Newsletter: Month Fifty and Fifty-one
Dear Leta,
Tomorrow you turn fifty-one months old. If you are reading these in chronological order you will probably notice that the newsletter for month fifty has gone missing. Yeah, about that. Would you believe me if I told you Coco ate it? You'd have to because Coco eats everything. Just this week she ate both the arms and legs off the new Barbie doll that my mother gave you, and when I found her chewing those limbs I secretly hoped you wouldn't notice. But that's not what happened at all. You noticed immediately and were so enraged that YOU PULLED YOUR OWN HAIR. After several hours of wailing and head-butting the floor you walked up to me, put the legless and armless nub into my hands and said, "Grandmommy is going to be so mad at that dog." And you used a tone that suggested it was less of an observation and more of a warning that Coco might want to draw up a will.
But no, Coco did not eat that specific newsletter. What I could do here is come up with some elaborate excuse for why it wasn't ever written in the first place, but I know you're the type of person who doesn't want to hear all that crap. I got busy. Life sort of turned on its head at the beginning of last month and I just didn't get to it. It was the first time that has ever happened since I first started writing these letters to you at the beginning of 2004, and I apologize. I can't promise that it won't ever happen again, but I have a feeling that if you get arrested in high school for spray-painting a giant four-letter word on the wall of the cafeteria it won't be because month fifty is missing from your newsletters. It will be because your father and I didn't do a good enough job of teaching you how not to get caught. Take my advice now: blame a cheerleader.
This newsletter is going to be a little different and not just in terms of it having to make up for a lost month. A lot has happened in the last few weeks that I feel I should address publicly, and the majority of it is not amusing. Usually I like to spend these paragraphs regaling you with stories of your hysterical antics so that in the future you can read about what a uniquely challenging and funny kid you were, and maybe one day it will explain why your own child screams so much and how it's perfectly normal to daydream about dangling that kid over a pool of hungry sharks. 15 years from now you're going to read this paragraph, here where I tell you that your favorite thing to say is DONKEY BELLIES, and whenever you say knock-knock, and I say who's there, you scream DONKEY BELLIES, and then you gasp for air as the giggles get lodged in your throat, you're going to read this and then call me and go THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT DONKEY BELLIES. And then you're going to ask me for money.
But I guess there are some people who are very uncomfortable with the fact that I and many other women are writing about our children on our websites. How dare we violate your privacy like this, how dare we endanger you like this, we obviously care more about ad revenue than what this is going to do to your adolescence. And I have been asked countless times if I am at all worried that you will totally resent me for the details I have shared here. Of course you will you resent me. I have no doubt that you will spend years of your life resenting me and being embarrassed that we have the same last name, despite the fact that I have and will spend years of my life writing love letters to you on the Internet. Despite the fact that I have declared to millions of people that you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to my life.
You will resent me for your curfew and the fact that I will not let you leave the house in that mini-skirt. You will resent me for showing up to your school in my pajama bottoms and for raising my hand in a PTA meeting when I hadn't brushed my hair. You will text message your friends to tell them that I am the most horrible person on the planet because I'm forcing you to study for your exam in the morning. You are going to think that I cannot possibly understand what you are going through, and you will slam the door in my face.
Will you resent me for this website? Absolutely. And I have spent hours and days and months of my life considering this, weighing your resentment against the good that can come from being open and honest about what it's like to be your mother, the good for you, the good for me, and the good for other women who read what I write here and walk away feeling less alone. And I have every reason to believe that one day you will look at the thousands of pages I have written about my love for you, the thousands of pages other women have written about their own children, and you're going to be so proud that we were brave enough to do this. We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter.
These are the stories of our lives as women and they often include you, yes. Am I endangering you by posting pictures of you? Many people think so, but then they'd have to admit that when I take you to the grocery store I am exposing your face to hundreds of strangers, people who can see what car we drove up in, the license plate number, and the direction we head home. Maybe we shouldn't ever leave the house, otherwise? STRANGERS WILL KNOW WHAT WE LOOK LIKE. Worse? They will know I prefer Tampax to the generic brand.
Am I violating your privacy? If keeping 95 percent of what goes on in your life off limits in terms of what I write on my website, then yes, I am totally invading your privacy. And what about that time I wrote about your poop, aren't you going to be mortified when your classmates read about that in sixth grade? Leta, I stopped writing about your poop many, many months ago, and chances are that all the kids you're going to know in sixth grade will have spent the first three years of their lives shitting their pants, too. Oh wait, THAT'S WHAT HUMANS DO. WHO KNEW.
Finally, I've seen it suggested in my inbox and by various critics online that what we do on our websites is egotistical and exploitative. Some even refer to it as child abuse. I know I am not alone when I say that when I sit down to update my website I do it to connect with other people, I do it to reflect on the absurdity of everyday life with the hope that the people who read it will find similarities in their own routine. I did not know that wanting to be a part of a community qualified as egotism.
Some of our websites make us money, yes, money that puts food on our table, pays for preschool and helps pay for utilities. Sometimes we even use this money to pay for more unnecessary things like computers or manicures or purple ceramic hippos, and this in particular is something people grab hold of to try and twist what we're doing into something gross and ugly. And try as they might, I will not be discouraged from continuing to document the beauty of life with my family or supporting them with an income from doing so. Leta, some people will one day try to convince you that what I've done here is some sort of sickening betrayal of your childhood, and what those people fail to recognize is that I am doing the exact opposite. This is the glorification of your childhood, and even more than that this is a community of women coming together to make each other feel less alone. You are a part of this movement, you and all of the other kids whose mothers are sitting at home right now writing tirelessly about their experiences as mothers, the love and frustration and madness of it all. And I think one day you will look at all of this and pump your fist in the air.
Love,
Mama
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
301. Anonymous said:
KICK ASS, HEATHER
302. Laura Block said:
I only wish that my Mom had been able to keep a blog when I was growing up. What a gift you are leaving behind for your daughter and her children, so that if God forbid you're not there to tell them how you experienced their childhood, they can read about it and feel more cared for and less alone.
Since my Mom wasn't able to keep a blog, I read yours, and that of some other Moms, and I definitely feel less alone as a Mom. I feel empowered as a mother to know that these struggles are normal, and I am sure my son benefits from having a calmer Mom. And I blog about him, too.
Thank you for all that you do,
laura
303. Jen said:
You are wonderful mother! I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because it such a beautiful post. Thank you.
304. Kerry said:
A-freaking-men. I really think I love you.
You are a fabulous mother.
I also write monthly letters to my 13 month old twins. I certainly don't have the traffic you do but I am not at all worried about the safety of my family.
You are so right about putting them in more danger by bringing them to the grocery store. I try to explain that to people all the time.
305. Wine Dog said:
Apparently these "people" think you're the first person to ever write clever anecdotes about their family. You're just the best one on this new media. Leta will turn 25, pump her fist and say "Mama, you rock!"
306. Anonymous said:
Now I feel bad because I only scrapbook.
307. Lisa V said:
I have been writing about my children for three years DURING their teenage years. Sometimes it's trite, sometime true, but they are a part of my life. It's not just documenting their, but mine, and they overlap. I have a right to reflect on my world, and they are in it. So far they don't object about anything I've written.
308. caitlyn said:
I always love reading your letters to Leta. They are incredibly beautiful and convey how amazing she is to you. Thank you for sharing the good stuff as well as the rough parts of the journey.
309. Amy in NYC said:
Each month since my daughter was born she (okay I) write a report to all family and friends about the goings on in the last month. This was my way of keeping track of her milestones and hilarious antics each month and sharing it with people who don't see her every day. In those reports I have discussed poop (or the lack there of), potty training, puke, love of barney, kids she likes, things that piss her off, etc.... I also include a link to pictures so people can see how she's changed in a month. What started out as a nice letter to close family and friends, now goes to 50 people. And I know those people forward it on to others. Is this abuse of my child? NO way and I don't think anyone would accuse me of this. Yes, I could have posted it on a blog instead of e-mailing the report, but would people then accuse me of abuse? Those comments are based in jealousy of a complete stranger. Weird!
Leta is about five months older than my daughter and as I've watched Leta grow up I know that what she's doing now is just around the corner for my daughter (oh god, polly pockets are next?). Motherhood is fucking hard and it's nice to read words from people who understand this. Plus your site gives me a glance at "home" (former Utahn here). I don't know you Heather, but the insights you've provided into your life is like reading a great book that just keeps having sequels. Keep it up. Say fuck off to the nay-sayers, live your life, and keep us in the loop every once in a while!
Sorry, I'll miss your visit to NYC.
310. Kari said:
This was such a beautiful post. Leta is so lucky to have her history, her very being, to read when she gets older. I love your blog! Thank you for standing up to the stupid people:)
311. Jan in Vegas, baby! said:
I am de-lurking to say that I was very touched by your newsletter and I think Leta is a very lucky girl!
312. mary said:
heather, i *heart* you & jon & leta...i hope you blog for many years to come :)
as for leta being embarrassed in the future...my mother is forgetful, and my father died last july when i was 24. i WISH i had something so lovely written about my childhood. leta might hate this as an adolescent, but she will cherish it as an adult. i hope jon writes to her as well, even if he doesn't post it.
313. Tricia said:
You are a gift. I wish I could thank you in person for how much your stories have affected me over the years-- but I start tearing up just thinking about it, so I'm pretty sure it would be awkward for both of us! This might be my all-time favorite post. Perfect.
314. rachel said:
I second the fist pumps! It takes guts to do what you do, in such a public way. I am so thankful for all the mamas who help break the "Perfect Mom" mask and support each other. I'm fairly new to blogging, and only hope I can contribute to the Mama Power.
She's beautiful, by the way. Something about 4 - it drops all the baby away and goes right into kiddo.
315. ELB said:
Heather, you were an early inspiration for me to keep going with my blog and I credit you being so forthright. While of course Leta will find this embarrassing when she's a teenager (because she'll be a teenager), there will be some smart kernel in there that will read those words you wrote to her every month and understand whatever, so she wouldn't let me go to the mall but man, my mom LOVES me and always has. And she'll be proud because her friends will all say, "Wow, I wish I had a mom who was cool like that" even with uncombed hair at the PTA meeting. She'll also be grateful because inevitably, she'll know someone whose parents can barely find the time to talk to him/her, let alone tell them how much they care.
You hang in there girl!
316. Fern said:
Amen. And thank you.
(Also -- Future Leta, if you are reading this after being teased by your ridiculous schoolmates, it is just because they are jealous that you are so ungodly beautiful and they look like turds rolled in scrotal lint.)
317. Jenn said:
You are so very, very right. Your website helps me feel less alone. I'm pumping my fist in the air right now.
When I was little my mom was very loving, but she was also honest about the fact that the June Cleaver thing was bullshit and that moms are people too and sometimes it's hard. Not in a way that was meant to guilt us, just in a, "hey, my feelings count too," kinda way. And now I do pump my fist in the air over her unrecorded words because they come back to me on those days that my own mothering feels overwhelmingly difficult and inadequate. And she reminds me that it's okay to feel that way. Leta will remember this too, and she will be a better person for it.
318. Jen said:
Okay, I admit I skipped a couple hundred in the middle there, so I'm sure someone else has made this point already. While Leta will surely find you a horrific embarrassment and the blog will be part of that, none of her friends will really get that angst, because they're all going to be whining to their parents about how the parents didn't love them enough to blog about them like the really good parents did.
Basically, the hate? It's the knowing they're too lazy to get around to doing what you do. (Like I am. My kids are sure to ask why I spent so much time reading blogs and not writing about themthemthem.)
