• Maggles

    I love this guy. Tyrant, I love you. One of the best practical jokes I have ever heard. Beautiful!

  • simpliSAHM

    And here I was thinking (until you got to the dead pet fish part) that you were going to tell us he’d replaced the chicken in your salad with tofu.

  • tokenblogger

    @ herpecin:

    Go back and watch the video — you missed something important.

    @ Ames422:

    It looked to me like Coco licked Tyrant’s hand and then he wiped it off on the back of his shirt. BFD!

    @ Both of you:

    I come here for entertainment, pholks. Quit trying to mess that up!

  • Feeling Very Creative Right Now

    Dude. My mom currently has TWO cats in her freezer. It’s only been about 6mos for one of them, but I am almost certain they’ll still be there when I have to clean out that freezer after her funeral.

  • cjtato

    That is truly wicked! Just goes to show, you should have flushed him. The fish, not Tyrant, although now I think about it …

  • Eh What Huh

    That was the most disturbing thing I have read in a long time. I am the most weirded out by the fact that you made a coffin for your fish and left him in the freezer.

    Love it!

    (e

    http://www.ehwhathuh.com

  • Schnauzie_Mom

    I was waiting for the part where you were all, AND THEN I STARTED HALLUCINATING!

    Because we once bet a guy $1 to eat a beta fish and he did it! And then hallucinated for the next 2 hours.

    Love it:)

  • Fartnarna

    My son lost his pet Beta Fish last Winter too and could not flush dear Swimmer either. So he buried him in the soil of our big house plant with a popsicle stick that read “R.I.P. Swimmer.” I was a little worried that it would stink but it didn’t. It is nice to think that Swimmer added life to the plant.

  • apostate

    So is a beta fish like a fish that’s still being developed?
    I lost a parakeet once and we burried him in a box for checks.

  • vjl0027

    Wow. I too expected just a tofu story. The fact that you spelled it TRYant in the 3rd paragraph is telling – he is tryin’ to drive you insane! Perhaps the commenter who thinks there is a sexual undercurrent has it wrong and Tyrant really wants you out of the way so that he can have Jon all to himself? :-) I look forward to the revenge story.

  • jlhjla

    That’s SO NOT FUNNY! That’s just MEAN! No, wait, back up a minute…ok, it’s pretty freakin’ hilarious ~ but in a slightly mean, sadistic way. But more towards the hilarious side.

  • thehappyscientist wife

    Wow what a lovely little sarcophagus fer da fisch.

    Ester Williams aka, flushing fish.

    I have a funny feeling a bunch of you are googling ole Ester.

    Great post, and ha ha with the bonus remark. Boss always gets last laugh. Always.

  • workroom

    so the point of the story is that Lou tastes like chicken?

  • lubstimes4

    Best. Prank. Ever.

    I’m totally on Tyrant’s side with this one.

  • devilss

    This story worth the whole essay company

  • Shannonz823

    Literally lmfao! Tyrant, I love you. That was genius!

  • itsMeemo

    I had a dead Guinea pig in my garage freezer for a year. So glad that I’m not the only one keeping dead pets in the freezer. It feels good to admit that, regardless of the creep factor.

  • Truthful Mommy

    I am liking this Tyrant less and less. THat was an awful joke to pull on someone!Shame on Tyrant!

  • mojo

    HAHA that’s funny.. and gross.. and MEAN!

  • Kristen from MA

    Wow, that’s a mean prank. I don’t like pranks in general, and one involving a dead pet? Double mean!

    That said, I wouldn’t be able to stay mad at Tyrant for too long – he’s just too beautiful. And he’s veggie!!!! But get him back, Heather! Get him back good!

    (Condolences on your loss, and RIP, Lou.)

  • Bryony Boxer

    Wow! This IS the lowest of lows.

    I had no idea you were so sentimental!

  • pambamboo

    That is just plain mean and not funny – even if your (hysterically and graphically written) reaction was only half true!

  • nitebyrd

    Tyrant needs help. Seriously.

  • Janice

    In the context of your relationship, it’s a great joke and I can’t wait to hear how you get even. Personally I would make not screwing with my food a condition of employment. When I was a kid, my family often went to a local tavern with friends for turkey sandwiches. One time I bit into my sandwich to find a band-aid. The cook had cut his finger carving the turkey. The sandwich was sent back to the kitchen but the next three sandwiches I was served all had the same disgusting band-aid on it. Everyone was laughing except me. My hope is that the cook thought he was playing a joke on drunk adults and didn’t realize the band-aid was being sent out to an 8 year old girl. I never did eat that night…. And while I don’t expect you and I would ever meet, it would NEVER be over a meal ;-)

  • vent

    Hilarious!

    But what I found even MORE hilarious was this….

