• http://www.tbonelee.blogspot.com Jess

    I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Michael Jackson died. Therefore you don’t really need to post anything for another 2 weeks because people aren’t paying attention to anything else anyway.

  • http://www.djmlife.blogspot.com DodiM

    I sort of thought we’d be seeing that lovely vision of you until at least September. My youngest is six now and I just hung the cross stitch someone made for her as a birth gift up in her room! These things take time!

    I’m so so so sorry to hear about your illness. Take it easy, and stick up an old header.

  • alayna

    Bless your heart! I got that with my first one, and I thought death would be a welcome relief. I called my doctor to tell her what was going on, and she asked me to come in, but to keep nursing in the meantime. And then I melted in a puddle and cried. But I kept trying because it was my first baby and all and I was going to follow directions if it killed me – and my boob was roughly the size of large watermelon and as red as a stop sign and burning hot. When the doctor saw it, she gasped. That made me feel somewhat justified. But the antibiotics were miracle workers, and I felt better almost immediately. Thank God for those! Hang in there!

  • http://www.d3voiceworks.com d3 voiceworks

    and another thing …

    the power of suggestion is nearly irresistible since whenever i see that masthead i want a cruller and a hand-rolled. i’ve already got the baby.

  • Anne

    Not a lot to add, just glad the antibiotics have kicked in. And message for Marlo – let Mama get some rest OK? I promise it’s better for you too.

    (Oh and the scaremongerers above – please ignore them. ‘Cos they can’t diagnose you over the Interwebs, no matter how much they want to.)

  • http://mightymarce.blogspot.com Marcy

    I spent the 14 months that I breastfed my son living in utter terror of the possibility of mastitis. Glad to hear the meds are at least working well.

    Also, I’m totally with #299. ; )

  • http://cityblogcountryblog.blogspot.com Debi

    I read Dooce all the time and never comment, but I had to comment on this one. I had mastitis with daughter #2 as well, and I remember thinking that the poor baby would never know what it was like to nurse from a mother who was not either on fire with fever or dripping sweat all over her from a breaking fever. Holy misery, that mastitis. Yes, the antibiotics will help, and yes, the rest will help too. The rest is sadly quite important. My midwife recommended to me that I take what she affectionately called a “nursing holiday,” where I hole up topless in my bedroom with a ton of fluids, healthy snacks, and the baby, also topless, for a couple of days. I tried it, while my parents watched daughter #1. It lasted about 6 hours, but ahhh…those six hours felt great…

    Good luck! Hang in there! My two are now sitting on the couch watching Backyardigans together, barely having fought for ten straight minutes. They are 7 and 3.5. Somehow I got from there (described above) to here. :)

  • Anonymous

    Re: mastitis. Glad you got the acute infection under control and are no longer threatening to go septic on us. Just an fyi since you strike me as open to such things: acupuncture and Chinese herbs can treat all sorts of post-partum-y issues, including boosting or stopping milk production and staving off future rounds of mastitis and consequent meds (if caught before the holy-crap-my-boob-is-about-to-shatter-and-I’m-blinded-by-the-pain phase).

    PS: Just recently found your blog (actually, just recently found blogs, in general) and I’m hooked. Thanks for the daily dose and congratulations on the beautiful family.

  • Rosemarie

    Glad you’re feeling better. Recovering is hard enough without mastitis to contend with. Regarding the masthead, if anyone is allowed any slack it should CERTAINLY be a woman who just had a baby. And remember….the sleeplessness doesn’t last forever. It only seems like it right now!

  • Sharlene

    Ugh, I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with mastitis and with silly readers who can’t take a joke. I see your masthead as an inside joke almost, as people who have been reading your blog for at least the last couple of months will remember your hilarious photo taken during your — was it 36th week? — in which you speak of your addiction to donettes.

    Also, for some reason it struck me as a little amusing that you’re experiencing problems with both MASTitis and your MASThead. Not really funny in real life, but funny in words.

  • alayna

    OKAY! I just read that comment from “disconcerting.” How sweet. Have some more giggles & sunshine, why don’tcha? Sheesh! Some people just love to be the bearers of bad news – I’m sure you just have mastitis – just take your medicine and rest!

  • Mary

    Dude, I’m taking 12 whole weeks off from work when I birth this kiddo next month! I think you’re amazing for continuing to blog with a newborn! I hope you feel better soon.

  • No-L

    Hey, I got told I have Zac Efron’s hair today. So, y’know… yeah. Just wanted to share.

    Cuz it’s just about as relevant as someone saying your masthead sends a bad message.

    Feel better. I can only imagine that pain. OW.

  • Erika

    The sad thing is that if you were updating your site regularly, people would be yelling at you because WHY ARE YOU WORKING!!! YOU HAVE A BABY!!! SHE NEEDS YOU!!! YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER FOR EVEN THINKING ABOUT WORK WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Or words to that effect….

  • Katie

    You are seriously funny. The way you write is pure genius. I hope you feel better soon! But hey, it did pose for some great writing material :)

  • Jessica

    Yep. Had the same thing….mastitis and PPD. Isn’t life fabulous?!?! I actually hoped mine was so bad that I would be admitted to the hospital and FINALLY get some sleep.

