Newsletter: Summer 2009
Dear Leta and Not-Maria Marlo,
Where the hell did the last three months go? I know that's what you're thinking, right? Because one day I'm pregnant, bloated, and really embarrassed that I have to ask someone else to tie my shoes for me, and then BOOM, I'm a mother of two beautiful girls, one who just started kindergarten and the other who burps and farts like an old man sipping scotch in a leather recliner as he watches reruns of Matlock.
Let's start there, Marlo. Because all the rest of it is wonderfully boring: you sleep, you eat, and you smile. I had no idea babies could do these things without being bribed. I had geared myself up for an epic battle, because you never know with infants. It's a total risk, a game of roulette, and I can't even believe it's legal in Utah to procreate because it is the ultimate gamble. Seriously! You can't buy wine at the grocery store, but you can have sex, get pregnant, and potentially release a homicidal maniac into the world? Are you kidding me? UTAH IS SO CONFUSING.
Sometimes babies come out screaming and never stop, sometimes they are angry that you did this to them, gave them life and now? Now they have no choice but to live it, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. Turns out those are the ones who can read at a third grade level when they are only five-years-old. I guess that's what they call a trade-off.
You came out and were all, hey. What's up. Yeah? Really? Because I was just going to lie down over here and look cute. And then sleep. And then maybe sleep some more. And when it's time to eat, I will. And then I will smile. And I will make you want to have more babies.
You are what I call The Ruse. And I am not falling for it, not one bit. No way. I'm guessing your kind is evolution's way of sustaining our species. Because you and your irresistible cuteness and mood could fool a woman into having lots and lots of babies. BUT I AM NO FOOL. You know why? Because I have already lived through the third year of someone's life, and I know yours is coming. And when it hits, when you throw your body across the floor in a fit of rage, I'll be all SEE! I KNEW IT! Behind all those smiles and adorable dimples lies an evil three-year-old!
Where was I? Oh right. Burping and farting. Why would I be talking about anything else? Yours are so adult. So mature in tone and vibration. We never know if it's you or your father or me, and let's be honest, you always get the blame no matter whose it was. Total side benefit to having an infant around that we didn't even know about! We can fart all we want and never have to take credit! We just point to you and go, dude, that baby! WHOA! WHO KNEW?
Thank you for that. Thank you for turning our house into a freshman dorm room shared by two boys who spend their free time googling "buffalo vagina."
Leta, it's true. You're reading at a level that no one is quite prepared to deal with. And your writing is quickly catching up. In fact, the other day you drew a picture of Marlo and underneath it wrote, "I love my sister. She is beautifl." DUDE! YOU ALMOST SPELLED BEAUTIFUL CORRECTLY! I almost had a heart attack, and was all WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DO THAT? And you got this goofy look on your face, started to shrug your shoulders and said, "It's just a word, Mom."
EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND. That is not just a word, young lady. That right there is brilliance, and I called everyone in the family to brag about it. That is my right as a mother. Period. I couldn't keep it to myself, and you should have heard me when I called Grandmommy, I was all BEAUTIFUL. THE KID CAN ALMOST SPELL BEAUTIFUL. And she was all, have you gotten out of the house lately?
This summer was a total blur, lots of play dates and swimming with friends while I sat in bed watching HGTV and breastfeeding Marlo. Let me rephrase that. Lots of HGTV. So much, in fact, that I think I have seen every episode of every series on that channel, and I'm confident that I could go into any house right now and stage it so that it would be sold within hours. I could be reading literature and studying philosophy, yes, that would make me a better person, but that's just not as satisfying as watching someone take a sledgehammer to a cracked and unstable walkway only to replace it with DELICIOUS BLUE LIMESTONE. OHHHHHHHH. Sometimes when I'm watching a kitchen remodel I feel like a dog being scratched on its belly, and my leg is involuntarily flailing up and down, like oh god, don't stop. Please don't. OH GOD! CARRARA MARBLE COUNTERTOPS!
Anyway, here we are a family of four headed into fall for the first time together. I'm mostly excited about the darling, long-sleeved outfits ahead for you, Marlo, and Leta, the next few months of school are going to blow your mind, I just know it. Already the teacher showed you how to pump your legs on the swing, and when you got home you were all, not only can I read, BUT I CAN SWING. BY MYSELF. CALL GRANDMOMMY NOW.
I want those conversations to continue throughout your time in school, I want to hear everything even though I know there will come a point when that will be the last thing you want to do, tell your MOTHER about your DAY, and in the meantime I will continue to cherish the way you run to me at the end of the school day, wrap your arms around my leg or my arm or my neck depending on how fast I can kneel down, and say immediately, hopefully, longingly, "Is the baby here, too?!"
Love,
Mama
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Erin said:
Awwww I missed the newsletters.
2. secondhandsally said:
Beautiful entry.
3. Jenn said:
Longtime reader here. Your girls are beautiful.
4. Jennifer said:
Your girls are beautiful. You deserve every ounce of the happiness that you are feeling.
5. Mariam said:
I missed these! So glad they're back; your family is beautifl.
Yes, beautifl. :)
6. kjc said:
BEAUTIFUL... words, photos, life. Your happiness just oozes from you.
7. Wendy said:
As always, beautiful. You're a blessing, Heather.
P.S. Stop making me want to have another baby, dammit!
8. Greygirl said:
How have I never noticed Leta's eyelashes before? Jon better start polishing up those shotguns 'cause you'll be beating the boys away soon.
9. Lauri said:
Enjoy every moment of it. It really does end all too quickly...They are soooo "beautifl"...
10. Daddy Scratches said:
I can so relate to how different the second can be from the first. If my son had come second, we'd have been all, "Shit, there's something wrong with this one! We have to send it back!" ... but we didn't know any better, so we just figured all babies were designed to blow up your entire life like a hand grenade. Then my daughter arrived ... and we realized we'd been getting hazed for two years.
Still, despite how much easier the second one seemed, I didn't fall for it, either; I practically had the urologist give me my vasectomy in the delivery room while my daughter's head was crowning.
But enough about me: congrats on your beautiful family. I'm glad you're enjoying having a newborn more this time around.
11. kristin k said:
Your family is gorgeous. Especially Lotta.
12. Marcia said:
Hi,
I just have to say that I really enjoy reading your blog. I have a four-year-old little boy and 3 beautiful dogs and I feel like your writing mirrors my life sometime. I lost on of my dogs yesterday, Bella, to toad poisoning and I have been absolutely devastated since. I haven't stopped crying but this is the first thing I've read that made me smile. She was like my version of Chuck and I miss her dearly. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you.
13. Sue said:
Okay, that about wiped me out.
Beautifl all around.
14. Michelle said:
I have missed the newsletters, too.
Those days when they were excited to tell you everything that happened at school...those were wonderful. Now I have teenagers.
How was school today? "fine"
What did you learn? "nothin"
What's going on the rest of the week? "idunno"
such joy.
15. SupaCoo said:
I am pretty sure your daughters are both smarter than me. And can make better bodily noises, too.
16. Nicole said:
Those spectacular girls are the perfect set. You deserve one-jillion, ten thousand million children. But, considering the way we all live vicariously through you, it's kinda like you and John are the subconscious parents to our kids, too.
Take that!! Now I'm ready to hear more about the Armstrong family donation to my daughter and son's college fund...(c;
Endless happiness to you and yours!
17. Not So Glamorous Housewife said:
Your girls are so precious. It's amazing how wonderful they are. I can't seem to have a conversation without talking about my own...see? My husband and I don't know what we talked about before they came and all we can figure is we may have just drank a lot instead. Congrats on your wonderful family.
18. Anonymous said:
I just love your newsletters. Thank you for sharing your sweet family stories with us.
19. Anonymous said:
Despite my shitty, shitty mood, you have managed to make me smile. Congratulations on your beautiful family, and thanks for making me smile.
20. Kelly Kjellberg said:
that was beautifl! i really got a true sense of your joy!
i was worried we were going to go a day without a post! thankfully no!
21. Melissa N. said:
mmmmmm......contentment.
On a totally different note...I have to share this with you because my family does not quite get the hillarity of the following:
Last night after eating dinner outside, my husband and I were watching our 6 yr. old boy & 2 yr. old girl play with our chickens. Our light brahma rooster, Barack O'Brahma, started to hump a hen named Dot. With out missing a beat Owen shouts, "Hey Barack O'Brahma quit riding Dot, you are not a cowboy! I'm going to put a little hat and bandana on you. Mom, ya know that bookmark you gave me with the horse head on it? Let's tape it to Dot's head."
We were wndering how we were going to explain the humping...problem solved!
22. My Baby Sweetness said:
Very Sweet! I love the newsletters idea and am totally taking it on for my daughter!
23. Jayne said:
Some days, don't you just think you're going to burst from it all? In a good way, of course! I'm so, so very glad for you.