319. Amber said:
I see that there's nothing original to comment here, since it's all been said. I do want to echo that I love this post, I feel the same way, and that when I poured through it, and came across those pictures of Leta, I gasped out loud. She is turning into such a lovely young lady, with eyes full of sass and compassion and intelligence.
A girl that sassy and compassionate & intelligent can't help but take it all in stride. She's bound to do the obvious for 'revenge'- write a blog about the care of her elderly parents and all the diaper changing and cute things they say. I hope I'm coherent enough to read it
320. kym b said:
Totally brought a tear to my eye. I love you.
321. Velma said:
Gorgeous. Bee-yoo-tiful. Stunning.
And what you wrote? Not so bad, either.
Thank you.
322. Theresa said:
Brava! Truth isn't always so eloquently expressed, and, though I deplore the need for you to defend your way of life to people who really should just butt the fuck out, such an articulate response to the naysayers is exactly why you *deserve* the money you make with your writing. Thank you for not letting the negative minds out there silence your voice.
323. Jennifer said:
Heather, you rock. I've been reading you since before I got pregnant with my now-two year old, and without you, I wouldn't have really known what to expect. I wouldn't have known it's normal to want to throttle and hug your child in the same moment, to want to run away screaming after your child dumps the crayons on the floor for the sixteenth time that day, that your child will challenge you in ways you won't think is possible. You got me through post-partum depression so bad it rocked me to my core - just knowing that someone else out there has survived what I was going through was so incredibly helpful. So kudos to you, for making me a better - and more honest - mother.
These photos rock, too, by the way - I'm a professional photographer myself, so I'm not just saying that. If you ever want to expand into a new field, I think you'd find the world of photography very receptive to your style. It's just all kinds of goodness.
324. phyllis grant said:
thank you for that beautiful letter. you really are on the forefront of a whole new world. yes, you are exposing your family to examination from millions. but you are also reaching out and creating an incredible community. that's a shitload of pressure. i'm very impressed that you've taken it on and continued on this path. just remember there will always be dissenters with no matter what work you choose. just hear them, breathe their ideas and criticisms in and then continue on your way. it's just like parenting. being able to hear the voices around you and then finding your own intuition. thanks for your beautiful words. you continue to inspire me to find my own.
325. Ruthie said:
As a relatively new mother myself, I can honestly say that I appreciate and love the stories you share about being a mother to Leta. They're beautiful because they're honest, unpredictable, and hilarious at times. Being a mother is much more difficult than I imagined and relating to other mothers has kept me sane.
Ignore the negative comments. These are people with unrealistic fears and probably without kids of their own. Nobody really gets it until they go to the other side... parenting can be so outlandish!
Obviously your postings connect to others - million of others - and I'm willing to bet that 99.9% of us are ordinary people living ordinary lives who appreciate the connectedness that the internet offers us these days too. You're a beautiful writer and your daughter is BLESSED to have such detailed letters to reflect back upon some day. I wish my mother had done so for me.
326. Elly said:
--"We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter."
AMEN!
327. Elizabeth said:
Absolutely fabulous post! I wish I could articulate my frustration, disgust, and sheer irritation half as well as you are able to do. More so, I wish I could convey my joys and sorrows with such piercing clarity. What you do is wonderful, and the letters to your daughter are touching. I'm sure she'll understand that, even if you do mortify her. She'll outgrow the mortification and appreciate your documenting her childhood.
328. Ava's nanny said:
Amen, sistah.
All of the photos are gorgeous- in the last Leta looks about 8 years old! I'm a nanny a lil girl about 4 months younger than Leta and love reading about your experiences as a mother. (And I recognize some of the stories from Ava's life)
329. Anonymous said:
You deserve to have more kids! I hope it happens for you someday.
330. kim said:
just wanted to say that reading about your post-partum depression helped me get through mine and it's nice to hear that other moms have a hard go of it sometimes, too - especially when it's so amusingly written. thanks!
331. Melanie at Beanpaste said:
Oh, RIGHT ON.
332. Colleen Schmitt said:
The monthly newsletter is probably my very favorite thing on this website.
I really appreciate and enjoy that you share your family life with your readers. While I enjoy photos of the dogs, Leta photos are always my favorite. She just gets more beautiful as she gets older. This months photos are the best yet.
Also, cheap tampons suck sweaty goat balls.
333. beth said:
You inspire me every day.
(((pumping my fist in the air)))
334. Elizabeth said:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.
you answered my fear about why i'm a mommy blogger, too. and you answered it with strength and with love.
i've been reading you for two years. and this is the 2nd post that made me cry. the first one was the miscarriage.
i don't even know what else to say except you are some kind of amazing grace.
335. Anonymous said:
Good for you!
This is your life and you can live it online if you feel like it.
The Haterz can always click on the "X" in the upper right hand corner of their monitor if they don't like it!
336. Linda Pollari said:
One of the most beautifully written pieces you've done about and for Leta. Thank you!
337. Amber said:
You make me excited to become a mother one day.
Can't wait to see you in NYC!
338. Julie in MN said:
Heather - once again, your words are touching, funny, and honest. I join the hundreds (probably eventually thousands) of people who give you kudos for such a wonderful post.
I've read dooce.com daily for 3 years. It has led me to mightygirl, finslippy, fussy, surburban bliss, lookydaddy, laidoffdad, and others, all part of my bookmarks and daily reading. All my close friends who are also parents live far away from me now, so having your blogs to read made me feel a part of a new community. I don't know how well I would have coped with the sometimes lonely job of parenting without the words of these blogs (and most specifically your blog) to bring humor and comfort! Thank you for giving that much-needed voice to parents everywhere. Thanks for making your posts funny, poignant, and thought-provoking. Thanks for the awesome photos, too.
Keep it up - you deserve all the good that comes to you.
339. Amanda said:
A-fucking-men!
340. Liene said:
beautiful.
341. Matt said:
Dooce, I'm probably your anti-demographic. I'm a single man, no kids, don't want kids, and I blog about everything that you don't. That being said I just wanted to let you know that your words reach people of all groups. I spend hours reading about politics, sports and current events but I always have time for yours.
Your writing is engaging and I think of your page as a guilty pleasure.
I can't imagine anyone getting bent because of what you choose to write about. It's your blog. Write about whatever you want and tell everyone else to piss off.
Keep up the good work.
Matt
342. Shauna said:
Every time I read one of your newsletters, all I think about is what a treasure these will be to her one day. To have all these memories documented is a rare and beautiful thing. I think she'll be grateful... eventually.
343. Bianka said:
Thank you for putting into words what I struggle to say. You rock.
344. jenB said:
YES. I love the newsletters, wish I would have done something similar. She will not resent you for this. I really believe that. And blah on the naysayers.
345. Orions Mom said:
You Miss captivate me ... everyday I read and everyday I am inspired to be more.
Thank You!
346. Katie said:
Amen, sister. So many have either changed the way they write, don't write at all, or completely stop blogging for fear of repercussions. And that is just not the way to go. I, myself, have been absent from blogging for some time because I just didn't know how it fit in my life anymore. Well reading your post makes me realize WHY I started blogging to begin with. To reach out to people - to hear from others - to have a voice be heard that would otherwise not. So thanks for that reminder.
347. joyce said:
the color of her eyes...breathtaking!
people are koo-koo, aren't they? seriously...most people have serious issues. i think Leta will find these letters hilarious in the future. laugh at her naughtyness!
348. Janice said:
Oh my gosh! She gets more beautiful in every picture. I wish I could capture my daughter the way you do yours. You are fabulous and what you do - parent, blogger, impeccibly decorated home owner - is fabulous.
349. Enjolie said:
heck yeah. i'd been hoping you'd write a great rebuttal like this one.
btw Leta looks just lovely in those photographs
<3
enjolie
350. Sandy said:
Awesome job! I am sure that she will be so proud of you someday and grateful that you took the time to write to her every month!
And even more than that, I know that she will appreciate that you were smart enough to find a way to support your family, so you can spend the time with her to notice all the things you share here. I think that you are teaching her to be open minded and self supporting, which is a lot more than most parents can claim to be achieving.
351. Enjolie said:
oh yeah! i also wanted to say that i adored the story about coco, Leta, and the potato chip buffet. so cute, and yes, So makes me want to have kids
<3
enjolie
352. Josh said:
Heather, you probably won't get to read this comment but I have no doubt that you are a great mom. Leta looks like she's ready to take on the world by herself.
353. Lisa said:
Well said. Amen. Live your life. And a bunch of other people need to get lives of their own. I can't imagine what it would be like to have anything even remotely close to the musings you share here from my own mother. What a treasure that would be to me.
Your site--and others like yours--do indeed help build community. A new type, for sure, but one that nonetheless helps others know that they are not alone, as well as shares plenty of smiles along the way. Thanks for putting up with all the negative crap so that folks like me can be enriched.
354. KTP said:
My kids are three and one and I'm only just now able to accept that being their mother is the most important job I have. My blog has helped me get here because of the community of other bloggers I've befriended and because of the unique way it allows me to reach out to friends and family. Writing so publicly helps me process my feelings. How many times do we have to tell people: if you don't like what you're reading, click away!?
355. Nicole said:
Seriously, you're amazing. My hero in so many ways. Thank you for the things you have written. I have a 5 month old, and with all thanks to you, I will know what to expect. I can only hope that I'm as cool a Mom as you are.
356. Christi said:
you are an inspiration. true life is real life and being able to connect the ups and downs and laughs of family. thanks for allowing me into your daily life...they are a constant reminder of how much an incredible blessing children are...someday we'll share this joy. till then, we'll live through the beauty you share with us. thank you.
357. Della said:
Thank you for putting all my own thoughts into print. Leta may not appreciate this at 15 or 17 or even 21 but one day she will definitely understand.
358. Betty said:
Great letter. Love your site. It's especially interesting to me since my daughter is the same age as yours. It's fascinating to read about the phases that Leta is going through, since frequently my daughter is going through them as well. Of course our children are unique, but man, these phases really are pretty predictable. My daughter is picky, loud, scarily smart, sweet, loving, beautiful and brutally honest. Just like yours. Speaking as one of the moms out there who read and appreciate what you are doing, don't let the turkeys out there get you down. You honestly do help me believe that I am not alone in this raising of an out-of-the-ordinary kid. Thanks.
359. Erica aka littlefirecrackr said:
Heather- I love how open and honest you are. Yes, Leta will resent you. (Who hasn't resented their mother at one point or another?) But, at some point you two will be the BEST of Friends because of how open and honest you are with her. I look forward to reading month 216 and many more.
360. Leesavee said:
Leta will someday applaud your courage, Heather. And by the time she hits adulthood, she will totally see the humor in the poop entries. As my father used to remind me, even the Queen of England poops.
361. Kristin said:
I don't even have children and I completely agree. People resist - and often reject - anything they feel will change their tidy, controlled universe. And then there's the rest of us who know that control is merely illusion's illusion. I applaud you for what you do.
I recently watched an episode of Oprah where Maria Shriver was her guest - a woman who always surprises me. She just wrote a book - "Just Who Will You Be?" is the name I think - and at the end of the show, one woman in the audience thanked Maria for being transparent so that we could see who she really is. It gives us all hope and inspiration. Thank you for doing the same, Heather.
362. Andria and Co. said:
You tell 'em girl!
363. Meg said:
Yes, good, down with the haters, strong community of women, empowering movement, etc.
More importantly, I think these pictures are the first ones where Leta looks like a mini person instead of a giant baby. Do you think so too? And when she is older, she can look back and see all her photos, read all the stories about her transition from babyness to little girl.
364. Steph. said:
Delurking. I can't help but not. I've read these since my daughter was born--4 years ago too! Thank you for speaking for us all. And, don't stop for a minute. You are an inspiration.
