• Nicole

    I’m so sorry about your grandmother. Thinking kind thoughts for you.

  • LuAnn

    Heather, I’m sorry for your loss.

  • Karleen

    So sorry for your family’s loss.

    We tried letting my son cry it out after he was 6 months old. We just couldn’t do it. My heart couldn’t get past the message he was trying to send (I need you).

    When our daughter was born, our son was 2 yrs (and still not sleeping through the night). If we had let our daughter cry it out, we would have missed a very important message she was trying to tell us (I hurt). She would have died if we hadn’t listened. At 3 1/2 weeks she was diagnosed with malrotaion of the intestines and had emergency surgery. The only symptom was crying. I was sent home from the ER three times. I was sent home with a pat on the head and the message that babies cry over 8 times before it was diagnosed. I never stopped listening, and that saved her life.

    There is no right answer for every baby. Parents must listen to their hearts, heads, and instincts.

  • sb

    Oh, Heather, my condolences to you and your family.

    My sister (my only sibling) died six months after the birth of our twin daughters and I miss her like crazy. I cling to the fact that she got to meet the girls (and hope, with a not-based-upon-any-religion fervor, that she somehow watches over them now). I am sure that you find comfort knowing that your Granny Boone got to meet Marlo. And, heavens, how lucky to get to see her in your little one’s smile!

    By the way, my wonderful, sweet girls are now two and have never managed to sleep through the night. Not once. Did I mention, not a single time. Times two. We are all lucky to be alive. Anyone who has dared to comment, complain, condemn, or advise me about that gets a look straight from h-e-double-hockey-sticks.

    Judgmental and self-righteous people make me insane. Why anyone would want to offer anything but love and support to new parents is beyond me.

    Take good care.

  • Liz

    So sorry to here about your Grandma, I just lost mine about a month ago and it was really, really hard. She was a wonderful woman that was loved by all. Be strong and you will make it through.

  • Anonymous

    First, I would like to send blessings to you and your family during this diffucult time regarding the loss of your grandmother. I would also like to say that as a mother of two toddlers, ages 1 and 2, I sympathize with your blogs and experiences. You are an amazing blogger and terrific mother. After experiences of my own with GAD and slight OCD that almost brought me to insanity after the birth of my second son, your entries made me laugh and helped me to accept what was happening. Motherhood is stressful and “Life Aint Always Beautiful”. I love my sons and wouldn’t have it any other way but whoohoo it’s been a long road.

    Lastly…I “Ferberized” both my sons so they would sleep through the night and it WORKS! Most importantly, it helps keep me sane knowing that after 7:30pm…both my precious angels will be sleeping nice and soundly until 7am.

    You do what works and letting them scream it out created a routine that works GREAT for us. They now ask for “sleepy-time” when it gets close to 7pm and walk happily to bed! Keep sending us great entries!

  • http://www.nothingwitty.com Ariel

    I’m so sorry about your granny!
    Mine has been gone for 3 years and I miss her so much. I keep the soap that she kept in her chest of drawers to keep her clothes smelling lovely in my own drawers now. My grandma smelled like lavender.

  • http://noteverstill.blogspot.com Robin (noteverstill)

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope your memories as well as the beautiful little girls before you bring you comfort.

  • Jessica

    ((Hugs)) and what a beautiful picture of your granny and Marlo– I just adored it before I read your post.

  • Sarah V.

    I’m sorry for your family’s loss. It’s just so wonderful that she got to meet both Marlo and Leta before she died. She must have been so proud!

    We also let our son cry it out. We just knew it was time when he was around 9 months old. Now he’s a great sleeper and I’m not at all sorry we did it. But I have been told that the Ferber method is solely responsible for all the violence and discontent in modern society. Glad we could chip in! But now we let him play so many violent video games that I’m sure it’ll be hard to tell what really drove him to become a complete sociopath. Ah well. We’ll have to control the variables better with the next kid.

    Side note – I try to visit your Hate section every once in a while just so I can drive up your hits and show some support, but it’s just so damn disturbing! Now I have to go navigate through without reading anything because it’s too upsetting. Wish you could do the same!

    Excuse me… I have to go help Future Sociopath of America navigate the monkey bars at the park.

