the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Tuna patties and coleslaw

I am now four weeks into my Paleo kitchen adventure and not surprised at all that I stumbled quite dramatically this early on. I took on a recipe that included four separate recipes: tuna patties, Paleo mayonnaise, garlic lemon aioli, and coleslaw, all from the Everyday Paleo Family Cookbook. The end result tasted phenomenal, really savory, but I bet it would have been even better had I paid attention to the second step of the mayonnaise recipe:

Leave the blender or hand-held mixer running and slowly, slowly, slowly drop by drop or in a very slow drizzle, add the oil. Be patient. Do not dump all the oil in quickly and give up!!

Okay, So, let me break this down:

1. I don’t own a hand-held mixer.
2. I do own a blender that can obliterate any substance including a smart phone. It does not have a “slow” speed.
3. I am not patient.
4. See number three.

What’s supposed to happen is this scientific process known as “emulsion” but what really happened is I tried to drizzle oil into that blender and egg yolk, apple cider vinegar and oil exploded up, out and all over my kitchen. A Paleo volcano. It was spectacular.

I never achieved a thick mayonnaise. Instead, I ended up with two cups of flavored olive oil. I also should have read and watched this first.

You will never guess who went out and bought a hand-held mixer the next day.

Previous recipes:
Your basic chicken salad
Mild yellow chicken curry
Curried cream of broccoli soup
Paleo carrot soup

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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