24. Brooke said:
So, so sweet. Those pictures are adorable. They are both so advanced for their ages! Leta's spelling and Marlo's farts! You should be very, very proud :)
25. Zoe, in Ireland said:
Aaaaw...love it! And I'm so glad that the second time around you got one of 'those' babies. They're really very special(that's why I have 3 under three. OMG....I was duped, wasn't I?)
26. LFleur said:
Marlo is a beautiful baby. And it's just possible that she is one of those kids who will be wonderful and easy and fun in every way at every age. It happens!
27. Anonymous said:
Lovely! Thank you for sharing this with us.
~Internet
28. cheryl said:
happy the newsletters are back - love 'em. how awesome for marlo and leta to be able to read these years later. or, tonight, in leta's brainiac case.
29. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said:
I love the first picture. Both of your girls are beautifl =)
Also, I totally blame farts on my baby girl too. I figure it's my right as a mother. I mean, why else would I change a million diapers a day?
30. Erin said:
I'm 29 and my best friend is my 36 year old sister. I hope it's the same for your girls. Although we DID have our battles (Barbies tossed like ninja stars to name one).
31. Jaime said:
I so feel your pain on the "Can't buy wine, but I can make as many babies as I want". Utah is crazy, it makes absolutly no sense. But I love it here.
I have an almost 2-year old, and I often feel like I did the day my mom let me drive off in a car all by myself with a shiny new drivers license. Am I allowed to do this???? There is no way I am responsible enough to RAISE A CHILD, right? But here we are and how amazing it is!
32. Emily said:
They're both so beautiful! Glad to see the return of the newsletters.
33. Mommica said:
You make me want baby #2 - and HGTV - right NOW!
34. Laura said:
I am 28 years old with a PhD in Chemical Engineering and I only learned how to spell beautiful right 2 years ago. Well shit, who am I kidding 50 % of the time I still write bueatiful and let spell check do the rest. You have got yourself a smart, probably-not-future-engineer on your hands :)
35. Tara said:
i always love these. thank you for sharing your family with us. not only do you have a beautiful family, but the love you have for them just pours out of the screen and hangs on every word.
36. caleal said:
Excuse me, I had been paying attention, but then Leta's eyelashes killed me dead. Seriously.
37. Liz said:
Beautiful. Your letter and your girls. Just beautiful.
38. Ceci said:
Dooce, you are the best. I love the way you write about your two daughters! I have two girls as well (3 and 7) and they are still so IN LOVE with each other it makes me wonder what I did to deserve that.
39. Anu said:
Beautiful! It feels new to see a newsletter that is no longer just about Leta, but then, change is inevitable :-) The pictures are awesome and they look so cute together. Am very happy for you and your family.
40. Kelly said:
thank you so much for sharing your life. I'm 9 weeks pregnant (1st time ever!) and I feel like I'm dying. I'm sick all day, every day, and I'm wondering what the heck I got myself into. Posts like these make me think that maybe I'll look back and it will be worth it.
41. Serial said:
My big sister loved me like that, too, my mom said. Until I started talking (followed quickly by talking back).
But still, precious.
42. Becca said:
Beautiful, Heather. I love this.
And HELLO, Leta's EYELASHES?!? Can I borrow them?
43. Jen said:
So glad the newsletters are back... they're a lovely way of quantifying what's going on with life. I am amazed people can read this blog and still manage to write emails stating that you somehow love one child more than the other.
44. SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said:
Love the newsletter. I ended up getting my "easy baby" first. When I had the next it was if God laughed a little and said; "Are you SURE you want to have a baby again, at your age, with a teenager in the house?" And I was all; "Yeah, hit me." Yep, that's pretty much what happened. Not to say I don't love every minute of it...and there is a teenager who absolutley adores and is adored by his little brother...much like Leta and Marlo.
45. Milla said:
the cuteness is really making my ovaries itch. happy for you, heather. fuck the haters, though god bless them cus that monetizing site is really entertaining.
46. XOXO said:
Cheers, Heather - as always.
lovelovelove.
47. Anonymous said:
Oh My God those eyelashes. First time poster. Been reading forever. Love it.
48. beyond said:
beautifl post. i love that leta tells you about her day.
i remember when i stopped telling my parents about my school day. when they would ask me how my day was, i would say 'normal'. it lasted for a few years. i'm surprised they never sent me to boarding school after that started.
49. d3 voiceworks said:
yes, those eyelashes of leta's! gorgeous!
my 5 1/2 year old also cherishes when i pick her up from school, perhaps because i always have lio with me.
at risk of being sent to the hate page, your writing teachers of years past might not like the many, many "she was all, he was all" when "she said, he exclaimed" would suffice. just a little distracting ...
50. Alice said:
Look at those eyelashes on Leta!
51. Katherine said:
I live in Cleveland, and it wasn't until I visited a friend in Colorado that I found out you can't buy alcohol in grocery stores in some states. Considering the Rite Aid down the street from me is also a state liquor store, it was a real culture shock. "Yes, I buy my bourbon and smokes at a drug store... SO WHAT??"
52. Bush Babe said:
I don't know if its 'cause my three best friends (including my sister) just left my house yesterday after filling it for 5 days with kids and chaos and love.
I don't know if its 'cause I am coming down with a serious head cold, and severely over-tired and have to pack today to go away...
I don't know if its 'cause we are recovering from a two-day duststorm...
Or if its just that you write so bloody well...
But that made me cry. Wonderful. Now I cannot breathe at all.
♥
BB
PS You cannot buy wine in Utah? Are you serious?
53. Erika said:
I just have to say that 3 just about killed us. Terrible Twos? No problem! But 3-yr-olds...they have MEMORIES. You can't distract them! But they have no impulse control!
It was then that I read "Raising Your Spirited Child." Six is giving me reason for a refresher...
54. chacha said:
Leta's eyelashes are crazy long! So pretty. You got two girls with beautifl eyes ;o)
55. tracy said:
Really. I don't understand why people hate you so much. You're aces in my book. And not just because you @replied to my tweet this week, but because you totally rock as a mom.
hugs ~
ps loving that my name, e-mail & webpage was saved on the comments; is that a new thing?
56. Savanah said:
*tear*
57. Steroids Blog said:
you have v nice children...
wish i was YOU !
58. Julia said:
That was lovely...thanks for sharing your moments of family with us. :)
59. MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt said:
I understand you have been through a lot and shared a lot, but right now in this moment of time you are a blessed woman. And your family is luck to have you too.
60. Lily Hydrangea said:
what a beautiful beautiful ode to your family, farts and all!
61. repliderium.com said:
I wish I had these letters to read from my mom. Of course, she's an aging hippy so most of them would have been written while she was stoned, but still. I love it.
ps- my captcha word is 136,090. Damn you Dooce! I didn't come here for MATH!!!!
62. Michelle said:
You are such a "beautifl" writer :) Thanks for sharing with us!
63. Melissa said:
Simply lovely! Gooey, sweet, yummy, lovely! I missed the newsletters, too.
64. Divya said:
Beautifully written! I wondered just the other day about your newsletters.. :)
65. Tasha said:
I'm happy your newsletters are back and that you can address them to Not Maria's real name now. I love it. I wish I had something to read that my mom wrote like you do to Leta and Marlo. They're lucky girls. Beautiful words and pictures! Sniff.
66. Erin said:
Can I just say how refreshing it is to hear that someone else's three year old threw themselves on the floor in fits of rage?? We're in the midst of that right now and it's nice to know there are better days on the horizon. What a wonderful read. Thanks for sharing this with all of us!
67. tess said:
As the younger sister, I can vouch that Marlo is in for a treat.
Older sisters inspire maturity, justify bad decision making, compel you to love and grow, and make the hard, not so hard.
I love my older sister, and seeing your daughters makes me happy to see sister legacies living on.
tess.
also, I'm not proud of it, but I googled "buffalo vagina."
Nor am I proud of the fact that I was disappointed in the boring links that showed up as a result. Eeek.
68. Teresa said:
I hadn't made the connection with the screaming baby and advanced reading, but my first grader is doing things I never thought possible for a first grader and she too, was a screamer who aided in my PPD. She will sit for HOURS and read books, I LOVE it!
Also, couldn't help but notice Leta's eyelashes in the last picture. Good Lord! You know the commercial with Brooke Shields and the medicine you can take for eyelashes (because you can't buy false ones at the store that are way healthier for your body)? Leta would make the users of that medication scream in anguish. I'm just saying.
69. Greta said:
What precious, precious girls. Sweet, sleepy, smiley babies are the best, aren't they?!
70. Greta said:
What precious, precious girls. Sweet, sleepy, smiley babies are the best, aren't they?!
71. BakerGirl said:
Okay dooce, you gotta stop it with the precious pictures! You're making my maternal instinct kick in and I'm SO not ready to go there!
