the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Matters of the eyes

I wish I could conduct a survey before I get into the details of this post and ask what it was like for you if you were young when you first started wearing glasses. Because every single person I have talked to who was not an adult when they first looked through a corrective lens has some version of “I had no idea that trees were made up of individual leaves” or “I had no idea that bricks had edges” type of story to tell. It’s been astounding and at times sad, but across the board my friends have said, “Fuzzy was just normal.”

Over the last two weeks I have taken both girls to see an eye doctor—Leta because she had an eye exam scheduled, and Marlo because a test at school had shown that her current prescription wasn’t strong enough. Their father used to handle everything concerning their eyes because I haven’t ever had to wear glasses and am totally unfamiliar with the language and technology around the health of eyes. That whole world is completely alien to me. But circumstances have changed, and I have had to educate and immerse myself in this strange world of vision charts, phoropters, lenses, frames and having my children’s eyes dilated to the point that they look like huge fans of Phish.

I became a student of these doctors during these exams, asking as many questions as I could get in about certain measurements, technical terms, equipment and potential things to look for. Leta’s exam was mostly uneventful. She’d need a tiny bit more powerful prescription, and her left eye exhibits a small amount of Esotropia when it is covered up. Eso-whahhh? Yeah. I looked at her doctor and said, Explain like I’m five.

(Hat tip Kelly Wickham)



Her doctor set it out like this: normal eyes tend to move slightly, almost unnoticeably outward when they are not being used. Her left eye turns inward. It’s nothing to be too concerned about now, but we’ll always check this tendency at subsequent exams. If he did not explain this correctly please do let me know and I will show up at the clinic, hand on my hip and go, “Do not make me get all Memphis on your ass.”

(Hat tip Kristen Howerton, although Kissimmee has such a better ring than Memphis.)

Marlo’s eye exam, however, was a totally different bowl of soup. First, there was this:

A video posted by Heather B. Armstrong (@dooce) on

She did that for the entire 30 minutes the doctor was running late. Leta and I have memorized this and reenacted it together at least twenty times to different songs. And that’s the best part! Marlo was doing this TO NO MUSIC WHATSOEVER. Because she is brilliant.


When we finally got into the exam room, Marlo hopped up on the seat and performed like a champ. I had the doctor explain everything he was having her do and why, and noticed him scratching his head, blinking furiously and making an involuntary noise after almost every step in every different test. I thought it might be a tick of his when he finally said, “I’m going to need to do those first two tests over again. I’m just not sure these measurements are right.”

“Can you talk me through that statement,” I asked him.

“Well…” he said turning to cross one arm over his chest and place his chin in the hand of the other. “Do you know what astigmatism is?”

“I have heard the word used before, yes. However, explain like I’m five.”

Keep in mind that this is the kindergarten definition of things: this condition concerns the horizontal and vertical axes of the eyes, and when one axis has a different focal point than the other axis, things looked distorted or blurred. This can be caused by a cornea that has an irregular shape.

That’s when a light went off in my head. “There is a history of keratoconus in our family. Could that have anything to do with this?”

His eyes broadened, and as he took his chin off of his hand he did a one-take nod.

“I’m going to go get the head pediatric ophthalmologist to see if he can get the same readings I am.”

After performing two different tests on Marlo that head ophthalmologist confirmed what the doctor had measured in terms of astigmatism: kids who measure +1.5 or above in one eye are usually prescribed glasses. Marlo measures over +4.5 in both eyes.

When I asked if that measurement was alarming the head pediatric ophthalmologist explained, “With her current prescription she can’t even see 20/50 with her glasses on. A child her age should be seeing 20/30 or better, and the problem is that if we don’t start training her eyes to see things more clearly she could by the age of eight lose the ability to get any better.”

“Wait… what?” I blurted. “Good lord god, what I don’t know about eyesight. Sorry if you’re Mormon and that offended you.”

“That’s okay,” he said with a chuckle. “We see kids in here all the time who are what, 10, 11, 12? Kids who haven’t ever had an exam. And because we couldn’t get to them sooner we can only correct their vision to a certain point. We can’t correct it completely or even get anywhere near it.”

