• Amaya

    If anyone can find hope and strength in the midst of sorrow, it is you. My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your Granny Boone.

  • Amy

    I lost 2 grandparents within 3 weeks this summer. I hadn’t had a relationship with my grandfather in 10 years, but losing grandma has been awful. Seeing the picture of your Granny with Marlo is making me so sad that I don’t think I have any pictures of my daughter with her great-grandmother. Next time we are back home I’ll have to make sure I don’t make that mistake again with my other grandparents.

    Although I strongly disagree with your approach to dealing with frequent night wakings, I appreciate your confident and honest post about it. The woman in the video who was anti-CIO but was so wishy-washy about her opinion made me want to scream. If you don’t like CIO, say so, be strong, and don’t worry about offending someone. We all do what we think is best for our family. My daughter was a TERRIBLE sleeper. She finally figured out how to sleep all night shortly before turning 3. NOTHING I did had any effect on her sleep patterns at all. I did not let her cry, though, and I don’t regret that decision for a second. Now, at 3, she goes to bed easily, sleeps all night, and takes a 2-3 hour nap every day. All it took was years of patience and sleep deprivation.

    I am very envious of how lucky you are with Marlo’s sleeping. I’m happy for you that you are able to enjoy her so much.

  • http://kristanhoffman.com/ Kristan

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your grandma… I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

    By the way, I think you can take comfort in knowing that no matter how mad God gets at you for not loving your baby, he’s gonna get a lot madder at the people who waste their lives sending hate mail to someone they don’t even know.

    Well, maybe you won’t take comfort in it, because you’re a nice person, but I will.

  • Sara

    Condolences to you and yours for your Granny Boone’s passing.

    As a rule, parents know their children better than anyone else. Some families do better with CIO and some don’t. Whatever keeps everyone functioning and happy is best.

  • Anonymous

    I’m so very tired of the judgements coming from every angle, especially from people who either don’t have children, or had the kind of kid who slept through childbirth and through the night since birth. Anyone who has had a child that doesn’t sleep, and therefore prevents sleeping in all forms for the rest of the family understands that ya gotta do what you gotta do. I have teenagers now, and nothing has really changed; that philosophy continues to serve us well. And the added benefit is we all get more sleep. Other than the whole driving thing, but as I always said when my kids were young – don’t read ahead.
    You and your family are perfectly flawed and brave.

  • Kirby

    My prayers are with you during this hard timme. My Grandfather passed recently, after dinner out, he was waiting in the car while Loraine (2nd wife – did I say grandpa was 93?) my son and I took short walk. Got back to the car and he had just… passed on. We were only gone 10-15 mins. As hard as it is, he had a wonderful life – grew up on a farm one of 9 kids that only got one pair of shoes a year – to living the American Dream. His last meal was filet mignon and he even had 2 manhattans…. and he didn’t spend a day laying in a bed waiting… Not a bad way to go… still my heart weeps. http://www.ahpeters.com – F.W. Seyler – Bud… to his friends he was always S.O.B. – Sweet Ole Bud.

  • Jenny

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was 10 and I vividly remember the pain. My grandmother and two of my aunts died within six months of each other in 2003-2004 time frame which was the first big loss I had as an adult. Hang in there and give John and the girls hugs. It won’t totally take away the pain but love makes all things bearable.

  • http://scrappinjenny.blogspot.com Jennifer M.

    I’m so sorry about your grandmother’s passing. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  • Sandy

    Aw Heather, I’m so sorry. I love the picture of your Granny with Marlo. Lots of hugs to you.

  • http://www.itstheecotone.com Jayseaka

    So sorry to hear about your granny :(

    It’s interesting the ‘cry it out’ debate. I’m having my first kid in February and I’m already thinking about how the sleep thing is going to play out. I’m actually kind of worried about it because of so many horrendous stories I’ve heard. Mothers not sleeping for 10 years and all that. Course these are the same mothers that are standing there with the band-aid before their kid even scrapes his knee. Hmm..I think I just won’t listen to them and I’ll just do what works for me :)

  • Mrs.Mom

    I’m so sorry Heather! My great grandmother( who would have been 102 in Nov) died this morning too. So I will shed a tear for you too. Peace to your family. :)

  • JRae

    My deepest condolences. :(

  • JB

    Heather, I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Michele

    I am so sorry Heather. I understand what you are going through this week as we had services for my grandpa yesterday. It absolutely sucks. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

  • Katie

    I’m sorry for your loss, Heather.