365. jen said:
Amen to this! I read blogs, I write mine, for the sole reason of not feeling alone in this journey of motherhood. Mothers, especially moms of challenging kids, can feel so isolated and this is the best way I've found to escape that.
Well put.
366. SparklieSunShine said:
I was about to write you an email and then I was all, holy shit comments are on.
I'm not yet a mother, but since I started blogging in 2003 I have loved reading the accounts of mothers. I am working towards getting a PhD in Women's Studies because I would like to teach at a university.
I strongly believe that you are correct. You and other bloggers like you are leading the way of showing motherhood as being hard and complex work. That this work matters. Before this time in blogging women as mothers have been overlooked and unappreciated. There was also the assumption that it was always easy, you would instantly love it and you would always think wonderful things about your child. That is, of course, not the case.
Women suffering from postpartum were forced to believe something was wrong with them, it was their fault they weren't happy. If someone's kids were making them crazy and they just wanted to be alone they thought it was something they were doing wrong.
This new sense of community is so important for women. To show they aren't alone in what they do or how they feel. Their feelings are normal. It is important. You and what women like you are doing is important.
Maybe one day I'll be teaching a women's studies class and get to bring you up in a discussion.
What's more is it makes me excited for the day I have my own children and I get to know that things won't always get to be amazing and that will be alright.
Thank you.
P.S. - Everyone else can suck it. There will always be unhappy people trying to bring other people down to make themselves feel better. That is on them.
367. Amy said:
Love your post - thank you! I have found so much community in the blogosphere - and I find myself drawn to find more - the nay-sayers are missing out!
368. Nopenname said:
blah blah blah fabulous writing, brought me to tears yadda yadda yadda.
What I really REALLY want to say, is that in that last picture, I don't know if it's her smile or what but Leta looks like you. Or I can see you in her. And I know you think I am crazy because the kid, in the pictures you post, I agree usually looks like you weren't in the room during conception, but in that picture she's got a little Heather Armstrong showing.
Also my ReCaptcha is "Share Cameras" disturbingly appropriate for this site I must say.
369. tacomachickadee said:
You go girl.
You expressed sentiments I repeat frequently: No matter what we do, our kids will be annoyed about something. No matter how great or how horrid. I look forward to seeing what my kids pin-point as their "I can't believe my mother ..." moments.
I will celebrate each and every one of them ... and drive them further crazy, I'm sure. ;)
370. Jenn said:
Perfect. I wrote about this exact thing a month or so back - too many little girls and young women think that motherhood is all about cupcakes and cuddles. Nice, those cupcakes and cuddles, but there is WAY more shit that goes down on a daily basis! I think what we "mommy bloggers" are doing is WICKED...for our kids, for moms and moms to be, and maybe most importantly, it's good for US!!
371. robinv said:
259. Sarah.... ouch, I think you sound a little bitter. bummer for you.
Heather, what a amazingly beautiful daughter you have. She won't hate you for blogging...she will love you for being honest.... something a lot of people are incapable of.
thank you!
372. Deborah said:
I often think about how different life would have been if blogs had existed when my children were born. I was at home with them, and it was my choice to do so, but I had never felt so alone and isolated. It would have been wonderful to connect with other parents in this way.
373. SWSNBN said:
I think that you are a lovely person, and that some people are just jealous.
I'm sure my kid will resent me for a thousand things, but getting my voice out there and connecting with people is so worth it to me. I've become a lot more sure of myself, a lot less likely to take shit lying down, and a lot more loud since I started writing my own blog.
I can't ever hope to achieve what you have, but I'm not really that envious, because I also don't have to put up with people accusing me of child abuse regularly.
I'd like to wrap my internet arms around you and hug you, if there were such a thing.
374. Lisa said:
Beautiful.......Brought tears to my eyes AND goosebumps......Thanks for being you Heather ;)
375. Jenny said:
I'm glad you write, Heather. You and Alice and many others help keep me sane as I chart my own journey through parenthood. It's crazy wonderful, being a parent to these little people, and it can also be deeply isolating and cause us to doubt the best in ourselves.
Please keep writing, I will keep reading. Perspective and humor is what keeps many of us sane - and what teaches us that there is no single way to be a good parent, or a good human.
Someone earlier up there in the comments suggested that Leta has a right to her own opinion about all of this one day, and that makes sense. If anything, your writings about her honor her individuality, her uniqueness, her will. I have no doubt that if she so desires, Leta will start her own blog and talk about her FEELINGS. She seems like exactly the sort of inspired, empowered, upstart of a gal who would do such a thing.
Go Heather, Go Leta. :-)
376. fabricbabe said:
Thank you mama...just thank you.
377. bad mother said:
My husband is always saying 'We should be writing this down' every time our kids blow our mind, challenge us or make us laugh. He doesn't realise that's what my blog is for. I can't rely on my memory now let alone when I'm hitting the senior cit years. How lucky your family is. That they have a record of your joys, obstacles, triumphs and ultimately love. And how even more brilliant that this same record pays for you to keep recording. Nothing but some wonderful karmic stuff me thinks.
378. Michelle said:
That was very moving. I have a feeling Leta is really going to appreciate each and every one of these newsletters.
379. Heather said:
I can't understand how people can think that you are exploiting your child by profiting off this site. By doing so, you are giving Leta the great gift of your time. She is very lucky that you and Jon can stay home with her, and I think it's great that this website is giving you the freedom to do so.
380. Jennifer said:
Your website and the things you say about Leta are nothing short of amazing. The people who say otherwise are haters and need to get off the internet and pay attention to their own lives.
Leta will cherish these letters when she grows up!
381. M.K. said:
I defy your detractors to have the intestinal fortitude to once, JUST ONCE, withhold judgment. I'll bet most can't. And if they can't, they're far too absorbed in their own egos to do so. And why should they attempt neutrality and tolerance or growing a freaking spine? Because they are way too busy attacking you and telling you it's all about your ego. It's very sad and pathetic.
The interesting thing of note for me here is that you were blogging about your life before Leta came along. And now that Leta is here, you're just being yourself. Given the opportunity, I'd bet a couple of paychecks that your critics would not pass up the chance to have a life like the one you've created for yourself if they only had the talent, wisdom, and inclination. And they'd do it with so much less grace than Heather Armstrong.
I have a feeling you're raising a daughter who will get it. I really think so. She has already learned "indignation."
In * Dignation
or
In * Dignity... [standing in her dignity.]
You've taught her that.
382. Bahiyyih said:
As usual, PREACH IT, Heather!!! Amen!!!!! :-)
383. corine said:
Society applauds so many obscene ways to make a living. What your mommy does is all good. Who cares what ignoramus think, leta.
384. Corrie said:
Dear Dooce,
I've been reading your blog for the past four (or is it five?) years, and this is the first time I am writing to say thank you -- thank you for being so brave, on behalf of all of us who yearn to reach that sense of courage. And for immortalizing what is beautiful. If I were Leta, I would love you even more than ever for what you have done. Keep writing, you don't know how many spirits your words lift :)
385. J. Bo said:
First of all, have you been stuffing "gorgeous" pills down that girl's gullet? 'Cause all of a sudden Leta is a supermodel. I mean, she was always a uniquely pretty kid, but somewhere recently she turned a corner and WENT GLAMOROUS.
(Either that, or you spent a lot of money and bought a "Klum" lens for your camera.)
Second, I can't believe people are so judgmental and snotty to you. I mean, I can believe it, but it makes me shake my head. Good for you for not taking it to heart.
Also? DONKEY BELLIES!
386. eka83 said:
At 25, as I think about the fact that I need to have children in the next 10 years or think about not having them at all your site makes me laugh. It helps me see how much you enjoy your child and not the parts you are SUPPOSED to enjoy. You laugh about the parts that nobody talks about. Tell the people who judge you for making money on your site to bite you.
You produce a product that people enjoy. You get paid for it. You exploit nothing.
If you didn't tell these stories here you wold tell them at play group.
387. Emily said:
I just have to say that I totally commend you for what you do and what you write about, Heather. I honestly "don't" know how mothers do it, and if the internet and blogging can help us all from NOT going crazy amidst motherhood, thank god for it!
Also, Leta just gets more and more beautiful every day. You're a proud mama, and I think that in the long run, she'll be a proud and happy daughter.
388. Kajsa said:
Finally de-lurking after about 2 years of reading your monthly letters to Leta (and other fabulous posts). My first experience reading your blog was also the first time I knew of anyone else going through early intervention with their child. It opened up my world for me and made me realize I was strong enough to finally uncurl myself from the fetal position and face my son's diagnosis.
Thank you for being strong enough to be honest and open about the toughest and most important aspects of your life. Personally, I'm grateful you are able to put up with the a$$hats who criticize what you do.
389. Lara said:
I enjoyed this monthly newsletter immensely. So many truths in it made me think about life and being a daughter. There will be a time in her life where she will resent this...but then there will be the time when she grows up and, like you said, will realize that it is glorification and love that leads you to journal about her life.
You are not harming Leta by sharing with us a piece of her life. I find your blog to be an interesting window into a life of a family that I do not know personally. However, I take it just as that...a window. No judgments are cast. Nor need they be. I am intelligent enough to comprehend that there are things that are not said on this web blog...something that the people that claim "abuse" and whatnot need to understand.
Thank you, again, for a lovely read.
L.
390. Laura said:
"We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter."
Yes. This is so, so important. I remember reading about Alice declaring 'mommy blogging' a radical act at blogher and was so struck by the truth of this. No one ever talks about how hard it can be to be around little kids all day. It is amazing and wonderful and rewarding, but so, so hard. And it's even harder when you have teh crazy. I don't have children, but I'm thinking about them and I had a lot of anxiety around that. Reading blogs like yours, Alice's, Melissa's, and others has shown me that I don't have to be a perfect mother to be a good mother. These blogs have also shown me that I don't have to lose myself to motherhood, something else I worried about. It really pisses me off when people dismiss this. It's yet another way of trying to silence women, of telling them their stories don't matter. Fuck that.
As for supporting your family with your blog, I think it's fantastic. Your writing is so beautiful and I am so excited about your books. I think it is so great that the internet has given people an opportunity to make their passion their work. You get to be creative and reach out to people, how can that not be a good thing?
I'm an anxious perfectionist from a religious background and you give me hope that I can get through all that shit and be awesome. Just like you.
391. Frances said:
Absolutely brilliant post. That was probably one of the most poignant pieces I have read in such a long time. You are absolutely right. Each and every newsletter makes me feel less alone in my feelings as a mother. From the wanting to hold them over a tank of sharks. To relaying the incredible joy their smiles or little sayings bring to our lives. Always remember for every negative person who feels the need to deconstruct your life there are at least 100 people of whom simply saying "thank you" for all that you have brought to their lives will never suffice. Far too often we just can't find the words to express our gratitude. Thank you Heather. Thank you for being brave enough, Thank you for being so honest and so open. The connection, the healing, the bravery you have insighted in mothers all over the world will be felt for generations to come.
392. Kate said:
NEVER stop what you are doing here. You rock.
393. Ron said:
BRAVO Heather....freaking BRAVO!!
Leta will one day look at Dooce in pride...knowing she has a mother who has the educated BALLS to always share her voice in TRUTH.
And you deserve every bit of monetary gain and glory that you receive through Dooce. Because I know damn well, it doesn't come without challenges!
I tip my hat to you, dear lady!
394. Cassie said:
That last picture? Wow.
Your kid is beautiful. Inside and out. And it's an honor for those of us that read your site to be able to participate in the little bit of your lives that you choose to share here.