  • Robyn

    Mastitis is utterly, utterly miserable–had it with my firstborn–it appears out of the blue and literally feels like having full-blown Type A flu coupled with nearly unbearable pain.
    For those of you thinking all of us who’ve said how bad it sucks are melodramatic, I assure you, we’re not exaggerating an iota. Plugging a small but efficient vampire onto the affected side to nurse dozens of times a day was even more fun…oh, my God. My toes clench just remembering it.

    Dooce, I wouldn’t care if you left your June masthead up forever. It’s hands-down your best ever–instant classic.

    Hope you’re feeling much, much better tonight!

  • http://themoxiereport.blogspot.com Tracy


    I hope you feel better.

  • Amy

    God, I love you. And am also very sorry for your pain, damn good for nothing boobies, start functioning as you should. Oh yes, and I love your mast head. It makes me want to get pregnant and light one up.

  • http://rocketshipunderpants.com Tricina

    Oh god, I’m so sorry. My sister got that with her first baby and I wiped her tears and held my nephew while we waited for the antibiotics to kick in.

    Also, someone chastised you for not having a new fucking banner up just days after having a BABY? What a dickwad. Glad you’re feeling better.

  • http://www.liluinteriors.com Lisa


    The nursing on all fours idea works! I know…also this may be obvious but make sure any bras you have aren’t too tight..this can make clogged ducts worse. If Marlo won’t cooperate (my first wouldn’t do this) you can get on all fours, soak in warm water and than pump a little. It will offer relief. Hope you feel better!

  • Erin

    Dear Commenter #273,
    I do not understand why you have such a limited perspective on life. Everyone has different priorities and everyone has a different life. I am sure Heather has a million other things to worry about (before and after birth) other than potentially loosing a few advertising dollars because her masthead said “June” and not “July” this month. To you, having a current masthead is a high priority, where to her it’s not as high as the health and happiness of her family. If anything it shows how smart she is . . . look at how many kids are fucked up because their parents have the mentality of “work comes first”

    Mother of 2, housewife, business owner,

  • http://wisdomofthemoon.blogspot.com/ Wendy

    Oh suck. I had both mastitis and thrush. Somehow, even though it caused less actual pain, the thrush was worse; wanting to itch your nipples right off makes you feel more than a bit deranged.

    I’d suggest taking some capsuled acidophilus and other probiotics from the health food store in addition to the yogurt. It’s much more potent and has a better chance of reaching your digestive tract alive. I think there’s a kind called reuteri that is actually resistant to antibiotics, but I may have dreamed that.

    Good luck, sister. And I suggest you leave June’s masthead up till Christmas… just on general principle. Anyone who can squeeze a baby out of their body is entitled. Also, because it pisses the morons off. (heh, I just reread this for spelling and thought that when I typed ‘morons’ that I’d said ‘Mormons’, which is probably both true and funny.)

  • Erin

    I had it w/ both sons and it sucks. I’m glad you’re on the mend.

  • AEH


    I have not had mastitis. I do have 3 1/2 year old twins and an 8 month old. Hellacious post partum crap after the twins. I wish I had known about your book then. I have a little extra time this week, so I’d be more than happy to go beat the shit out of masthead and disconcerting, because in Alabama that’s how we say I love you. (It is sarcasm, everybody relax) I might even get a little nap in the car on the way there. Best wishes.

  • Michelle

    Smooches Heather. You haven’t had too much thrown at you in the first few weeks of lil sis’ life have you?!?

    #45 is a million percent right on about mastitis. Send Jon out to the health food store. You sooooo don’t want thrush.
    Also nurse, nurse, nurse. As if you aren’t doing that already… When I had mastitis or plugged ducts, we called it breastfeeding camp… the baby and I got in bed and stayed there for a few days and nights until it was gone.

    Hang in there, and in all your spare time, get on that masthead. And the newsletter.

  • Kathy

    Ugh. Mine hit while I was in the grocery store. Suddenly I felt like I was going to hit the floor, but had to make it to the car and drive home. I blame it on my insistence on wearing underwires in my nursing bras.

  • hentrain

    There must be some creative way to combine “mastitis” with “mast head.” The pun is just too good.

  • http://maneuveringmotherhood.blogspot.com Miss Behavin

    Dude, mastitis sucks!

    I had that when Corbin was an infant. It came about in the middle of the night, while he was having a bout of colic and screaming bloody murder for five straight hours, and my husband was working NIGHTS!

    At least Jon could hold Marlo while you puked. I had Corbin in my left arm while I hugged the toilet with my right.

    And I had the uncontrollable shakes because of the chills, which helped to vibrate the baby, because movement is supposed to help with colic, only it really pissed him off instead.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  • MsBean

    Annette, you’re a fool. If you don’t like Heather’s blog, why don’t you find some other blog that is more suited to you? Maybe you can find one specifically geared toward an audience full of haters. Get a life already.