    “I couldn’t bring myself to talk about her because I was scared people would find out about the sixteen toes on her right foot.

    She wears special shoes. We taught Leta not to stare or ask questions. She often trips while holding the baby.”

    Bwhahahahahahahaha! OMG Heather, YOU. CRACK. ME. UP!

  • AshesVonDust

    Eep. Sorry, Tyrant, but you definitely knocked some sexy points off with that one. Too cruel.

    Also? I freakin’ love Lou’s coffin. Adorable! You should sell those on Etsy. If I had a fish and it died, I would hope to give it a fancy burial like that. Also, if you made it with seed paper, that would be amazing! :D

  • heykathyrae

    Is he related to WANDA BARZEE??? You know she cooked her kids’ rabbit and feed it to them. (Saw it on Oprah so it’s true!)

  • mkdsmall

    I love Tyrant more every day. And by the way you look FABULOUS in Better Homes and Garden;s this month! Stunning in fact! The only way that spread could look better is if Coco and Tyrant were in it! LOL seriously nice work Mrs. Armstrong!

  • CrabMama

    I am sitting here trying to think of methods of revenge. I am so in sympathy with you, Heather. You really need to cook a little bit though…

    I am very nearsighted and I once ate a huge grilled portobello mushroom off a buffet, thinking it was some sort of weird beef patty.

    Ooooo….. I got it! make some sort of soup and use beef broth or chicken broth, but tell him you used vegetable broth. Not sexy, but he will be grossed out, I bet.

    Will he eat fish? Make tuna salad but use white meat chicken and rinse it off really well, and tell him it’s tuna. My mother used that on dad when they first married because all she could cook were tuna salad and fudge, and that got old quick in the 1950′s before convenience foods…

    Other ideas:
    - Ex-lax brownies?
    - cheesecake containing pureed chicken livers?!
    - grilled cheese with lots of cheese and HAM in the middle?!

    I’ll keep brainstorming more means of getting back at him… Remember, you will have to wait some time for this to work.

  • CrabMama

    I am sitting here trying to think of methods of revenge. I am so in sympathy with you, Heather. You really need to cook a little bit though…

    I am very nearsighted and I once ate a huge grilled portobello mushroom off a buffet, thinking it was some sort of weird beef patty.

    Ooooo….. I got it! make some sort of soup and use beef broth or chicken broth, but tell him you used vegetable broth. Not sexy, but he will be grossed out, I bet.

    Will he eat fish? Make tuna salad but use white meat chicken and rinse it off really well, and tell him it’s tuna. My mother used that on dad when they first married because all she could cook were tuna salad and fudge, and that got old quick in the 1950′s before convenience foods…

    Other ideas:
    - Ex-lax brownies?
    - cheesecake containing pureed chicken livers?!
    - grilled cheese with lots of cheese and HAM in the middle?!

    I’ll keep brainstorming more means of getting back at him… Remember, you will have to wait some time for this to work.

  • lcv

    omg, that is truly evil…Tyrant is le scary.

  • NHMaman

    My favorite author on the subject of eating a dead pet (if one can have such a thing!?!) is Milan Kundera. In his novel Immortality, he writes, “For her there existed no more perfect fulfillment of love than eating the beloved.”

    OK, on second thought, maybe it’s a little too Jeffrey Dahmer-like.

    Anyway, it also involves vomiting dead pet and comparing the merging of bodies to the sexual act.

    In case you’re interested, here’s the link from Google books:
    http://books.google.com/books?id=5fEOD1rUMmcC&pg=PA100&lpg=PA100&dq=kundera+pet+rabbit+immortality&source=bl&ots=I7VV8lBYrx&sig=m-NW16keykYrnTXhYmjZEbG3Zvg&hl=en&ei=4jXnTI2fN8Gs8Abl0KmBDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBMQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false

    Consider me your source on things truly bizarre and literary!

  • amyptucson

    Oh. Em. Gee. This man must not be allowed to be in charge of your lunch, your freezer, your extended family members, or anything else of value to you.

    Especially funerals.

  • cory212

    I couldn’t really get past the part where you said Tyrant prepares your lunch for you each day. Wish I had a Tyrant.

  • aseemlylife

    I have never loved a fish. But if someone (tyrant) did that to me i think I would walk to my desk and draw a final check. That was just mean.

  • ClarissaD

    OMG this is the funniest story I’ve ever read!

  • jocelyn21401

    Tyrant earns every penny of his salary fairly. If only because this is perhaps one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. I have a horrible hacking chest cold, and my insides literally hurt from coughing, but the pain from the laughter was righteous.

  • momof8

    Wow, does he believe in Karma?

  • writtendad

    And you believed it? Really? That’s awesome! I have to side with Tyrant on this one. Well done.