Seriously, cute kids and I love this entry. I'm going to go eat some chocolate to calm down this urge to procreate right now. There's no way my kids could eve be that freaking cute.
72. Parsing Nonsense said:
Heh. That's one of the reasons it's great to have a dog around too. Even though his smell WAY WORSE than any human's ever could, our dog takes the blame for every fart that gets emitted in our house.
Which are all Wes', by the way, because I would never.
73. Anonymous said:
All day long I've been irrationally and annoyingly irritated with my two littles (who have been locked up in my house for 5 days with some kind of pig flu and are currently taking turns using the pencil sharpener as a form of entertainment). This letter to your girls made me cry. Thank you. I needed to put things in perspective.
Love,
another mama
74. Anonymous said:
Such gorgeous girls. And Leta's hit that amazing stage where suddenly she lost the baby fat and her arms and legs got really long and it's like, dude, where'd this KID come from? Where'd the preschooler go?
75. Josey said:
Beautifl writing, beautifl children, and a beautifl Mommy... I hope you're having a beautifl day! Thanks for making mine. :)
76. Cindy said:
Aren't kids great? Beautiful girls; awesome pics.
77. The Prima Momma said:
Awww, sisterly love.
I am enjoying my first's third year right now. Year four is different, right? RIGHT?!
I love it when my babies (3yrs and 1yr) hold hands. Cutest thing in the world!
78. CanAmGirl said:
Sometimes I think that my maternal instinct has all but died...30 has come and gone and my plate is so full there doesn't seem to be room for another human being on it...ever...and then I read your blog. Thank you for reminding me why that instinct is beautiful and maybe I shouldn't smother it...yet ;)
79. Teresa said:
Um, I googled buffalo vagina and I'm still as a loss as to what this is. The search results didn't help. Please, fill me in. I can't just ask random people what it is because I don't know what it is and I may be asking something terrible. I would much rather ask on here where I'm simply known as 'Teresa' and you can't look at me like I'm crazy when I ask what buffalo vagina is. Someone, please help!
80. Ameya said:
"Sometimes babies come out screaming and never stop, sometimes they are angry that you did this to them, gave them life and now? Now they have no choice but to live it, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. Turns out those are the ones who can read at a third grade level when they are only five-years-old. I guess that's what they call a trade-off."
I was all DUDE, INTERNET LADY, HOW DO YOU KNOW ME?
And then i realized who you were actually referring to.
Warning: We grow up knowing just how smart we are and JUST who's fault it is we have to keep putting up with all these idiots in the world. Be prepared. My mom wasn't.
81. S said:
Leta's eyelashes are AMAZING.
And I had something else to add, but those eyelashes made me forget all about it.
82. S said:
Oh! I remember now! I was going to say that perhaps "Beautifl" is just the way the youngins are going to be spelling it, what with lolspeak and texting and all that. Maybe she's such a genius that she's linguistically years ahead of the rest of us. We all know that second "u" is unnecessary, anyway.
83. Lindsay said:
Your girls are beautiful! I hope your family will always be as happy as you are now!!
84. Becky said:
What a great summer for those gorgeous girls!
The pictures are to die for.
And go Leta! But please don't be like this mom I met today who had let her NINE YEAR OLD read all of the Twilight books. Even the SPOILER violent vamp sex and the demon baby spine-breaking home caesarian section.
Sorry, that comment got kind of dark.
85. Meagan said:
I am so jealous of Leta's eyelashes. Just sayin'.
86. Dilyara said:
"I can't even believe it's legal in Utah to procreate because it is the ultimate gamble... " Oh, boy! I am your fan for life after that line. You can crush on my couch anytime and I will get you minty drinks and make sure the dust particles don't land on you. :)
87. StephanieSays said:
Oh, the lovely love-e-ness!
The coolest part - is the mad-libs-fill-in-the-blank [verb] [noun] [adjective] of what they do to make you mommy swoon will change -- but the swoon never goes away.
88. Meg said:
This is when I love you best. Very lovely writing on a very lovely subject.
89. christelpistol said:
along with the other readers, i missed the newsletters too. so glad to have them back. and congratulations again on your amazing children.
(p.s. my captcha is "really bhutto". i don't know if the captcha is coming on to me or not.)
90. Jennie said:
Aw, so sweet. Beautiful is a hard word to spell, yo. Leta should be proud!
91. robinv said:
well done as always. Sweet-sweet-sweet! :)
92. Jacqueline said:
That's super cute! Love the pictures! :o) And, I think it's awesome that she can almost spell beautiful, that's definitely something to be proud about.
93. tiffne said:
i just have to tell you that i LOVE the Monetizing the Hate site!!! your responses to the haters are priceless. lovesit! xoxo
94. Theresa said:
So glad you're enjoying motherhood, what a sweet post.
95. Jennifer said:
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You just make me so happy Al Gore invented the Internet. Love you and your blog and your family!
96. Lynne said:
Oh, Dooce, I have missed the newsletters! Thanks so much....just fabulous. I am so happy to know how well Leta is doing and how much she loves her sister.
How could anyone write such horrible things about you? Don't get it. You guys rock....what an awesome family.
97. sylvia said:
Pretty sure this is true for kids as well as partners:
98. Laurie said:
Your post is so beautiful, it makes me regret not having had children.
99. Chrissy said:
This is beautiful. BEAUTIFUL.
I hope that Marlo surprises you and is the perfect baby/toddler/kid/tween/teen. I think you might just deserve it! :)
100. JanaLea said:
What an amazingly beautiful post Heather.
101. AprilMay said:
Oh, I am so jealous of Leta's teacher! I would love to have such a smart little firecracker in my class! Your girls are both just gorgeous.
102. Kelsey said:
So glad things are going much better this time around.
It's such a special time in their lives. Cherish it. Especially the farts - cherish those the most. And then tell future boyfriends who come to the house.
103. Anonymous said:
who are you kidding woman? you cannot possibly be a fit mother when you let caterpillars crawl RIGHT ON YOUR DAUGHTER'S EYES like that! even the little one sees them and she's TERRIFI...what? oh.
never mind.
104. Vanessa said:
Your whimsical descriptions of motherhood make me miss my own dearly.
105. Krystl said:
My heart snapped right in two when I read about Leta's little "I love my sister." I don't have any children, but I'm so looking forward to coming across something like that and wondering how I'll survive the unbearable tenderness.
Also, as a career writer/editor and insufferable smartypants, I cannot even describe how mind-blowing and impressive it is to almost spell BEAUTIFUL at five. Five! And it was only the U at the end! The E-A-U was perfect! Unbelievable. Grammar nerd here is geeking out.
Thank you so much for sharing these things.
106. Cate said:
Beautiful!! My boys are only 22 months apart so my first born didn't really appreciate his younger brother AT ALL! I used to think people were nuts to have kids so far apart in age but I can see the attraction now.
You have a beautiful family and the love you feel for those girls just leapt off the page and smacked me in the face. Thank you for that :)
107. Jennifer said:
Man, stop making me cry. And wanting another baby. I've already got 3 kids. All girls. Including twins. And I don't think I could do it again. But you make me strongly reconsider it!
108. Fosterhood said:
Buffalo vaginas.
Reblogged.
:)
109. Cris said:
Ah, yes, we can all see it. The body language from the eyes and the hand, that extended index finger, so apparently casual, tells it all. She's just waiting, plotting for the moment she has enough muscle strength and motor coordination to grab the hanging thingy and be righteous evil on it.
And that's when the older one comes in, whispering in her ear, "Say Coco did it". And then they'll both bat their eyelashes at you.
You're doomed. But it's a beautifl ride :)
110. Anonymous said:
Completely beautiful. I've missed your blog. If you ever want to quit writing, you could totally make and offer babies for large sums of money. Yes, they are that cute. And clearly the gifted gene would be a bonus. Maybe this would be the end of the economic downturn!
111. Melissa said:
Well I must say...Heather, all previous haters were wrong...you don't love Marlo the most...OBVIOUSLY you love Leta the most, she got a letter every single month...LOL
Those sweet, sweet girls...I was concerned about Leta's response to a bump in her routine with the name of Marlo...and look what a wonderful addition she has been to all your lives.
A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.
Carl Sandburg
112. Anonymous said:
So glad you have an easy, joyful baby this time. You deserve her!
113. Anonymous said:
I so wonder how many people googled "buffalo vagina" after reading this... I'm sure going to. I'm blaming you for inciting this curiosity. BLAME!!
114. Salome said:
I think Lotta and Marie (lol) are just gorgeous, and also? I hope the Hatemail Lady has an aneurism when she counts how many of us think you are AWESOME. Go, dooce!
xoxo
115. Rena said:
They are such pretty girls! Love these newsletters!
116. Denise Laborde said:
Beautifl.
117. Sally said:
We too welcomed a baby girl into our house this summer. It's so neat to see that bond between children grow. I thought this newsletter was sweet, thanks for sharing.