  • http://memyselfandmommy.com/ Renee

    Mastitis is the devil!!!! A friend of my sweetly called it “milk fever,” and I wanted to jump her when there were no witnesses for making it sound so harmless!

    Haven’t these jokers who are demanding entertainment from you heard of maternity leave!? I would so take my sweet time updating the masthead just to be spiteful!

  • Donna

    Obviously people are taking your website way too seriously! I thought the original pic was hilarious, loved the powdered donuts! Take care of yourself and enjoy your beautiful new daughter.

  • Berit

    Delurking to say follow the advice of the sage interwebs and TAKE SOME MATERNITY LEAVE, LADY! We’ll all be here, stalking your site with baited breath for the return of your brilliantly sarcastic posts just as soon as the glass/fire is evicted from your boob and you’ve had time to maybe even take a shower (gasp!).

    ps quite fittingly, my recaptcha is “its purplish”.

  • SAJ


  • http://www.brainofamommy.blogspot.com Ashlee Ryel

    Cabbage leaves can reduce the swelling but they can also make your milk dry up. I think the masthead is funny! I think your doing a great job. Mastitis is an evil bitch and way to go for conquering her! Keep kicking ass and who cares what the naysayers think!!!

  • http://walkingtomaine.blogspot.com Betsy

    To Theresa #336: She has, multiple times. And they’re all brilliant. Like – ‘make tears roll down your eyes while you’re trying to be quiet at work’ brilliant.


    Have fun.

  • http://moville.blogspot.com Mo

    My favorite part about the clogged ducts is how your milk gland become snakes made of rocks that scream at you when you touch them. And bite you from the inside. Of your boob.

    And then someone hands you a cabbage leaf, and you’re all, do you not see the snakes biting the inside of my boob? Let me show you the horrific outline of a swollen rock-hard snake-gland again. That’s right, RUN AWAY!

    I like your masthead. It makes me laugh.

  • HA

    So I looked this up on MayoClinic.com because I’m having a baby in a few months and wanted to see what I have to look forward to, and right next to the picture of the red, swollen breast, they have a line that says, “Many mothers think you can’t continue to breastfeed while you have mastitis, but you can.” I hurt just thinking about it. I hope you feel better soon!

  • http://wanderingbella.wordpress.com katie

    Are people really complaining about the masthead? They need to get a life pronto. You just had a baby for crying out loud!

  • TS

    Ugh, I feel for you. I’ve had mastitis a couple of times, and one time it ended up leading to thrush. Do everything you can to prevent that!!

    Thanks for the update, but really, take some time off for yourself, your boobs, and your family. We’ll still be here when you’re ready to post again. xoxo

  • Christy C

    I have three kids and lived thru mastitis multiple times with my first 2. There is a type of probiotic called Culturelle that’s sold at Whole Foods, and I don’t know where else. It’s outrageously expensive, but you need to avoid thrush at all costs, since it is so very hard to kick. I’m not normally the bossy type and seldom dish out any advice, but my recurrent mastitis with number one nearly sent me and my PPD over the edge. If you google “yeast infection diet,” or something to that effect, you can find out more about eliminating all sugar, breads, dairy, etc, out of your diet to reduce the risk of developing a yeast infection in your breasts or help hasten recovery in the event you already have one. It’s a complete paing in the neck, but much better than burning, painful boobies!

  • EMAH

    I hear cabbage leaves help . . . and antibiotics.

  • http://www.visiblevoice.ca Kristi

    Oh yes big boob pains! I had thrush and then because of it my son started latching badly. So watch out for that because then it can make the pain last longer. Take acidophilus. You can get it in the vitamin section. It’ll help keep thrush away. It’s a bit stronger then the yogurt. Good luck! And to the people giving you a hard time about the masthead…you can’t whip those puppies out in a couple of minutes…and in those couple of minutes a new Mom may have…we’d like to take a minute to be able to go pee.

    Umm un-related topic…but my words that I have to type in to stop the spam are

    “police groped”

    best one yet!

  • JHud

    I LOVE June’s masthead!! Get some rest and feel better soon! :)

  • Lisa


  • Nancy

    To be honest, I figured things would slow down for a while with a new baby. If you worked in an office, you would be on maternity leave so what’s the big deal if posts are a bit slow for a while? I think life will go on if your masthead is a bit behind. Take your time and get better.

  • Anonymous

    cold cabbage leaves DO help- cut out spine and DO NOT put on the nipple area
    wear in your nursing bra!
    you won’t smell like a peach but at this point what’s another aroma…right!

  • J

    Been there too man and glad to hear you’re back to getting well.

    Zack Efron is so rad. ROFLOL. :)

  • http://craftymelicious.wordpress.com/ Melissa

    Major kudos just for the fact that after no more then 2 hours sleep AND mastitis you wrote that blog post. You are my hero.

  • Michelle Freakin’ Brown

    Keep this masthead up until June 2010. Make people (crazies) squirm with discomfort until then. It must be great to have people so emotionally invested in your site design. Ah, the power.
    Really sorry to hear about your mastitis. I will never complain about my chronic recurring clogged milk ducts ever again.