the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Totes jealous

The Former Congressman is pretty upset that Arianna Huffington invited me to be one of her guests at the White House Correspondents Dinner on April 25th. Does she not know that he is a former congressman? That despite being caught lifting his leg twice to mark the Lincoln Memorial he helped get very high quality legislation passed? This is just outrageous.

Not gonna lie. I’m a little intimidated especially since I own nothing that qualifies for a red carpet/black tie event. I’ve been in the same room as President Obama once before and was the only person in the room wearing vibrant purple tights. Maybe I should break those out again to see if he remembers hanging out with me. I bet he would. I mean, we didn’t talk or make make eye contact or even get within 20 feet of each other, but THERE IS A CHANCE!

And, yeah. You’re not alone in thinking HOLY SHIT SARAH KOENIG IS GOING TO BE THERE? It’s like, sure, the President of the United States is sitting right there, but did Adnan do it?!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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