An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

For moonwalking

I think a lot of the fashion spawned by the Eighties should remain dead and rotting in its casket with the howling wolf airbrushed on the lid, and looking at these moon boots you’d think this would be at the top of that list. These are ridiculous. Flat out absurd.

But there’s something about them that’s like, screw you and your snooty patent leather pumps. Loosen up. Have some fun. Show up to your aunt’s house in these and let her wonder if you’ve stopped taking your medication so that she can call your mom and tell her how much she’s worried about you. And then you can explain, “Hey, everybody calm down. It’s just a pair of neon high tops. Okay, maybe some cocaine, yes, but mostly just the high tops.”

1. N.Y.L.A. ‘Blinder’ Sneaker $69.95

2. Combo High-Top Wedge Sneakers $30.95

3. Suede Canvas Wedge Sneakers $24.90

4. Zigi Kickin $99.99

5. Bakers Womens Revolt Wedge Sneaker $69

6. SKECHERS SKCH Plus 3 $85

7. Kahsha High Top Wedge Sneaker $29.99

8. GUESS Shoes, Haysta Wedge Sneakers $120

9. Suede Wedge Sneakers $44.90

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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