This here bringer of the pooper to the fun party

Bump watch begins

The bump at 12 weeks:

12 weeks

Before you get all skritchy and start yelling that this is not at a bump by any stretch of the imagination, let’s compare this to the bump at 15 weeks from my pregnancy with Leta:

15 weeks with Leta

Could someone please tell the woman in that photo to put some sunscreen on?

Also, some of you have suggested that I might be pregnant with twins, and believe me when I tell you that I lived with the nightmare of that possibility for ten and a half weeks. And no, I’m not going to apologize for referring to it as a nightmare, I’m sure your twins are lovely people. But I am not the type of person who can handle that type of chaos and readily admit that you are a better person than I am. We had the doctor check for twins during my sonogram, and she promises me that there was only one swimming around in there. Look:

I asked her if the sneaky twin could be hiding somewhere in a corner? Maybe it had dressed itself in an invisibility cloak? And she was all YOU’RE SO SILLY! And I was all, hmm, I don’t think “silly” is the clinical term for it, do yourself a favor and REFRAIN FROM GOOGLING MY NAME.

Now, on to a burning question that’s sort of sitting out there making a few people uncomfortable or at least a little more curious than they are used to being: I am still taking Prozac. Last year when I found out I was pregnant (the one that ended in miscarriage) we found the phone number for the doctor who treated me for postpartum depression in the hospital in 2004 and left a desperate message. He does not treat anyone outside of the hospital but was generous enough to return our call and answer our questions about medication during pregnancy, and his advice was to remain on Prozac (although he did suggest that I stop taking Neurontin and Valium). Prozac has a half-life so long that even if I had stopped taking it when I found out I was pregnant it would have remained in my system for several weeks. He’s been treating postpartum depression for over 30 years and has seen hundreds of pregnant women who have continued taking Prozac go on to have perfectly healthy babies. My OBGYN agrees with him.

I do not know about any other medications, and if you have questions or concerns about your own you should call your doctor. I do know that I feel good about this decision, and so far things are really good. Am I physically miserable? Absolutely, but I’m really hopeful and coping like I should be. And this time I know exactly what signs and symptoms to look for in my mood and what tools I can turn to. I feel so much more prepared, like I know I’m about to jump into a pond full of crocodiles, and this time instead of throwing in my naked body head first I’m climbing into an armored Humvee that will be slowly lowered into the water, machine guns first.

Will people accuse me of putting my baby in danger by continuing to take Prozac? I expect that email or comment to hit within minutes. This wouldn’t be the Internet without those lovely little cutie pies. Smooches! The reason I bring this up is because someone is out there right now trying to make the decision about whether or not to stay on her medication, and even if her doctor is telling her that she needs to, that it’s perfectly okay, she knows that if she does she’ll have to listen to some dickwad condemn her for trying to kill her baby. I want that woman to know that I am surrounded by those dickwads, they have my email address, my mailing address, their own websites where they go on and on about how sad it’s going to be for my children to grow up with such a crazy mother (Hi, guys! Thanks for the traffic!), that I shouldn’t be allowed to have another baby. IT’S ALL BEEN SAID ABOUT ME. All of it, the same things over and over again. I want you to know that all of those people are dealing with their own issues, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and that I’m willing stand up for me and for you and say, hey, thanks for your concern, but I’m perfectly capable of making decisions for me and my baby.

  • Patrick T.

    You are truly an inspiration.
    Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

  • You mean you don’t want unsolicited parental criticism from total strangers? Hmmm … fancy that.

    I’m on Wellbutrin, and when I go off of it, I turn into a clove-hooved beast, which I have come to accept, to the extent that I no longer go off of it … and I can only image how much more critical it would be for me to stay on it if was nauseous and swelling from the, you know, person growing inside my lower abdomen.

  • Your baby bump is beautiful! 🙂

  • Britt

    Ah, Dooce. I lurve you. Seriously.

  • you look really great, dooce. congrats again. it is wonderful news.

  • good lord, i have the same bump… but no baby in there! (err, knock on wood.)

    between you and your doctor, who are we to say anything? i have no medical knowledge of prozac, but i know enough people and have read enough to tell you to please refrain from drinking alcohol, smoking crack, or shooting heroin while pregnant… or at least refrain from blogging about it. 😉

    good luck on a healthy pregnancy. the bean looks good so far!

  • Tracy

    With each pregnancy, I started to show earlier and earlier. In fact, I started to show with the 3rd kid before I even knew I was pregnant. I just thought it was the beer and tacos. My ob said it’s because my uterus was tired. And because it was tired, it decided not to stay all tucked and pretty. I guess it might’ve also been pissed, like Oh great, here we go again. Nevertheless, your uterus is awesome. And some days, that’s just gotta be enough.

  • Alex Dean

    Yay Dooce!

