the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Countertop adventures

Marlo: “Mom, can you bring the bathtub downstairsth?”

Me: “Do what?”

Marlo: “The bathtub. I wanna play in the water.”

Me: “How do I explain this… the bathtub is sort of a permanent fixture, Marlo. It stays in the bathroom. I can’t move it.”

Marlo: “But I want you to bring it down here.”

Me: “How about you sit here at the counter and I pour some water into a bowl and you can play with that.”

Marlo: “That’sth not a bathtub.”

Me: “It’s the next best thing.”

Marlo: “But it’sth not a bathtub.”

Me: “I’m not sure what to tell you, kid. I can’t move the bathtub.”

Marlo: “I’ll go get Leta and sthe will move it for me.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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