“Why does she try to take her glasses off all the time?“

“Probably because they aren’t helping at all,” he answered. “Why have this ‘thing’ sitting on your face when it’s not helping you see better? She needs to wear the right glasses all the time. Don’t let her wander around without them on. Here’s our plan of action: get this prescription filled, make her wear them, and then come back in three months and we’ll see how close to 20/30 she is. If we don’t like the amount of progress she’s making we might have to do alternating patch therapy.”

“Alternating whaaaaaahh?”

“You put a patch on one eye for a few days to strengthen the other, then you switch eyes,” he explained.

“Like a pirate?”

“Like a pirate.”

“My child will be a pirate.”

“Your child will be a pirate.”

This prospect may prove a little too inciting for my child.


I will cut through the more tedious parts of this story that deal with driving down to the mall, choosing frames and having their heads measured—wait! I took a free eye exam and it showed that I still have 20/20 in both of my eyes! They’d very much like me to pay for the more thorough exam, and at some point I will, but Mama may have done an embarrassing moonwalk right there in the middle of the store.

Because Marlo’s astigmatism is so pronounced for her age they offered to make her a temporary set of lenses so that she could see while her other ones were being made (they usually take from seven-ten days to manufacture them). I picked them up the following day, and when Marlo put them on she acted as if she had been stung by a swarm of bees. She couldn’t get them off of her face fast enough.

“I HATE THOSE GLASSES!” she screamed.

“Wait, what? I asked. “You loved these frames in the store yesterday. What’s wrong?”

“They fall off my face and move around and they don’t feel good AND I HATE THEM!”

I held my breath and imagined the uphill battle ahead of me. Would I need to go back and have her try on a different pair? Did they measure her head wrong? Was she just being stubborn? An hour later I decided to try one approach before giving up. I asked her to put them back on so that I could take a photo, and if she would keep them on for 20 minutes she could have a treat. When that 20 minutes had passed she was on the couch flipping through the pages of a book, totally enthralled and having forgotten my bribe. She didn’t take them off until she went to bed four hours later.

The next morning she woke up and the first thing she said was, “Where are my glasses?”

It’s been three days and she has only taken off her glasses before going to bed each night. You guys, fuzzy was normal to her. Seeing clearly freaked her out.

My baby girl can see now.


  • Jill W.

    2014/11/06 at 11:24 am

    So glad you caught it when you did.

  • monster0413

    2014/11/06 at 11:30 am

    I had been watching TV sitting just short of directly on top of it for months but my parents only thought to get my eyes tested when I “failed” a quiz (read: got less than an A) in fourth grade because I couldn’t see the answer bank on the board. My vision was so bad that not only could I not read the answer bank, I couldn’t even tell there was writing on the board. I so clearly remember the nerves of showing up to school with my glasses and promptly not caring anymore when – holy crap – I could see !

  • Bichon Bisou

    2014/11/06 at 11:31 am

    Your kids are so fucking adorable.

  • Suebob

    2014/11/06 at 11:35 am

    Aw, I don’t know why that makes me shed a little tear. It’s just so…well, we don’t know what it’s wrong if it seems normal to us, but it can be so much better and…I may have PMS.

    I was a fuzzy person. Never knew about the leaves on trees or the blades of grass until I got glasses at 13. I still think I’m not a very visual person because I didn’t really see much until my vision got corrected. I still have thoughts about things more than pictures. I don’t ever think much about how people look, which pisses them off when they lose 50 lbs and I don’t even notice.

  • ali

    2014/11/06 at 11:36 am

    That was my astigmatism and,by 30, my script was -9 and -10. Even with very, very expensive glasses and contacts, the world was fuzzy.

    I gave myself the gift of PRK a little over 4 years ago. I sobbed when my doctor said my vision was 20/25. Sobbed very lifetime-movie like.

    I don’t tell people what to do often but if you planned to gift that surgery to your girls when they are older. There would he no better gfit.

    It changed my life.

  • Sarah Brown

    2014/11/06 at 11:38 am

    This last photo of her is the cutest photo on the planet.