  • http://minnesotajo.blogspot.com/ Jo

    We just put our little guy down for the night in his crib instead of a cosleeper for the first time last night. I know how you feel. He slept until 2:30am before waking to eat. Not ready for letting him cry it out but we have to get sleep at some point here so the day may come.

    Oh Heather, I’m so sorry to hear about your Granny. You said “a kid who looks just like my Granny Boone when she smiles” and I immediately thought, “NO, please don’t be that beautiful lady that she posted pics of with Marlo not long ago”…but it was. I’m so very sad for you today. She looked like the best granny ever.

    Many hugs to your and your family. I’m shedding some tears on your behalf today. <3

  • Anonymous

    Sorry to hear about your loss.
    And thank you for being honest about it all being luck anyway. We have one great sleeper, one lousy sleeper. One loved cosleeping, one loved the crib. Kids are themselves from the start and you have to mesh their needs and yours to make a family.
    Beautiful photo of your grandmother. Thanks for sharing it.

  • Talon

    I’m so sorry Heather.

    I found out my grandmother had lung cancer the same day we started trying for our first child. We thought it was serendipitous. I got pregnant right away; though we didn’t tell people it was intentional. We had decided and started before we even knew there was an issue with Grandma. Then later, my grandfather was diagnosed.

    My great grandmother, and two great uncles died in the beginning of 1997. I was due in May. My son was born May 15th, 1997. He died May 19th, 1997, the day we were going to take him to visit my grandparents.

    I’m the oldest in my family so Rhys was the first grandchild. My grandparents never got to see him alive, but my grandfather insisted on footing the bill for all the funeral arrangements (which, if I may say, the funeral home staff was wonderful) and though my grandmother was in hospice by that time, she still managed to come to the viewing.

    For me. She did it for me. In a wheelchair, on oxygen with a trach in her windpipe, she traveled a good fifty miles for me.

    She died that August.

    And my grandfather followed the next March, on the morning of his 70th birthday, and the day my twin cousins turned 21.

    I hope your Granny’s crossing was peaceful and painless, and I hope the pain of your grief may be tempered soon by the love she had for you and the love you have for her.

    It’s been twelve years for me, and it still hurts. I expect it always will.

    May your Granny find everything in order in whatever follows beyond this life.

    And I wish you all the love and peace you can find in this life, Heather.

    Longtime reader,

  • http://savingsarahsullivan.com Sarah

    Heather, I don’t hate you because you let your first child cry it out, I hate you because your second baby sounds like a naturally good sleeper! We had two extremely poor sleepers (I almost ended up in the bin myself, but was lucky that enough drugs and therapy (barely) kept me out of the nut house)I must admit our third (and last!) has been a good sleeper, so we got a break. She is microcephalic, however, and her grey matter is kind of a mess, but I think I’d rather deal with that than sleep deprivation. Mostly though, I am deeply deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful granny. I wish you much love while you wend your way through your loss. Sarah

  • Nichole

    Granny Boone and my stepdad are looking down on us now. They are both in good company.
    My heart goes out to you Heather.


  • Helen

    Sending condolences your way to you and your family on the passing of your Granny Boone. What a blessing to have that precious picture of her and Marlo. And Granny Boone must have been proud as a peacock to have Marlo favoring her!

    And on another note, after reading #73′s post(Terese) I have decided to mail you a personal letter. Be looking for it in the mail in the future. I am a descendant of Daniel Boone and am curiuos if maybe we may be related! Don’t worry, I wont show up on your doorstep or be a pest or anything. Just curious as to if you fit into my family tree! I would be very honored if you do!

  • http://kattykatty.blogspot.com Kathy

    Wow, she really does look so much like your grandmother. I never really knew either sets of my grandparents because an ocean divided us. I really want my children to know their grandparents so we never lived more than kilometer away from them…and now that my sisters have both moved out of the house, we have bought a house together with my parents. It’s going to be crazy times, but also I know, it’s going to be bed of wonderful memories for my children.

    Thanks for having the courage to write what needs to be written.
    And I am very sorry for your loss.

  • http://judithcamerondailypainting.blogspot.com/ janncam

    Oh, Heather,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your Gran. I loved how you led up to that sad news in your post. You amaze me. Sending you hugs.

  • http://firefliesandhummingbirds.blogspot.com Chrissy

    So sorry to learn of the passing of your grandmother. It’s beautiful, though, that Marlo is a tiny living legacy to her.