118. Lisa said:
Your girls are gorgeous!! You're so lucky! It's nice to see someone taking the time and enjoying what they got instead of always running after what they don't have. Yes, every baby is different. My experience was opposite of yours, my first is easy going, my second is much more temperamental. My second one is also VERY gassy, I thought it was because he's a boy but it must a second child thing!
119. Anonymous said:
So completely heartwarming.
120. kr said:
Oh, how I enjoy these newsletters! Thanks for the pick-me-up Dooce.
121. Sabrina said:
I so enjoy your blog, it makes me feel normal...lol Your children are adorable and I look forward to be a dedicated reader.
Sabrina
122. Sara said:
That was beautiful!
123. Charity said:
Oh my gosh! Lotta and Maria are so beautifl!!
See, Leta wasn't a cranky baby, it's hard to deal with simple mortals when your so gifted! Hah!
Ya'll are so great!
124. Meredith said:
As always, pure beauty. Both your family and your words.
All of the hating psychotics who spend a disturbing amount of their lives writing shit about you and how you "clearly" hate Leta - obviously have never read a single newsletter you have ever written. Your love for your girls is incredibly clear.
125. Krissa said:
OK, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it and I SWEAR I don't THINK it can jinx anything. I have an 18 and 19 year old, both girls a year and half apart. Now, right there you have immense respect for me, huh? Yes, you do...
What I was gonna say was there is a very good chance you won't see the terrible two's or three's from Marlo, simply because I never got them from mine. I am telling you they both had, very much, her disposition from the beginning and never gave me lick of trouble.
UNTIL
The Dreaded Teenage Years. But, even then they just gave me lip, got incredibly sullen and lazy, and muttered how much they hated me behind my back.
They're past it now and are all human again and it's like we never went through those dark days.
Anyway, just keep in mind if you don't look for it too hard, you might not find it! I'd wish you good luck, but I don't think you're needing it. It's great to see you so on top of the world and your babies are beautiful!
126. Angela said:
thank you <3
127. Mo said:
She looks so TINY on Jon's chest...like a little baby fairy flitted down to fart rainbows and burp unicorn breath...
Totally a Ruse Baby. THEY plant them here on purpose.
128. Renee said:
Wow - look at Leta's eyelashes! She's going to be a stunner someday.
129. Lauren Ursillo said:
I know I should cherish every second with my 4 month old baby boy, but reading about your life with Leta makes me wish for him to be a little bigger, a little more able to hug back, a little more talkative. You have a beautiful family, bless you all! And thank you for sharing it all with us. I look forward to all the awesomeness that Leta will undoubtedly bring back from school this fall!
130. Carly said:
Heather, Leta's eyelashes are INSANELY GORGEOUS.
Those girls are too pretty. Jon, get a shotgun.
131. Surge said:
Jons going to need more than a shotgun, tell him to get a bulldozer.
Maybe Marlo isn't a ruse, but a fairytale come true?!
132. Daisy said:
I missed the newsletters so so much. Thank you for making a newsletter :)
Your girls are stunning, Leta is more an more beautifl (glee) with every day that passes and Marlo is going to be a stunner!
I'm currently re-reading the archives on my long commutes to and from work, Leta is still an infant until I get to work and read the new entries. Who'd have thought that such a screamer could turn into such a lovely and intelligent child! Well done to the Armstrong's for raising such an amazing child
133. Legs said:
Seriously, when are you going to let her start a blog, cause I'M IN! Totally going to get the all the dirt on there lol!
You guys are doing a great job.
xo
134. Elizabeth_K said:
Your daughters are lovely and Leta is brilliant and Marlo is lovely and a TERRIFIC farter ...
135. Alyxherself said:
Yeah.
136. Nicole Johnson said:
Such a sweet letter to the girls and Leta is a smart patootie! I so know what you mean about turning 3, though it was 18 months for us the first time and it was a good thing at the height of the terrible two's I was already pregnant because THAT I can't imagine doing more than the two times I am going to do it now (baby is 18 months now)! That, and, if I could survive more sleep deprivation...I'm already too obsessed with it as it is. If I had another "bad" sleeper, I don't know what I'd do! Good thing we're done now. Are you? Or, do you think you could have another? :)
137. Magatha said:
Never stop asking your girls about their day, even when they're old enough to make faces at you and look bored. You're their mom: you get a lifetime Dork Pass. Keep on talking.
Hey! Remember that great photo of you and the World Avon Overlord Mom-Person? Where you are wearing that frosted pink lipstick and a lot of hair flung over one shoulder, and a pissed off expression, standing next to your bright-eyed, cheerful mom?
And it's okay. Plus, your girls might not even be as bizarre as you were.
I love your family of six. (Coco and Chuck made me write that.)
138. Tara said:
What a sweet letter. And your girls are just beautifl (she's going to cure cancer or something someday!). :)
PS Leta's eyelashes are incredible! Grown women pay for eyelashes like those to be stuck to their eyelids.
139. Gypsy said:
Those eyelashes. Good lord.
140. Desiree Fawn said:
Your ladies are fabulous and TOTALLY identical!
So sweet!
141. Lara said:
I still remember when my first born (now fourteen, god help me) read he word 'neighbor', without help, in a Harry Potter book while in elementary school. What memories your girls will have thanks to this site, Heather. Good and bad, but all worthwhile and meaningful.
142. Erika said:
So, yeah, I read it. And then my very patient 12 year old son let me read it out loud to him because I was laughing and giggling to myself and he wanted to know what that was about. And now...now I am crying. Quietly, happily, crying for joy.
Life is good.
143. Jenna Jean said:
I like how you are including both of them in one newsletter. The last picture is adorable.
144. E. Christopher Clark said:
I missed the newsletters, too. And this is a brilliant return. And quite beautiful.
145. Danielle said:
First of all, the picture of Leta and Marlo made me ever so slightly misty in the eyes.
Second of all, I think that Marlo and my son Marley may be destined to be friends someday. Marley is almost 4 months old and also burps and farts like a grown man. And (AND!) he is also a Ruse baby. He is so happy and full of smiles. I will not be tricked, and you have confirmed my thoughts!
146. Anonymous said:
awwww - that picture of Jon and Marlo?? well, it made me tear up -- i miss those days -- my baby is 27 and I would give just about anything to have that time back -- to do it again -- better this time. Heather-- enjoy it - for me.
147. CookFamily said:
Utah is so confusing, but, you have fry sauce.
148. Wendy said:
Yay for your sweet little family. Ah yes we have one of those readers. By 2nd grade he was reading 6/7th level. Now he edits my blog, when appropriate. So you have some help coming your way
149. sorelle said:
Heather you make me cry and have hope that all this morning sickness is for a good cause. Thank you
150. Erin said:
Dang.
I had my second daughter 11 days ago and there's nothing like a good newsletter (well, and a mix of post partum hormones) to turn the water works on full bore... :) Thank you for this!
erin
151. Balkan Girl, Now Down Under said:
Oy, t'is the eyelash chorus...!
Count me in as one who also did a double-take when I saw Leta's GORGEOUSLY THICK AND LONG LASHES! I might just be a little envious of a five-year-old. Hell, who WOULDN'T be?!
I mean, I've got nice longish lashes but nothing like THAT!
I echo the sentiment for Jon to start with the shotgun polishing, stat. :D
Oh, and I was all 'whoa whoa WHOA!' when you said that al-kee-hool can't be bought in Utah grocery stores. At first I thought, okay, I get it, there's a majority Mormon population but STILL, what about the rest, oh THE UNFAIRNESS?!
Until I realised (read: googled) there are special liquor stores where it CAN be sold, and I breathed a sigh of relief for all non-Mormons.
I mean, imagine not being able to enjoy a glass of red?
::shudder::
152. Cathy Carey said:
Beautiful, I'm glad you started the newsletter again I missed it.
153. Andrea said:
I know what you mean about "The Ruse". My son is 15 months old, and has been what they call an "Easy Baby" but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Either the three's will be a nightmare, or he'll be a difficult teenager... something like that. Or maybe hypothetical baby number two will be a hell raiser. Who knows. Parenting is such a crapshoot. Awesome, but still a crapshoot.
154. Tanna said:
The way you write about motherhood is just fabulous. You can describe the exact way mothers feel so beautifully, words I could never think of myself. Reading about your journey as a mother makes me want to have more babies, just to feel all those same feelings again but with your beautiful thoughtful and funny phrases in my head! Thank you for bring laughter and light to my life.
155. Fiona said:
They're all looking gorgeous! And marlo looks so Leta hehe
156. Lisa said:
You are such a gifted writer. That was moving and hilarious all at the same time. Much like my favorite HGTV shows....
157. Melissa said:
I love the image of you kicking your leg while you watch HGTV. I feel the same way! Your family is beautiful. Congratulations again! You certainly deserve an "easy" baby after everything you have been through!
