• Brian

    So, the funny thing is that she probably used the same HAND to take the sacrament, huh?

    What’s an iPhone? And, why do you need it for sex?

    Newspaper Agency Corp publishes both the SLC Tribune AND the Deseret News. What do you think about that?

  • http://www.mydogumentary.wordpress.com gingela5

    I love it when I irritate my mom to the point of her doing something irrational…for some reason when she tells me to shut up it’s the most offensive thing to me! I love it!

  • M@

    there are RED states, and then there are CRIMSON states.

    *SENT FROM MY iPHONE 3G

  • Theresa

    My sweetie is used to thumbing my twitter, but hasn’t yet tried twittering my nipples. Thanks for the suggestion – I’ll have him put it on the agenda.

  • Anonymous

    Back when I was Mormon Richard Nixon was president. I remember being a Mormon, and I’m thankful for the day I was ex-communicated. ** Melissa **

  • Dana

    What I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall for your family Thanksgiving.

    :)

  • http://www.divabydefault.com DivabyDefault

    It’s okay… As a mom, I give my daughter the middle finger too, except she’s one year old.

  • Catchick6

    These comments are almost as funny as the actual posting! Is it possible to receive an iphone while having sex with your spouse? That might be the definition of celebrating to the fullest!

  • http://www.eluckypacket.com Sue at eLuckypacket

    Bad, bad CAPTCHA!

    Was going to say that the thought of such a conservative rag being considered liberal sends shivers down my little BLUE-state Californicated spine!

  • http://www.fuckedupchick.blogspot.com J.

    Is she going to confess to the bishop? That she had the nasty, nasty thought behind the gesture?

  • http://www.aplanetnamedjanet.blogspot.com Janet

    That was very kind of your mom to get your paper to your door instead of you having to go out and get it. I guess it doesnt hurt to try and see the positive in things.

  • http://www.asthepumpturns.wordpress.com Kim

    Having grown up quiet similar to you and having left a similar religion I totally understand where you are coming from. Like when my mother first noticed my foot tattoo and promptly told me no one would ever marry me…and then was caught watching “LA INK” um…WTF?

    -Kim

  • http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com sara

    I have to tell you one of my favorite of your mom-stories is the one about global warming. I laughed so hard and thought how unbelievable it was she thought it didn’t exist… and felt sorry for you in your plight of trying to convince her otherwise.

    Then I was on the phone with my dad recently and was talking about all the floods and crazy weather… and during the course of the conversation it was revealed HE DOESN’T BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING.

    Thud.

    That was me, passing out. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone, you crazy liberal.

    sara

  • http://www.emilythemug.blogspot.com Anonymous

    My mother hasn’t even flipped me off. I think I’d bawl in the driveway. I respect that you and your mother have that sort of relationship where a birdie now and then is just a further expression of love. :)

    *Sent from my computer

  • Cherie

    I was second in line to try to comment, but couldn’t get reCAPTCHA to respond in any way so I flipped it off and came back to see if it would work now.

    If you don’t already read the Ny Times may I send you a subscription? So sorry your week is off to a lousy start. But I bet Friday night was worth your mom’s finger . . .

  • http://pogonipnv.blogspot.com pogonip

    How Nevada can have legal brothels and still be a Bush enclave is beyond me. And why is it that people still have Bush ‘O4 bumperstickers on their cars? Do they actually want people to know they helped elect Dubya?? Oh wait, there are actually folks who don’t think like I do…

  • http://www.missivesfromsuburbia.blogspot.com Missives From Suburbia

    For a minute there I was elated, thinking that Utah even HAD enough liberals to warrant a newspaper of their very own. I was picturing a thin, Pennysaver-type rag. Sort of like those grocery circulars that show up in my mailbox eight times a day.

    Next time you see your mom, remind her that their current candidate for president is a man who the conservatives didn’t think was good enough to be president eight years ago. A GUY WHO THEY THOUGHT WAS WORSE THAN GEORGE W. BUSH!

    I bet that will get you the double bird.

  • rb

    Here in Berkeley we always have two candidates for Mayor – the Liberal candidate and the Progressive candidate. So in our own way, we are cancelling out Salt Lake City.

    P.S. I love your mom.