395. lisa mertins said:
gorgeous heather.
so, if it's ok with you, i'm going to point to this one as the final straw that made me start writing about my son's exploits. he still doesn't drive and his ennui will keep him from hunting you down but this way he can blame you instead of me :)
396. Cathy said:
Good for you!!!!My children are grown but I wished I had a blog like yours when I had bad postpartum depression. It would have helped me feel not so alone.
Leta is absolutely beautiful! I love her thick hair.
Cathy
397. Aidan's Mom said:
Best newsletter yet!
398. Kristi said:
Screw those people who give you a hard time. If not for your website I would have completely lost my mind the first 6 months of my screaming daughter's life back in 2004/2005. Hell if not for your website I would lose my mind now as I'm trying to deal with a 3 year old and a toddler every day. Please don't ever take what those nasty people say to heart. There are alot of us out here who are very appreciative of what you do everyday and hope that someday you'll come over to our homes to drink margaritas and bourbon while our kids run around carelessly in the backyard unsupervised. Oops-I guess I'm a bad parent now too.
399. piglet said:
right on sista, and i'd like to throw up a "how ya like me now?!"
as one who needs people like you to write about the stuff you write about, thank you times a quadrillion.
400. Manda said:
My "Baby Book" has only the first 5 pages filled, by my sister, three years after I was born. I think that doing this for Leta is great. You are a fantastic mom!
401. Becki Britt said:
Dooce, this may sound overly dramatic, but you are an integral part of why I am still here. No one can know what depression in general and post-partum depression in particular can do to a person unless you've been in that deep dark hole. Will Leta resent you, yes, for reasons you've already stated. Will my kids resent me? Yes, for the same obvious reasons...plus blogging and oh yeah, I'm a lesbian. I tell people that instead of a college fund, I've got them a therapy fund. It's the least I can do, since they save me everyday with their own wonderful outlooks on life. I'm still working on being as open and honest in my own blogging. I soak up every word on yours and what you do DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE. So for every asshole out there who says hateful things, let me be a voice for the mothers who suffer in silence and parent in earnest. We love you for being the pioneer that you are!!
402. Jim LaVelle said:
Everything you said is true. She will resent it, secretly love it, and finally love it out loud. Thank you for sharing Leta, Jon, and yourself with us. I am a 57-year old grandfather and my 28-year old daughter talk about your blog every day. I can only hope she finds her "Jon" someday. Leta is beautiful.
403. v said:
i love that you write leta letters on the internet. my mom said she wrote me tons, but they all burned in our fire a few years ago. luckily- i snuck in and read one or two years before they burned, when i was a teenager who hated most everything. leta will love it:)
404. Amity said:
Dear Heather,
I have almost nothing in common with you, but I read your website because you write with love and humor about your family, and you do it so well. Thanks.
405. Gina said:
As a teenager, I can assure you that Leta will no way resent you for this website. I wish my mother was half the mother you are. You are truely incredible, Heather, and this post couldn't have said it any better. Leta is very luck to have you as a mom!
406. Hall said:
Heather, you rock, and I am never ever going to get the Dooce-hatred that I see. I guess some people just can't handle other people being super successful at what they do. I have a masters degree in English (which with somewhere between $2.50 and $5.00 will get you a fancy cup of coffee) and I think you are an excellent writer. And you're very very funny, which is not easy, and should most definitely be rewarded. But you also strike me as very brave and very moral about your writing and how you present yourself and your family. Thank you for your honesty. Never let the haters make you doubt!
407. Gina G. said:
BRAVO!
408. Jen said:
Leta is beautiful and will always be proud to call you mom!
409. kerry said:
wow. that was beautiful. she will be so proud of you. some day. :)
410. Brooke said:
I have recently discovered your blog, and I think it is beyond amazing. I think you are truly an inspiration, and I can't BELIEVE anyone would think that they have any right to judge you!! To be perfectly honest, I WISH my mom had kept such a loving, open account of my childhood. I honestly think that it will help your relationship in the future! You now have another devoted reader. Please keep the good stuff coming! Oh, and Leta is an absolutely GORGEOUS child and sounds like the Coolest Kid Ever.
411. Shaun Paddock said:
I forgot to mention that the rude comments regarding my boys hair are on my old blog at www.roomsview.blogspot.com
The blog looks very strange right now since I am trying to fix it so it can be viewed on typepad.
I am sure you don't have time to check it out.
How is the weather in my old home town? We went swimming today in SC. I really don't miss the SLC weather.
Shaun
412. Kelly Anne said:
You always have a way of writing what I feel but never had the words to say.
I'm so glad that you have the guts to do it everyday.
413. Anonymous said:
I have never written a comment before in the 2 plus years that I've been reading your blog but this post was beautiful and it made me tear up.
414. Ajda said:
Oh, I'm so glad you didn't stop writing the newsletters! Regards from Slovenia, ajda.
415. Mommy Cracked said:
Leta, your mommy rocks.
416. Anonymous said:
OH MY GOD
Where did you get Leta's dress? It's adorable.
Also, I'm so sorry people say such nasty things to/about you. So many times you've helped me find humor in my own life as a parent. A stupid parent who got a puppy when my youngest was 10 months old. A parent who really needs a little chuckle now and then.
You have a beautiful family and it's obvious that you all love and respect each other so much. No child is ever going to resent a parent for that.
417. Dana said:
Right on.
418. LeFiffre said:
I love your monthly journals. It's made me think that maybe I don't really want to be a selfish bastard bachelor all my days.
419. Lesley said:
I used to be of two minds when it came to the Intertubes, not because of the good people who write lovingly of their families and children but because of the rotten perverse assholes who abuse the people who do. There's always a risk, I supposed, until a story of unparalleled child abuse sprang out of Austria this week. Abuse that could only take place in a sealed house, a closed and isolated family, one that never invited anyone in or let anyone near. One in which the wife was a slave and a doormat. The staunch privacy and secrecy, the blinds on the windows, locks on the doors, the stern warnings not to intrude, protected the most diabolically evil man and enabled him to imprison his daughter for 24 years and abuse his other children. It was only by chance that his daughter managed to emerge from the hell hole he constructed purposefully for her. Perhaps if his wife had had a web page, if she had connected with the outside world through the Internet, he could not have maintained his stranglehold on the family. Being open about our shared humanity needs to be encouraged. Hiding away and pretending to be different should not. The story out of Austria shook me to my very core. Now I'm not so much of two minds.
420. edna pooplydoop said:
I got chills.
and then I cried.
Well said.
421. Anonymous said:
Sometimes I feel completely stupid for blogging about my son so much. It probably bores anyone who reads my blog. Thank you for this sweet post that Leta will look back on and love someday.
422. jennifer said:
Amen Sister Armstrong, the freaks who complain can suck my waad.
423. wheezer345 said:
You go girlfriend!!!! Don't listen to those critics! I enjoy hearing how life with a child is. Being single and no children isn't allways fun. I like to see what i am missing.
424. Jebbica said:
Wow, Leta is so beautiful! Those eyes! :)
I can see how maybe you or others might be afraid of putting Leta in danger. I mean, you are Heather Armstrong, after all, and I'd imagine somewhere, out there, maybe there's some crazed fan or religious zealot, and he/she would want to kidnap her, or something like that. And that would scare the hell outta me! But, like you said, every time you go out, you're putting yourself in potential danger, and I guess the question is, do you want to be a hermit or do you want to live life? I completely understand and relate to the environment you've help create, a network for mommies from all parts of the world who can live and learn on this ever-growing network known as the internet! Hell, I don't even have any kids yet, but this is kind of like study hall!
Jebbica
PS: I never spend over a dollar for a book, but I'm thinking about buying yours. I think you might need another purple hippo. Or perhaps it can go in a fund for that real one someday!
425. Katie said:
What if Leta is the cheerleader? I can't even imagine how I would deal with that (a daughter of mine becoming a cheerleader).
426. Steph said:
I don't have a child and don't have a blog. I can't be included in the insider blogger group. I read this blog and three others. I can just honestly say that I just feel that this is something that I think is amazing. I only wish at 27 that my mother or father has chosen to do this (or had the opportunity to) because they really can't recall anything about me prior to age three. I am not even a big "kid" person but I feel myself rooting for you and the other bloggers I read as well as the kids. It has honestly opened my eyes to how diffucult it is to raise a child and deal with them, making me appreciate what my friends are going through. I hope that one day I will be able to be a mother like some of the bloggers that I read and love their children but still retain their own voice in life and use it. That may sound so cheesy, but I really don't care. Sometimes I think there is such an underhanded movement that if you speak about how you truely feel about your struggles or dissapointments as a mother you are somehow a "bad mother". Thank you for sharing your life. Not only does it entertain, but it helps me understand others. I don't care if this will publish my e-mail address or not, but this is the way I feel. And as for the people who are negative about Coco being in the Daily Chuck Photos.... screw them as they are negative bitches!
427. Meredith said:
So...when she's fifteen and starts her OWN blog about her OWN mother you will be SO proud :)
And blogging is NO different to say a mum who tells EVERY client she has EVERY day about her daughter since she was born.
428. Karen (miscmum) said:
I'm going to memorise this for the times when I'm asked similar questions. Well said, well done xx
429. Sain't Christopher said:
I wonder if Erma Bombeck suffered the same accusations?
430. lulu campbell said:
You go girl....don't let the bastards get you down. I've got a "mother who blogs" blog and was yesterday accused of having an ego the size of San Francisco (I'm in London - how big is that? Not v big compared to other states I suspect?) Anyway, you have made me feel a whole lot better - did you see the article last Sun in the Telegraph. It did freak me out momentarily and I've blogged about it and now I've come by and read your response and I'm completely OK again. XXX
431. Jen said:
It's all been said already, but let me add another bravo! Just like the women who first broke through corporate glass ceilings, you and other moms who write openly and honestly about the tough aspects of raising a child are taking the knocks for demanding respect and recognition for what you do. I don't have kids yet, but I am old enough to know it's not all sweetness and light, and wise enough to question why it's still taboo to acknowledge this. One can, and you do, honestly express the challenges without creating doubt about the love you have for your child and family. You are an important voice. Keep using it. Leta will one day understand.
432. Melanie said:
Essentially, what people who say you are 'exploiting your child' are really saying is, "Sit down, shut up, and be a good, quiet, obedient and modest little wifey and mommy." What these people fail to understand is that the 'good, quiet, obedient and modest little wifey and mommy' is a myth; has always been a myth; and that there but for the grace of... whatever, they go, too.
In any given situation, the most judgmental people would have NO CLUE how to function in the same situation as the one they are judging.
This is probably all twisted and convoluted because I am sleepy and tired. But mostly, I'm just trying to say that nothing these judgmental people are saying can invalidate what you do, because what you do is a great thing. It's a gift to all of us parents out here, and it's a gift to your child, and that's more than all the judgmental statements in the world can ever add to the beauty of life.
433. Jackie said:
Such a beautiful child - those eyes! It was a happy day when I discovered your blog, and I'm glad that mothers all over the place are sitting down and writing about their experiences – I think it's immensely helpful to other women who have experienced that collision between the myth of motherhood and reality. The reality being such things as post-partum depression, self-doubt, confusion, and on and on.
Becoming a mother seems to give people the sense that they have a right to criticise and judge one, it doesn't matter whether it's on the internet or in real life, you're constantly being measured against people's idea of the 'perfect mother'.
My son will be 25 tomorrow, he managed to survive having me as a mother and he is a decent, kind person, so I guess I didn't do too badly - though God knows enough people tried to convince me otherwise along the way.
434. Kittekat said:
You are a writer pur sang.
*fist pumping!*
Love from Amsterdam
435. jack said:
Interesting time to come out with this post ... just when your book hits the stands. Hey, gotta give you credit, you know when to get the bloggers behind you - you are a good business woman! Lets call this what it is - marketing. :) I am not saying you dont believe every word you wrote but who we kiddin? I give you credit kid, you are good.