    I, too, let my baby cry it out a time or two. He’s 19 now, and none the worse for wear. He knows Mom loves him and always did. I agree with you – we do what works, period. And if someone wants to judge us for that, well then, they can come and walk a mile in our shoes.

  • http://www.smartdreamzzz.com Kristen Race, Ph.D.

    There is no perfect answer to the sleep question and no solution that works for every child. I have dealt with my daughters’ sleep issues from the time she was an infant. We let her cry it out as a baby, locked her bedroom door as a toddler, bribed her, begged her, and threatened her in an attempt to get her to go to sleep and stay in her bed all night.
    About six months ago our lives changed. Out of desperation I tried a meditation cd with both of my kids at bedtime and discovered something magical in their response. Subsequently, my husband and I created a cd specifically designed to help young kids fall asleep easily and sleep all night. Kids imagine they are a bear, elephant, or giraffe as they listen to a story and are guided through a relaxation process from the perspective of that animal.
    This CD has eliminated the bedtime nightmares from my life and has helped many families. I hope it can help some of you. The CD is called Animal Dreamzzz. You can find information about it on my homepage http://www.smartdreamzzz.com.

  • jessicapea

    What a beautiful picture – so sorry to read about you Granny. hugs to you and your family

  • Annemarie

    so sorry for your loss,and I hope your wonderful husband and kids help to bring you happiness at this tough time

  • http://beyondthewindow.wordpress.com beyond

    sorry for your loss.
    as for babies and sleeping, to each their own. glad it worked out for you (with both daughters)

  • Christy

    So terribly sorry for your loss, Lovely Heather.

  • http://bighairandthejunkie@blogspot.com lamitchell

    “Why didn’t you come when I cried, mom?”
    “Because I didn’t love you, Leta.”

    I literally did laugh out loud at that – very funny!

    I can very much see the resemblance between Marlo and your grandmother. I’m sorry for your loss.

  • http://mynext50.blogspot.com mynext50.blogspot.com

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Life is so full of these crazy juxtapositions.

    Over here at my house the hormones are just raging, my menopause, my husband’s mid-life crisis, my son’s a teenager – enough said. Right now I am working on building intimacy with my husband by physically being closer, giving us the opportunity to share our lives, and my son by physically being farther apart, so he can feel free enough to share his.

  • isumom

    So sorry for your loss Heather…but what a joy to have Leta and Marlo to help you through. You have a beautiful family and I am sure many, many wonderful memories of your time with your granny. Remember, she may be gone, but she is still smiling down on you :)

  • Sara

    Aww, Heather. I’m sorry about your grandma. :(

  • Heather

    I’m so sorry, Heather. I’m glad she got to meet Marlo, but sorry she couldn’t stay longer.

  • Carol

    Maybe I was just a lucky one. I co-slept with my son until he was 3.5 years old and I had all kinds of people telling me at the time that he would be a nightmare to settle into his own room. The nightmare never happened, he loved having his own room and I’ve never had any problems settling him for the night. I am not an advocate of crying it out, but at the same time, I realise that the dynamics and experiences of every family are different.

    I enjoyed watching the video but found it a little disturbing that the anti-crying it out woman (sorry I don’t recall her name) was almost apologetic for her stance. There is nothing shameful about being against crying it out :-)

  • Susan

    So sorry about your loss…Grandparents are so special.
    I let my daughter cry herself to sleep too. Around the same age as Leta, actually. It was one of the most difficult things as a parent that I have done. You are so not alone on this topic, even if most people wouldn’t admit to doing it. Sleep is a beautiful thing!!

  • Kathy P

    So, so, so much love to you, Heather.

  • lulu

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. I was sorry to read about the passing of your Granny Boone. I’m glad she got to meet Marlo, and hope your many memories of her can help you through this difficult time.

  • Molly

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Granny Boone, truly.

  • bekala

    Heather, you did it again, made me laugh and cry within the space of a paragraph. Please accept my condolences and best wishes for you as you navigate this particular day of rotten and wonderful.

  • http://www.visiblevoice.ca Visible Voice

    I’m sorry to hear about your Granny.

    In light of the topic all I can say is I wish I had been strong enough to let my son cry it out sooner. I think I wouldn’t have been so depressed and overtired.

