• slappyintheface

    eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!

    and it’s not just you – that stuff happens to me too

  • jessiCat

    Oh my hell, I just laughed out REALLY stinkin’ loud at my desk. That is the funniest thing I have heard in a while!

    I’ll hop on the @slappyintheface train here, and add that it happens to me too. Oy. Does it ever happen to me.

    I have a picture in my head of Marlo’s little crooked tooth grin, hair all crazy, rubbing her face on the ass seat in my head now. Friggin’ hilarious.

  • Anxious Annie

    Soooo, can you imagine MY horror when I saw an idiot mom changing her kid’s diaper in the bench seat behind a table at one of our favorite pizza bistros? Right in the middle of the dining room. OMG. The minute they left we informed management what had just transpired so they could thoroughly disinfect. Jeez – no brains at all.

  • meagan0827

    I am SOOOOO glad that things like this don’t just happen to me!

    I have the same picture of Marlo as jessiCat does….

    Thanks for the laugh, it had been a rough Monday :)

  • princessleena

    Please tell me where this place is so I can NEVER go there!

  • beanique68

    I live that life as well. My FOUR YEAR OLD daughter still LICKS everything. Ewwww. She woulda gone straight for that ass-seat, too.

  • writtendad

    She could have licked the chair. In the back of your mind you know that. And THAT would have been so much worse. But the face rub is pretty bad.

  • reJoyce

    inform Leta that, if she does get a brain freeze, she can put her tongue on the roof of her mouth and *boom* problem solved. She might eat faster just to see if it works, and it really does. I’m always surprised how few of my friends know this trick of the trade, but I have years of inhaling ice cream experience to back up my theory :)

  • mommica

    Face in ass chair. I am making barf noises RIGHT. NOW.

  • Fifi Coon

    OK – once again – that is some funny shit. But, on the other hand, who takes their kid for ice cream with no underwear on – wearing a sheet? Does that stuff only happen here in Utah??

  • ChickWhitt

    I was once the person with the toddler that licked the top of the parmesean cheese shaker.

    Damn kids are too fast.

  • willsahna

    When my son was four I took him and our 17 year old babysitter to Disney World. As we stood in line for one of the rides we looked down and he was licking the metal handrail! Never thought he would do that! I think i was even holding his hand at the time. He lived and did not even get sick. It took years off my life though.

  • Pandora Has A Box

    Hahahaha…wow.

    I suddenly want an ice cream cone.

    As for doing what Marlo did, that would be my two and a half year old son. It’s a joy. I’m with @Fifi Coon, though. Who takes their kid for ice cream wearing a sheet and no underwear? And then lets him show his flavor to the entire world? That’s so wrong on so many levels.

  • benoyroma

    I must admit, I did laugh out loud, not unlike Cami. Are you sure your last name is not Tobin or McCarthy? My best friend’s girls are freakishly comparable to Marlo. For example, on our way to Tahoe, stop at the infamous Placeville McDonald’s to feed the kids (gross) and let them get their wiggles out. Eleanor is the kid who would follow all the other kids to the clear part of the play structure to wave at us….however, she was also the kid who would linger just long enough for us to pause, panic and scream noooooooooo. But it would be to late, as she was already dragging her tongue across the germ infested plastic. All that was left to do was laugh, as we dumped a bottle of purell in her milkshake. What was that? It tastes soapy? Shut it and bottoms up chica.

  • skull

    now i want an ice cream cone. i wonder if i eat them in the same way as the lady parked next to you? maybe i’ll ask an unsuspecting passerby if i eat my ice cream cone inappropriately. because that wouldn’t be weird.

  • jenwilson

    That is JUST SO DISTURBING. I cannot get the picture of that lady with the cone out of my head and I shall have nightmares about it tonight. And I would have completely freaked out had my kid done what Marlo did. Although, that is TOTALLY something my four-year-old would do. WHERE IS THE KID BLEACH WHEN YOU NEED IT?

  • CornFedGirl

    And this is why I don’t leave the house….

  • Schnauzie_Mom

    The words “ass-stained face” just made my year. Seriously.

  • jcaf40

    Oh yes. “Ass-stained face” just became a staple in my vocabulary. Excellent!!

  • see.rachel

    awesome story, hahaha

    also, i’m pretty sure leta is going to grow up to look like one of my favorite bluegrass players, Sarah Jarosz: http://americajr.us/pictures/sarah_jarosz_13537.jpg

  • mybottlesup

    marlo needs her own show. cameras stashed everywhere, one attached to her head (just so we can gain insight into her perspective)… and watch the madness unfold before us all.

    also, have you seen the ice cream eating porn stars who are DETERMINED AS ALL HELL to use their tongue as a shovel-like device and remove the ice cream from the inside of the cone? that’s the shit that nightmares are made of.