    We were in the no option boat as well with the sleeping. Our son would probably not have slept at all if he could avoid it, but at that point (9 months) he really needed to get some sleep. He was a good sleeper once he got there, but GOING was insane.

    Pre-Ferber, we were trying various methods like staying in there and soothing, but he also was even more horrified by that. The one thing we had with Ferber that we didn’t before was a PLAN and it was such a relief to at least not be bumbling around feeling like heartbroken idiots.

    Different ways for different babies. Different ways for different parents. Anyone who presumes to judge someone else can shove it.

  • Janet

    I’m sorry to hear about your Granny’s passing. May the delight of your two girls give you and your family comfort during this tough time.

  • http://www.clearlydelirious.com Becky

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Kim

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t have any grandparents left and one of my worst fears is that my (as of yet imaginary) children won’t get to know my parents. I want them to have grandparents around to experience that completely unique relationship. You’re lucky you were able to have that for as long as you did. May you always remember it fondly.

  • http://www.domesticextraordinaire.com domestic Extraordinaire

    much peace to you and your family during this time.

  • Julia

    Sorry for you loss.

  • http://www.areyoubreathing.com/ wendysurf

    Angel blessings to you and your family for your loss. So true about luck and sleep with babies. And everyone has to live their life in a way that works for them. You give people courage everyday to do that! I’m sure Granny Boone is beaming love down on you right now.

  • http://www.writecreateclick.blogspot.com Noelle Buttry

    So very sorry for your loss. I lost my Granny when she was 97 and I constantly think of questions I wish I had asked & I constantly wish she was here to give me advice. What a sweet photo of your Granny…….Sending hugs your way….

  • Katie

    Heather, I’m so sorry about your grandmother. I very nearly lost one of mine this past winter and it was awful, I can’t imagine how you feel.

  • clare

    So sorry to read about Granny Boone. And Marlo really does have her smile–what a blessing for you.

    Don’t worry about the haters. Letting kids cry before sleep is completely normal and acceptable. It’s much harder on the parents than the kids. And obviously it worked out fine for Leta. You are a great mother–with good instincts. Don’t doubt it!

    Prayers to you and yours in your time of sorrow. Be good to yourself for the next few weeks.

    Peace,
    Clare

  • http://www.mariacelina.net Maria Celina

    Having lost a grandparent myself in May, I constantly see my grandfather in the faces of my father and his eight other siblings and it gives me comfort to believe that he is and continues to live in his children.

    My sincerest condolences for your loss.

  • http://www.number17cherrytreelane.wordpress.com No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane

    I am so sorry about your loss. Truly, I am so sorry.

  • Kelly Kjellberg

    i’m sorry for your loss, too. its hard losing a grandparent.
    also, you and jon are clearly wonderful parents. leta and marlo are proof of that.

  • elismsue

    Heather

    Prayers and sympathies, thoughts and hugs your way!

    My dad passed away suddenly in late June, 1997. My daughter told me she was pregnant in early September.
    That baby didn’t replace him, but that baby, a great grandson helped to fill a void.

    And so will your children and your grandchildren.

    Love,
    Sue

  • Kate

    Heather, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother, even while the rest of your entry made me smile. Cycles, I guess, yeah.

  • http://www.ladybluebell.com Donna

    Your post caught my attention because my daughter is having a bit of a problem with my grandson’s sleep patterns. As I read through it, I began to remember the sleepless nights, and sleep filled nights that I encountered when my daughter was a baby – nursing on me and besides me, then in a crib next to me, then in her own room. I began to tear up, thinking back about all those wonderful, crazy nights….by the time I finished your post, I was full blown crying. And that photo….made me remember my Grandmother holding my daughter.

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Granny, but I’m so glad that she had an opportunity to meet your babies, and that they met her. Thank you for a great post….I can imagine that it was difficult to write.

    I will be sending this off to my daughter; perhaps she will feel a bit of relief knowing she’s not alone in learning the habits of “rotten” sleepers.

    Wishing you luck for continued success with Marlo and her incredible sleeping ability. Keeping you and your family in my prayers to help you get through this tough time.

    *Hugs*

  • http://www.lilja.no Stellare

    So sorry about your loss – great images of your granny and Marlo. They do look alike. You’ll never forget your granny though. She’ll stay ‘alive’ in ways you didn’t think she would.

  • carrie

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Heather, and I know what you mean.

    My grandmother passed away 10 months ago at 94, and I will be giving birth to my first child in February. When I told my Aunt that I would be having a girl, she cried and said “It’s Bella, you’ve having a Bella.” Bella was my grandmother’s name. I haven’t decided what her name will actually be, but I know that my family will think of her this way, and so will I.

