– Photos: Northern Lights illuminate the UK
– Yes, it’s Buzzfeed, but oh my god I’m crying.
– The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon: When a thing you just found out about suddenly seems to crop up everywhere
– “Found this armadillo gathering leaves and did what any respectable human being would do.”
– The dresses worn by all the best actress Oscar winners
– Even if these are all fake, some are funny as hell.
$4 dollars for a thick slice of toast that took intention and time and patience. And this whole other network of farmers who are raising grains in a certain way and, you know, a miller who is milling it in a certain way. I feel like I’m buying that whole system, and I’m helping to keep that system alive.
– Guns N’ Roses “Sweet Child O’ Mine” retooled as 1920s New Orleans Jazz
I hope by now you’re getting a sense of how badly you’re going to be hurt by my fury. If not, I can spell it out for you on your vintage typewriter. But I doubt that it even has ribbon in it, that’s the kind of pretentious turd you are. Other than your extensive vinyl collection and mad programming skills, I don’t know what Emily ever saw in you!
– Asymmetry“An average of 15 hours of family time sacrificed”
– The Happiest States In America: I could make a joke here about red states BUT I WON’T DO THAT.
Two former classmates have said that I am a mother who is a single woman. No. When I have my munchkin, which is more often than not, I have her to myself. I am having a solo parenting experience in many ways. When I come home tired, broken, sick, frustrated and I’m greeted by a child who needs everything? That falls on me. My ex and I do not share visitation time. When she is with him, she’s with him. When she’s with me, she’s with me. I do my part alone and I’m not going to just run out and find the first Negro willing to marry me so that I can have some help. I am a single mom.
– Bless your heart, Texas.
– Bless your heart, Utah.
If you ever want to stop being intimidated by someone, watch them climb out of a restaurant booth
— DC Pierson (@DCpierson) February 11, 2014
Why are you sad, every pug? WE LOVE YOU ALL.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) February 13, 2014
How does Tonya Harding NOT live in Florida?
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) February 1, 2014
It's annoying when you gotta finish a water bottle at airport security but it's a real test of character when you gotta finish massage oil
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 24, 2014
*Obama approaches podium* Fellow Americans, I like cookies with raisins in them *press starts booing* They're good & healthy *Michelle nods*
— sadvil (@crylenol) February 18, 2014
"Happy Valentine's! I got you these." "You got me…chalk?" "Do you love me?" "Yes, but-" "Prove it. Eat the chalk." -Origin of candy hearts
— Alli Reed (@alliperson) February 13, 2014
Most of the voicemails I leave sound like I'm slowly re-learning English after a traumatic event.
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) February 20, 2014
The ski jump but you have to finish a really big sandwich before you land.
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) February 12, 2014
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) February 8, 2014
I think a movie ticket for a baby should be $75.
— Charlene (@char_is_apt) November 26, 2013