  • karmadarling

    I am kinda stuck on the fact that you begrudge that poor woman her cone. She probably has a million Marlos at home waiting for her and in her spare 10 minutes all she wanted was to enjoy a friggin cone.

  • Lillabilly

    I will never forget the time I entered a public toilet in a shopping centre at the same time a grandma and mother came in juggling a little girl and a baby in a pram. The grandma was with the baby while the mother and little girl entered the stall beside mine – as the grandma asked a question just as they entered, the mother turned and took her attention off the little girl for a half second. Next thing I heard was the mum shout at the top of her voice “OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!” and the Grandma saying “What happened? What did she do?!” The mother, in the most horrified voice ever, said “SHE LICKED THE TOILET SEAT!!!!”
    There just simply arn’t enough wet wipes in the world to fix that.

  • Yvonnne

    I rushed here to leave you this….and…your last post…. well, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Here:

    http://www.babble.com/toddler/toddler-behavior-learning/real-reasons-toddlers-tantrums/

  • kat

    How is it that they know, they just know, that that spot is the last place you want them right now? So of course that is the best place ever!

  • Caroline_O

    I am so happy I found this blog post. I am due in October, hanging out with my friends’ kids to try and get a hang of how this all goes. Last weekend we had a toddler over, luckily his parents were busy chatting when across the yard I saw their little guy LICKING OUR DOG. Who is an extremely hairy yellow labrador. So hairy that we have considered using his sheddings as an alternative energy source for our home. I thought perhaps our dog was somehow enticingly tasty looking, but it sounds like this is just what kids do. Glad I have so much to look forward to.

    Netflix for boutique baby clothes: http://www.plumgear.com.

  • Jen

    Well it could have been worse – the lady could have chosen to eat her ice cream inside the shop. And instead of these events transpiring one after the other, allowing you some time to recover, you could’ve walked in the shop and looked to one side and witnessed the woman fellating her cone, looked to the other and seen a bare ass as it plunked down on the chair, and then you might have been put off ice cream forever – and how tragic would THAT have been?

  • Jen

    P.S. That Sarah Jarosz chick does look a lot like Leta. Wow!

    P.P.S. I adore the chicks in your thingy up there. (I forget what it’s called.) My boyfriend’s uncle shows chickens, doves, and ducks and I got to go to his house Easter weekend and take a crapload of pics and ooh and aah over his purty chickens. Have you ever seen the book Extraordinary Chickens? If not, I highly recommend. I never knew chickens could be so awesome looking.

  • Jess Mock

    When my son was two, he suddenly decided to lick the seat of a kid scooter in a mall play area. I know your pain.

  • Mrs_Wormwood

    eh, that woman going to town on the cone could have been me, except I don’t live in Utah. I’m not sure what my problem is, maybe an oral fixation/sweet tooth perfect storm, but I try not to eat ice cream cones in front of other people. It’s too embarrassing- my mind goes blank, and minutes later people are whispering and pointing. Urgh. Maybe I’ll eat less ice cream this summer, and my pants will fit better, too. And just think what a great immune system Marlo will have! She’ll survive any sort of apocalypse/super germ that comes along!

  • Shana in Texas

    Really unfair of you to expect Cami to react with a wipe in a situation like that. She has no experience! Another parent would have had the pack open and been wiping away AND laughing loudly as well.

    @pandora Has A Box – “showing his flavor” haha! And, yeah I’m with you and @Fifi Coon – what’s with that public nekkidness and in an eating establishment?? Ewww!!

  • PrestonK

    I’ve read this post 3 times and keep cracking up! Such a way with words, you have.

    Some people still look pornographic when they eat ice cream with a spoon. They do the ol put a spoonful in the mouth but only eat down half of the ice cream and mound the remaining portion with their lips as they slide out the spoon. Repeat. In and out, in and out, slobber, lick. Not always pretty. (did that paragraph turn you on or repulse you? lol)

  • beckertay

    At least this hasn’t happened.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEDLAgu0yl8&feature=player_embedded#at=36

    I cringed the whole time I watched it.

  • Cheryl M.

    OMG…if I had been with you guys I would have been so grossed out but laughing so hard I would have had puke come out my nose!

    Hubby and I have a 5yo and a 3mo – both boys.

    Welcome to the world of “boys can be really gross”. We had to use the restroom at Walmart once, and while I was changing the baby, he frickin rested his chin on the changing table! AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!

    We also live in the world of “boys do crazy crap that beats the hell out of them”. My 5yo will be lucky if he still has any face left by the time he’s 10…I’m amazed he’s only got healing wounds right now.

    Oh, and the “showing his flavor” thing? I honestly think boys come out of the womb wanting to show the world their junk…mine would go to church naked if I let him. (For those of you who don’t have boys and are still of child-bearing age – be warned…they touch their junk more than professional baseball players, and yes, baby boys can wake up “happy”. I will never forgive my stepsisters – who have five boys between them – for not telling me that!)