  • http://www.thecraftyangel.etsy.com HeadacheSlayer

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss (((Heather & family))). You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Those precious girls of yours look JUST like her, it took my breath away. The only way I can even remotely comfort myself after losing my MIL is knowing she’s watching out for my kids.

    As for the CIO…I couldn’t do it. TRIED but couldn’t do it. Never would have worked with my son either.

    BUT. When in times of desperation, parents do what they have to to survive. No one can tell you what you SHOULD do because they aren’t you and Jon. And I know what PPD does to you.

    It’s also in the past. There are things we would do again, and things we wouldn’t. And you have to be ok with it, no one else. You decide what you change for #2 and what you keep.

    ((((More hugs)))))

  • Susan

    It’s been well over 20 years since I had to deal with a kid with night wakefulness. Erik would not go to sleep or stay asleep if he thought someone was moving about.

    He was a warbler, not a screaming cryer. He could never tire himself out enough to lay down from sheer exhaustion and sleep. With the pitiful little warbling cry he made, it just went on and on and on. The bottom lip would purse out and the tears would well up in his eyes the minute he saw me. He’d gaze at me with his little arms stretched out so helpless and needy, and I would just cave. After 8 months of broken sleep and feeling like I was going to either die or go crazy, I finally took the advice that everyone was throwing at me; “let him cry, he will not die!” It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

    The second child, my daughter, needed nobody and ruled the house with a cry that meant feed me, change me, or put me to bed and leave me alone, Mom, I’ll call if I need something. She didn’t even like to be held to nurse! She went on a bottle at 3 months so she could do it herself! The little shit has never deviated from that mode from day one.

    Frankly..my ego liked the cryer better!

  • Mel

    First & foremost, I am sorry for the loss of your beloved Granny.

    Secondly, whatever is working for your kids & sleeping is fine. Because it’s working FOR YOU & YOUR KIDS. The rest of the Internet can suck it.

  • Sue

    Heather, Jon, Leta, and Marlo -

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know probably nothing that I say will help, but be glad that Leta and Marlo were blessed enough to meet their great-grandmother, if only for a while.

    May your daughter’s smile bring you the warmth and happiness of fond memories for many years to come, and may your grandmother be eternally at peace.

    You will all be in my prayers.

  • http://www.jemimablog.com Jemima

    What a heavenly picture of your granny. They’re so important, those grannies, and yours was a beaut. I know you’ll miss her, and are missing her, and I’m so sorry. How lucky that Marlo is carrying on her beatific smile.

  • http://www.thedoggymommy.com/ Diana, The Doggy Mommy

    I admire that you put yourself out there to allow other mothers to know that NO ONE HAS THE ANSWERS, everyone is just doing the best they can, always have, always will. And YES, it is hard! And yes you are ok!

    On a much harder note. I miss my Granny Bracken so much. She was probably the most important person in my life. I have never forgotten her laugh, the sound of her voice or anything else about her.

    I know how much you are hurting with the loss of your Granny Boone. She will still be there with you, if you have a question just ask her, the answer will come. The saddest part is that you can’t get the big squeeze hug or smooch from her.
    I am so very, very sorry just knowing the pain you are feeling, my heart is aching.

    P.S. You made me think of my Granny Bracken the other day, when I saw your new hair cut. Funny how things happen! My Granny Bracken took us to see Pixies, in I don’t know Pixie Land, whatever. But when I saw your awesome new hair cut I thought, Pixie, Heather reminds me of the Pixie’s!

    I love your cute new hair cut, I really love it!

    Like my Granny would sign XOXO, hugs & kisses.

  • http://www.BeingSuper.com Kristin Steiner

    Your Granny is lovely and so lucky to have been blessed with a wonderful family and the opportunity (no matter how short it was) to spend time with Marlo and Leta.

    @BeingSuper

  • http://didyouhavejuice.wordpress.com Kate

    Hugs to you, Heather. The way that you share your life, expressing all of the pains, irritations, disasters, smiles, joys and miracles of being a woman – that’s an amazing tribute to your grandmother, and a gift to your readers.

  • http://getupandplay.blogspot.com Barb @ getupandplay

    1- I am so sorry about your granny.

    2-I didn’t realize until I became a mom (6 months ago) how mean moms can be to each other. Sheesh. I think CIO or co-sleeping or whatever works for you is great (I tell myself that everyday so I don’t get anxious about our own sleep philosophies around here).

    3- Your new haircut is darling. And edgy. And cool.

