the smell of my desperation has become a stench

All Too Appropriate

  • Eigil

    2003/05/23 at 5:33 am

    Happy plunging!

  • Kate

    2003/05/23 at 5:36 am

    At least it wasn’t Tampons. Never piss a woman off when she’s buying Tampons, it means she’s in a bad mood to begin with.

  • bearcub

    2003/05/23 at 5:36 am

    A few notes:

    – I was in St. Louis last weekend and I heard this “warshing” word you’ve mentioned before

    – I’ve always thought you look strikingly like Emily Haines, singer of the band Metric

    – Incidentally they have a brand new album, and you would do well to acquire it; I’m sure you’d love it

  • Appleshell

    2003/05/23 at 5:37 am

    Sometimes I get an incredible urge to scratch my eye using my middle finger.

  • three-legged pi

    2003/05/23 at 5:38 am

    No fritos? And don’t they know how lethal someone can be who has been trained in the ancient art of plunge-fu?

  • Tremorr

    2003/05/23 at 5:38 am

    Did she act like she was afraid you would call her a cunt?

  • Tremorr

    2003/05/23 at 5:39 am

    I don’t know why I assumed the person who recognized you was a woman …

  • bushra

    2003/05/23 at 5:40 am

    ditto Kate. at least you’re not known as “that girl” who is never in one place with “that phone” beeping messages all the time. or are you? i was also known as “that girl” with the bright blue jacket in school (ok, turquoise). if i ever wore something new after that, people *always* noticed.

  • lorr

    2003/05/23 at 5:45 am

    think yourself lucky, you could have been buying something even more embarrasing.

  • mihow

    2003/05/23 at 5:48 am

    Maybe she recognized you as that girl who ran that website because of the plunger.

    Sometimes props are hints. :]

  • melissa

    2003/05/23 at 5:54 am

    I was once recognized at a party (nearly 10 years removed from high school) as “that girl with her eyes closed looking stoned in the yearbook”

    For the record once again: that photo was a mistake. I never even saw that photo. The yearbook advisor refunded my money for the yearbook because he couldn’t deny the terrible legacy I was left with.

    Come to think of it…I wish my eyes had been open without the smoky haze surrounding me AND I’d been holding a plunger. I’d so rather hear at a party: “Hey, there’s that girl who was holding a plunger in her senior picture!”

  • Yahmdallah

    2003/05/23 at 5:56 am

    If she’s a constant reader, perhaps she’s aware of your fight with constipation, and thus was secretly happy about your apparent success overcoming that issue.

  • jason

    2003/05/23 at 6:08 am

    is that a bad thing? i pine for the day when i can’t go out in public without being recognized by dozens of complete strangers, no matter what the reason behind it is.

  • Angelique

    2003/05/23 at 6:30 am

    i agree w/Yahmdallah, this must mean that one of the many many hints given just a few weeks ago worked on your regularity issues. fantastic.
    and if your entire back just happens to be covered in an elaborate tattoo, try and keep it covered if you run into coworkers outside of work. i am no longer referred to by my first name here in corporate mortgage hell, i am simply “that girl with the really big tattoo”. i mean, dont get me wrong. it’s beautiful and the 30+ hours of pain were worth it, but it just completely shows the stupidity of some people when they only point out the obvious. why not, hey, there’s that girl who makes a mean spinach and goat cheese salad?

  • krotchbat

    2003/05/23 at 6:42 am

    congrats, you are officially the big fish in the little pond.

  • a.march

    2003/05/23 at 6:42 am

    I once accompanied a friend (and childhood neighbor) to the grocery to purchase a home pregnancy test, and we selected a v. remote store to guarantee complete anonimity. sure enough, while in line to check-out, we were greeted by another neighbor and her v. attractive son, who had never given us the time of day. and when the woman noticed the contents of our purchase, she made this gasping, stuttering sound mid-sentence. yeah, total humiliation.

  • Matt

    2003/05/23 at 6:43 am

    The recognition usually get is something like “Hey You, YES YOU!! Get out of the way!”

    Other than that, it’s the “aren’t you the guy with the motorcycle?” as if the beautiful motorcycle-helmet hair doesn’t TOTALLY give that away. Oh yeah, and the actual helmet in my hand.


  • helenjane

    2003/05/23 at 6:47 am

    Congratulations on freeing your bowels into said “small pond!”

  • Raymond

    2003/05/23 at 6:49 am

    My but the public does offend easily.

    signed…that guy who reads that website by that girl.

  • Buddha

    2003/05/23 at 6:50 am

    Getting recognized in public gets easier with time. What you may or may not have done in the past to get that recognition, however, stays with you and never changes really. Dare to be great. Or something kind of like it.

  • Matt

    2003/05/23 at 6:52 am

    Ok, I’m feeling VERY weird this morning, so I will share my second-round of thoughts…

    Dooce, don’t forget that you can pretty much cause people to clam up if you press the plunger to their face.

    Ask permission first, however…it might have the same effect.

    Then make sure you get them to buy an advance copy of your book… just because it would feel good to pocket the $21.95.

    Of course, if you enjoy the recognition, you may want to just forget this response ever existed.

    I’ll go back to work now. I think I need to take smaller doses of DayQuil…

  • mbc

    2003/05/23 at 6:53 am

    Is being “that girl” anything like being an “it girl?”

