the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Do you guys ever wonder what your pets would sound like if they could talk, or am I smoking too much weed? (If I joke about weed enough at some point my dad is totally going to believe me) Whenever I get a shot of Chuck with his mouth open like this I imagine him with a very abrasive Midwestern accent, and he’s never happy with me.

“What kind of idiot let’s her three year old sit in her formal living room and sip orange gatorade out of an open cup? What’s wrong with you? Make sure you have that camera around when she spills that shit all over this stupid rug. I can’t believe I live here.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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