158. Jessica said:
I have a degree in journalism and a Masters in Library Science - it took me 20 years to figure out how to spell beautiful, so, yep, that's something to be proud of!
And you're right - it is a trade-off. I was the first born - I was the "smart one" the "talented one" the "gifted one" (in spite of the "beautiful" thing). I was also the "difficult one." The one that NEVER slept (and, I am sorry to say, still don't) and screamed non-stop. The one that ended up with life-long anxiety problems, the one afraid of everything, the one stuck to my mother like paste in her hair.
My brother was the "easy" one who never fussed, the "handsome" boy without a nervous, neurotic bone in his body. As a child I was acutely aware that I was "hard" and Matthew was "easy."
And you know what? It's ALL GOOD. I never felt bad, I never felt "unfavored" and I certainly never felt anything other than loved. Because let me tell you, I have always known that loving a hard kid is more taxing than loving an easy one, and my mother did nothing if not love BOTH of us fiercely.
So, you go on and gush about the joy that is Marlo in her ease. Tell those screaming "you love her more" to suck it - those people have nothing better to do. You write beautiful letters to your children, and they will see your love - and your humor - and they will both be just fine.
159. K*OS (Keep On S'myelin!) said:
The letters you write to the girls are wonderful. And the pictures capture the moments beautifully!
160. shawn michelle said:
my heart aches with the sweetness. i know almost EXACTLY what you mean. i say this with my 10 week old in my arms. oO(sigh)
amen
161. Catherine McP said:
At 49 yrs old, I want my two twenty somthing year old baby daughters back! BUT I got a grandson and a grand-daughter on the way..Wait til THAT happens! Someone elses wonderful worrys and wonderful times with their kids..Its unbelievable.
162. Beth said:
Love it! Love it! Love it!
I have missed the newsletters so much. They are my favorite posts of yours. Reading your newsletters to Leta inspired me to begin my own blog for my two girls. I couldn't agree more with so much that you say about motherhood, having daughters and life. I can see you glowing with happiness through your writing. Two beautifl daughters will do that to you.
163. Jamie said:
Don't be fooled by the easy going 2nd child into having the 3rd. It IS a ruse. The third child will come out and be even more high maintenance than you thought was possible. (Then again, I'm pregnant with my fourth so I guess it can't be THAT bad...lol.)
164. Rachel said:
Yeah - the newsletters are back! I love the sisters. Raising Leta to be a reader - that will be the best gift you ever give her. Plus, she will read to Marlo and then Marlo will be reading chapter books at age four.
165. Catherine Blair Pfander said:
Ugh, I have to start reading your site with a tissue box at the ready. I'm always so teary-eyed and sniffly afterward. What a pussy.
Enjoy your familial bliss!--I have to blow my nose.
xx
166. Mommy's Blend said:
Simply beautiful. This gave me baby fever. But then I remember I have a 3 year old who screams bloody murder and does the whole lets slam my body onto the ground in a fit of rage because mom wont let me have one more m&m shes evil and mean and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... that's when I think, oh my god I spawned satans child.
Then he smiles.
But then I remember the fits and the head butting and the freak outs.
I'm not falling for your cute babyness, either.
167. Angela said:
Your children are beautiful. Keep up the good work! I love reading your blog.
168. Anonymous said:
i read blogs. i don't comment. i found yours through jezebel. i am the not-so-ultimate voyeur, just lazy and nosy. I don't like kids or married people, not because i am bitter and single, just because i am me. i don't identify with liberals or conservatives but am from Nevada-as if that can and should explain everything. BUT, i now comment (understanding it may mean nothing in the milieu of shit you find yourself surrounded in daily) to you...part of me hopes YOU read it, part of me hopes all those shitty people who take time out to call you out (when clearly that time could be well spent cleaning their own glass houses) read it, part of me doesn't care. This is all a way to say: keep doing what you do. i hope you make money at it and lots of it. hell, I hope I see pics (amazing photo quality btw) of leta in college. you are amazing for letting anyone in your life and the fact that you have made your life a living means you should be applauded. this is the truth from a single, cynical (loves her bf) girl, who only found your blog b/c whirlpool has a lot to make up for, girl who says: thank you.
169. Magatha said:
Jessica at 158 - thanks. Excellent comment. Vivid and touching. Um, thanks. I can't think of what else to say.
170. cee said:
I was an advanced reader at Leta's age too. Just keep encouraging her. The library was my favourite place. And one day, she will sit in an advanced literature class in college, and she will be bored because she already read the books the professor is talking about.
171. Joanna said:
Marlo looks so much like Leta in the picture where she's looking at the red toy!
172. Tanya said:
That last picture is adorable!
173. Barbara E. said:
But is it legal to type "buffalo vagina" in utah? Beautif(u)l girls, beautif(u)l newsletter. Glad to see it again.
174. Lilliah said:
@21. Melissa N.
HILARIOUS story!
As for YOU Heather, now I know that your haters are totally onto you. Or is it "on to you"? Never mind- the point is, you just typed Marlo's name four times, and Leta's? Only THREE. And then some other time you just referred to her as "the kid".
Despicable.
Hee ;)
175. Jessica said:
So gorgeous. And glad to see you're back with the newsletters--I missed them too. I love, love, love the picture with Jon and Marlo. I hope someday I have a similar shot of my future husband and baby.
On a tech note:
I haven't noticed a Marlo tag yet in your posts/archives.
Related faux-snark note: I guess we really know which daughter is your favorite (rhymes with pita)
Good job! I'm also totally amused by the Monetizing the Hate site, and think it's rad that you're donating the proceeds to charity. FOLLOW!
Jessica
Captcha: Nons Blockage
176. Anonymous said:
Who is the boy in that picture with Leta?
177. Bubbles said:
Good Job Mama! Loved reading this one.
178. Kat said:
beautifl girls, beautifl post
179. Jan said:
omgod(ess). inarticulate me. you so deserve this joy.
hey, suggest Bryn Mawr College to Leta...
180. Betnface said:
That was really sweet. I should be writing about my son like that. Your such a good mom!!!
181. Hope said:
Thanks once again for keeping us up on your life - we love it.
182. Rebecca, Idaho said:
oh so so sweet. your girls will love those one day.
183. shelli said:
Um. You KNOW I totally had to go and google buffalo vagina.. OH my. Shouldn't have done that.
Thank goodness you shared that Leta can NOW pump her legs - I've been begging Malka to pump her damn legs at the swing for the entire summer, and unless I'm sitting there, showing her how, she just keeps her legs in one spot, and asks me to push. But she's not quite 4. She knows that other kids are or are not pumping their legs, but she doesn't always remember to do it. Glad I have two more summers of pushing her.
184. SW said:
Umm, so, I've never commented on anything like this before, but there is a reason you have made a (pretty good) living off your writing. You are freaking great! And not just because you're a mom/I'm a mom ... Though that's how I found you.
I write professionally, kinda', but these are full on word pictures. I had the demon spawn firstborn (love 'em, wouldn't trade 'em, have no idea how I lived through his first scream-filled year) and this column even made me want to procreate again. And I don't think I have to tell you, non-sleeping, non-happy, constantly nursing child=AWESOME birth control. Unleash a couple of those on a high school and teen pregnancy would be vanquished in days. Truly. If we had five baby-free minutes, sex was not what we had in mind. Those women who get pregnant again, "accidentally," when their kid is like eight weeks old? I'm all, how did you find the time? My husband would have had to literally trip and fall on me while our son nursed--cause he was ALWAYS nursing--to even achieve physical contact at that point, let alone anything more interesting.
Where was I again? Oh yeah. YOU ROCK!
185. Shannon said:
Love these! I love how you cherish the everyday moments. Everyone should take time to write these letters to their children!
186. Lisa said:
hmmm. When you started writing these letters, bet you didn't think Leta would be able to read them by herself by the time she was in kingergarten. Very awesome, that.
187. Cate said:
Totally googled 'buffalo vagina'. Totally disappointed with results.
188. Natalie said:
LOVE the newsletters, glad they are making a comeback :)
Your daughters are so lovely, and I can't believe how much Leta (aka Lotta, hehe) has grown! She is spelling! and reading! It makes me so happy to see a young child enjoying these things, as Im constantly encouraging my boyfriend to get his nephew OFF the video games and into a book. Yet, reading, to him, is a "chore". (he just turned 6) ugh. Depressing!
Also, since being unemployed now for the first time in who-knows-how long, all I have been watching is HGTV and Food Network and I feel as though I can stage a home and cook you dinner all in about an hour! ha.
Great entry, thanks so much for sharing, as usual!
189. Erica said:
Your girls are so beautiful- Leta's hair is so long and so pretty, too! Loved this post- I think the newsletters are always my favorite posts! Thanks for sharing, again.
190. Rollie said:
You brought tears to my eyes yet again.