  • Christy

    So sorry for your loss, heather there are no real words. I remember when my Grandma passed, I was just due with my second baby….he was born 1 week later, on her husbands( my departed granddad) birthday. Cycles, indeed. rejoice in your blessings, maintain your independent stance and continue to do what is right for your family. we let our babies all four of them cry it out. and one of them was similiar to your leta….she survived and is better for it. God Bless..

  • Laura

    Heather, I am very sorry for your loss. My grandmother passed away 19 months ago, and it was very, very hard. I didn’t like her very much, to be honest, as she was a very hard woman to like. Your Granny Boone looks like the kind of grandma I wish mine had been.

    Much love from St. Louis, MO.

  • http://www.sociologyofsheena.blogspot.com SLY

    I am sorry for your lost. My grandmother just passed in August and I’m still trying to find the words.

  • Kristy

    Can’t really comment on the first part of your story since I ain’t got no young’uns.

    Just wanted to say that I’m so very sorry for the loss of your Granny.
    Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

  • KGuyader

    So very sorry for your loss Heather (and family)…what a beautiful picture to have been able to capture. I am sure you, and one day, Marlo, will treasure it forever.
    Much love during this sad time.

  • Francine

    Sorry for your loss… Your grandmother looked so sweet.

    On the oh so difficult sleeping issue, families do whatever works, I agree. You can take only so much of sleep deprivation without going crazy or physically sick. I know, I almost went crazy myself.

    BUT. I don’t believe that babies cry to be left alone or because they want their independance, as you suggest. I think newborns and babies need (more or less all the time) to be near their feeding and comforting parents -like all animals. And that need simply goes away gradually, later.

  • http://www.twitter.com/cooterbug nicole

    will be saying a Cheers to Granny Boone later this evening. May she be at peace. My sympathies to your family, especially the Avon World Sales Leader who just lost her mama, and to George! as well.

    ps. my captcha words are ‘bosoms adoptable’. okay then.

  • http://grandpooba.blogspot.com Pooba

    I am so sorry about your Grandma! I lost mine last year and it is such a hard thing to go through.

    I was reading through your Hate section and can’t believe what some people will say to you! So I just wanted you to know that I love your new haircut, you don’t look like a lesbian and you dress your daughter beautifully!

  • http://luckythirteenandcounting.com Sandi

    I am so sorry.

  • http://www.angryjuliemonday.com Angry Julie Monday

    I’m sorry for your loss.

    We had to cry it out too. More like talk it out. We put our son in the crib wide awake. He would babble at the wall for awhile and eventually fall asleep.

    We never rocked or anything like that.

    He’s 4.5 yrs old now and he’s fine.

    I hate when people judge other mothers.

  • http://www.designcrushblog.com Kelly

    so sorry for the loss of your granny. i remember you posting a photo of her holding Marlo right after she was born and thinking it was amazing to have four generations together. thinking about you and your family.


  • Kristen from MA

    Deepest condolences, Heather. (But I’m glad your Granny got to meet Marlo. :)

  • Janene

    So sorry about your Granny. She was just beautiful! That picture of her and the baby is priceless.

    As a mom of 6, I have done the sleep thing many ways. My first three directed their feeding and sleeping schedules and I followed along. First baby was medium, second had me running in circles 24/7, and the third slept through the night on his own at about 2 months. When I got pregnant with the 4th, I was way too busy to have an unpredictable schedule, so I read up on sleep training and feeding schedules and had a plan. Lifesaver for me and our whole family! She was average on the fussy scale, but with gentle nudging from me, she was on a predictable feeding schedule and sleeping through the night by three months. When she was a year old, I got pregnant with twins and knew that without a schedule, I would go insane. One of my twins was the “I hate life” type and the other was totally laid back, but knowing how to nudge them towards a schedule helped me have them eating and sleeping at the same time by a few months old.

    I now have an 18-month-old granddaughter. During her first year when my daughter would complain about those sleepless nights, I bit my tongue knowing she could help the situation by working on a schedule with her. I didn’t want to force my opinion on her, but if someone asks, I am all for a nice feeding and sleeping schedule and think it can work with any baby with a little flexibility on the part of the parents. I can only say that because I have been there and done that many different ways!

  • Chloe

    I am so sorry for your loss Heather. I do have to say how fortunate you are to have your grandparents around in your thirties however, and alive to see your children. I would give anything to have an adult conversation with my grandparents, the last of them died when I was 15 and still a child.