  • Elizabeth Lackey

    2014/11/06 at 11:38 am

    Whatever you do, don’t let other kids try on Leta’s or Marlo’s glasses. When I was in the 4th grade, one of the girls sitting next to me in school asked to try on my glasses. Of course, I said, “Sure!” She put them on, we giggled, and she handed them back to me. The next morning, both of my eyes were swollen shut. We went to the eye doctor, and the diagnosis? A bad case of lice…in my eyelashes. Apparently, my friend had a bad case of lice. For the next two weeks, Momma would wait until I fell asleep and gently comb and medicate my eyes. Years later she finally told me the closest she ever came to throwing up as a mother was looking through a magnifying glass at the bugs crawling around my eyes.

  • Robyn

    2014/11/06 at 11:39 am

    I started wearing glasses at 14, and don’t remember feeling massively different when I got them – just that I could see the blackboard better. My eyes got progressively worse over the years. The REAL eye-opener (see what I did there?) was getting LASIK surgery. The first time I took a shower I screamed. I berated my girlfriend for us having such a disgusting and filthy tub. Turns out it always looked like that (and wasn’t so bad) but seeing it for the first time with 20/20 vision instead of without glasses was shocking. So yeah, seeing for the first time can be disconcerting.

  • Heather Armstrong

    2014/11/06 at 11:40 am

    Oh my god. This is horrifying! I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for the advice!

  • Rrrrrrrandall

    2014/11/06 at 11:41 am

    Those glasses are so cute on her! My brother had the same reaction. He used to sit about 4 inches from the television, and we’d always yell at him to back up or he’d ruin his eyes. Then he got glasses and ohhhhhh! You can see the TV all the way from the couch! This is amazing!

  • Jen

    2014/11/06 at 11:41 am

    I remember the day we took my oldest brother his new glasses while he was in college (he didn’t have the exam until a few days before he left for school, they weren’t ready until he was there already). We picked him up, took him to a pizza place for a family dinner. He puts the glasses on, we’re all talking. Out of nowhere, he snatches up the pitcher of soda that was on the table and stands up. We all look at him like he was crazy. “The table is crooked! Everything is going to fall off!”


    He’d just had an undiagnosed astigmatism for his entire life, and he had adapted his whole life to a crooked world.

    When I was in middle school, I went to the eye doctor for the first time. He flipped on the eye chart and asked me to read the smallest line I could. We waited in silence for a while. He asks why I’m not saying anything– I say I’m waiting for him to put the chart up. Guys, I could see the ginormous “E” at the top. Like, not even the black form at all. He left the room and yelled at my mom that I was basically blind and how did she not bring me in sooner?!?

    Oh, hereditary eye issues. So fun.

  • Emily

    2014/11/06 at 11:46 am

    Those new glasses on Marlo are seriously just… the sass they induce! So glad she’s seeing better. I got my first pair in 3rd grade after sitting in the front row still left me squinting. The first thing I said to my dad was “I told you I couldn’t see!” and he, through a pained expression, said, “I’m so sorry baby girl”. So glad you got her what she needs. You’re a good mama.

  • Leigh

    2014/11/06 at 11:50 am

    This may be the worst thing I’ve ever read on the internet. I am so sorry for your poor mother (and you, but mostly your mom).

  • Leigh

    2014/11/06 at 11:50 am

    Bless her! So glad you caught it when you did, and I hope the new glasses do the trick.

  • Leanne Palmerston

    2014/11/06 at 11:50 am

    For crying out loud. I’m crying now!

  • Lindsey Orcutt

    2014/11/06 at 11:50 am

    I didn’t have much trouble as a kid, but once I got into college I noticed I wasn’t able to see the board as well anymore. It was amazing the difference a set of glasses made!!

    Marlo looks adorable in those glasses – glad she got a good prescription that works! 🙂

  • KatR

    2014/11/06 at 12:11 pm

    I remember TO THIS DAY putting on glasses for the first time when I was in the third grade and seeing the eye glass display in the store come into glorious sharp focus. I couldn’t believe it.

  • Kelly Cyr

    2014/11/06 at 12:12 pm

    yup…can totally relate. and the headaches from new prescriptions…..yuck.

  • Amy K

    2014/11/06 at 12:18 pm

    her new glasses are amazing! i am jealous of those frames.

  • Sshoys

    2014/11/06 at 12:22 pm

    My mom noticed my brother’s eyes crossing when he was sitting in his high chair, at about 18 months old. He got his first pair of glasses shortly after, and over the course of the next 16 years, his eyesight was corrected. He wore his glasses for about 6 months after they told him he didn’t need them anymore. He’s 37 now and just started wearing sunglasses a few years ago – he didn’t like wearing anything at all on his face for a very long time.