191. Karen said:
This entry is absolutely lovely. What you say is fantastic, but the pictures put it over the top. I am beyond jealous of Leta's mile-long eyelashes and Marlo's big blue eyes..
And just for the record I actually really LOVE when people use capitals to express things. That whole shouting things is like something they teach you in school about the Internet which is totally lame and untrue in actual practice.
Keep us posted on Leta's reading.. gotta love how the nerd-child doing so well already (I was one too)! I missed the newsletters, so I'm glad to see one again.
Thanks Heather for making my day a little brighter!
192. Susan said:
Have six more and Leta and Marlo and I will have the same number of sibling. Cool. Can you stand one more comment on Leta's eyelashes? And I vote we permanently change the spelling of beautifl. Thanks for sharing the photos of your wonderful family.
193. Josey said:
I've already commented once earlier today, but I find myself endlessly checking your site for updates...and I just wanted to say that I really love that you are who you are and I love reading about your life...and my husband and I are "working" on our first child right now - and reading your site make me (terrified) excited about the whole deal. :) Thank you!!
194. Anonymous said:
thank you for sharing them with all of us.
195. CookingSchoolConfidential.com said:
Sure, you write beautifully, but it is the pictures that get me. I just want to whip up a batch of my mayonnaise and dip those cheeks in it - such sweeties!
Remember this moment. And be happy.
Cheers!
196. Be Like the Squirrel, Girl said:
This is so sweet. This post is what we lovingly call "Bad Birth Control" because it makes me want to have another baby!
197. Sunnie G Baker said:
Thanks for making me cry for the FIFTIETH time today Heather! I just found out today my husband and I are expecting our first baby, and I CANNOT WAIT to write letters to him/her!
198. Anonymous said:
U are so lame and UGLY!!!
199. Melany said:
aw, this was so sweet! i've read your blog for only a few months now and i'm a first time mom of a one year old girl...and this post is kinda making me baby hungry! (don't tell my husband). i think the baby's # 1 weapon to sucker you into reproducing again is their wonderful heavenly baby smell (when they're clean and not covered in their own poop, that is).
200. Anonymous said:
Why do u always brag about yourself (number 26 and how much power your tweets have = WTF???) and your kids??? Do u really think you're all that? Have you looked in a mirror? I feel sorry for you because clearly, u live in a fantasy world! All those people who follow you are just as pathetic as you!!!
201. spank videos said:
Great entry, thanks so much for sharing, as usual! What you say is fantastic, but the pictures put it over the top. I am beyond jealous of Leta's mile-long eyelashes and Marlo's big blue eyes..
And just for the record I actually really LOVE when people use capitals to express things. That wholefree adult videos shouting things is like something they teach you in school about the Internet which is totally lame and untrue in actual practice.
202. Anonymous said:
so. happy. for. you.
203. ALISHA said:
That was soooooo sweet it made me tear up at the memory of being a child running to mom.... I don't tear up ever!!! So cute. Remember this time...
204. HeadacheSlayer said:
Between becoming an aunt for the first time, and seeing pictures of your lovely girls, my ovaries are having their own vitriolic screed. It's a conspiracy.
I am so happy for your family :)
205. Jane said:
Beautifl post!
206. Beth said:
Love the newsletters. Keep on keeping on!
207. Crystal said:
I missed these too!! I was wondering if you were going to just stop and not tell us. I didn't want to be a crazy who emailed you to tell you to write them again just because I enjoy them that much. You make me more excited about my baby due next month! I hope I get a ruse baby, but if I get a crazy cry baby I at least hope they turn out half as smart as Leta so I can brag too. Thanks for the posts.
208. Ella said:
I read your blog every day, this is the first time I comment. I whish you and your family all the best!
209. Alexa said:
I am so very happy for all of you.
You do make my uterus hurt, though (this is with longing), with every tale you tell of Leta or Marlo, easy or hard. Because I don't think I am ever going to be that lucky to have one, let alone two beautiful children (biologically or otherwise). But that does not make me feel any less when I read about your girls, so thank you.
And yes, the ridiculously precocious reading does have serious side effects, as my mother will tell you in great detail if you ask her.
210. Eternally Distracted said:
When I read your posts I soooo want to have children ... but after hearing my partner explain that children are easy because when they get to five they can look after themselves I am not sure we (partner) is ready just yet!! I will happily revel in your adventures instead for the time being!!
211. Kelly said:
You have a beautiful family. Reading these reminds me how beautiful my own is. I wish I could write about it as well as you do. Thanks for sharing.
212. Zwolsche Diva said:
Ahw, precious!
I think this was one of the best letters to your daughters!
213. Lily said:
Oh. My. Goodness. Please, please, please don't post such cute pictures again. You're making some of us want to have lots and lots and lots of babies.
214. maria said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5fLvqDjNR4
http://www.youtube.com/user/HirukideFN
215. Grumpy said:
call me clucky but I look at pics of Marlo (and Leta) and I get all teary. I love what you share with us - feels like we get to be part of the family :)
Much love from Perth, Western Australia xo
216. Julie said:
"Sometimes babies come out screaming and never stop ........ Turns out those are the ones who can read at a third grade level when they are only five-years-old. I guess that's what they call a trade-off".
Heather, no truer words have ever been spoken. I was lucky to survive my first (a boy now aged five). I just asked him to write, "I love my sister and she is beautiful. He wrote it without any mistakes and then said well I do love her and she is beautiful. (He has a sister Miss 2).
Then he asked why I made him write it and I explained and showed him a picture of Leta. And he said well she is beautiful too. And tell her that beautiful is a really hard word to write and I had to think about it for a while. Oh I love him so much, but will never forget the pain he put me through. He would be such a cute match for Leta if you ever come to Australia.
217. Grumpy said:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH - is that kid with Leta wearing YELLOW CROCS???????????
218. Jess said:
you might lucked out! my friend tells her mum everything!
and I agree with the rest, Leta's going to break some hearts... does Mormon allow erm holding of hands? so i guess Jon can relax a while more
219. leslie said:
My kids are just about 4 years apart in age. I always say that if I had had my daughter first I would have had a second kid a lot sooner. My son was not a BAD kid, per say, but he was not easy either. Oh...the tantrums...they were epic. And, even at 7 1/2 they can still be astounding at times. And, yes, he is astoundingly smart too. My daughter though...all sweetness and light...all the time. Even when she is tired. She is 3 1/2 now and although she can show some stubbornness at times I can't remember one single tantrum in her entire life. At the most I get the hands on the hips, lower lip pout on occasion.
So, I totally get the entire "procreation is gambling" thing...
220. dubiousMa said:
Beautiful, beautiful. Almost makes me want to have another one. Almost. Actually, now that I think about it, nah..
221. Alexis said:
Must you keep reminding us how brilliant Leta is, and what an advanced reader the kid is already? I know this is just your way of covering up the fact that she couldn't walk until she was 2 1/2 years old and quite obviously suffers from some sort of autism spectrum disorder. People with Asperger's tend to be pretty smart. It doesn't take away from the fact that something is wrong with her.
Admit it! She needs some early intervention.
Also, stop dressing her like she is Punky Brewster, for God's sake. She looks ridiculous, and I am sure all the kids at school are mocking her. And do you own a brush or comb in your house? I swear, I have never seen the kid with a straight part in her hair. Oh yeah, I forgot - your life is SO BUSY that you just can't find the time to part your kid's hair. Oh, the life of Heather is so hard!
222. Candice said:
I love these newsletter, your girls are going to be amazed one day while they are reading them.
223. Mercy said:
Why the fuck do people care about Leta not having a straight part in her hair? Geez, if that is all you have to worry about I'm happy for you. But I bet if I looked closely at you I'd find that your skin isn't flawless or that your grey roots are showing or that your fashion sense is no longer current. LEAVE THE KID ALONE. Do you kick kittens, too?
My kid is high-functioning autistic so I bet I know a bit more about it than you. You think Leta "suffers" on the spectrum? Eat shit, asshole.
The kids are gorg, Heather and I'm not just kissing your ass.
224. Becky said:
Longtime reader and I have been hoping you would continue in some way with your newsletters. Your girls will grown up and cherish those beautifl (Leta is so clever and hilarious!) ramblings of yours. Motherhood is a blessing.
225. Penelope said:
Beautifully written, stunning pictures, sweet moments :) The girls obviously have a wonderful mother who loves them deeply.
226. Penelope said:
On a second note: To be honest, I could not handle the comment of #221 being said about my child. Sending extra love and unicorns.
227. Karen said:
Leta's eyelashes are phenomenal!! Oh my, I'd pay big money for those.
228. Anonymous said:
I read your webpage everyday and it makes me laugh and smile : ) I wish you all the happiness in the world, I have a son who is 2 1/2 and we are about to try for another, seeing the pictures and hearing what you have to say make me want another one so bad! I pray that he or she will be as good as Marlo though : ) My first experience was like yours, so this time around I'm hoping that it is way better!