  • dooce

    2003/05/23 at 6:55 am

    mbc: not if “that girl” is buying a toilet plunger. an “it girl” would never be caught dead pooping.

  • the mighty jimbo

    2003/05/23 at 6:59 am

    oh my god! that is the best thing i have heard all week.

    you are like the queen of blogging! halcyon my have his fur pants. but you have your sceptre of poop.

    all hail the queen.

  • phair

    2003/05/23 at 7:00 am

    so you took the browns to the superbowl and they hosed it up????

  • Zandria

    2003/05/23 at 7:13 am

    I might be kind of freaked-out at first if I were recognized out of the blue from a picture off my website. Then again, if I make them available to the general public then I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised if somebody recognizes them one day. I think since that person reads your website, he/she should leave us a comment about “spotting Dooce in person…complete with toilet plunger…” 🙂

  • avril

    2003/05/23 at 7:44 am


  • April

    2003/05/23 at 7:47 am

    However, an “it girl” can make pooping so au courant.

  • Naaman

    2003/05/23 at 7:52 am

    I will be in St. Louis in a few weeks and I will most certainly hear warshing. Hell, my father might even revert to saying it after years of corrective behavioral therapy.

  • shy

    2003/05/23 at 8:34 am

    lol! oh man… well, heather, you have reached cyber celebrity stardom. i wish i was as famous as you… though i did get recognized solely based on my own site at a networking party and once coming out of starbucks… maybe one day, i’ll get noticed while i’m buying a toilet plunger… or tampons… or ever better yet, condoms.

  • felicia

    2003/05/23 at 9:06 am

    Oh, that’s ghetto.
    I’m thinking Jackie O shades. 🙂

  • UnderwearNinja

    2003/05/23 at 9:08 am

    I used to work at a coffee shop in a fairly redneck town. I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing a hick yell, “Ah-hulp, look MaggieJean, it’s tha coffee guy!”

  • Zeek

    2003/05/23 at 9:31 am

    For better or worse, by so thoroughly documenting life as you know it, you’ve made yourself part of the future’s history.
    Maybe at some point your weblog will be quoted by schoolchildren writing on modern history or the evolution of the internet and freedom of speech… or something.

  • david

    2003/05/23 at 10:11 am


  • Toby

    2003/05/23 at 10:16 am

    I have been recognized at a gay club in Washington, DC, and at a No Doubt concert in Baltimore. The stalkers did not approach me, but they were kind enough to send an email the next day, saying that they saw me and offering a detailed rundown of my outfit as proof. Damn paparazzi.

  • sashafoo

    2003/05/23 at 10:18 am

    Hi, I’m a new reader.

    I *almost* got noticed once. I posted about a concert I was attending. The day after the show a reader commented about approaching someone at that concert, thinking it was me, but it wasn’t.

  • kojotovski

    2003/05/23 at 10:51 am

    I hate to be recognized as the man who talks to delphins and flies slowlly with stars…

  • kojotovski

    2003/05/23 at 10:52 am

    … slowly…

  • Jayden

    2003/05/23 at 11:12 am

    You’ll be signing autographs soon enough.

  • shaun

    2003/05/23 at 11:20 am

    that’s the best thing i’ve read all day.

  • melly mel

    2003/05/23 at 11:48 am

    Reminds me of a story:
    My husband used to work in a ritzy ski-boot store. One day a little boy around 3 or 4 was in the store with his mom. The demon-spawn stopped dead in his tracks, pointed at my husband and started yelling in horror “Why’s that Chinese Guy here?” over and over. My husband’s not even Chinese, you racist little prick (Philippino-American, thank you very much). The mother, of course, allowed this to continue with no hint of embarrassment or apology.

  • dayment

    2003/05/23 at 12:01 pm

    Hey! Look everybody! It’s Dooce! Ohmigod! Will you sign my toilet paper?!?

    Oh, to be famous. *sigh*

  • Erica

    2003/05/23 at 12:04 pm

    Well, what did this person say? What did this person do? Did they call you “Dooce” or “Heather”? Are they reading about themselves right now and if so, should we be callling them names? Details! I need details!

  • Katie

    2003/05/23 at 12:11 pm

    At least you weren’t buying KY or something.

  • Shan

    2003/05/23 at 12:15 pm

    I have been recognized at a coffee shop before for my site. Creeepy. *L*

  • Marc

    2003/05/23 at 12:22 pm

    Somehow this seems ironic after Heather’s previous comment about smelling a star’s hair while online at a store.

    I wonder if the Dooce admirer took note of the brand of plumbing tool…

  • m

    2003/05/23 at 1:28 pm

    I once mistakenly had my skirt tucked into the back of my underwear in a bookstore. Wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been wearing my boyfriend’s tidy whitey underwear that day.

  • angel

    2003/05/23 at 1:49 pm

    At least you’re recognized for being the person you actually are. When I go back to my hometown I am plagued with “Hey, aren’t you the one who had twins when we were in high school?” (The girl in question had a name that was extremely similar to mine.)

  • Xanthan

    2003/05/23 at 1:51 pm

    So, what side of the constipation experience are you on? The side where the plunger is applied to the house’s plumbing because yours is now working smoothly, or… well, perhaps you’ve decided to take more forceful measures with your own plumbing?

    I’ve definitely been reading this blog for too long! hee hee

  • joy

    2003/05/23 at 3:00 pm

    The Metamucil must be working well enough that you plugged your toilet. At least things are moving. This is good!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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