying cookies….I want cookies!

  • Momnesia

    I think Coco is ignoring the noises and actually thinking about the economy. Dog food is $1 a can, now. That’s $7 in dog money.

  • cynsmith

    I don’t think it is Coco talking, but just really bad gas.

  • randijeanw

    How could Coco plot the destruction of such a fantastic creature that produces so many delicious treats from her rear end?

  • BrassyDel

    I think Coco is going on about COOKIES OMG COOKIES WILL THERE BE COOKIES? and Chuck is just pretending that she’s participating in the conversation (as a sanity-preservation tactic).

  • julz1013

    yeah, i think this occasion calls for some POOP.

  • Louise


    She’s probably wondering why her voice cause’s people’s ears to bleed. Lol.

  • summor95

    Squirrel! (like Doug from the movie Up).

  • ktcane

    Coco is wondering why she always ends up as “Pinky” and Chuck gets to be “The Brain”… Coco is a secret genius herself.

  • Lornadoone1972

    Chuck stop speaking, I am testing out my squirrel communication skills and want to see if I can summon them all to me for crazy chase entertainment.

  • SheenaJungleQueen


  • shelby4k

    She’s channeling R2D2. Duh.

  • hmdavis

    Clearing she’s saying the Davis boys should win the kinect. Goodness, doesn’t anyone else hear that?

  • SherriGail

    I think she’s really just talking about poop.

  • DCruz

    I think she’s dicussing the Avon World Sales Leader’s outfit she wore on Thanksgiving. Coco is totally jealous.

  • kah825

    chuck, is it true? does the camera really add ten pounds?

  • bellarossa

    I think Coco totally has ADHD and is plotting how to get out of the house.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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