An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

All Too Appropriate

  • Happy plunging!

  • Kate

    At least it wasn’t Tampons. Never piss a woman off when she’s buying Tampons, it means she’s in a bad mood to begin with.

  • bearcub

    A few notes:

    – I was in St. Louis last weekend and I heard this “warshing” word you’ve mentioned before

    – I’ve always thought you look strikingly like Emily Haines, singer of the band Metric

    – Incidentally they have a brand new album, and you would do well to acquire it; I’m sure you’d love it

  • Sometimes I get an incredible urge to scratch my eye using my middle finger.

  • No fritos? And don’t they know how lethal someone can be who has been trained in the ancient art of plunge-fu?

  • Tremorr

    Did she act like she was afraid you would call her a cunt?

  • Tremorr

    I don’t know why I assumed the person who recognized you was a woman …

  • ditto Kate. at least you’re not known as “that girl” who is never in one place with “that phone” beeping messages all the time. or are you? i was also known as “that girl” with the bright blue jacket in school (ok, turquoise). if i ever wore something new after that, people *always* noticed.

  • think yourself lucky, you could have been buying something even more embarrasing.

  • Maybe she recognized you as that girl who ran that website because of the plunger.

    Sometimes props are hints. :]

  • I was once recognized at a party (nearly 10 years removed from high school) as “that girl with her eyes closed looking stoned in the yearbook”

    For the record once again: that photo was a mistake. I never even saw that photo. The yearbook advisor refunded my money for the yearbook because he couldn’t deny the terrible legacy I was left with.

    Come to think of it…I wish my eyes had been open without the smoky haze surrounding me AND I’d been holding a plunger. I’d so rather hear at a party: “Hey, there’s that girl who was holding a plunger in her senior picture!”

  • If she’s a constant reader, perhaps she’s aware of your fight with constipation, and thus was secretly happy about your apparent success overcoming that issue.

  • is that a bad thing? i pine for the day when i can’t go out in public without being recognized by dozens of complete strangers, no matter what the reason behind it is.

  • Angelique

    i agree w/Yahmdallah, this must mean that one of the many many hints given just a few weeks ago worked on your regularity issues. fantastic.
    and if your entire back just happens to be covered in an elaborate tattoo, try and keep it covered if you run into coworkers outside of work. i am no longer referred to by my first name here in corporate mortgage hell, i am simply “that girl with the really big tattoo”. i mean, dont get me wrong. it’s beautiful and the 30+ hours of pain were worth it, but it just completely shows the stupidity of some people when they only point out the obvious. why not, hey, there’s that girl who makes a mean spinach and goat cheese salad?

  • congrats, you are officially the big fish in the little pond.

  • a.march

    I once accompanied a friend (and childhood neighbor) to the grocery to purchase a home pregnancy test, and we selected a v. remote store to guarantee complete anonimity. sure enough, while in line to check-out, we were greeted by another neighbor and her v. attractive son, who had never given us the time of day. and when the woman noticed the contents of our purchase, she made this gasping, stuttering sound mid-sentence. yeah, total humiliation.

  • Matt

    The recognition usually get is something like “Hey You, YES YOU!! Get out of the way!”

    Other than that, it’s the “aren’t you the guy with the motorcycle?” as if the beautiful motorcycle-helmet hair doesn’t TOTALLY give that away. Oh yeah, and the actual helmet in my hand.


  • Congratulations on freeing your bowels into said “small pond!”

  • My but the public does offend easily.

    signed…that guy who reads that website by that girl.

  • Buddha

    Getting recognized in public gets easier with time. What you may or may not have done in the past to get that recognition, however, stays with you and never changes really. Dare to be great. Or something kind of like it.

  • Matt

    Ok, I’m feeling VERY weird this morning, so I will share my second-round of thoughts…

    Dooce, don’t forget that you can pretty much cause people to clam up if you press the plunger to their face.

    Ask permission first, however…it might have the same effect.

    Then make sure you get them to buy an advance copy of your book… just because it would feel good to pocket the $21.95.

    Of course, if you enjoy the recognition, you may want to just forget this response ever existed.

