• http://navimama.blogspot.com Navi

    take that last one, that you are the autistic one, as a compliment ;)

    and wow. I should never have had 3 kids. what with my husband’s bipolar disorder. omg!!! the chances of having a child with the same disorder are slightly increased!!! All human beings must be free of disability and ‘normal’! to not be normal is torture! we should sterilize anyone that isn’t normal!

    Okay, my little bout of sarcasm is done. :)

    I’ve emailed you this, but I’ve found strength from your blog from reading a woman’s perspective of depression. It helps me to understand my husband a bit better…

  • Katy

    Damn, girl…you tell ‘em. What a bunch of judgemental, uptight douchebags.

  • http://www.brwr.blogspot.com Madeline

    holy haters!

    I found myself in a puddle the other day after a curt email from an acquaintance/colleague/someone I have shared drinks with while in the midst of a job search; I had reached out to her and her bigwig job title for some insight and she said I was a square peg ill-suited to round holes.

    cheers to you with a big fat bourbon to not letting these douchbags get you down. I am following your lead.

  • Shaun

    I think you are the most sane person in Salt Lake. I can say that since I was also one of the sane ones but we moved to South Carolina. Keep doing what you do. I think you are awesome and no, Leta’s forehead is just perfect.
    Shaun
    http://www.roomswithaview.typepad.com

  • dewi

    Heather,
    This is one of my favorite features, the crazy letters from your “fans”.
    Can you create a special link on top?
    ;-)

    Congratulations on your well deserved awards.

    When my daughter was in Elementary school she refused to eat anything but american cheese on whole wheat pita bread, and a thermos of water.
    This was for six years the only food she ate at lunchtime. Dinner was not much different. Teachers thought I had something to do with this choice of food.

  • Trucker Pete

    You could save yourself a lot of work next time by simply posting their email addresses beneath their inane drivel … Heehee!

  • Jadancer

    My first question… Why do I heart this blog so???
    Many XX’s and OO’s to you!! I can’t seem to get enough.

  • http://www.lilja.no Stellare

    Hilarious! Priceless comments to mindless emails.

  • Bree

    I would like to call you the keeper of my sanity.

    YOU ROCK ON…

  • Ashley

    Heather,

    Your kid is cute.
    Your husband is hot (in that old man kinda way).
    You’re fantastic (and also kinda hot).
    You have a rad dog that balances things on his head (i borrowed the word rad from ashlee that speaks in text).
    Essentially, i’m saying your life is charmed.
    F*ck the haters. They’re probably your biggest fans.
    And I definitely agree with whomever said they all needed to get laid. They, so, do!

  • http://www.mytrivialramblings.blogspot.com Ashmystir

    Daaaamn!!

    I thought you were making all the ENTIRE thing (comments included). WTF is wrong with those people (haters)?

    I love your daily chuck and pics of Leta. You are an awesome writer.

    =)

  • http://lovelyracket.blogspot.com Jen

    Holy hell, if I received even one of of those I’d be curled up in ball crying my eyes out in the corner. Of course no one needs to tell you (but I’m going to anyway) that Leta is beautiful and you are doing a damn good job partying, er, parenting. I mean you have to be completely detached from your child to not know that babies are adorable until the hit the terrible two’s which morf into the more terrible three’s which evolve into the mother of them all – the f’ing four’s. And then God help us all.

  • http://acdalton.wordpress.com/ Amy

    Wow, there really is a huge difference between people who get paid to stay home and write wildly entertaining stuff on the interwebs, and people who apparently live in their parents’ creepy basements and stay home and write shit on the interwebs all day for nothing.

    That difference is class. Keep on keepin’ on dooce.

  • Nik

    Hmmmmm, I just can’t believe the lack of a sense of humor… oh well. Keep on going, I just discovered your blog and I LOVE IT!!

  • PhilosopherP

    You rock!

    I’ve recently had trouble from some punk-ass college kids on a debate forum… I wish I could afford your services as my on-line spokesperson so you could respond on my behalf.

    I love the blog and your responses made my day!

  • Alyson

    I’m not gonna to lie, those pictures of your dog with treats all over him might be the only good thing that has happened to me in the past 72 hours of non-stop finals studying.

    Everything about your aesthetic is perfection. Though I am only twenty, there is something about seeing your life that makes me look forward to a sense of domesticity that is anything but what my mother prescribes for me. Good style, a couple dogs, and a real relationship with my life where I am not afraid of looking at every moment like it is the cause for amazement. AND not to mention a great sense of sarcasm.

  • http://andria-and-co.com Andria

    You. Freaking. Rock.

  • Lara

    “dillholes”, now that is a hoot!

    you rock girl,
    “don’t let the bastards grind ya down”
    they’re morons.

    you are a(n) hero!
    baldfaced honesty in the face of the plight of modern day living mom…..

    the kents and ashlees of the world need to get a life………preferrably one with a dictionary, and a modicum of discretion.

  • http://timgonzogordon.com Tim Gonzo Gordon

    Yeah, I don’t get it either.

