Heater, Mother of Lance

A Christmas Medley

Salt Lake City like many other parts of the country is getting pummeled by a severe snow storm, and since Leta is home from school for the next couple of weeks our inclination is to remain clothed in our wrinkled pajamas while snuggled between cushions of the couch. This would be much easier if all of my internal organs weren’t jockeying for space, my stomach constantly rejecting everything I eat because there’s no more room in the inn. I’ve already reached that uncomfortable point in the pregnancy when the womb starts to push everything around like a lumbering schoolyard bully, and where normally the appropriate systems would digest a meal without me being aware of it, I can now feel every mechanism taking place because the top of my small intestine was evicted and had to relocate to the bottom of my throat.

Glorious, beautiful pregnancy! The time of my life!

Since almost all of our immediate family lives in Utah we’ve got a staggering number of obligations in the next week including two family gatherings that will include singing. Hymns. With straight faces. While pretending that Grandpa Rob isn’t tone deaf. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a version of “Away in a Manger” that sounds like it’s being beaten out of a goat.

Posting here will be light for the next week as I take some time to be with the family, but I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday with much food and rest. May everyone remember to take their medication and be able to get through dinner without arguing about the gays.

Until next time, Leta has a special message. Please disregard the low rumbling noise at 0:28, that’s just Coco growling at the mail carrier, AWFUL DOG HAS NO RESPECT FOR BABY JESUS.

  • Daddy Scratches

    2008/12/22 at 3:11 pm

    Too cute.
    Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs. Enjoy the holidays.

  • Kat

    2008/12/22 at 3:14 pm

    Merry Christmas to you too Armstrong family!

    p.s. I really enjoyed “you’ll go down in mystery.” 🙂 Made my day.

  • Olivia

    2008/12/22 at 3:14 pm

    Adorable!!! Don’t feel guilty for light-posting Dooce, have fun and enjoy time with your beautiful family. This is your last Christmas with just you, Leta, and Jon! Next year there’ll be an addition 🙂
    Merry Christmas Heather, Jon and Leta 🙂

  • Jocey

    2008/12/22 at 3:18 pm

    Happy holidays to you as well! I hope Coco doesn’t try to devour any Baby Jesus figurines — that is my parents’ full-size Aussies’ favorite holiday activity apart from eating snow and chewing on one another’s heads.

  • Rusty

    2008/12/22 at 3:18 pm

    The best part of this is her Sleeping Beauty dress.

    Happy Holidays! I get to spend Christmas with my Grandfather, his third wife, his son from his second marriage, and my mother who is the product of his original marriage which he ruined when he cheated on my grandmother with the third wife. It’s going to be amazing.

  • Elizabeth

    2008/12/22 at 3:19 pm

    Leta (and Armstrongs) Merry Christmas to you too!

    I am now going to sing “…you’ll go down in mystery” – gives Rudolph a little something extra.

  • Red

    2008/12/22 at 3:19 pm

    i love that kid. merry christmas, armstrongs!!

  • Nicole

    2008/12/22 at 3:19 pm

    You’ll go down in mystery! The best flubbed line, really. 🙂

    Merry Christmas, Heather, Jon, Leta and bump!

  • Rose

    2008/12/22 at 3:19 pm

    Too cute! Enjoy the time off. I am light-posting this week, too. I’m sure my 14 readers will miss me! 🙂

  • Yolanda

    2008/12/22 at 3:19 pm

    I love how Leta’s singing in more like a fast recitation. Very spoken word. I can totally picture her knocking back espressos in a dimly lit coffee shop and complaining about The Establishment 15 years from now.

    Merry Christmas, Armstrongs.

  • Jubilee

    2008/12/22 at 3:21 pm

    My absolute favorite part: Internet, Merry Christmas!

    Merry Christmas to the hippest family ever!

  • trustypony

    2008/12/22 at 3:21 pm

    Happy holidays to all the armstrongs… relax and enjoy.

  • Anonymous

    2008/12/22 at 3:21 pm

    I loved the Rex Harrisonesque talk-sing and the shouting out with GLEED! Yippee!

  • Krystal

    2008/12/22 at 3:22 pm

    Absolutely adorable!!! Happy Holidays!!!

  • Lydia

    2008/12/22 at 3:22 pm

    It doesn’t come any sweeter than that.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours, Heather.

  • Jessica

    2008/12/22 at 3:22 pm

    Merry Christmas to you too Armstrong’s.

    And tell Leta her carols meant THAT MUCH MORE by wearing her princess dress! Go Aurora!

  • Tiffaney

    2008/12/22 at 3:24 pm

    Hope you have a wonderful Holiday!! Nothing like an awful dog’s unceasing barking/growling to really set the mood in the house! I also know this lovely doggie vocal, our “puppy” thinks the world is dying to hear her voice..

    Anyway Merry Christmas!!


  • Jessica

    2008/12/22 at 3:24 pm

    Leta FTW!

    She is too cute! Merry Christmas Leta (and Heather & Jon & Chuck & Coco & NewBabyArmstrong)! Love, The Internet 😀

    (and for the record, my “human confirmation” text is…

    … “abolished Altoona.”

    Very nice. lmao)

  • Evelyn

    2008/12/22 at 3:24 pm

    The Internet wishes YOU Merry Christmas, Leta! And to your Mom and Dad and Chuck and Coco, too.

  • Becca

    2008/12/22 at 3:25 pm

    OH my that was sweet!