436. Chelsea said:
Heather, don't even listen to those freaks trying to tell you you're exploiting your family. I know Leta will appreciate and treasure every word you've written about her (even about her poop.)
And those photos of her are absolutely stunning!
437. Jen M said:
This gave me goosebumps.
438. Valentina said:
This is so true!
Keep going and screw Violent Acres.
439. JennC said:
#435 - Jack (above)
Dude, seriously? Shut the fuck up and go home. Yes, it is late and my tooth hurts, but that does not detract from the fact that you are a complete douche.
God, Heather. I can not believe the shit you have to put up with.....
440. phillippa said:
Most parents are proud of their children, but most of those children will never know just how much they were loved. Your anecdotes about life with Leta, both happy and difficult will be such a treasure to her later. Even more so that she'll have a recap of day-to-day with her parents. Some of us hang onto our parents' Red Cross cards and old cancelled rent checks, just so that we have 'something.' We ask questions of surviving our parent, of what the deceased one was like, only to be given vague answers. You're giving Leta the world.
441. The Cube Monkey said:
Are you kidding?!!! "Donkey Bellies" is hilarious! Just saying it is funny. hahaha
As for the critics...they are just jealous, as I AM, that you are able to stay home and make enough money from the internet to sustain your family. Screw 'em. =)
442. Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You said:
oh please - the people who are writing those ridiculous things? 1) they're jealous because they haven't figured out HOW to make money by doing this. 2) see #1.
Truly, I think Leta and all of the other kids whose moms write to them and about them - by the time they get to the age where it'll actually MATTER - will be so used to the idea of blogging and having moments of their lives shared with others, it'll all be a non-event. My son already says "you're going to put that on your blog, aren't you?" lol
Great job, Heather. You are a wonderful voice for all of us "MOMMY BLOGGERS" who are flipping off those critics. With both hands.
443. Kat said:
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
444. michelle said:
just to correct myself...I am comment #175..
I cannot belive I made such a silly error..and I even read it three or a dozen times..
I just don't want to in any way be misunderstood. When I said that the good dosen't even compare to the hardtimes..I meant that all the good times I get out of being a mother is well worth the hard times...The reward and happiness is well worth everything...I tell you one thing is for sure, no matter what the day, or mood...I smile every single day thanks to my children..and even though they try my patience..and how they do..I would never want to go through life without being a mother..
raise your fists and be proud that we are woman...and extrodinary human beings.
445. Vicky said:
Hear hear. I've already started writing about the life of my little boy, my doubts and joys as I prepare to be his mother. And he's not even born yet. Will I write everything? No. Will I write about those things that pass through my head and make me wonder if I'm the only one? You bet I will. Because I don't want others to feel alone with their lives. And hell, I KNOW I'm not the only one.
446. Sharyn said:
That. was a spot-on wonderful post. Bravo!
447. Anita said:
Heather--
You are an amazing writer writing about motherhood. I don't see this as any different from Erma Bombeck or Lynn Johnston, who writes For Better or Worse (the semi-autobiographical comic strip).
The main diffrence is that the internet provides us with much quicker access and ding dongs the ability to respond too quickly.
When I was grad student, my TA supervisor told me that 25% of the people are not going to like you whatever you do. Even now, when I teach, the bad reviews always upset me. However, I believe that like he said, it's only 25% of the folks or less, who get pissed off no matter what. So I try not to listen to them.
I hope you can learn not to listen to them either. I'm in the group that cheers for you and your family and your writing.
448. Headlesschickie said:
Wow. I just don't get around much out here, because I was SHOCKED to hear every one of those accusations. And I bet you've really been hearing and defending it with all these interviews and articles lately!
Times they are a-changin', and people don't deal well with change. I'm thinking this will be one great big non-issue when our children stumble into puberty...Much like they won't be getting tattoos because that's what everyone's parents have. They'll all have a mommy blog about them to hide. And when they date, and get serious, maybe they will share the safely guarded web address.
I agree you are a pioneer in standing up for motherhood as important and beautiful and entertaining enough to turn into literature! LOVED the post, needless to say!
449. marian said:
I think what's happening right now is a redefinition of the concept of privacy. We've always thought we could hide certain things from each other, pretend to be something we are not, keep all the secrets behind closed doors.
The internet changed that, and despite the fact that I both started and stopped writing about my family during my son's teenage years because I felt I had to respect his privacy, it may be that I was protecting myself, or being fearful myself, rather than protecting him. I'm not sure. Your post makes me want to really look at that.
Although at this point I don't feel that I can open my life the way you have opened yours, I do feel that you've done mothers everywhere a great service and you've done it with a pure heart. It's that sense that you are willing to stand firmly behind everything you do and take both the rewards and the punishment that makes you what you are.
450. Leigh said:
Oh Heather - I'm just gobsmacked at the level of criticism and personal attack that you and John obviously receive.
My 23 year old daughter would love to be given the gift that you are giving Leta - a chronicle that shows aspects of her childhood in such loving, aching detail. Yes, she will be embarrassed and annoyed, just as my daughter was embarassed and annoyed at just about everything I did at one stage, but that will be true, blog or no blog.
Those commenters and emailers - those who profess to show concern for Leta and those who just hate in general, if they were truely genuine in their concerns, then surely they would have no time to email you or comment. With all the real child exploitation and abuse rampant in the world, anyone with a genuine concern would be too busy, lobbying politicians, fund raising, fostering children in real need.
They should just - get over themselves.
451. Beth Berry said:
I'd much rather read the honest, real, everyday ins and outs of being a mom than base my entire reality of a person's life on the annual "we're all perfect!" Christmas letter. I think the people who are being critical probably find that your writing hits them a little too close to home, and makes them uncomfortable.
And why on Earth would anybody care how you make your living or about you having ads on your website? That just boggles my mind. I think you have been far too apologetic about that on your site. You have built a web following because of the work you put into your writing and your site. If you can monetize that and make it part of your life's work, good for you! Those who criticize it are just jealous because they aren't talented enough to do it themselves.
These are the entries that I don't like on dooce.com because I wish you didn't have to spend one minute of your time being insecure about what you're doing, or having to respond to the jealous and the insane. I think we would all rather you spend that time taking more pictures, or writing about Jon's clogs! Keep up the good fight, Heather. You're wonderful.
452. JeniG said:
Beautiful post. Leta is very lucky and you an awesome mother. Bravo!
453. Katharina said:
Seconding #333, although I am not a mom myself, YOU INSPIRE ME EVERY DAY, HEATHER.
Leta's newsletters always have me crying my eyes out because I feel so grateful and overwhelmed by them. Leta is incredibly lucky to be loved by you (and Jon) this much and I'm sure she will be grateful one day that you documented her childhood for her in such funny, honest, emotional detail.
Until then, we all appreciate it probably just as much. Even though you have fought through so much, your words for Leta make me want to be a mom.
Thank you, Heather.
454. BJ said:
I'm de-lurking today! My daughter "Kellibelly" turned me on to you. I'm a grandmother now, but appreciate all that you do as a woman and mother. I'm always looking for a good laugh or a little smirk! I have found both here. I think that you speak for many of us as women and I find your humor and honesty so refreshing.
I sense that there are some "haters" out there. What a pity for them. Jealousy will just destroy you, people! Get a grip!
BTW - your daughter is absolutely adorable! Don't kids say the cutest things? The joys of being a parent or grandparent are just endless! Thanks for sharing this wonderful post with all of us!
455. Beth Berry said:
Oh, and P.S. it's not this website that makes my butt look big. It's all the POCKY!
456. Banker said:
Enjoy them while they are young. It doesn't last long !
Banker
457. Lisa Benton said:
Leta (who is stunningly beautiful, by the way) is your gift, but Heather, YOU are our gift. Your words give me laughter, comfort, and validation. Thank you!!!
458. Gerard McLean said:
My childhood is documented in 12 black and white photos and my memories are fading fast. So are the photos.
This blog will live forever and is far richer than black and white photos.
459. Marcoda said:
As it's been said many times, if telling the world how much we love our kids even though they drive us crazy sometimes is the worst thing we've done to them, we've got some pretty durn lucky kids. Blogging is a way for me to keep up with my kids' lives and achievements. If I relied on pen and paper, well, let's just say there's a reason my written mom journal ended when my first born was 5 months old.
Parent blogs are appreciated by many and scorned by a few. A few who have many other looming issues if they feel the need to criticize complete strangers based on a few lines of a journal.
Here's to all parents who are surviving this crazy trip with love and a sh*** ton of humour!
460. Sharon said:
There is nothing wrong about recording the joys of motherhood, those that criticise you should just crawl back under their rocks. And when Leta becomes a mother herself, she will love looking back and comparing her child to herself at that age. Leta has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen!
461. floreksa said:
Bravo, simply bravo.
462. Kristine said:
Thank you.
463. Joy said:
Hell Yeah! Hurrah for standing up unafraid. What better thing is there to teach our children?
464. Katie.P said:
Bravo!
465. Maggie said:
Every single letter you write to Leta brings tears to my eyes. Because it is obvious how much you love her.
466. megan said:
well done.
let's face it, the harshest criticism comes from jealousy. i'm sure people not only belittle the content of your work, but also the fact that you support your family from the income of a (quick- change to an exasperated tone here) blog.
very well done indeed.
467. Ainomaria said:
Mothers do far worse things than love their children and write about them on the interweb. You have a beautiful little girl who's going to grow up into a beautiful human being and she only has you and her dad to thank you for it, regardless of the fact that you wrote about her to the world.
Thanks for a great blog.
468. Lauren said:
Beautiful. There's really no other word to cover this entry.
469. robyn said:
I've been reading your blog since before Leta was even born and this is the first time I've ever left a comment.
Hooray for you!
Don't your critics realize there are probably bajillions of books out there that women have written all about their children? Your blog is just a more modern version of print. Maybe they could start dividing their time between writing you criticizing emails and start taking down names and addresses at the bookstores and libraries.
Now I'm going to go click on a bunch of your ads and hope that gives you fatter paycheck this month.
Thank you for sharing!
470. Anonymous said:
Great post!!! I return every day to see what's new I even check John's blog too now (awesome pictures!). You guys have made me want to be a better photographer, you've actually influenced my style a bit...I was never into modern anything but seeing how spacious and clean your house is with less clutter etc...it has me spending weekend's loading my car with stuff to donate. I appreciate your posts, the daily pics and most of all the refreshing honesty.
Shannon
471. Laura said:
I hope that the 495 comments before mine all say how beautiful this is and how right you are about what you're doing here - and inspiring a lot of other people to do.
As one of the most easily recognized moms out here, you take a lot of flack for all of us. Thanks for taking those idiots on with such intelligence!
472. Viki said:
It's too bad that the naysayers always have to express their thoughts so loudly, publicly and rudely. Well, here is a yaysayer and your words are beautiful, truthful and entertaining. On top of that, they are well written and we can use more of that on the internet. I will continue to read as I have done for two years.
Cheers!
473. Dee said:
Heather, I write in my blog every day about my wonderful children, and you inspired me to do it! You're absolutely right, we in the cyber community of moms are revolutionaries, not monsters. You inspire all of us to share our thoughts and feelings, and to say that being a mother is indeed the most amazing thing in the world, and the fact that it's been devalued for so long is about to change.
I have a secret "agenda" in my blog - I want to show people that raising my adopted children, who never had a real family until they were 10 and 13 years old, is a lot like raising ANY child. There are so many "older" kids out there who need homes, and if I can inspire ONE person to adopt I will be thrilled.