  • casey

    rock on! what a beautiful picture =)

  • I always hope my parents/others don’t google my name either haha!

  • Crystal

    Because all of these critics are assuredly doctors. Screw ’em. Cute bump by the way…

  • Heather, bless you for dealing with such hate and still having the bravery to continue speaking your truth. Bravo for doing what’s best for you!

  • dewi

    Medicine good!
    okay to take during pregnancy and breastfeeding.
    Go eat cake and ice cream!

  • Sarah

    You tell ’em, Heather. Congratulations.

  • Heather-in-Australia

    Congratulations and all the happiness in the world to you!
    People who naysay are a bunch of cockholsters. More power to you for knowing who you are and what you and your family needs & for being a positive voice for those who are struggling to know that for themselves.

  • Mama Sayd

    1) your bump is cuter than mine – damn you!

    2) you do whatever works for you and damn them!

    3) I have a dear friend that has a bad case of bi-polar disorder. she will have to have electroshock treatments when she gets pregnant – so I ask you which is worse for your kid, a an extra finger or twitching uncontrollably???

    Just kidding but those “others” might think I am on to something.

    Trust the doctors, trust yourself – you’ll be fine!!!

  • Ashly Sheldon

    My non-baby bump is bigger!

  • You look great!

    I believe that a doctor treating a pregnant woman has to also think of the well being of the mother. I am glad you are confident in your decision and hope that you can maintain an even, happy keel in your pregnancy and after. Here is hoping the nausea subsides soon.

  • Good for you lady — Rock on with yer bad self. 🙂 Love reading your blog. Hi Leta!

  • Jen

    While pregnant with my second child, I had suicidal thoughts and was put in the hospital. I had been taking Zoloft for years but it wasn’t working as well. My OB added Wellbutrin to the mix. I was worried about side effects for my son but was also glad I was alive to see him grow up. Heather, you have to do what is best for you first, then you can take care of that sweet baby! Good luck!

  • Karen

    As long as both you and your doctors are okay with your decisions, it is no one else’s business at all. I know several women who took Prozac through multiple pregnancies without any problems.

    And about that bump, it is amazing how much faster it grows the second time around. First baby for me meant no maternity clothes until 6 months. Second baby was before 3 months. And they were the same exact size (weight and height) at birth!

    Hope you feel better soon.

  • Callie

    Looking forward to reading all about your pregnancy, Prozac and all. Is it wrong that I kinda like the commenters who post ridiculous advice and expect you to listen to them? It gives me something to giggle about.

  • M

    Screw em!

    It is funny how people are so handy with advice for situations they have no clue about. I have been told more than once how medication is a big scam and I am copping out by taking it, I should just be strong enough to deal. You are making a responsible healthy decision based upon your needs, medical advice, and experiences. I have also chosen to stay medicated during my pregnancy(9weeks) even though I am going to try and lower my doseage(which scares the crap out of me), but I know that if I can’t handle it my baby is better off with a sane mother than someone “who can’t deal”.

    Good luck and keep you pecker up!

  • You are ADORABLE! 🙂 And don’t pay any attention to the mean people who are trying to play Dr. over the internet.

  • firstlady

    My partner had grand plans to get off of Paxil since she hopes to get pregnant next year. After a few weeks of decreasing her dosage, it became VERY clear to both of us that her getting of her anxiety meds would do no one any good, least of all a pregnant lady. So, she’s now on Zoloft and plans to be on it while pregnant. Sanity is good.

  • dewi

    Did you know that a glass of wine or a cocktail once in a blue moon is also fine while you’re pregnant!
    Now you can really get them going! ;-/>

  • Heather

    from this mother who suffered with the “no more wire hangers” syndrome, i say take care of yourself so that you can take care of your baby. your doing the right thing.

    love the bump!

  • Anonymous

    I suffer from Crohn’s disease and like you after much consideration, soul searching and seaking out the advice of not one but 3 different doctors chose to continue taking Imuran during my pregnancy. Unfortunately I mis-carried just over a week ago. I’m secure in the decision that I made and feel sure that my medication had nothing to do with the ending of this pregnancy. It just wasn’t the right time. I wish however that my family could see things that way. I wish you the best of luck and all the happiness the world has to give you.

  • Christina

    Atta girl, Heather. Keep defending yourself and your baby.

    🙂 Happy for you!

  • Anonymous

    Dude. Don’t listen to anyone but your doctor and yourself.

  • I think it’s wonderful that you’re having another baby. Knowing what you went through and being willing to risk it again – you’re a very strong woman. My pregnancies are also horrible, I’ve had two and that’s enough. Worth it, but very hard to get through. I really hope that with the meds you are able to enjoy the babymoon more. With my daughter we had huge attachment issues and depression caused by some meds I was on. With my son it was completely different, and I’m so glad I had the different experience. It helped me appriciate the bond I have with my daughter so much more knowing I had worked so hard for it.