    It’s good that this was caught early – hopefully Marlo’s eyes will get better as she continues to grow!

  • LisaBoBisa

    2014/11/06 at 12:25 pm

    Yep, I’m one of those walked-out-of-the-drs-office-and-said-whoa-I-can-see-leaves-on-the-tree-across-the-street! My terrible horrible no good very bad eyesight was discovered in the 4th grade, and by the time I was in the 6th grade I was wearing hard contacts as a prescription to help stop my eyesight from deteriorating even more. As an adult (35), people can’t believe how bad my eyesight is…20/900….I am way legally blind without corrective lenses….my hand is blurry about 7″ from my face. Sometimes I will take my glasses off when someone else is driving just to see what it would be like to be without them, it’s frightening! But it’s just my life, and I didn’t know the world could be “sharp” until I was prescribed glasses. Glad you caught it so early with Marlo that you can help correct it!

  • LisaBoBisa

    2014/11/06 at 12:29 pm

    Hahahaha! I have terrible eyes (20/900) and my husband has perfect eyes (20/15 – damn him!) and he is ALWAYS getting on me for letting the shower get gross…..BUT I CAN’T SEE HOW GROSS IT IS WHEN I DON’T WEAR CONTACTS IN THE SHOWER, which is pretty much always. He doesn’t get it.

  • Jenny

    2014/11/06 at 12:30 pm

    My daughter wears glasses. We got them when she was four, she is now 7. She also has astigmatism and we’ve done the eye exercises with the patch and it was successful! Even though my husband and I have both worn glasses since we were kids we didn’t realize that she needed them. My husband and I are both near sighted and my husband also has astigmatism. We watched for her to get close to the tv or such but never noticed anything so we figured she was ok. However, her preschool teacher recommended we have her eyes checked because she was having a hard time learning her letters. Well she is farsighted. So even those experienced in eyes can miss it. All this time we were waiting for her to get close to stuff and it’s the close stuff she can’t see. The eye doctor said it’s a wonder she learned any of her letters with the combination of astigmatism and farsightedness.

    By the way my daughter still hates wearing her glasses even though she readily admits she can’t see without them. Her main argument is that none of her friends were glasses. I have shown her pictures of your girls numerous times because it cheers her up to see other little girls wearing glasses.

  • tiffanyb

    2014/11/06 at 12:30 pm

    somehow those glasses make marlo even more adorable than she already was. it’s like they were designed for her face. so cute!

  • cattail722

    2014/11/06 at 12:34 pm

    When I was about 4 or 5, I had “wandering eye” and normal to me was seeing double of everything. I had no idea that anything was wrong with my eyes, because that’s all I knew. My parents didn’t think much of it, either, and did nothing about it until I had one of those in-school eye exams, and they sent a note home to my parents to get my eyes checked by a specialist. Once I went to specialist, they said I could have lost my vision permanently, if they had not brought me in. I had surgery on both eyes, and for many years after had 20/20 vision. I remember opening my eyes for the first time after the surgery and everything looked so weird. Took a while to get used to. So glad that you caught Marlo’s issues early. It’s like a brand new life when you can actually see what everyone else can see.

  • Jessica

    2014/11/06 at 12:41 pm

    When I was in second grade, the ophthalmologist discovered I had an astigmatism in my left eye. They had to patch me until my prescription came in. The doctor asked me if I’d like to use a bandaid patch or a pirate patch. Without even thinking, I blurted out PIRATE PATCH! I was the coolest second grader in school for 2 weeks.

    I didn’t have the crazy blurriness/sharpness contrast, but corrective lenses have helped ease my headaches tremendously. Having one perfect eye and one astigmatism made my brain work super hard to combine the different images coming from both eyes. I loved (and still love) my glasses. Hope Marlo will love hers as well, now that she can see!

  • Tracey Thoen Hornung

    2014/11/06 at 12:44 pm

    When my daughter was 6 we were at a driving range, her dad told her to aim for the numbers out in the field and she said “what numbers?” my husband likes to refer to that as “the day golf saved her eyes” whatever. Anyway, I felt so bad because who knew how long she had NOT been seeing things?