Also, of course, my kids are beautiful and unique and brilliant and funny. [Just like everyone else's...LOL]
Keep on writing! I'll read!
Dee
474. DH said:
In an apparent attempt to legally protect child actors from their parents' and others' greed, as well as from emotional and physical harm during performance, the California legislature in 1936 approved a section of its Family Code that is commonly referred to as the "Coogan law." Only New York and Florida have similar laws based on the pioneering California act.
"The entertainment industry presents many opportunities for children to be hurt financially and otherwise by companies that contract with minors, and by parents and guardians who willfully spend a child's hard-earned cash," states Sally R. Gaglini, a Boston entertainment and family law attorney, in her 1997 article "Protecting Children's Income; How Key States Handle Contracts for Minors."
Perhaps there needs to be a law for the Internet for mothers who exploit their children lives for cash?
475. Melissa said:
The people that think it's child abuse and that your egotistical are just jealous that you get to stay home with your child and make your own hours doing EXACTLY what YOU want while they are stuck at mediocre jobs that they don't like but can't imagine leaving to pursue something that might be scary.
Kudos to you for doing what you want with your life, and Leta's. She's going to know exactly how much her parents love her because the rest of us are too lazy to write letters every month.
Think my son will know if I change the names/pronouns that the letters aren't his? :p (kidding, sort of)
-Mel
476. Amy said:
First comment to you. Wonderful to read this as I'm eating my pancakes. Wonderful!
477. Justine said:
I've been reading this blog religiously for the past 2 years & I think it's amazing. I, too, am extremely envious that not only do you have the guts & the conviction to write about the things you do, but that you have such a beautiful life that so much of it really SHOULD be shared! I don't see what's wrong with wanting people to laugh at things you laughed at, to offer up their opinions, to see life through your eyes. I think it's fascinating to see things around me in a different light, and to get a glimpse into someone else's world. Leta is going to treasure these monthly entries you write to her. She's going to realize that you love her so much that you're totally willing and ready to withstand the barrage of criticism you know you're going to get for posting them. That's something special.
478. Shalini said:
"And I have every reason to believe that one day you will look at the thousands of pages I have written about my love for you, the thousands of pages other women have written about their own children, and you're going to be so proud that we were brave enough to do this. We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter."
I love this, and I love you for saying this! It's so very true! I think Leta is so incredibly to have a wonderful mother like you who makes these words come alive on the page and glorifies the most important job on the planet. No matter what other job I will ever have, being a mother will be the one I love the most.
479. Busymomma66 said:
You go girl!!
And keep on going!!
480. minxlj said:
Stunning, beautifully composed photos of a gorgeous and happy child - she will cherish those when she's older.
You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for even a millisecond for earning money to support your family by being a bloody talented writer and writing honestly, intelligently and emotionally about your life and family. Your posts make me laugh, make me think, make me smile - and that's a gift WORTH sharing with other people. Thank you, and you & Jon deserve all your success. You've worked incredibly hard for it xx
481. gorillabuns said:
Beautifully stated.
482. madge said:
Forty-eight months later I am still grateful to have found your blog.
Thanks for carrying our banner with such powerful arms. XO
(And please, at some point, post a video of you saying "crayon" because I still can't visualize your CRAZY pronunciation.)
483. Jennifer said:
You are so very, very right. I think it's beautiful that you write about Leta, it's so obvious how much she is loved. Ignore the nay-sayers, they're stupid. :P
484. Nina said:
*pumping fist*
485. dawn skaggs said:
Heather, I love the newsletters and love that you talk so freely about Leta. It has saved me numerous times from sitting my darlin lil angel on the side of a road with a free to first taker sign...
Leta is a month or two older than Kitkat and man has it been helpful to know its normal to feel this way and for them to act this way.. THANKS, and I think Leta will love these letters when she gets older.
AND she is gorgeous!!
Dawn
486. LMW said:
You have inspired me to write letters to my own little boy...
And I don't know that Leta will be able to blame the cheerleader. She may just BE the cheerleader.
487. Spatula said:
Dear Heather,
Fuck 'em. Seriously.
Here's how your writing has affected my life. I'm single and 33. I spent several years with an abusive asshole who did his best to convince me that kids are such a burden, that the mostest feministest thing I could do was not have them.
After I flushed him down the toilet, I was confused and had no idea what I actually thought about having children. I read all your archives from the time you got pregnant. Initially, I started reading because I heard you had struggled with depression, my curse also, and wanted to know about that. But instead, your record of being a mother opened a whole world up. And it helped me make up my mind.
I want to do this. I want to be a parent. Of course, the normal way to do it is to enlist the cooperation of another person. But I have spent years settling for something half my size, and I know I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
So: this is my plan. I have started a savings account called Baby Money. Suppose the right person doesn't come along, because hey, god loves a chuckle. Then I'm going to save up enough that I can take several years off work. Then I will pull an Angelina and adopt, and be a mom to a child who doesn't have one.
Dear Heather From The Internet, your record of motherhood not only touched me deeply and enriched my world, but helped me make this decision - that I would rather be a single mother than not a mother at all. I also apologized to my mother for everything I ever did.
She forgave me.
Moms are awesome.
488. JessicaP said:
Leta - you are on lucky girl. Heather and Jon, I think you both realize just how very lucky you are. You guys are an awesome family!
489. J. Bo said:
DH, are you fucking serious? To compare what Heather does to the heinous behavior of "stage parents" of exploited child actors is ludicrous BEYOND BELIEF.
Yes, you're very clever in your fabulously hip contrariness. Happy now to have that acknowledged? Good.
Now, GO AWAY.
490. Penelope said:
I really wish I'd kept note of all these things you have for Leta...
I think it's a lovely thing to have. For you, for Leta, for John, for your family, and for us blog readers. You have helped me as a person and mother more than you could know.
491. Sarah Reed said:
I never comment, well, this time I am, but we have daughters who were born around the same time, and sometimes you recount things that make me think of my own daughter, and so then I no longer wonder if my four-year-old is 'normal.' I, too, have a long hard history with depression, and your blog has always been a bright spot. Just knowing that I am not alone, and just knowing there is someout out there that deals with this parenting thing with a giant slice of humor is enough to help me keep going and keep laughing about this 'mom lifestyle' that is so hidden from the rest of society.
You really do so much, and thank you for that.
492. Emily said:
Lovely, lovely post...and quite loving, as well.
It alway amaes me that a certain perentage of the population sees something bright, funny and (gasp) not asking for their prior approval, and they feel utterly compelled to shit on it. Because, obviously *that* would open a mature, constructive dialog?? Nonsensical.
I guess I have beenliving under a rock, as I just fond your blog about a month ago, but it is, indeed, an inspiring voice.
493. Melissa said:
Heather,
I think what you've done here is amazing. One of my fondest memories as a child is having my father lay in bed with me and tell me stories about me as an even-smaller child. Your writings will lift Leta up and, I think, she'll get a look at who you are... something not every child will ever understand of their parents. Kudos.
494. Meegs said:
*fist pumps for this post*
Your daughter is beautiful, and why wouldn't you want everyone to know that?! I think the nay-sayers should find themselves something better to do... if they don't like it, no one is forcing them to be here reading it.
Perhaps they are just jealous. It's an amazing thing when you can make a living by doing something you love. Honestly, I'm a little jealous!! :-)
495. Lori said:
Considering that as soon as I learned to read I grabbed the baby book my mother had filled out for me to peruse the funny and cute things she put in there, I think Leta will look back at this history you have of her and feel so loved. Then when she is an adult she will look back and know that you can understand exactly what she is going through with her own children.
496. Karly said:
This makes me pump MY fist in the air. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
497. Michelle said:
Brava, Heather. Really, your insight and courage should be applauded.
498. Lisa said:
Well Heather you've got me all choked up here. I was not expecting this from you. Kind of makes me want to swear at you, but I won't. You are absolutely right about the importance of mothers sharing their experiences.
499. Deb (Missives from Suburbia) said:
Hell, yeah.
500. andrea said:
If you think about it objectively, you are living The American Dream, especially as Hollywood portays it, so enjoy it. Most naysayers would.
501. Christy said:
You know, I think unfortunately, some people out there are so miserable within themselves and their own lives that they go to great lenths to begrudge others who have been able to succeed by doing something that they love and that moves them.
If you and Jon are able to make a good living for your family by doing something where you are able to use your talents and that you feel passionate about, then you really are an example to all of us, because that's the goal isn't it?
I think that when our children get older they will feel empowered and proud that their parents (as bloggers)loved them enough to celebrate their childhoods and all of the ups and downs that went with it.
502. Angela said:
Word.
Keep on keepin' on, Heather. What you're doing here is a beautiful thing.
503. heather said:
The job of parents is to embarass their children. Like showing your prom date naked toddler pictures. What you write is SO TRUE and helps, inspires, encourages, and entertains SO MANY so KEEP GOING.
504. Melany said:
Beautiful! Keep doing what you do!
505. aliaspice said:
Happy! Happy! She's a bunny rabbit. You're all fantastic.
506. Lindsay said:
i got a knot in my throat reading this. this is weird to say, but i'm so proud of you Heather. And I will continue reading for as long as you write. I look forward to Leta's exploration of this site. I can't wait to hear what she has to say.
507. Sara said:
All the photos in this are gorgeous, but the first one is absolutely breathtaking.
I think that anyone who writes you to bitch about the purple ceramic hippo you bought with the money you earn is just jealous. Jealous that you are blessed with some badass writing skills, and are able to take the insanity of everyday life and laugh about it, AND make money sharing those observations with the world. I just don't get what the big deal is. It's your life, your talent, and your decision...WTF does it matter how you earn a living?! UGH!
Anyway, bravo, and congrats on the book. :)
508. Jackie said:
Beautifully written. Love it.
509. LA said:
Amen.
Its horrific to me that people see the need to judge, comment on, and rip everything in the world to shreds. It seems that no matter what a person does, they should have done something else.
I think your website is wonderful. i think you do an excellent job in selecting what to write about and what to keep to yourself. The people who judge you? Obviously they are jealous that you have the confidence to open yourself up. That takes bravery, and I'm so glad it's worked out well for you.
510. Miz Booshay said:
Beautiful pictures of Leta.
511. Katie Kat said:
Heather, this is so beautifully written. I've read a lot of "mommy blogs" lately addressing this, and I think your words are the most poignant.
I, for one, am damn proud that women like you stand up to announce to the world that we're not all Mrs. Cleaver and we're not going to pretend anymore. Being a REAL woman/mom/wife is the benefit and legacy you have left Leta in this blog. I wish my mom had done that for me!
And, by the way, OH MY GOD she's so beautiful. Great pictures!
512. Christa said:
Amen.
513. Michele said:
Thanks Heather. This is written so beautifully...and if only I could be as consistent in my writing as you.
Leta, btw, is getting more beautiful by the minute!!
Happy Birthday to her. :)
514. k said:
Thank you thank you thank you. I wish that women and mothers could spend as much time supporting each other as we do tearing each other down. Working or not. Blogging or not. Each of us makes the choices that are best for us and our families (as best we can tell) and we do so with love and the best intentions. Why would we think others don't make the same choices?
515. Mel said:
*cheers* Way to go, Heather. Well said :) Thanks!
516. Anonymous said:
Those pictures of Leta are absolutely beautiful! You captured her so well in them.
517. StotheL said:
Amen.
518. Stinky Pete said:
"We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter."
This is such an empowering passage. I can't imagine that Leta will ever resent that fact that you have made your voice matter.
519. Fiona said:
Absolutely beautiful and very well said. Leta has every reason to be proud of you and all you do. I, for one, thank you. You have become a part of my daily ritual for over two years now. I look forward to this part of my day as a sort of coffee break with the girls. You let it all hang out, in a very honest and open way. Hold your head high and be proud.