    When I was in radio way back in the old days I would get calls from the old ladies who didn’t like it when I played something with a beat and a little pizazz. You know, like rock and roll and stuff. I would politely tell the caller that their radio most likely came with both an an/off/volume button and a station selection dial and if they were not satisfied with what was coming out of the speaker then could fucking well change the station or turn it off!

    I think the same principle applies her, doncha think?

  • Heathyr

    Well, that Agnes… what a good Christian!

    Whore.

  • Simone

    Heather, you are fabulous. But I believe you must already know this. You just have to! However, if you have a day or a moment where you forget, this comment here is a simple reminder.

    Thank you for sharing all you do. You brighten the light in a lot of dull settings. Cheers to you!!!

  • http://mysternyc.blogspot.com Myster

    Can I please be you when I grow up?

  • Katie

    You are an amazing woman, Heather B! I love this website and it daily gives me a laugh which we all could use more of. I think even more highly of you now for publishing these vile comments you receianyved. You are the bigger person, my dear. Keep on doing what you’re doing and being who you are because you give alot of happiness to so many.

  • http://jenniferhast.blogspot.com Jennifer

    Wow! The love emanating from those letters is so amazing. Makes me so proud to a be a human being.

    That’s the great thing about delete buttons. When someone is being an ass, you can just hit the little X and they go away. Although maybe they should make it a boxing glove. Then I could imagine punching the douche bags and spammers in the nose. All the while screaming, “Here’s what you can do with your increased penis size!”

  • http://jumpwithfaith.blogspot.com Kim

    It’s been said 600+ times but here’s another one – your blog is fantastic, I read it daily, and eff the haters.

  • http://www.lightblog.com/member/elisabeth sozzled

    Heather, God people can be complete and total assholes much of the time. If you ever find yourself in Mpls ring me and I’ll buy you a pitcher (or 12) of beer to try to make up for it.

  • Echo

    What a bunch of trolls. At least I hope that’s what they are. I’d hate to think my fellow humans would spew such hatefull stuff. I love your writing. Keep it coming.

  • http://www.humzoo.com/courtneyheinzel Courtney

    Your hate mail is hilarious! I love it when you share, and I think it’s great that you can laugh at it as well as the rest of us do. I know that what you do everyday, in fact, a “real job.” My guess is that Ashlee doesn’t work half as hard as you every day.

    You rock.

  • http://confessionsofanotsodomesticdiva.blogspot.com Autumn

    I haven’t read through all the comments, so if I repeat something already said, I apologize. Hopefully it’ll be ok if I don’t use too many commas. :)

    People hate you because you are 100% real. You say what you mean, and that’s scary for some. They also hate you for the very things they rant about- you have an adorable child, a good marriage (one that you admit actually does need work, and that you work on every single day) and cute dogs- one of whom stands patiently and allows objects to be balanced on his noggin for pics. I’d say at least half of the people commenting negatively are pissed off because their damn dogs won’t allow things balanced on their heads,and therefore they are forced to make do with average pet photos.

    I’ve been reading your site since my last baby was born, and it helped push me through some stuff that may very well have been a hell of a lot harder without seeing that somewhere out there someone got it. Someone else had actually had those days, those thoughts- I wasn’t alone, or a terrible person, etc.Someone else’s husband got those calls at work, too.

    I applaud that you’ve had enough balls to be as open about everything as you have, and that you have enough steel in your spine to laugh these assholes off and keep doing what you do. It’s obvious jealousy when they’re picking on your kid’s forehead- really, who does that shit?

    Anyway (this comment has turned into a novel), thank you for being you. For staying you, and not changing yourself for the wackos on the internet. And screw them- they choose to read, to look for something to say. So obviously they’re enjoying you a litle, right?
    Autumn

  • http://confusedtwenty.wordpress.com confusedtwenty

    I think you’re awesome Dooce – fuck all those assholes, seriously!

    I think that Leta looks fab with her hair pulled back, or down….I cried when I read about you’re miscarriage AND you’re depression (and I take a lot of your writing to heart on the second one), and I really think you’re a kick ass mother.

    Keep it up!! Lotsa love :)

  • Kathryn

    Why am I still surprised by the amount of hatred out there?

    I love your site. Your posts about depression and parenting have helped me not feel so alone. Thank you!

  • celtcwrtr

    no wonder you usually keep comments turned off.

  • Kelly

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few months and I love it! I have a three year old and a one year old. I polish their horns every day – as all good moms should. I have depression and Mormon inlaws (they polish their own horns). I’ve miscarried too. I love dogs. Your writing inspires me to want to write too.

    The way you say things captures some of the exact same feelings I have when dealing with my life. My brain actually did bounce on the floor one day too. I was saddened that people had things like that to say to you. It felt like they were saying them to me.

    Thank you for sharing your life! Not just for the time, effort, technical skills, money, but for having to deal with people like that behind the scenes. Keep up the good work!

