An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

A Christmas Medley

Salt Lake City like many other parts of the country is getting pummeled by a severe snow storm, and since Leta is home from school for the next couple of weeks our inclination is to remain clothed in our wrinkled pajamas while snuggled between cushions of the couch. This would be much easier if all of my internal organs weren’t jockeying for space, my stomach constantly rejecting everything I eat because there’s no more room in the inn. I’ve already reached that uncomfortable point in the pregnancy when the womb starts to push everything around like a lumbering schoolyard bully, and where normally the appropriate systems would digest a meal without me being aware of it, I can now feel every mechanism taking place because the top of my small intestine was evicted and had to relocate to the bottom of my throat.

Glorious, beautiful pregnancy! The time of my life!

Since almost all of our immediate family lives in Utah we’ve got a staggering number of obligations in the next week including two family gatherings that will include singing. Hymns. With straight faces. While pretending that Grandpa Rob isn’t tone deaf. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a version of “Away in a Manger” that sounds like it’s being beaten out of a goat.

Posting here will be light for the next week as I take some time to be with the family, but I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday with much food and rest. May everyone remember to take their medication and be able to get through dinner without arguing about the gays.

Until next time, Leta has a special message. Please disregard the low rumbling noise at 0:28, that’s just Coco growling at the mail carrier, AWFUL DOG HAS NO RESPECT FOR BABY JESUS.

  • I think I just died from cuteness.

    Have a very happy holiday!

  • Merry Christmas to you too Leta!! 🙂 And to your parents!

  • Darling :-D. Internet Merry Christmas … I love it.

    … how on earth can you still have snow with that child running around spreading Christmas cheer?

    Certainly she would melt it alllllll away.

  • Amber

    That’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in a good long while. Merry Christmas Leta & the Armstrongs. I hope your holiday goes down in mystery!

  • meredith

    Awww! That’s two little kids who’ve serenaded me today, the first being in the Post Office where a kid in front of me in line sang “Rudolph” for everyone while her mom was buying stamps.

    Merry Christmas to all you Armstrongs, and thank you, Heather, for giving me lots of somethings to smile about over this past year.

  • Haha!! I loved this message. Our snowstorm was roughly 6 inches I think in Detroit. I got buried. Yay! lol. Have a good Christmas!


  • Tanja from Germany

    MERRY CHRISTMAS to the Armstrong family!
    Thanks for this website! Its great!
    All the best for you!

  • Natalie

    That video was adorable. Thank you for posting, my holiday is already brighter!

  • Of course this MUST be done in the Disney Princess costume!

    (But if I’m not mistaken, she’s wearing Princess Aurora’s outfit, so she has good taste at least.)

    I think the last 5 seconds are my favorite. “You’ll go down in mystery! … Internet, Merry Christmas.”

    In mystery indeed. Very cute. 😉

    Happy holidays to you and yours!

  • Emily

    Leta’s line goes to the top of the best malapropism list.
    Great video. That’s what Christmas is all about.
    Have a merry, and here’s to a hope-filled 2009 and a healthy baby.

  • And the internet says Merry Christmas right back at ya kiddo!
    Wishing you the best one ever.

  • And after the second kid? The cuteness factor will make me hurl all over, without being preggers…sigh….

    BTW, I realized the other night, unpacking some stuff, that I had a copy of the LDS hymnal, from my days playing for the church. A copy that was NOT given to me, but LIFTED…even if by accident. I’m destined for Outer Darkness!! AAARRRGGGHHH!

  • Colleen E Schmitt

    Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs! Especially the adorable Princess Aurora! 🙂

  • Megan

    Very Cute! (Although, you have to teach her all the spoken interjection to Rudolph, Heather! “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (REINDEER!)… had a very shiny nose (LIKE A LIGHTBULB!)…”

    Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  • That was the cutest thing i’ve seen all day! Merry Christmas!

  • I think we’re all going down in mystery this year.

    Merry Christmas!

  • LOOOVING Leta’s princess attire:) Princess attire on a monday =awesomeness.

  • She looks gorgeous! Happy Holidays to all of you! We’ll all go down in mystery!

  • Beautiful outfit your daughter has on there. And don’t worry about the posts – we’re happy to wait.

  • Now THAT is glorious.