    Merry Christmas to you too, Leta! Kiss the doggies for me (HAHAHAHA)

  • Ann L

    2008/12/22 at 3:25 pm

    Soooo cute! My grand=daughters love the tiara, earrings, and necklace sets that most drug stores and Albertsons are carrying. It’s about $5, I think. I bought one set for Toys for Tots. With Leta’s passion for princesses, I think she’d love the set! Merry Christmas!!

  • Kelly

    2008/12/22 at 3:26 pm

    LMAO!! … you’ll go down in mystery! Love it. Merry Christmas to you all.

  • Tina B

    2008/12/22 at 3:27 pm

    Enjoy the holidays with the family. Next year you’ll have your hands really full. Take it from a mother of three. Leta is adorable as usual and the special message is a nice touch that she will hate you for later.

  • Serial

    2008/12/22 at 3:28 pm

    What is Christmas without fighting about the gays?! Please, Heather, tell us, your interweb pals, that you WILL be arguing with someone about how those gays may be immoral, but at least they don’t wear magic underpants.

  • Camels & Chocolate

    2008/12/22 at 3:29 pm

    I love how she has her princess dress on to sing Christmas carols.

    But that ending where she addresses the Internet is TOO CUTE.

  • Eliza

    2008/12/22 at 3:29 pm

    Best use of a princess dress, ever. It’s shocking how much better that makes the caroling, like she’s a performance artist challenging us to our assumptions about ritual and tradition. Thanks, Leta.

  • Jessica

    2008/12/22 at 3:29 pm

    I love the princess dress to top it all off! Merry Christmas to you and yours! I hope that you have a safe and restful holiday, even if you are puking your guts out.

  • Jen

    2008/12/22 at 3:29 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks she sang “chinese nose”? Either way, very cute & Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs!

  • repliderium.com

    2008/12/22 at 3:30 pm

    Ahhh! Leta is so damn cute that she makes my uterus hurt. Happy ho ho ho & I feel bad for you that you cannot drown out the merry making with a lot of strong liquor. I will drink your share- it’s the giving kinda gal I am.
    Ho ho ho

  • Monica

    2008/12/22 at 3:30 pm

    The mystery of Christmas is the best part! Leta – you got it right.

    Happy Holidays!

  • Patrick

    2008/12/22 at 3:30 pm

    Thanks Leta! Merry Christmas to you too!

  • Shannon

    2008/12/22 at 3:33 pm

    Merry Christmas to you, Heather and family! Leta is adorable as always. You are a gorgeous family!

  • Bellacantare

    2008/12/22 at 3:34 pm

    I’m so miserable and sick with a head cold right now, but that just brightened my whole day. Merry Christmas!

  • Roanne

    2008/12/22 at 3:34 pm

    Merry Christmas, I hope you have a lovely time.

  • Long Story Longer

    2008/12/22 at 3:34 pm

    Wonderful 🙂 Thanks for posting and making it fun to come here all year long. Merry Christmas.

  • Linda

    2008/12/22 at 3:35 pm

    Just what I needed while I was dining at the pity party for one today. Thank you so much! Kicked my ass right out of it. Happy Holidays you wonderful people you.

  • Beth

    2008/12/22 at 3:36 pm

    Leta’s video is awesome! Thanks for the fabulous holiday cheer. Great way to end the work day and start the vaca with the fam.

    Have a holly, jolly Christmas…

    Tumblers of bourbon cheers from the Nation’s Capital!

  • Zenmomma

    2008/12/22 at 3:37 pm

    Now I’m left to wonder who the hell Rudolph is going down on in such mystery.

    Merry Happy and a Joyous Everything Else!

  • Ellen

    2008/12/22 at 3:39 pm

    “You’ll go down in mystery…” Hahah! She is so cuuute!

  • TwirlyGirlie

    2008/12/22 at 3:40 pm

    Merry Christmas to you too, sweet Leta!! Hope Santa brings you everything you want!

  • Lori Magno

    2008/12/22 at 3:41 pm

    Internet, Merry Christmas. Perhaps we will go down in mystery.

    Video of the year in my book – all those Christmas carols sung in a princess dress to boot!

    Cheers Armstrong family and also to those who love and support you.

    -Lori in Boston

  • Nel

    2008/12/22 at 3:41 pm

    oh please. you don’t fool me with your woes. you know you love being pregnant 🙂

    happy holidays

  • JenKC

    2008/12/22 at 3:43 pm

    My 3-year-old jumped up onto the couch next to me and exclaimed “Is that me?!” As if she knew the words to any of those songs…

    Merry Christmas Leta (and you too, Heather!)

  • Doug

    2008/12/22 at 3:43 pm

    I say we have a princess Christmas special!

  • Jen

    2008/12/22 at 3:45 pm

    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that Leta dressed in a princess dress to sing the internet Christmas songs. It makes my heart explode with joy and my entire body pray that I can have a little girl some day.

  • Heidi Renée

    2008/12/22 at 3:45 pm

    I wish they made Sleeping Beauty dresses in adult sizes. Leta is too cute.

  • Stacy

    2008/12/22 at 3:47 pm

    Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs.

  • Suzanne

    2008/12/22 at 3:49 pm

    Awww… too cute! Great video. Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs from the Armstrongs.
    (I married to a John as well!)

  • Sheryl

    2008/12/22 at 3:49 pm

    Merry Christmas to everyone over there, buried in the snow, ho ho ho.

  • Kathryn

    2008/12/22 at 3:50 pm

    She is totally adorable. Merry Christmas Armstrongs!

1 2 3 8

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more