the smell of my desperation has become a stench


What the hell am I doing?
What is that smell?
How did that get on her face?
Am I losing my mind?
Why are there cheddar cheese goldfish in my panties?
What the HELL am I doing?
Oh my god, you didn’t just put that in your mouth, did you?
What would it be like to use the bathroom ALONE?
How long until your father comes home? How long? How long? HOW LONG?
Look Leta, it’s Ozzy, in his underwear!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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