the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Yeah, still a pretty bad idea

First of all, yes. Marlo is in her pajamas. She got home from camp and wanted to take all her clothes off so I made a compromise. I was like, you can’t just run around outside in the nude, Marlo. THIS ISN’T TENNESSEE.

The girls got this for Christmas last year, and they’ve taken it for a spin several times here in the warmer weather. Lord, you parents with kids old enough to drive cars, I want to give you a giant hug. Because I had four heart attacks as Leta attempted to back up and every single time she ended up hitting a tree, a lamp post, or spinning out into the middle of the street.

It went a little like this:

“Leta. Leta. LETA. LETA! LETA! The other way. Turn it the other way. THE OTHER WAY. NO! The OTHER other way.”

Just sedate me when she is behind the wheel of an actual vehicle. Because I’d like to be asleep when I die.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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