Thanks again for sharing with the universe!! I appreciate it and will continue to read everyday : )
229. Jenine said:
Anyway, here we are a family of four headed...
Forgive me -- I was expecting a noun after those words. Thanks for the giggle. I'm so glad you got an easy one the 2nd time around. And with your experience you know how to appreciate her!
230. Melody said:
Being the mother of a new 5 year old daughter and also a newbie (3 weeks old) daughter, you and I do have quite a bit in common - besides the fact you live in the US and I live in the UAE.... My 5 year old not long started school and learning to spell and read and life just seems like it is spinning and my girls are growing and shite, ain't life just BEAUTIFL sometimes? (Besides the one case of mastitis, the broken sleep and the constant feeding...)
*grin*
231. Natalie said:
Your girls are lucky to have you...and blessed to be surrounded in your abundant love.
232. Pattie said:
What a beautiful letter to Leta and Marlo. I've missed your monthly newsletters. :) Someday both girls will love reading them.
233. Ania said:
That last picture should be blown up to poster size. What a sweet, beautiful moment.
234. Katy said:
Hi Heather,
Thanks for reminding us that your girls are lovely and amazing. You're a lucky gal.
Hi Alexis,
Thanks for reminding the entire Internet that you are a whacked out psychopath with obvious emotional issues.
Jeeze.
235. Amanda said:
Good lord, can we just delete the comments from the haters? Who are these losers?
Loved this post.
236. Darra said:
I know you have been under lots of stress since having Marlo (bout with PPD, haters, washing machine fiasco, etc.). But I love that you are happy with your family and still able to deal with everything that life is throwing at you. Best wishes for continued happiness!
237. Christy said:
Wanted to post this comment on your shingles post but I didnt' see a place and I was tempted to post a nice rant post entitled, "Dude, why do you make it so hard to post a freaking comment?" But then I realized that you'd probably have a nice, valid response & call me a moron so I didn't. :)
About The Shingles - they're always "the shingles" not "shingles", the same way my dad always got "the lumbago". My younger sister got it this past year because she stressed so much over throwing her sister-in-law a baby shower. Yes, that is an inordinate amount of stress over a baby shower, no it wasnt' b/c the sis-in-law is such a witch, it's b/c my sis is such a perfectionist. So if anyone calls you crazy for stressing so much over Coco that you go shingles, tell them at least you didn't stress that much over throwing a party.
Oh, and for Jon, he will be forevermore able to tease you over the shingles as in "I don't know if you want to plant a garden, Heather, it might stress you so much you'll get the shingles again" or "I think we'd better stop this conversation right now lest you get the shingles". B/c I tease my sis about it constantly and I can never remember that the word shingles, so I substitute the word herpes, which really riles her up. It's more fun than jazz hand shingles. :)
238. Anonymous said:
beautiful post. could we just maybe have left out the part about the college boys? other than that beautiful.
btw, sometime you get the difficult baby then they turn out to be adhd and ld in math and reading. crap.
then you get the awesome baby #2 that makes you feel like you somehow ruined baby #1 and it's all your fault. you ever feel that way too?
239. Alisha said:
Just precious! I think I'll go wake up my hubby and try to make a baby...I'm feeling inspired! :p
240. Beth said:
They are so beautiful! Your writing will never cease to amaze me - just the right blend of poetry and irreverence ;)
241. Carra said:
Your newsletters are always the best. I always find myself crying towards the end because they're so sweet.
The Armstrongs are a very lucky family.
- Carra
242. Swiper said:
Dear Dooce,
Well you managed to melt even my cold, dark heart with this last post. And I'm not even one of your asskissing minions. Your girls are "beautifl."
Your pal,
Swiper
243. Montyna said:
Life after my second baby was incredible. And it gets so much better. In just a little while Leta will be able to share tastes and playgrounds and books and new toys. I know you can't possible love Leta more then you do now, but you'll be more and more in awe of her as her big sister-ness develops.
And when mine were teens, and even more now that they're grown, it was still wonderful. It feels good that I didn't have to send them out in the world alone (I didn't so much as send them, as they escaped, with me latched to their ankles screaming NOT YET!). Knowing that they have each other is a wonderful thing.
244. the niffer said:
:)
You always make me smile. Great newsletter. Beautiful pics.
245. JessiCat said:
What a beautifl post. I love the newsletters. Please keep them coming. Reading that brought an enormous smile to my face. Your posts always do! Congrats on those 2 gorgeous offspring, for Leta being a virtual genius (dude, she could totally kick my ass in school work! and i am 31! haha!), and on the wonderfulness of Marlo's farts. May you all have a life full of farts, smiles & laughter! And JAZZ HANDS!!! (minus the SHINGLES! of course)
Have a great weekend!
Jessica
246. Holly said:
Loved this post because it echoes my own two daughters so closely. We have a new baby almost the same age as Marlo and she is so good and so easy THAT SHE FREAKING SCARES US. Never cries, never fusses, just smiles, sleeps, eats and farts like you said. It's kind of creepy. We're fully expecting her to turn into a Hellspawn when she's 13 but for now we're just tiptoeing around her in an attempt not to upset this delicate balance of awesomeness. Like you, I finally get what all the fuss is about baby euphoria.
247. Sara said:
tears! crying! how sweet...
248. Lauren said:
Ohhh...that last line...so sweet!
249. Penelope said:
Babies are false advertising.
250. Meredith said:
That is too precious. It sounds like they're both doing quite well, too -- great job!
251. Jenn said:
I love the newsletters. I am so glad you decided to keep doing them.
Your beautiful girls are going to cherish these when they are older.
252. Theresa said:
Your children are very fortunate to be loved so much. You are a good mother.
253. Donna said:
I can fully relate to your happiness about your children's accomplishments (i.e., reading and farting) and the joy you receive from Leta's daily school stories. My first child is a boy and to say he is less effusive than Leta is an understatement. Everyday when I picked him up at kindergarten I'd ask, "What'd you do today?", followed by "And then what'd you do?", followed by "What'd you do next?".... Finally, one day he turned to me and said, "Mommy if you want to know everything wouldn't it be easier if you just went to school with me?"
I'm glad you're enjoying everyday, Heather, and sharing the joy with your readers.
254. Rachel said:
so, so fucking fabulous. BEAUTIFL, indeed.
:D
255. Anonymous said:
I used to brag up the reading and spelling skills too in my three to five year old, then other peculiarities came along. No bike riding ability until age 9, still not tying shoes at 9, slowness with math, and all sorts of other things, problems with noise, odd food issues, hand flapping when excited. Turns out those are symptoms of Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD), difficulties (or what I consider "differences") in nonverbal or visual-spatial learning. Just something for readers to keep in mind. "Genius" is often offset in another area, different kids learn differently.
256. MissCaron said:
OMG. I almost cried. Beautiful entry today. Beautiful family you've got there, Heather. Cherish every moment!
257. Kristan said:
:)
Yay for the return of the newsletters.
258. Renee said:
I'm afraid of my two year old. She talks about going to school all the time. She thinks she needs to learn how to read... RIGHT NOW! I'm afraid if she learns how to read RIGHT NOW that I will have to hide my bills and self help books from her. Because I KNOW she will find them and then tell my mother-in-law how much debt we are in.
Smart kids are scary sometimes
259. lisa mertins said:
usually those easy one's come first and the time bomb doesn't go off till age 11. so don't be duped by an enchanted first 10 years. you have been WARNED!
260. Jamie said:
So beautiful! If I can never come up with a letter for my child, maybe I'll just let her read yours and tell her that I feel exactly the same.
261. Betsy said:
I love kids like Leta! She's such a kook. I've watched the pink eyes video so many times (first obsessing on your camera's DOF, then fascinated by her charming weirdness). It's like she has an adult sense of humor. You can totally tell she hangs out with her parents a lot, and it makes for such great personality!
262. megan g said:
Were you teary-eyed by the time you finished this post? I was and I don't even have kids!
263. Kim said:
What a wonderful newsletter! Your girls are lucky to have you as a mother.
My pain-in-the-ass kid came first. Thank God we were dumb and didn't know all babies were so needy and demanding.
The second child was a blessing from God. It was the pregnancy from hell, but the resulting child was so laid back, I had to keep reminding myself this was my payback for not committing suicide from the hell child three years previous.
Now they are teenagers, the oldest is still a pain-in-the-ass, keeping us on our toes at all times. The youngest is still my "Angel baby". She continues to be as laid back as she always was.
It's sometimes hard to believe both of these children were spawned from the same two parents.
It sounds like you are on a path to discovery on just how different two kids can be. Enjoy the ride. I know I am.