  • http://www.kateastrophe-sd.blogspot.com/ Kate

    I love the posts about your mother. She totally sounds like some of my family…except that they are mostly Irish Catholic. I would only be so lucky to find out our family trees are somehow inextricably linked… :)

  • http://www.desireenb.blogspot.com/ desireenb

    Reading that your mother is Mormon made this ending even more hilarious.

  • TropicalPopsicle

    I love how you describe your relationship with your mom. My mom is just as conservative and doesn’t believe in global warming and I would LOVE to see her flip me the bird just once. That would be hilarious!

  • http://www.midnightcliff.com hello haha narf

    i do SO love your mudder! :)

  • http://preteenstoddlersandnewbornsohmy.blogspot.com/ jennielynn

    And here I was thinking I was the only one who got the bird from her mom. I feel so close to you now.

  • http://manicmomday.wordpress.com Kate

    Your mom is the most awesome mom ever. Flipping the bird? Hello!!? My mom gets offended when people on TV say the word ‘poo’. She’s one of those party animal Mormon moms, isn’t she?? I bet she drinks her Coke STRAIGHT at the parties. Hardcore. \m/

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    Instead of telling her the newspaper endorsed W twice, you could have just said, “Thanks, Mom. Jon would have gotten the paper this morning, but he was trying to sneak in one last Twitter of my nipples before you and Leta got here.”

    ;P

  • http://www.jillmormon.com Jill Mormon

    I’d have paid money to see a picture of the Mormon Avon World Sales Leader flipping the bird.

    No joke.

  • http://thedalaimama.net the dalai mama

    I have to say, your mom sounds like the life of the party. I of course would have received the finger too for being too liberal–I let my little baby girl where a shirt that says “I love my gay uncle.” I certainly wouldn’t be invited over for Sunday dinner.

    iphone as sex replacement. Well of course, they can keep their porn in their pockets and don’t even need headphones to hear it.

  • http://cakebread17.blogspot.com Robin

    Ah, Ahhh, Ahhhhh, AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Sorry, what were you sayin? Didn’t hear. Having iPhone orgasms at the moment.

    Sent from my iPhone who is now smoking a cig.

  • Mike Norton

    Your Mom wasn’t flipping you off. That’s the newest FIFTH sign they are teaching in the Mormon temples these days. It’s totally biblical in origin. At least that’s what my Bishop told me when he showed me the new sign.

  • Anonymous

    Mrs Avon is AWESOME! I love the stories about your mom. I see where you get your sense of humor. I commend you both for staying connected regardless of your opposing beliefs.

  • Dana

    My husband and I stayed in Cedar City overnight on our way back to California from Montana. In the morning while sitting at the breakfast nook in the Holiday Inn, I took a gander at the paper. The front page was devoted to a section about a councilman named Chris Greenwood who had protested a subdivision going up in his area. In response to his protest, some yahoo tore down his trees in his front yard. Now, you can imagine my opinion of the general public in Utah when someone goes and chops down some guy’s trees in retaliation. Not really, but as we were driving through Utah, I had a hard time grasping why Cedar City needed seven Mormon churches. It seemed a bit excessive.

    But, I digress.

    The paper I was reading the article from was Deseret News (I thought it was a typo – I thought it was supposed to be Desert News and that somebody was going to be out of a job for that one…) so I have no idea if that paper was conservative or not, but it certainly seemed like it.

  • http://www.undomesticdiva.com Undomestic Diva

    Maybe your mom wasn’t so much flipping you off as she was demonstrating a new hand cream from Avon. Could go either way, especially if she’s got an upcoming meeting with the bishop for a temple recommend. It’s called Subjective Sin.

  • http://bigpikchur.blogspot.com HouseofJules

    I don’t have a husband but I’m saving for the iPhone anyway, because one day I just might NEED it.

  • http://churchofthegrannybike.blogspot.com Melanie

    Between that and the sunset picture, you’ve totally encapsulated what it is like to live in Utah. It’s like those moments when Mormons exhibit their faith by cutting you off in a car going 40 mph over the speed limit with one of those “Families are Forever” thingies around the license plate.

  • http://www.blissedoutphotography.com Stephanie

    My husband would just text or type with one hand and play with my nipples with the other.

