Father’s Day 2017

The girls and I are headed to Austin today for our summer trip together—OH MY GOD. AUSTIN. I just this second realized the significance of this. KAREN! The universe is sending crazy signals that are hard to ignore. Hard. To ignore. So very hard.

We will now redirect this post about fathers toward something much more wholesome: poop. I was going to include a link to a mug that says “COFFEE MAKES ME POOP” but then I remembered that I’ve known some men (that soap star I dated in Los Angeles, my father, etc.) who do not want that sort of thing discussed in casual conversation. Because it’s crass and inappropriate and BLAH BLAH BLAH. I kind of want to send those types of people a coffee mug that says, “Remember that time I stuffed a fork into your eye, yanked it out, and ate it like a meatball? Good times. Then I had a cup of coffee.”

All of this is pretty frivolous, but I can’t really give a gift to my stepfather that says, “Thank you for saving my life,” other than to write a book about it. So that’s what I’m doing this summer. Maybe it will be ready to give him as a gift next Father’s Day. In the meantime here are some ideas for the father figure in your life. I personally have a subscription to RawSpiceBar, by the way #NotAnAd #NotSponsored, and each time I get the monthly favor kit I’m like THIS IS AMAZING and then remember BUT I DON’T COOK, IDIOT.