264. Sarah said:
I can't understand how so many people can comment so many horrible things that you can dedicate an entire site to it, the love for you kids and family is evident and completely obvious through your writing!! You are one of the few mothers who actually make me understand wanting to have children, unlike the moms I see on Facebook, etc. who always make motherhood sound like a horrible chore and the last thing on earth anyone should ever do. So many of your posts speak to me, not just the topics on motherhood, but those on accepting the crazy genes you are dealt also. I probably would have never known someone else struggled with anxiety and depression like I do without stumbling across this site. Things like that are never spoken about in my family or circle of friends. Thank you for being honest and realistic, you help more people than I think you know!
265. Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said:
My second baby was so laid back...he completely skipped the terrible twos, and threes and fours.
God that was awesome!
Yes, I'm bragging.
266. Anonymous said:
I too had a daughter reading at a high level at a very young age (reading Little House on the Prairie novels at age 5), and she too cried alot as a baby,I had PPD, etc... then I had child number 2, two years later,,,,he ate, he slept, he laughed, and he too became my ruse....but you know what, number 3, five years later, was even more laid back and has brought more sunshine to our lives than I can explain....they are 19, 17 and 11 now, and just so you know, our oldest is in her third year of university, (she skipped a year in grade school) and she is a driven, motivating, brilliant young adult...they all find their place in the world, and in our hearts...
I find your blog both entertaining and thought provoking...keep it up!
267. akm said:
I have MAJOR eyelash envy.
Beautifl family. Thank you for sharing.
268. karen said:
Can I say how often I've read or heard the words "Carrara marble" today? A ridiculous amount and I've only been awake for three hours so far.
269. SCG said:
Ah, you have such a beautifl family...I too suffered with PPD (I was ashamed to admit it and as a result suffered in silence, how f*cked up is that?) and my second child was so adorable and sweet but I was too messed up to realize it...gah, the regrets...so, I became medicated and my 3rd one was a true joy because I Could enjoy it...I think I can understand in some small part what you are feeling...Congratulations again, Heather, you have a wonderful family.
270. Lauren said:
I love your blog and your newsletter. I am a mom of a 3-year-old boy and what really resonated with me in this newsletter is that moment when you pick your "baby" up from school and they run to you like they've been waiting their whole life for you to show up. The light in my boy's bright blue eyes and that huge smile as he runs to me yelling "MOMMY!" makes every single tantrum worth it!
271. Meagan G said:
Great entry! I just know your girls are going to love to read the newsletters when they get older! Your girls are gorgeous, SMART and champion burpers and farters.. cant get any better!
Thank you for sharing.
272. Meredith said:
I absolutely love this entry because it inspires me to do the same for my boys. What a treasure your girls will have.
Thank you for reminding me how amazing every little detail is. Every puke, burp, fart and poop. Every hug - every kiss. Every fight over bedtime and every cry that wakes you up in the middle of the night. All of it goes by so fast and we get so frustrated. At the end of the day, there is just nothing better.
273. JennKstep said:
Oh. Em. GEE!
I am so completely jealous of Leta's eyelashes.
I'm glad you're doing the newsletter again.
274. Lori O said:
I always love your photos. What camera do you use and do you process them much? The color is always so vivid!
275. Belle said:
Tears!!
I've missed newsletters.
276. kathleen said:
this was a huge improvement on your shingles video! please don't put this on monetizing hate. I'm not hating, I'm just sayin' IS ALL.
that shingles video was WEIRD.
277. Missives From Suburbia said:
OMG! I almost had a third child, because my second one was such a dream. Fortunately, before we got the thumbs up to resume marital relations, my excellent sleeper became a truly crappy sleeper. To which my pediatrician replied, "I tell people who have good sleepers not to get used to it. It's virtually the ONLY thing you can count on with babies -- that they'll become lousy sleepers at some point." Why don't they put THAT in the baby books?
278. Marie said:
Hi Heather - really enjoyed reading this. Made me treasure even more those moments when I go to pick up my kindergarteners (twin boys) with their little brother and all 3 brothers rush to hug each other. The little brother (who is almost 2) says his brothers' names all day long he misses them so.
Thank you for sharing your lovely writing and sentiments.
Oh, and I loved the SHINGLES video. Spread the word - there is a vaccination you can get to prevent that but you often have to pay for it yourself (plus I think you have to be over 60...)
279. Tove said:
Dooce, I officially love you. You are awesome and your family are too. Love from Sweden!
280. Lori Magno said:
Maybe the best newsletter ever.
So beautifl.
281. BurningNymph said:
Beautiful. Beautiful girls, beautiful writing, beautiful family...
282. Stefiny said:
I also googled 'buffalo vagina'.
I think I might just make that my new cuss word! My husband likes to use 'wank stain'. I think my sudden exclamation of 'Buffalo vagina!' will both surprise and impress him!
(Yeahhhhh.... we don't have kids. :-P)
283. Courtney said:
So sweet! Your family is adorable, I love to read your entries and your photos are gorgeous. : )
284. Leslie said:
Yay! I had been missing the newsletters. I love the picture of Marlo looking at the stuffed red thing. She looks like Leta there.
It is adorable that Leta asks if you brought the baby to pick her up. Such sibling love. I hope it lasts forever!!
285. Tracy said:
I will bet you guys are going to have a great Halloween this year. Any special plans?
286. Michele said:
I swear they should rename it NMTV because that is all that nursing mothers do. where else can you watch home shows at any time day or night?? love it.
287. earthtoholly said:
What beautiful kids. I'm not a mommy, except to Lucy, a border collie mix, but I always check in here now and then just to see what's going on with the little ones...all four of 'em. And also for the excellent photography. Thanks for sharing all.
BTW, Marlo looks like an angel on earth and I'm totally jealous of Leta's lashes!
288. leslie said:
oh come on...i just totally started crying at the beauty of this post...and i don't even know you guys...lovely...sigh.
289. Ray said:
I was waiting for this letter. Beautiful, beautiful photographs. And such beautiful daughter's you have there. I cannot believe Leta's reading at a 3rd grade level at only five years old!! She's gifted! ;D
290. Anna A. said:
I just looked at your Monetizing the Hate page and had to laugh at the idiocy of some people. Why should it bother anyone what you do with your time, money, OR children? Or in particular, vent about your chin?? I think you are beautiful, accomplished, talented, sarcastic, and good for you for making money for all of the above.
Child rearing isn't easy, even when you have the easiest of children. Marlo and Leta are wonderful...
mwah!
291. Nicole said:
Um, that picture of Jon and Marlo? I'm officially in love with your husband, my ovaries are crying, and another body part near by may be making a similar sound... You have only yourself to blame.
292. Amanda said:
Admit it....you use Latisse on Leta's eyelashes, don't you? I'd pay big bucks for those lashes!
Loved this letter. I have two girls, and it made me a bit sad that those early days are over. Now, at four and two, they spend half the time loving each other, and the other half bickering. SISTERS!
293. Lisa said:
I'm glad to hear Leta likes being around the baby. When my oldest daughter was 3 1/2 we had our 2nd baby girl. She called the baby her best friend and loved her. Well, now they are 13 and 10 and the oldest one isn't so sure she likes having siblings. To make it worse for her, we ended up having a third daughter. Now the girls love each other and have their good times, but once in a while the oldest will say to me "remember when it was just you, dad and me? those were the good old days!" lol
294. Anonymous said:
I love your newsletters! And I don't care what the haters say, you should be damn proud that Leta reads so well at such a young age. (My mom still brags about my reading skills when I was young :))
And speaking of haters, anychance we can open up comments to your Hate section? We'd L.O.V.E. to show these people some love! :)
295. kat said:
Haha, scrolled through some of these comments. I have to agree -- your Shingles video was a little weird. Haha. Anyway, I find it funny that people who hate love so much to hate. I've clicked on a few ads on it just because I love the idea of making money because of the hate. And your family is beautiful^^
296. Kristi said:
Being the mother of 3 girls, the oldest also a kindergartner reading well for her age, I love reading about yours. Our girls have much in common! Your girls are adorable, by the way. If I ever come to Utah we should soooo get together. My oldest and Leta can sit and read to all the younger kids while we drink! Or maybe the next time you come to L.A. If you ever get a chance check out my blog and let me know what you think. poopinginpeace.blogspot.com/ Thanks!!
-Kristi
297. Hannah said:
Glad to see the newsletter is back! If Marlo ever asks what happened to her first three monthly newsletters you can just blame it on Coco.
298. Celeste Morgan said:
My first baby was just like Marlo, sweet and quiet and smiley and cuddly. Then she turned three. You have never uttered a truer sentence than "Because I have already lived through the third year of someone's life, and I know yours is coming." Favorite quote EVAR!
299. Angela said:
I love to read your posts especially the letters to your girls. I love your candid topics such as amazing farts it's so funny to read about crazy Coco!
300. Anonymous said:
Very nice letter for your girls! Leta's eyelashes are AMAZING btw!