    …but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  • http://www.dearesthusband.com Katie

    As far as the iPhone goes, I can’t say I’m shocked to see that. But beware – here’s what happens after they get one:

    http://dearestwife.com/2008/07/21/the-itch/

    That would be my husband’s blog and that entry is all about how now he needs a Mac to program applications for the damn phone.

    And as far as your mother goes – good for her on the finger. J. Golden Kimball would have been proud.

  • http://80smoviemama.wordpress.com 80smoviemama

    I confused. I don’t have a husband so can I still get an iphone? Can I “twitter” by myself?

    i love your mom-i want her to adopt me.

  • http://www.astrangebird.net gesikah

    For some reason whenever you are talking about your Mom, in my head the role is portrayed by a combination of Olympia Dukakis as Clairee from Steel Magnolias and former Texas governor Ann Richards.

  • Klate

    I simply can’t grasp what is going on in the space beyond the New Jersey border until you hit Vegas. (with the blip of Colorado in there). I admit, I grew up in a family of Irish Catholic Democrats from Massachusetts and now live and work in New York so my perspective is skewed but I just don’t understand how it’s possible that the great bulk of this country is 180 degrees from my position.

  • http://www.almostvegetarian.com almost vegetarian

    I’ve always said I don’t worry about my geek husband leaving me for another woman, unless she has a bigger hard drive than me.

    I suppose I need to add an iPhone to that.

    Cheers!

  • http://www.realityfish.com Robin G.

    There are places where W isn’t enough?

    Jesus.

    Actually, last polling I saw, even in Utah his polling numbers had dipped below 50%. So your mom is in the minority EVEN IN UTAH. Feel free to flip her right back.

  • http://www.becomningsomething.typepad.com Natasha

    DawnTheAvonLady: I grin when I see that SouthPark. Yay! The Mormons! AS IF I DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW.

    You should know that there’s more than one heaven and plenty of room for various fools. ;-P

  • http://ohdelia.com Delia

    I did see a headline about a phone that “touches you back”. Might be something to look into. Kill two birds with one stone and what not.

  • Jenny

    Your mom cracks my shit up.

  • http://www.shamelesslysassy.com Shamelessly Sassy

    She should find more ways market the Avon Skin So Soft bug spray. It’s fabulous. Additionally, if ever you are in sore need of people watching, Bingo is the place to go. I am sad to admit that I have been a number of times. Mostly I go to watch the old people cuss each other out when their elderly arch nemesis wins the ‘big bucks’ on ball I-23. I’ve seen at least two wrinkly fist fights (one of them involving the use of a cane as a weapon), and believe me, the entertainment is well worth the embarrassment of sitting in a Bingo Hall.

  • ricanhavoc

    Wow, gee, you have me really looking forward to my own mother’s weeklong stay with me next week. Nothing like having your life’s values and principles cut down in the blink of an eye. Moms are good for that. Why can they push your buttons so? Because they fuckin’ installed ‘em in the first place!

  • http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com Wendy

    Speaking of getting flipped off… We were on the way back from the beach when our Tessa, who’s 3, said, “Mommy, Daddy! Look what I can do!!”

    We turned around, and there was our sweet sweet little girl. Flipping us off like a sailor.

    I got a picture of it. You can see it here http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com/2008/07/island-in-sun.html

  • http://www.ovolina.com Anita the Ovolina

    It’s a matter of degree……
    I am a “fuzzy little foreigner” (being born and raised in Italy) and after I married my Ninja husband with the Air Force I went to a small town in Alabama where they refused to sell me the NY times even though they had it because 1. I am a foreigner and 2. that’s about those wacky liberals and I sure should not be one of them.
    Not that it really relates to your mom just to the newspaper part…
    Anita

  • http://vintagethirty.blogspot.com/ Tootsie Farklepants

    I live in Los Angeles. I fear your parents wouldn’t survive our literature.

  • Angel

    I just love your Mom stories!! My Mom is less than 5 feet tall, has the soft voice of a cartoon character, and ALWAYS hits us with something out of the ordinary. She’s an avid football fan, and was watching one of the half time reports where the guys were critisizing one of the players. “he should have jerked right; he should have jerked left” Mom added “oh, why don’t they just jerk off!?! They’re not on the field!”
    I love expressive Moms….