• http://beckycochrane.livejournal.com Becky

    I remember the first time my mother did that. Not back out of the driveway, but flip someone off. Fortunately she did it on my behalf rather than AT me.

    Moms are great, including the Avon maven.

    I agree with other commenters that the captcha audio thing sounds a little like hell, if I believed in such a place.

  • http://mightybeluga.blogspot.com/ Mallory

    Well then i guess it’s not a coincidence that the teenage boys i know who DO have iphones DO NOT have girlfriends.

  • http://www.boomerlife.info flowergirlphx

    How in the world do you get your mother to leave after such a short visit??? Both of my 86 year old parents live with ME and I would love a day when she flipped me off and stormed out. Please advise!

  • http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/search/label/by%20Jacquie Jacquie

    How refreshing to know that even conservative Mormon mom-types still flip the bird! I’m very tempted to see if this generalizes to other traditionalist sects. Think I’ll go piss off some Amish…

  • http://thestarceleb.com Christina Bledsoe


    I am a first time reader of your blog. I laughed numerous times which is rare – thank you :)

    I will be back to read more when time permits.

  • http://www.sensiblysassy.blogspot.com Sarah

    Your mom would “love” me so much that she would have her manicurist paint her middle finger with my initials.

  • http://www.mylucidreality.com Claudious

    I have an iphone, and while it feels really good, and looks very pretty… I say it’s not on par with sex. It might satisfy longer though… so maybe it’s a toss up.

    As far as politics go, ouch.

  • Anne

    Your mom is so her daughter’s mother.

    Hooray for you both, and Leta, Jon, the puppies, and better mosquito repellent with Skin-so-soft (the smell of a Southern summer).

  • http://www.carmasez.com carma

    Ah, sounds like a scene right out of a Norman Rockwell painting…

  • KK

    I can top that. I flipped off my 12-year-old son in church. Twice.

  • http://coffeejitters.blogspot.com judy haley (coffeejitters)

    yeah I think my mom is the baptist version of your mom.

    If it doesn’t come directly from fox news or the Bible or my Aunt Judy, it must be lies, liberal spin and part of a nasty commie plot to make the world greener and immunize children

  • lostinutah

    “liberal propaganda”. Oh. MY. HEAVENS.

    At least it doesn’t have “Mormon News” on its website. That’s about as close as I can get while I’m still here in, well, I won’t say the nasty part, just Utah.

  • amanda

    Your stories of your mom make me laugh out loud every time.

    Mostly because I was an LDS convert living in Utah and I had to run very quickly from the church and Utah after 4 years of pure living and 1 year of hidden apostasy. Sometimes I actually miss those debates I used to have with my friend the Elders Quorum President. It was so entertaining watching him get flustered and his wife (my best friend) shake her head in amusement. Ahhh yes, good times.

  • http://www.justanotherkatie.blogspot.com ktjane

    i can see where you get your sense of humor AND your drive for valedictorianship! great post.

  • http://velvetlava.blogspot.com/ Ann

    Come on now, you KNOW you were totally proud of her.

    She better not have been driving an avon vehicle or you could totally call Avon HR on her – or at least threaten her with that.

    What’s with the new font? I’m not sure if it’s “dooce”, it’s so round-ish.

  • http://poopandboogies.com William

    She was not flipping you the bird she was telling you G W Bush is Number One.

  • Me!

    This comment is being made exclusively for the purposes of experiencing the reCaptcha Audio Challenge…the comments about demons intrigued me. (And now that I’ve tried it, I must say that I agree completely! OMG, that was scary!!!)

  • Jasi

    My Grans is Republican ‘cos it’s trendy in her old chick clique. She’s super liberal on the insides and convinced herself GW is pro-choice. Ridiculous.

  • http://spandrelstudios.blogspot.com Spandrel Studios

    On something of a whim, an old friend of mine is moving to Salt Lake in two weeks… wonder if she knows just how conservative it is? Guess she will find out!

  • Christie

    Heavenly Father wants us to be free to hose off our rifles in the driveway.

  • http://www.tessothy.blogspot.com Bunny Bodel

    I love the vivid portrait of your relationship with your mother. :)

  • http://wisdomofthemoon.blogspot.com/ Wendy


    That’s really all I’ve got to say.

  • http://bushbabe.blogspot.com Bush Babe

    First, I am not American or political. (Just so you all understand that my name isn’t about US pollies!!).

    Second, I am still coming to grips with American states and WHAT each state is in/famous for. Utah = conservative. I get it!

    Third, your mum sounds like a riot. A very handy riot (where babysitting and Avon products are concerned.) Does she read this??

    And finally, hahahahhahahahahahah!!! If my Mum flipped me the bird, I’d faint clean away.


  • http://scrappinjenny.blogspot.com Jennifer

    Twitter your nipples. I swear to God, your husband and my husband could be long, lost twins.

  • http://www.hope4peyton.org Anissa@Hope4Peyton

    Yeah, but what COLOR was the nail on the finger that so eloquently told you to go frak yourself and your newspaper too? Did it match her lip color? If not, she’s a big fraud.

  • http://juliacamille.blogspot.com julia

    i wish my mom flicked me off more.