    I’ll go back to work now. I think I need to take smaller doses of DayQuil…

  • mbc

    Is being “that girl” anything like being an “it girl?”

  • mbc: not if “that girl” is buying a toilet plunger. an “it girl” would never be caught dead pooping.

  • oh my god! that is the best thing i have heard all week.

    you are like the queen of blogging! halcyon my have his fur pants. but you have your sceptre of poop.

    all hail the queen.

  • phair

    so you took the browns to the superbowl and they hosed it up????

  • I might be kind of freaked-out at first if I were recognized out of the blue from a picture off my website. Then again, if I make them available to the general public then I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised if somebody recognizes them one day. I think since that person reads your website, he/she should leave us a comment about “spotting Dooce in person…complete with toilet plunger…” 🙂

  • lol

  • However, an “it girl” can make pooping so au courant.

  • I will be in St. Louis in a few weeks and I will most certainly hear warshing. Hell, my father might even revert to saying it after years of corrective behavioral therapy.

  • shy

    lol! oh man… well, heather, you have reached cyber celebrity stardom. i wish i was as famous as you… though i did get recognized solely based on my own site at a networking party and once coming out of starbucks… maybe one day, i’ll get noticed while i’m buying a toilet plunger… or tampons… or ever better yet, condoms.

  • Oh, that’s ghetto.
    I’m thinking Jackie O shades. 🙂

  • I used to work at a coffee shop in a fairly redneck town. I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing a hick yell, “Ah-hulp, look MaggieJean, it’s tha coffee guy!”

  • Zeek

    For better or worse, by so thoroughly documenting life as you know it, you’ve made yourself part of the future’s history.
    Maybe at some point your weblog will be quoted by schoolchildren writing on modern history or the evolution of the internet and freedom of speech… or something.

  • awesome!

  • I have been recognized at a gay club in Washington, DC, and at a No Doubt concert in Baltimore. The stalkers did not approach me, but they were kind enough to send an email the next day, saying that they saw me and offering a detailed rundown of my outfit as proof. Damn paparazzi.

  • Hi, I’m a new reader.

    I *almost* got noticed once. I posted about a concert I was attending. The day after the show a reader commented about approaching someone at that concert, thinking it was me, but it wasn’t.

  • kojotovski

    I hate to be recognized as the man who talks to delphins and flies slowlly with stars…

  • kojotovski

    … slowly…

  • You’ll be signing autographs soon enough.

  • that’s the best thing i’ve read all day.

  • Reminds me of a story:
    My husband used to work in a ritzy ski-boot store. One day a little boy around 3 or 4 was in the store with his mom. The demon-spawn stopped dead in his tracks, pointed at my husband and started yelling in horror “Why’s that Chinese Guy here?” over and over. My husband’s not even Chinese, you racist little prick (Philippino-American, thank you very much). The mother, of course, allowed this to continue with no hint of embarrassment or apology.

  • Hey! Look everybody! It’s Dooce! Ohmigod! Will you sign my toilet paper?!?

    Oh, to be famous. *sigh*

  • Well, what did this person say? What did this person do? Did they call you “Dooce” or “Heather”? Are they reading about themselves right now and if so, should we be callling them names? Details! I need details!

  • At least you weren’t buying KY or something.

  • I have been recognized at a coffee shop before for my site. Creeepy. *L*

  • Marc

    Somehow this seems ironic after Heather’s previous comment about smelling a star’s hair while online at a store.

    I wonder if the Dooce admirer took note of the brand of plumbing tool…

  • m

    I once mistakenly had my skirt tucked into the back of my underwear in a bookstore. Wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been wearing my boyfriend’s tidy whitey underwear that day.

  • At least you’re recognized for being the person you actually are. When I go back to my hometown I am plagued with “Hey, aren’t you the one who had twins when we were in high school?” (The girl in question had a name that was extremely similar to mine.)

  • So, what side of the constipation experience are you on? The side where the plunger is applied to the house’s plumbing because yours is now working smoothly, or… well, perhaps you’ve decided to take more forceful measures with your own plumbing?

    I’ve definitely been reading this blog for too long! hee hee

  • joy

    The Metamucil must be working well enough that you plugged your toilet. At least things are moving. This is good!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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