520. Jessica said:
I'm already pumping my fist in the air.
I have always appreciated your honesty. Leta may resent you for a moment, but then she will see what a strong woman her mother was/is, and be proud.
Continue doing what you're doing.
521. Eve Grey said:
That made me cry.
522. kimberlee said:
A lot of truth to that.
523. Kate said:
Beautiful. I'll admit I got a little teary-eyed on this one. It's funny because I've felt that so many of the other Newsletters were touching - but for some reason, this one touched me the most. It must be something about looking at Leta's big green eyes and seeing the amalgamation of you and Jon - and thinking about how awesome this child will someday be. Yup. She'll be super proud of you.
As a current wedding blogger and future mommy blogger - thank you for this. For lack of better words to describe my agreement: it's just plain true.
524. Gooch, J. said:
Dear Heather and Leta,
I so wish that MY mom had done this for me. To know all the little ins and outs of what I did when I was a kid that only she remembers. Because, someday...my mom will no longer be here and she is the only one who has these memories of me. Heather, what you are doing for Leta I feel is extraordinary, and all those high and mighty mommies who think those crazy things can suck it.
xoxo. gooch.
525. Kelsey said:
I don't know if Leta will ever read these comments. . . but I would like to go on the record as saying that finding your blog saved me during the first months of my own daughter's life when the isolation felt like a black hole. Because of your blog I became a blogger myself and was pulled in to a wonderfully supportive community. Never has this been more valuable to me than in those first months of my daughter's life, and then earlier this year when I spend a month (mostly in the hospital) on bed rest waiting for my son to be born. I don't think I could have managed this difficult time without that community. I don't think I'd be a part of that community without your blog.
You are doing a very good thing.
Thank you.
526. Teva said:
I say more power to you. Reading what you write makes me look forward to being a mother. Thank you for writing about your family. It's the best stuff to read!
527. girlwiththemask said:
There is only one thing to say to that: Amen.
528. babette said:
BraVA. Heather, you rock. You earn a living for your family. You create something beautiful and FUNNY where nothing existed before. Do not ever stop doing what you are doing until YOU want to stop. You've made this wonderful path for your family and you've shared it with us. I have often sent friends posts from you bec. you are living out loud what so many of us are living in silence--sharing it helps everyone get back on the path to getting better.
There are jerks and there will always be jerks. And we can't do anything about that. But we can keep on doing what we do. In spite of them.
529. Liz said:
Love love love the "blame a cheerleader". I am almost 50, and guess what, Cheerleaders are still my scapegoat!
And you know what? Leta will hate these essays when she is 13 because she will probably hate that fact that you are breathing, but then she will love them, and she will love that you took the time and had the talent to write them.
My grandfather used to write about my mother in a weekly newspaper column, and while she was a little traumatized at the time, she remembers his writing with affection.
I am so happy for your success and have been following your adventures for awhile, keep it up! And don't sweat the critics....
Liz
530. From another Heather said:
Thank you for blogging about your family. I am one of the mothers who reads your blog and walks away feeling better. Many times I feel like you live in our house! So many of my experiences as a mother is reflected in your blog. So thank you and keep up the great work!
531. Sasparilla said:
Absolutely breathtaking and inspiring!
532. Susan said:
She is beautiful. And I thank you for writing about family and life in general. I wish I had written letters to my children from the beginning. Mine are now 20, 18 and 15 - they grow up fast and I can't even remember if they thought DONKEY BELLIES were funny. Shame on me.
533. Spatula said:
P.S. My experiences with my kid sister as well as with this blog have taught me that this is nothing but satanically clever camouflage, but wow, Leta. What a beautiful, soulful, thoughtful kid.
534. Anonymous said:
good god people - heather's head will be so big she wont be able to get thru the door -- dial it back a notch. it is not like she found a cure for cancer, she is writing a letter to her kid. hey, it is great you found a way to stay home and make money so i dont want to hear how i am jelous (i get to work from home too people) but man these comments are over the top!
535. grudge girl said:
Can I quote you?
Damn. I needed this post two years ago when my son almost got Dooced from his private school because of something I wrote about one of its teachers (who called my son a sissy) on my blog.
The headmaster obviously thought I was some sort of child-endangering freak for writing about my children on my blog, and I was too unnerved by the circumstances at the time to speak with any sort of eloquence about what I did or why.
It still bothers me. My blog hasn't recovered. This post may just help me bring it back from the great beyond. Thanks.
536. Michelle Wood said:
Heather,
I have been subscribing to your RSS feed for about 6 months now and this is my first comment. I know - what the hell took me so long?
While I do not have children of my own (I do have 4 furry ones, however), I can relate to your stories because of what my own friends with kids have been going through. Boy, the stories they tell me would put yours to shame!
I say to all the people that give you grief about writing about the precious people in your life, "Blow it out your tight asses!" You're not selling out your kid by peddling photos of her to The Star or Enquirer, and you're not having her photographed by Annie Liebovitz (yet, anyway).
You're simply documenting your lives to people that share similar lives, and you happen to make a good living at it as well. What the hell is wrong with that?! Not a damned thing!
Everyday, I look forward to read about what Leta, Chuck and Coco are up to (good or bad) and it makes me laugh my ass off.
Your writing style is beautiful and has been so inspirational to me (God, how I love a fellow cynic) so I recently started a company blog about me being the only source of estrogen in a testosterone-dominated office. I can only hope to be half as good of a writer as you.
Thank you for entertaining me every day, and I wish you and your family much future success.
- Michelle Wood
537. Elizabeth said:
Good for you! Keep it up.
And, yes Leta will be very proud one day.
538. Jackie said:
Thank you for putting into words what I have been thinking all along!!
539. christina said:
Delurking to say...thanks a lot for making me cry at work. Seriously though, your website has meant so much to me in that past 4 years. I went through pregnancy with you (my daughter was born a month after Leta), babyhood, toddlerhood, everything. Reading that you have similar issues with your child is what saved me most days. Because of you I know I am not alone. I love feeling like I personally know your little family.
And Leta...you will understand all of this one day. Your mom is AMAZING and WONDERFUL and all of those other adjectives that I can't think of right now. Try not to be too hard on her in the teenage years, m'kay?
540. zanne said:
HOORAY! YOU GO, GIRL!
of course you will irritate & annoy leta. just like i, as a mom, irritate and annoy my children constantly. it's part of our JOB DESCRIPTION. and heck, the whole blogging thing is the equivalent of the old talking over the hedge, or having a cuppa while waiting for the kiddies to come home from school. it's just an additional way we all have to connect. heck, i even blog about people who aren't really my kids, i just call them that. 'cause i love them.
probably annoys them, too.
;)
541. Kate said:
Heather;
This is a beautiful post and I couldn't agree with you more. Your words bring the world together with grace, humor and the realization that we are all struggling with life's issues one way or another. I admire your strength and willingness to follow your beliefs about blogging and sharing your life with the rest of the world. God Bless!
542. Jen said:
Please keep doing exactly what you're doing. My sister had a baby girl last March that screamed CONSTANTLY for the first six months of her life. Colic, they told her. I sent her your website. Reading the archives of your first few months with Leta was all that got her through it. She laughed until she cried, and then cried until she laughed again.
You are making a difference--in a very, very good way. Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
543. Mama Melba said:
Amen, Dooce!
Your efforts are much appreciated. Often, I read your blog, and feel exactly that: less alone...and more often, leave with a laugh. Thank you! :) I'm sure Leta will thank you, as well.
544. Kimberly C said:
That was beautifully written. Thank you for this website- how else would I manage to snort coke at 11:30 in the morning at all of the absurdity that all women with children (except the uptight ones) share.
Thanks to for pointing out that children resent their mothers/fathers regardless of blog or not.
545. Tertia said:
I salute you.
546. Leah said:
You have me in tears. Your love for her is beautiful and moving.
547. Lily said:
You're not writing about truly personal things so what's the big deal? I love your blog.... The people that criticize you are jealous, pure and simple.
548. Nicola said:
Dooce, you live in my brain and say what I feel, I read that entire letter and nodded to every word. I heart you.
Keep fighting the good fight and keep giving the finger to the trolls!
549. Anonymous said:
Where are the haters in the comments? I scanned through the 1st 200 or so comments to see what they had to say and only see letters of praise and adoration. Are the naysayers too scared of the public condemnation they'll face if bringing their criticism to light, and getting challenged for them? Cowards...
550. Laura said:
I actually noticed last month's letter was missing and wondered when it would appear. My only complaint is that it's not Leta-centric. Valid thoughts and all but the newsletter is where you talk about funny/not so funny things she did and that's what us Leta fans (Letaheads?) want! I mean, no offense to you and Jon, but I read the site for Chuck and Leta. They're like the Jack and Karen to your and Jon's Will and Grace. Coco is Rosario - good in small doses. :)
551. mom of a 4yr old said:
By the time Leta is in middle school she will have a blog of her own to post a rebuttal to anything posted here!
I love this site! You are a very talented woman and deserve everything you are gaining from this website, whether that be money, publicity, or other opportunities. And you have created a community... Thank you..
552. lostinutah said:
Haters will always be haters, and you and Jon will always be good parents to Leta and good writers whose writing is fun to read.
553. Nytro said:
Bravo! I don't have kids yet, but when I think about how I'm going to blog and if I'm going to blog about him or her when I do finally "get on with it, already!", I've had those same discussions as you've just related here.
Oh no! We can't go to the grocery store! Someone will SEE US! Great post, Heather. You continue to impress and awe me with your wit and your ability to get your point across so eloquently. You have quite the gift in your writing, and even a bigger one in your family.
Thanks.
554. Anu said:
I read your blog because I think your writing is witty, funny and thought-provoking. There are countless posts in your blog that do not involve Leta so how can people blame you for making money off of her? If that's the case they should have a problem with you writing about Chuck, Coco, Jon, your mom, dad, brothers, sister, nieces, nephews, friends....the list can go on. If you are attacked for blogging about Leta and making money because of her then shouldn't comedians also be blamed for making money off the stories they tell about their kids?
555. ibeejd said:
I have been reading forever.....
amazing....
556. Leslie said:
As a blogger who has recently taken some harsh criticism for what I do, I have to say Thank You for articulating so well what I've been thinking and feeling.
557. lisa said:
I love you. Thank you for being here and for being you.
558. Michelle said:
Thank you for what you wrote, and for making me cry. I look forward to reading your blog every day, and feel less alone. Please, please, pretty please come do a book signing in L.A.
559. Anonymous said:
Excellent essay on what it means to be a mother in this unprecedented age of technology. I applaud your bravery, honesty, and fantastic writing ability.
560. novelle360 said:
This is an issue all of us who write publicly -- about our children, no less -- wrestle with on a regular basis. I think it's easy for those who don't participate in the blogging community to point fingers and speculate how detrimental it's going to be to our children's social and mental well-being in the long run, but to me, it's just a scapegoat.
I liken it to this analogy:
Blogging is like any tool -- when not used with care and precaution, it could be harmful and damaging. But when used correctly, think of all the amazingly beautiful things it can build.
Bravo.
561. stephanie said:
I'm a little shocked that people can invest so much time into other peoples' personal business!! Do they honestly think being a mom is all fireflies and fairytales? And do they seriously think you are subjecting your child to abuse? Omg.
I think these letters are honest and beautiful, and Leta will cherish them. Kudos to you for bringing such joy and companionship to so many readers. I actually find this incredibly UNselfish!! We think you rock :)
562. Debbie said:
Same as everyone else said regarding how much you rock (i.e., a lot), plus this: The more exposed and popular you become (on TV and with the books), the more weenies will try to get to you with personal attacks on your family, job, and life. Be ready for it, and please try not to give them the satisfaction of annoying you. Annoying you is their goal and achieving that goal makes them happy; make it your pleasure to deny them theirs.