  • http://seehearspeaknoevil.com jess

    dude, i love that you knocked on your mom’s window. like, she couldn’t just see you had something to say and roll it down before you got there?

    and i used to take the tribune, all the way up here in cache valley. but now i just read all my news online.

  • http://www.xanga.com/Bratfink Brat

    She flipped you off???????

    OMG, Heather, there is hope for her yet!

    Glad you and Jon had a great Jon’s Birthday!

  • http://www.kathywithakblog.blogspot.com Kathy

    what a mother.
    I’ve got one too.

    and I’ll take one iPhone for myself. Damn cool.

  • Anonymous

    Bush is a Republican that do not make him a republican much less a Conservative.

  • http://www.justanotherjenn.com Just Another Jenn

    Heather you are a negative influence on the Avon World Sales leader…shame on you! :)

    Next thing you know she’ll be taking the Lord’s name in vain and looking for token Dem’s to vote for just so she can say she did!

  • http://www.thesilverfam.blogspot.com Anna

    I love that she flipped you off, that’s hilarious! She is seriously a riot.

    I grew up in one of the only liberal families in Logan, UT and your “analysis” of the Trib is spot on ;) Just too funny…

  • Dar

    The Trib is liberal? I guess for Utah it could be considered liberal. Have you ever read the Weber Sentinel News (top of Utah)? I believe you have to have a recommend in your pocket just to comprehend the drivel. Aacckk!

  • http://rivervision.com/ brooke

    dooce – excellent commentary about utah, but i’d like to point out to your readers that you live in SLC – the most liberal enclave of this state of ours. if its that whacky conservative in SLC, just imagine what it is like for those of us NOT there.. like up here in logan. agh.

  • http://www.caloden.com Caloden

    You have not truly reached adulthood until you and your mother can freely exchange the bird with one another. Until then you languish in a state of extended puberty.

  • http://www.frenchiemama.blogspot.com Frenchie Mom

    I agree with Caloden freely exchanging the bird is a rite of adutlhood between parent and child:) My only visit to Utah was to compete in a Venus swimwear competition, -luckily we weren’t kicked out of state!

  • http://www.triloquist.blogspot.com Ron

    Ok…you want to talk about conservatism?

    Try Philadelphia.

    At least Utah knows it’s conservative.

    Philadelphia has GRANDIOSO delusions of openess, but what it really is…is a southern city in the north.

    How sad.

    And as Rocky once said, “YO’ ANDRIENNE!”

  • http://www.firerobin.com firerobin

    It’s SO the same situation for with my mom.

    We’re about to subscribe to the NY Times and are already planning to hide it when she visits.

    What children will do to put up with their parents.

  • http://www.papatv.com PAPA

    My girlfriend’s wanted an IPhone FOREVOR…maybe “I” should be the one who’s worried!


    While my mom won’t flip anyone the bird, she will inadvertently cuss & say the F word right in our midst and that’s when we have a field day…

  • pammyg

    Might I suggest: put a Darwin fish on the back of your car, sit back, and enjoy the ride!

  • http://www.houndrat.com houndrat

    If my mom ever flipped me the bird, I would burst an internal organ from copious amounts of laughter.

    And I’m in SoCal, so we have all kinds of liberal out here. Yay for choices.

  • http://prettylittlepenny.blogspot.com Be Like The Squirrel, Girl

    Doesn’t Avon carry that really good mosquito repellent that makes you smell like botanical gardens? I’d like to get some of that if your mom will sell to someone who gets the Trib, which in my opinion, needs MORE liberal propaganda.

  • http://www.stuft.com.au STUFT

    You have a choice of newspapers in America? I’m from Queensland Australia…we don’t get a choice. Our choice is a conservative press or illiteracy and living in a tree house smoking pot.
    Choice? This could spell revolution in our country…

    When my mum flips me the bird she’s usually driving straight toward me – not away from me.

  • maylo

    I waited a year for my contract to end so i could get the iphone.
    Slow, and as a phone it SUCKS ASS. Half the time is doesn’t ring and dropped calls constantly..even in San Francisco.
    I say a good kiss and certainly sex is better than the iphone. Fo Sho.

  • http://www.princesseemma.com/ Emma

    Does anyone know if Heather will still autograph a copy of her book and send it back to you? (I’ll pay for the postage both ways)

    ‘Cause I’m getting it shipped to Australia so I can read it – yay!!!

    Love today’s post :-)

  • http://www.princesseemma.com/ Emma

    Also – we have one newspaper in Newcastle, NSW, Austraila – where I live.
    I wish we had a choice between three! That would be interesting…

  • Elaine in the UK

    Heather, I’ve learned soooo much about America from your Blog!

    And I’m scared!

  • http://menstrualpoetry.com Holly

    I can imagine my father saying something to that effect; in fact, he has made some quips about my feminist magazines that come eerily close to what came out of your mother’s mouth. Reading and knowing a tiny bit about Utah, I am happy to say that I don’t live there and being a crazy liberal, I don’t know how I would survive. I can imagine myself, behind the iron bars on the Utah border screaming ‘Let me out!’ As for Twittering nipples…Something I can definitely see me bringing up to the boyfriend, if he would Twitter; so far, his opinion on it is ‘waste of time.’

  • http://londonukgirl.blogspot.com/ christine

    i don’t know how you can not go insane living in utah with the whole conservative thing.