  • Richard Morey

    2014/11/06 at 12:45 pm

    I have keratoconus myself It was diagnosed probably about 12 or 15 years ago (I started wearing glasses while in college.) The point at which I realized I needed glasses was when I was at a NY Mets game and my friends were point at players and saying “that’s so and so” and I was like “How can you tell?” And they said “We can SEE them.” I decided it was time for an eye exam!

    Anyway, I wore glasses with regular prescription updates for a number of years and then started to notice that with my most recent prescription (which was almost a year old) I was having trouble with my depth perception. That’s when the doctor did the test and detected the keratoconus.

    I then wore HARD CONTACTS for about six years, believing that was my only option, but when I recently moved and changed eye doctors the doctor told me “they’ve made a lot of progress with contact lenses in six years.” So now I wear soft lenses (14 day disposables) and I have generic magnifying glasses (1.75) for using the computer (since I’m a computer programmer.)

    I also have prescription glasses I can wear if / when I don’t want to wear my contacts and my eye doctor has encouraged me to wear those often but they take some time getting used to each time I put them on and then after a few days of wearing them if I take them off I’m a little disoriented – almost like I just came off a boat – for a day or so.

    I understand there is research being done with riboflavin and ultraviolet light. There are also things called “in tacts” that are like permanent contacts and another thing where they do some kind of “cross linking” in your eyes.

    Of course, all of these procedures would probably not be recommend for a young kid whose eyes are still developing and I’m sure the research and technology will continue to improve so in a few years Marlo will probably have vision like The Six Million Dollar Man!

  • angierae75

    2014/11/06 at 12:53 pm

    Yup. If it goes on too long, their brain decides “hey, the input from that eye is wrong, so I’m just going to ignore it.” It happened to my daughter, despite glasses and patches and all sorts of things. Now her “bad eye” only corrects to something horrible. Luckily, her good eye corrects to 20/20 so it all balances out…okay. Not great. But okay.

  • Amber Gregory

    2014/11/06 at 12:58 pm

    That is THE MOST adorable picture of her EVER! Love <3

  • mrspelly

    2014/11/06 at 1:01 pm

    This is just the sweetest story ever! My aunt has a similar story regarding getting the first proper hearing aid…it was the sound of birds that made her realize what she had been missing. It is amazing what can be so easily taken for granted. I do have a question – at what age did you first take Leta and Marlo for an eye exam and not just the routine physician wellness check?

  • Marisol

    2014/11/06 at 1:05 pm

    I believe I’ve worn glasses since age 7 or 8. And they diagnosed astigmatism in me as well. Thankfully, fuzzy was not normal for me for long. I didn’t wear contacts until my 20s. The first pair were hard contact and they were awful. Thankfully, someone thought to create soft contacts for someone like me (I’m like -6+ in each eye). I’m close to considering lasik but just not there in my mind yet. I’m so glad Marlo can see clearly now! And she is adorable in that picture!

  • Joanne z Filmlady

    2014/11/06 at 1:23 pm

    O.M.G.O.M.G.O.M.G! Poor you AND poor mom!!! 🙁 I’ve had serious eye problems my whole life, but NOTHING beats this for sheer barfiness. It’s also a great story to perk up boring parties.

  • 7Valerie7

    2014/11/06 at 1:32 pm

    Yeah, when I got my glasses in second grade I could see the leaves in the trees like everyone else. But the real exciting part was that as we pulled out of the parking lot I COULD READ THE McDONALD’S SIGN! I KNEW HOW MANY KAZILLION PEOPLE HAD BEEN SERVED!

    As you can tell, it was a really big deal.

  • Allyssa Wheaton-Rodriguez

    2014/11/06 at 1:38 pm

    Glad you caught it as early as you did. I remember both my younger sisters had to wear patches, and they both turned out fine. One of them can make her eye drift inward on purpose which is a cool party trick, but other than that, all is well.

  • Kateydaro

    2014/11/06 at 1:44 pm

    I finally got glasses in 5th grade after a road trip where my mom asked me to read a road sign up ahead and I said, “What sign?” We still quote my reaction to driving home wearing glasses for the first time, looking out the window: “I can see every. blade. of grass.”