  • diana

    Yeah, me, too, I simply divinise my rotten kids, rats, mice, puppies. I’m sorry for Grandma Boone…

  • Janet

    Heather, I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. She looked lovely.

    What you said is very true. No two children are ever alike. Even siblings. You and Jon seem like very good people and you kids are beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing them with all of us.

    And the haters can suck it!!! I love your monetizing the hate page. Might as well make money from the baseless anger. I just never realized how bad it is for bloggers. A real eye opener.

  • Jennifer

    After we had our first baby, we knew we would let her “cry it out” when she got to be a few months old. We would put her down in her crib, she would cry for about 15 minutes, and then go to sleep. We did this with naps, too. After less than a week, she stopped crying and went to bed happy and woke up happy.

    The Other Side:

    We have friends who had a baby boy shortly before we did. They decided to co-sleep, and the baby LOVED it. Whenener he would cry, mom and her milk was right there, or if he wasn’t hungry, he was immediately rocked or sung to, etc. Any time day or night. One day, baby #2 came along (I don’t want to know how that happened with baby#1 still in mom and dad’s bed). It was time to put the “big boy” – now age 3 – in his own room. To say he put up a fight is an understatement. It was a living hell.

    Moral of the story: A 3 month-old doesn’t understand concepts like “being alone”, or “being replaced by another kid”, so that age is the best time to teach them how to sleep and how to put themselves back to sleep when they wake up. A baby will learn quickly, and they will get the rest they need. A 3 year-old knows the concept of “abandonment” and that is exactly how he will feel when it is time to have his own room. He won’t have the skills or confidence to sleep on his own. To me, the choice is obvious.

    Also, I am very sorry about your loss. She seems like a special lady.

  • Aimee

    Heather, you lift us up and let us crash only to lift us again. My condolences to you and yours. xo

  • A.T.’s mama

    I just want to thank you for writing this… Before my son was born, I had decided that I wanted to stick with the “Attachment” style parenting… I was completely gung-ho about wearing my baby in a sling 24/7, sleeping him in my bed, and breastfeeding him until he was 12. WELL, that was back when I was fantasizing about my smiling, placid, gentle little girl.. Instead I got a ten-pound, loud, boisterous, colicky boy! (At 4 months and 21 pounds, he’s now too heavy to strap to my body.) We dealt with the colic by constantly swaddling him and violently rocking him in his bouncer chair with the hair-dryer aimed at him. As a consequence, now he cannot go to sleep on his own, but he’s outgrown the colic, and outgrown the whole ‘swaddle-rock-hairdryer’ trick. He squirms and screams out of the bouncer chair, and arches his back and screams if I try to rock him in my arms. He also will not nurse to sleep. At my wit’s end, I’m finally trying the ‘cry-it-out’ method, which makes my heart hurt, but what makes it easier is knowing that he screams even if I’m with him, so I know his screams are not because he wants me! Anyway, it’s reassurring to know that my baby is not the only one of his kind, and I’m not the only mother going straight to hell because she emotionally scarred her child by letting him cry to sleep. Thankyou :)

  • Emily

    I’m sorry for your loss, and your right, Marlo does look like her.

    I just watched 2 friends get in a HEATED debate regarding CIO vs Attachment. If it hadn’t been on Facebook, it would have been a fist fight – with the anti CIO party doing the pummeling. Seriously, names were called and accusations made!

    I’m with you – firmly entrenched in the ‘whatever works’ camp.

  • Vee

    Just want to send you and your beautiful family love and condolences.

  • Jenn

    I let both my kids cry it out, starting about 6 mths old. My pediatrician told me I could suck it up and get rid of that night feeding cold turkey, probably having to suffer through a few nights of lots of crying, or I could do it gradually, and who knows how long it would take. Since I was back at work by that point, I did cold turkey and let them cry it out. It took a couple of nights with both, but it was so worth it. They have both always been great sleepers. We have also had a “no kids in the bed” rule since the beginning. I had too many friends who let them in….then couldn’t get them out!

    And I am so sorry about your grandmother. I just lost my grandfather very unexpectedly last month, and it was so tough. My grandmother is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, and watching her look for him in the garage or asking where he went was the most gut-wrenching thing I’ve ever witnessed. They were married for 59 years, and she is just heart-broken.

    You’ll always miss your grandmother, but you’ve got a wonderful reminder in Marlo.

  • Leasa

    The juxtaposition of life and death is an oddly beautiful thing. My sincere condolences on your loss, and my enthusiastic cheers for courageously posting about letting your colicky child cry herself to sleep.