  • http://confusedtwenty.wordpress.com confusedtwenty

    Oh and I forgot to mention, I adore you’re pictures of Chuck and commend all the training you’ve done to have him balance freaking objects on his head. Seriously, that’s one talented dog!

    I hope you can get Coco to do the same…one day. Although the shots of her attacking Chuck and vice versa are awesome as well…reminiscent of my two dogs!

  • Emily

    I don’t know what I am more shocked about – the content or the grammar – in those messages. Yes, I do. The content. I am always disappointed when “people” act that way.

    I have a 3.5 year old daughter (and all the pricess books and odd quirks with wrappers) and I really enjoy your letters and “glimpse” into that part of myself that doesn’t have a voice but would love to communicate what you do – love and TRUTH!

  • Allison

    I wish you would be meaner to them!!! I know you could be! Put up their email address or something! :)

    Keep writing and making us laugh!

  • http://www.regular-mom.com RegularMom

    Dooce,

    I lost twin boys at 22 weeks gestation. People who haven’t been through a pregnancy loss have NO FUCKING IDEA what it’s like. Assholes like Agnes are always looking for a reason to blame the mother. Makes me wonder about HER mother.

    Screw ‘em all, I say. What this world needs is MORE of Dooce, and more little Dooce-lets.

    BTW: My youngest daughter has a HUGE HEAD. They did an MRI on her at 12 months just to make sure she was okay, her head was so big. And she’s fine. She’s just got this Really Big Cranium. To hold in her brilliance.

    Leta looks and sounds perfect to me.

    Thanks for the laughs.

  • http://swedenland.wordpress.com Nikky

    LMFAO. People are so amusing. Do they actually think you CARE what they have to say? Or that their opinions are actually worth SAYING? These were hilarious.

    For the record: I don’t know you, but I think you’re an amazing mother and even though you may have “issues”, you’ve done something about them, and it gives the rest of us a little bit of hope too.

    PS: I just remembered why I’m not religious. Lolz.

  • That Guy

    Vell, vell, vell…

    Sounds like some fundamentalist Mormons want to baptize you repeatedly while scrubbing behind your ears and tongue with Ajax. I imagine that would be more satisfying to them than, say, keeping the commandments, including the teeny-weeny one with “neighbor,” “love,” and “Thou shalt.” I’m not Mormon bashing because I’m not into self-flagellation, just idiot knocking. It’s for them that we must have so many meetings where we repeat the same basic messages. Unfortunately, punctuation is not taught, not that it would do any good in these cases. Once a month services would be better.

    Contrary to your good readers’ assertions, and if pressed, I would postulate that you’re going to Heaven. Mormon Heaven. But you might not like that. Humm. Okay, how about: Your application will be undoubtedly accepted wherever you want to send it. You can join me in Margaritaville, if you’d like. No winter. (Watch out for the pop tops.) But then Jon’s probably not into the soundtrack….

  • Chelsea

    Like omg HEather,,,,, I can’t belev u haf to read through all,,, that garbage everyday@%!@,,,!!!

    Those people are so pathetic. I particularly love the ’5 head’ email.. Leta does so NOT have a 5-head. She’s gorgeous and you are an EXCELLENT mother. Every month when I read your newsletter to her I cry my eyes out, and your ability to make people laugh, cry, and be ‘interested in objects balancing on a dogs head’ is why we keep coming back! xx

  • http://wanderingbella.wordpress.com katie

    Agnes and her comment “Condolences for your miscarriage might be in order if you didn’t make a career out of thumbing your nose at God” represent everything that is wrong with this country. Keep writing and don’t let these tools get you down. Your writing is funny, clever, well-written and honest.

  • Collette

    I love your writing; your husband seems like a great man; your daughter is beautiful and quirky and funny; your dogs are awesome and I think you guys should have another child so as to help balance out all of the wack jobs out there. Thanks for the site.

  • Liz

    The commas? Seriously, great “this is a nutter” indicator – scanning the mail for multiple commas is all you need… I don’t know whether they teach it at some ‘how to frighten people on the Internet’ school, or whether it just happens all by itself, but it’s terrifying.

    Congrats on the savoir-faire, sang-froid and general cool – and the great pictures, of all kinds.

  • http://www.afdailyphoto.blogspot.com Annie

    The autistic comment made me chuckle. Kind of rude, though.

  • http://www.brynmawr.edu/Alumnae/ Jan

    Thanks for keeping this one open for comment so that we can show our support for you. You’re Wabi!

  • Anjana

    LOVE your blog… it is the only site I visit EVERYDAY.

  • Erica

    You are beautiful and brilliant Heather.

    What a riot it must be getting these really freaky emails from people “out there”…

    Chuck is talented and adorable…I look forward to his new pictures everyday while drinking my first cup of coffee at work.

    I think your letters to Leta are so beautiful, and she is going to really treasure those when she is older.

    Thanks for sharing these amusing letters with us!

  • LizHoney

    I invented an account just to tell you how much I love you.

  • Larak

    I like your site.

  • Jenny

    Holy Bananas — who are these people? And what makes someone write something so ugly to a total stranger? It’s just nutty to me.