  • Amy Norris

    2014/11/06 at 1:47 pm

    I remember being your girls’ ages and getting new glasses frequently as my prescription changed And each time, the extra sharp clarity would screw with my depth perception and I would feel like the carpet/floor/road was flying up to hit me in the face. Wish I had had the guts to scream like Marlo. I wanted too, but was too scared of not being a good girl.

  • Amy

    2014/11/06 at 1:50 pm

    I never comment, but good LORD that last picture is adorable. She looks fantastic and kudos to you for being on top of her vision health.

  • Nancy B.

    2014/11/06 at 1:59 pm

    I had amblyopia as a child, and my daughter inherited it from me. I did patch therapy, and my baby girl did, too. She wore a patch over her “good” eye for just over a year, starting when she was three, and keeping the patch on for up to 6 – 8 hours a day. We gradually diminished the time she had to keep the patch on over the course of her treatment. She was a trooper, I have to say. We also got lucky in that she had a pre-school teacher who was phenomenally helpful – Mrs. B started a “patch club” (there was one other child with a patch) and made it a special thing. I’ll be forever grateful to Mrs. B.

    My baby girl is 15 now, and her amblyopia is gone. She has other vision issues, but nothing major, thank goodness.

    Point being, patch therapy, should it come to that, isn’t all that awful. In fact, it’s way, way better than the alternative (surgery).

  • issascrazyworld

    2014/11/06 at 2:12 pm

    I was 18 months when I got glasses. They regularly use the words: I’m shocked you can see at all!!! in my exams. I’m blind as a bat apparently and if my parents hadn’t had me into a specialist as an infant (and then surgery at 3), I’d probably be blind. FUN thought for sure! Eyes are weird things. I took my ten year old in two weeks ago and they said her eyes aren’t bad enough for glasses yet. YET? What? By next year she’ll probably need them.

  • Sarah Wilson

    2014/11/06 at 2:19 pm

    My prescription is -5.5 and -6.0
    My 60+ year old mother went “WHOA” when she put on my glasses a month ago.

  • housepea

    2014/11/06 at 2:20 pm

    I remember the first time I put a friend’s glasses on, just to try them out. I was about 9. And when I looked up at the tree I was standing under, I could see every leaf, every branch, and the clouds beyond it were clearly defined. It was incredible.

  • Erin Gill

    2014/11/06 at 2:33 pm

    I’m the only one in my family who doesn’t wear glasses. Mother convinced me to take an eye testa a few years ago (she didn’t believe me).

    With a perfect score of 20/20, I may have done a similar moonwalk dance…

  • Samantha

    2014/11/06 at 2:36 pm

    I’m lucky on this one. My husband can’t see without his glasses on in the shower so he doesn’t notice how gross I let it get sometimes. I’m sure we’d have to clean more often if he could see. 🙂

  • Samantha

    2014/11/06 at 2:41 pm

    Just wanted to represent the hearing-loss side of things. Hearing aids totally freaked me out when I first got them in and adjusted properly. Amazing the stuff you don’t hear, when you don’t hear.

  • Meg

    2014/11/06 at 3:11 pm

    YES. I needed new prescriptions two or three times a year until late teenage years and would stumble around for a day or two each time. Even as an adult, it’s still disorienting, but I know to be careful and move more slowly to give my brain time to adjust.

  • Mary Z

    2014/11/06 at 3:20 pm

    I recently went in for an eye exam because I’ve been taking off my glasses a lot during the day. It’s a sure sign of a prescription that needs changing. Wise doctor.

  • CMH

    2014/11/06 at 4:11 pm

    I’m lucky I had no astigmatism, but my eyes are terrible. I wore glasses from he age of 9, and May have needed them earlier. I wore contacts for years and has LASIK surgery three years ago. It was the best thing ever. I went from legally blind to almost perfect vision.

    I am so grateful I can wake up in the morning and see and not have to put on glasses.

  • Borealis

    2014/11/06 at 4:35 pm

    Maybe shower cleaning should be his job.

  • RzDrms

    2014/11/06 at 5:16 pm

    Just wanted to let you know that I read this whole post, more enthralled and focused than I had imagined, not realizing how much I care about you and your family. It’s important to me that you’re all well and happy and feel safe and loved. <3

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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