Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

My golden retriever

Yesterday afternoon Marlo asked if she could play with her Barbies in “the water” so I told her to pull a stool up to the sink. From Barbies she graduated to plastic cups to my entire utensil drawer. Water was everywhere, all over the counters and floor. One very amazing thing to come from that cleanse I did is that I didn’t give a rat’s ass. I’d have her help me wipe it all up when she was done which wasn’t for another two hours. This kid and water. Someone could have come up behind her and set off a car alarm and she wouldn’t have flinched. Maybe she’ll grow up to become a competitive swimmer. Or a competitive throw-your-body-into-standing-water-like-a-gleeful-dog person.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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