the smell of my desperation has become a stench

For your lady

Oh my god, it happened again. I inadvertently chose 14 items to feature as ideas for women for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t my intention, but it is appropriate given the occasion and I always strive to be appropriate here on this website. Do you see a rainbow-colored butt plug anywhere on this page? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT. You’re welcome, Dad.

1. Anne Klein Women’s Jersey Swing Dress $89.98

2. Nine West Chanterele $89.99

3. Cubic Zirconia Bezel Cuff $60

4. Single Initial Earring $6

5. Willow Infinity Ring $32

6. Petite Hand Me Down Stack Ring $98

7. Everything Is Perfect When You’re a Liar $12.44

8. triple c™ iboost® backup battery $39.50

9. Zodiac Pendant Cancer $40

10. Luigi Bormioli Rossini Decanter with Stopper $35.31

11. Lacquer Jewelry Box $79

12. Swordfish Letter Opener $12

13. Nate Berkus Wood and Resin Hexagon Tray $34.99

14. Orla Kiely Linear Stem Cross Body $168

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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