the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Please help him, dear god

My cousin Kenzie traveled up this weekend to help out with the girls as I face several looming deadlines, and her daughter Maeve has taken a particular interest in Chuck. This is very odd given that Marlo has actively tried to steer Maeve toward Coco, and Chuck does not outwardly show any signs of being interested in anything but himself. Still, she hovered around him, leaned down to give him kisses, and I stood back and crossed my arms across my chest without intervening. Like, listen. I know you’d like to hop on top of my bed and take a giant poop, DUDE. In fact, you’re waiting for just the right moment. Preferably when I am asleep inside it.

In the meantime, here’s some uninterrupted attention from a small person who likes to stick her fingers in any gaping orifice. You’re welcome.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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