563. blisschick said:
Silencing the (truthful) voice of the mother -- the voice of the majority of women -- has been the pastime of countless generations of men, and now, to watch other women partaking of this pastime, claiming that the voice of the mother is not worthy of blogging...this infuriates me. "America is given over to a damned mob of scribbling women," complained Nathaniel Hawthorne, and all I can say is, well, thank the goddess! The domestic sphere has always been relegated to low-class status. No more. Let us write about what is most important to us. Let us write about the things that really matter -- love and family, whatever form that takes. I am not a mother to human children, by the way, but I am tired of the presumption that certain topics have more weight than others. The personal is the political and there could hardly be a better example of that than mother-blogging.
564. SydneyDawn said:
Exactly. Thank you.
565. french toast girl said:
AMEN! Once again, you so completely, and totally, GET IT. It's a labor of love and inspiration, not exploitation at all. Keep on doing what you do! Leta's going to be proud when she can read how much her mom loves her (as if she didn't already know).
566. DH said:
J Bo,
Coogan's Law was enacted to ensure the parents who made money off their children (now does anyone believe "Dooce" would be nearly as interesting if Leta was dropped from the Blog) would be required to put that earned income aside for the child's use when they turned 21. I'm not stating Heather should not write about her child, but perhaps some of that loot should be secured in an account where the parents are unable to spend it.
Just do a search on the child actor Jackie Coogan to learn how his parents blew through the money.
567. Pete Dunn said:
"this is a community of women coming together to make each other feel less alone."
And men...
Leta, as the father of four daughters, I could not support your mother in what she does here any more than I do. She inspires me to share my thoughts with others as well. I hope she does the same for you.
568. Debbie said:
DH: "...now does anyone believe 'Dooce' would be nearly as interesting if Leta was dropped from the Blog..."
Um, I do.
569. HippieChyck said:
I am pumping my fist in the air right now.
570. Shannon said:
I heard about you a couple of years ago, but it wasn't until now that I started reading. I love how honest and funny and raw you are. I write about my kids and show pictures of them too. I write because I'd like to share how funny I think they are with readers who think they're funny as well. The chances of some stranger wanting to kidnap your daughter is so remote that critics couldn't possibly say you're putting your daughter in danger. And lastly I say if you can make money off of something you love to do and provide a nice life for your family, then more power to you!! I am not jealous, but I am certainly envious :) Hell, I wish I could make a living from my blog too!!
571. Katie said:
Do people really get upset with you for writing about your life on the internet? I thought that's what most people blogged about. Life. Do you think those people who critize you just have nothing better to do than sit home and get pissed at life? Personally, I think you're great. My friend told me about your website a number of months ago and it's one of my favorite sites now. Don't worry about what others say--you being college educated puts you above more than 85% of the population as far as intelligence goes. So, who really cares what morons think of you?
572. Anonymous said:
Well written Heather.
-our children (in these "modern times") are learning that as parents we are human. we also have feelings,frustrations and "senses" of humour. we are quirky and spontaneous.
and we were all young once and sometimes even remember what it was like.
AND TOTALLY ENJOY,LOVE AND APPRECIATE OUR OFFSPRING!
we have 2 sons- ages 20 and 17...and you know what?
they know mum can laugh and cry in the same breath and that's what you did to me today.(bad you)!
OH, THEY ALSO KNOW I LOVE CHUCK AND WISH FOR HIM TO MORPH INTO A MAN !!!!!!!!!
martha
573. lindsey said:
Power to the people! (Pumping my fist in the air)!
574. Michelle in BC said:
I've had this struggle going on in my head for well over a year. Thank you for voicing what I wanted to say and do. What are we so afraid of? Why are people so afraid of honesty? I have political aspirations, so on the advice of many, I have taken my kids out of my public blog. I still struggle with this. It doesn't feel right, or honest. It feels like hiding.
"We are an army of educated mothers who have finally stood up and said pay attention, this is important work, this is hard, frustrating work and we're not going to sit around on our hands waiting for permission to do so. We have declared that our voices matter."
This moved me to tears. THIS is what I have been struggling with all this time! Thank you so much for sharing this, and for giving voice to what I've been feeling. You are a true leader and ought to be the one considering the job of President.
575. Shelley Noble said:
I am a forever fan of Dooce and the whole family. I even have my favorite photos of Chuck up on a wall. I think Heather is a fantastically talented writer and that that is the reason the blog is so widely popular.
She's writing about motherhood because that's what's happening in her life. I'd still read and enjoy what she wrote no matter the subject--that's how talent works. Ah, but it has to be real and alive for her in order to resonate with readers and that's what's happening around Motherhood Life right now.
I don't think it's entirely needed to construct a Grand Mom Movement in order to justify doing it. Heather writes well, is bone achingly funny and honest. End of story.
--And--I think it's fantastic that she can also make so much money via a blog, enough to support the family with her writing, in a completely new way. No more king publishers or right connections ruling the day.
A true democratic new media pioneer. I couldn't support her more.
576. Robin said:
Right on.
577. Tootsie Farklepants said:
Dooce, I've never wanted to get to first base with you more than I do right now. And I mean that in a totally mildly gay way.
578. Mary said:
I read your blog now and then and find your entries interesting, funny, well-written etc, etc. The only comment that I have to make (if you actually read down to this comment) is why even respond to critics? People will criticize you for what you do; or for what you don't do. Its reflexive. The urge to criticize is already there just waiting. Its your (quite successful) blog, your creation, and should be whatever you care to write about. I hope you keep doing it. Those who criticize have no imagination, no creativity themselves and they simply seek to tear others down. (I hope I don't sound too critical of the critical!)
579. Jennifer said:
I too have just come across your blog and I admire you so much for sharing your story, family, daughter with the world. Finally a woman is bold enough to admit that being a mother and wife is hard. This letter brought tears to my eyes but also a sense of belonging.
Your daugther is going to be so proud of you one day because you are changing how women look at themselves and how others see us.
580. Stacy said:
Wow, that child just gets more beautiful every day! Heather, you live on your own terms and should be damn proud of the example you & Jon are setting for your daughter. Most people are filled with fear and never live out their lives as they would like. Instead, they take their jealousy and fear out on people like you. Even when they make you mad/upset, you just have to feel sorry for them. Peace!
581. Mia said:
That was so beautiful that the tears in my eyes are making it hard for my to type this.
Leta is so lucky to have you as a mother.
582. Scatterbrain said:
Fantastic! Keep it up! You can do no wrong, as far as I'm concerned.
I've only recently discovered your blog, but I love, love, love it and ....well, you're only writing about life - where's the harm in that?
Well done, I say.
583. Lillian said:
Heather, you rock. Keep on doing what you´re doing. Leta is so beatiful!
584. Kat said:
I made a comment earlier, it was a quote from Einstein who said that "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." I posted the comment because Heather is a great spirit and she is continually encountering violent opposition from mediocre minds. (I had to explain that because their minds are well.. mediocre. Is that redundant yet? Ah well, I digress). What I didn't say is when I read comments on here about her exploiting Leta and needing the read Coogan's law, and then Heather getting a big head because so many people have been touched and inspired by her work.. well I have this almost Pavlovian response to go take a dump. I know, right?
It's good in some ways because you know, the comments keep me regular, but bad in others because now Heather's is probably gonna get blamed for Charmin's profit margins sky rocketing. And then some loon is gonna be all, "Down with Dooce, she supports Proctor and Gamble, corporate giant!, (because random exclamation points are key) who sacrifice babies to the god of the Underworld" or some such nonsense. Seriously though, get over it. She rocks, you don't.
Blog on, Heather. What you do matters. Nuff said.
585. Krysta said:
I read this website all the time, and I'm not one for opening my mouth and making a comment, but this time I guess I had to. I think what you are doing is wonderful. I wish that my own mother had done something like this for me. When Leta gets older, she'll be able to look back and know exactly who she was as a child and how she became the person she is. The best part is, she'll be able to share that with others. Even though she doesn't know it now, she is loved by thousands of people she doesn't even know, and how many children can ever say that?
So thank you for posting this, and I know Leta will thank you someday as well.
586. sarah said:
kids are embarrassed by everything and anything their parents do. but leta will never doubt you and jon love her.
587. Saucygrrl said:
You. Are. Awesome. 'nuf said. :)
588. Jessica said:
What a beautiful letter. I enjoy reading your blog. I don't understand how people think that way, but thank you for writing what you do. I'm another mother who finds raising a kid the hardest thing ever and it's nice to read that other mom's go through similar things.
589. Gaviota_mx said:
I'm 40 and my daughter is 23. When I was raising her, I had this view about motherhood I didn't dare to share because it seemed blasphemous.
You are right, I am sure you voice the feelings of many other women who find life and motherhood a challenge and still are able to come through.
Congratulations and Gracias!
590. The Single Sister said:
What struck me most about this newsletter is how much older and mature Leta is looking.
Every month that I read these letters to Leta I always think, I wish my mom did the same thing. The small stories and conversations that you write about on here will never be forgotten.
591. Nenette said:
Beautiful, just beautiful! I'm in tears...
Leta, you are a lucky girl... you have one fabulous mama. :)
592. CO-tation said:
FINALLY-
no apologies! YES! Our domain is not the kitchen/bedroom. We have a VOICE! We are great mothers with a job that doesn't stop, often goes unthanked, unpaid, unrecognized. When the sun rises, it starts up all over again.
Being a mom is hard-ass work!
You're awesome Dooce-ster
593. Elizabeth said:
You are an extraordinary woman, Heather, and Leta is incredibly fortunate to have you for her mother. I have experienced prolonged and horrific child abuse in my own life, and I can tell you that silence is one of its most dangerous accomplices.
Whatever the critics say, never forget that you are giving Leta her voice, her strength, and her identity by sharing yours.
There is no greater gift than that.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth
594. Jennifer (Et Tu?) said:
Did you see that post that was going around recently that compared bloggers to rappers?
http://www.copyblogger.com/bloggers-rappers/
One of the commenters made a point that was so hilarious and so true: "Hateration: You haven’t truly made it as a rapper/blogger unless a quorum of suckas be hatin'."
Heather, it seems that you indeed have a quorum of suckas who be hatin'. Congratulations. You've made it. :)
Keep up the brilliant work.
595. Kit said:
Hey, with a kid that gorgeous & amazing, the critics are lucky you're not a stage mom. Now THAT is some rare exploitation!
Loved this.
596. Sharon said:
chapeau bas madame...
beautifully written and oh-so-true, well done Heather, I'm behind you all the way on this one...
597. linda said:
One true thing about motherhood is that no matter what you do, someone will ALWAYS say that you're making mistakes in the way you're raising your child. The other true thing is that no matter what you do, your own kids will ALWAYS think that you made mistakes in the way that you raised them.
Are you making the right decisions for your neighbor down the street and her kids? Probably not. Are you making the right decisions for you and your family? Probably so, and that's all that matters. Rock on, Heather!
598. Anonymous said:
" . . . and the good for other women who read what I write here and walk away feeling less alone."
Yes, yes and a thousand times yes. I'm only 6 weeks into motherhood, and already feel frustration and guilt that are lessened by knowing others are going through the same. What you have written does help.
599. rialeilani said:
My mom died when I was 21. I was just getting to the point where I could talk to her as a friend. I wish she had written something like this for me so I could read it now when I really miss her. I often wonder what her thoughts about me were like. I knew she loved me, but having something like this would have been priceless.
600. 80 said:
Thanks, Heather.
Thanks, Leta and Jon.