  • Katespeare

    ::high fiving all the positive comments::

  • Emily

    I took Zoloft through my entire pregnancy. Both my OB and my Psychiatrist said it was better to have a healthy (both physically and emotionally) mom than to have an unhealthy one. My baby was the most relaxed and laid back baby ever. No colic or fussing for no reason. I like to think it was the Zoloft.

  • cute stripey tshirt. not that you care, as documented in your post yesterday, but cucumber sushi seems to relieve morning sickness for me. Good to listen to a veteran of 2 morning sickness-filled pregnancies, rather than just one. Good luck!

  • n_m

    Dang, you look good. I look like that after I eat one bowl of cereal.

    I would say stay the course. Its working for many people.

  • Lynne

    I love these posts. I look back on my early months with my two children, now 3 and 6 and realize that I was suffering from postpartum depression. At the time I didn’t understand why I was throwing things at my husband’s head or flying off the handle and having very disturbing thoughts. If I would have been reading your site back then, I would have gotten some help.

  • I got off meds to get pregnant, and now am desperately scrambling to get back on something I can take while nursing…so I wish I had just stayed on the damn drugs in the first place. Oh and I wish my Dr.’s weren’t nincompoops.

    Nothing worked for my morning sickness either. Sometimes if i put an atomic fireball in each cheek like a squirrel – then drank lemonade at the same time, I got some momentary relief. Yum! Hang in there, kiddo.

  • Congratulations on the pregnancy! Can’t wait to see the baby and hear all about Leta as a big sister.

  • Heather, BRAVO! We need more women like you who stand up and say, “Eff you! I’m NOT WRONG for what I’m doing, and I won’t sit down and be silent.” Suffice it to say I had my own little blog hell incident a few weeks ago, including the insinuation of a lawsuit, but I didn’t back down nor did I take down my post because I WASN’T WRONG. Why is it the people who are in the right are backing down for big ol’ bullies? I’m not saying it’s easy to stick up for yourself or a point of view, just that it’s necessary. Most of the time.

    🙂

  • Emily

    I hated those people when I was pregnant. Especially the ones who acted like medicine is rat poison. A miserable mom isn’t healthy either.

    Congratulations!

  • Anonymous

    heather,
    i know you will think i am crazy, but have you considered consuming your placenta? there are numerous studies proving the benefits in preventing PPD.
    just a thought from a crazy canuck,
    courtney

  • amy

    Oh dooce, I so *heart* you. Congrats to you, Jon, Leta, Chuck & Coco. What a family this little one gets to join.

  • Thank you for the encouragement. It gives hope to all of us coping with similar problems.

    Oh, and btw Mama Sayd – thank you too. I’m at the moment very happy that my bipolar is well treatable with about 8 different medication, but thank God that not with electrocution:)

  • Congratulations Heather — on your pregnancy and deciding to make the right choice to take care of yourself and stay on Prozac. Your baby (and your family) will be better off with you staying sane & healthy.

    You are a brave, inspiring (and fucking hilarious) woman.

  • namedphoenix

    zomg. I was going to say the same thing. I was looking at myself in the mirror last night and was like, “DAMN, I look like I’m pregnant.”

    Dooce preggers with Leta at 12 weeks is flatter than I am, on any day of the week.

  • Z

    I don’t know if you’re a Scrubs fan, but this is one of my favorite quotes from the show (from two of my most favorite sarcastic characters):

    Dr. Cox, Jordan, and baby Jack are having a little family time on a blanket in the park.
    A woman pushes a stroller containing her own child over to them.
    Mother: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be over-stimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with!
    Dr. Cox: Oh, that’s funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice!
    Jordan: Oh, oh! He also thanked me for not naming him “Brantley”!

    Quotes like these are worth remembering, in my opinion. 🙂

    Also, I’m very happy for you and your family. Go Dooce!

  • Congratulations on the baby to bee! You look wonderful, & happy. Don’t worry about what the internet morons say. They’re everywhere. Famous quote says it all: “Keep your friends close & your enemies closer.” At least you know where they are, right? Best wishes!

  • Cynthia Cradduck

    I have read your blog for I don’t know how long… I even got my hubby to be a fan of yours (We both just love Leta! She has to be one of the prettiest kids ever!)

    To those asses that would bring you down, Fuck You! This has to be one of the most honest blogs out there and I have loved, laughed and cried (yes, cried) with you, Heather.

    Just be true to yourself Heather, love those kids with your whole being and they will return it ten-fold… though it may not seem like it when they reach those teenaged years ^_^

  • Seeing that little bump I’m just so happy for you 🙂

  • Bump Watch – That could be a new hit TV Show! You know, slow motion opening shots of pregnant women running to the bathroom!

    Congrats on the beautiful baby pics and bump – here’s for hoping that the second time around is far easier than the first!