  • Michelle

    She’s so cute!

  • Katya V

    I think I speak on behalf of the whole Internet when I say THANK YOU LETA FOR THAT FREAKING ADORABLE VIDEO!!

    Happy holidays to your rapidly expanding family! Merry Christmas Heather, John, Leta, and Baby Armstrong!

    Katya V in NJ

  • Man that last line made me laugh so hard. I love your dogs so much. Coco is awesome. Will she get a Christmas present?

  • What a delight!!!! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  • SQUEAL!!! ridiculous…made me wanna have a kid…and then i remembered i was broke, have bought no gifts, and student loans though worth less than when i took them out are still haunting my dreams. good tidings and all that. hook leta up with some sweet toys and hope digestion gets better/easier.

  • Thank you Leta. Thanks for all the great lines this year. It’s been awesome.

  • Merry Christmas to you, too, Leta, and thank you for the sweet carols. You sing very well and do a great job remembering the words to so many different songs! Merry Christmas Heather & John, and little baby-making. Peace & love!

  • Kris

    Merry Christmas to you & yours.

  • Dear Leta, Jon and Heather;

    Have a very Merry Christmas and we will see you closer or after the New Year. I hope that…

    Leta – gets as much princess stuff as she can carry (not you to carry Heather)

    Jon – gets socks so he can keep his feet warm or he can stuff them in his ears when he has heard enough.

    Heather – I hope that for Christmas your morning sickness instantly disappears and you feel well enough to sing the Hymns backward (doesn’t it then spell Satan?)

  • OH MY GOD that is the cutest thing *ever*! I love that she’s wearing her Sleeping Beauty dress. Three cheers for Leta for knowing that it’s a waste to wear a fabulous gown only once! You’ll go down in mystery, indeed. Happy holidays y’all.

  • Talon



    The best part is, I will watch this with my very very anal eight year old when she comes home from Grandma’s house tomorrow morning…and listen to her correct Leta every other word.


  • I watched this w/one of the boys (they’re 5) and one of my guys has a serious crush! He kept on saying…..”she’s so cute!”

  • I swear I heard “rhinoceros” in Jingle Bells somewhere.

    Merry Christmas to you all!

  • Laurie

    She is too adorable 🙂

  • Hi,

    I just found your site. Suprising as its so popular but I just wanted to say that I find it really interesting and refreshing.

    I’ll be sure to visit again.

    Merry Christmas.

  • GC

    Your blog is getting boring. It’s nice to read your entries, but you only do that once or twice a week. I stopped checking in as much. If this is your “job” you should actually work at it some more and create more entries.

  • Anonymous

    What I wouldn’t give for your pregnancy challenges.

    Merry Christmas :o)

  • Merry Christmas, Leta.


  • Merry Christmas, Leta!

    The Internet.

  • Gretta

    Cutest kid ever. Never fails to make me laugh (with her, not at her).

  • Thanks for the pregnancy update. Enjoyed your article, well the funny bits anyway.

  • Meg

    I really love two things in this video: 1. Leta has the best “Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho” 2. She’s wearing a princess costume.

    I love them so much I want to shout with gleed. I think we all secretly wish we could pull off the princess dress so well.

    Happy Holidays Armstrong Family!

  • #65 Megan in right, you have to teach her the interjections to rudolph the red nose reindeer. That’s the best part!

    Merry Christmas Dooce, you guys rock my red and green socks off!

  • Amy

    Very cute!

    I think my youngest son has a crush on Leta after this. He keeps asking, “She’ll be my friend? My girlfriend?”

    He’s four, but she’s older by a few months. Apparently he likes them a little older.

  • Tam

    Nothing says, “Happy Birthday Jesus” like singing Christmas songs in a Sleeping Beauty dress. I love it! Happy Holidays!

  • Merry Christmas, Princess Leta and Armstrongs.


    Almost North Pole Internet.

  • Merry Christmas, Leta, Jon and Heather! The carol’s were just fabulous and I do hope that Leta was not as indignant as my own 4 year old was that none of the other reindeer would let Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Enjoy the season and the snow!

  • Manda

    Merry Christmas Armstrong family! BTW, Leta’s dress is stunning!

  • How stinkin’ cute it that!!! Hope y’all have a great Christmas!!!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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