An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

A Christmas Medley

Salt Lake City like many other parts of the country is getting pummeled by a severe snow storm, and since Leta is home from school for the next couple of weeks our inclination is to remain clothed in our wrinkled pajamas while snuggled between cushions of the couch. This would be much easier if all of my internal organs weren’t jockeying for space, my stomach constantly rejecting everything I eat because there’s no more room in the inn. I’ve already reached that uncomfortable point in the pregnancy when the womb starts to push everything around like a lumbering schoolyard bully, and where normally the appropriate systems would digest a meal without me being aware of it, I can now feel every mechanism taking place because the top of my small intestine was evicted and had to relocate to the bottom of my throat.

Glorious, beautiful pregnancy! The time of my life!

Since almost all of our immediate family lives in Utah we’ve got a staggering number of obligations in the next week including two family gatherings that will include singing. Hymns. With straight faces. While pretending that Grandpa Rob isn’t tone deaf. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a version of “Away in a Manger” that sounds like it’s being beaten out of a goat.

Posting here will be light for the next week as I take some time to be with the family, but I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday with much food and rest. May everyone remember to take their medication and be able to get through dinner without arguing about the gays.

Until next time, Leta has a special message. Please disregard the low rumbling noise at 0:28, that’s just Coco growling at the mail carrier, AWFUL DOG HAS NO RESPECT FOR BABY JESUS.

  • Well, that was precious! Merry Christmas!

    I immediately thought of what other mystery/history substitutions we could make
    “Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
    Just like a muse to me, you are a history
    Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
    Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there”

  • Is that a princess dress? And did she say, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in mystery?” Just askin’ for some clarification. Not making a point of any kind. I swear.

    Saw your Tweet. Glad to hear Club Utero is hopping.

  • vicky

    Very cute – my daughter (2.5) actually stopped shrieking at me for a moment to watch the video and then basically tried to bury her head in the computer to hear more from Leta. Thanks for the break! Merry Christmas….

  • milagros

    Wow, Leta is so grown up, keep the videos coming, she’s too cute. I love that the entire family refers to us as “Internet”

  • HDC

    My 2.5 year old also loves Leta! “Do it again! Do it again!”, he says.

    Merry kissmass to you too Leta,

    Luv, the Internet.

  • Mindola


    That was so deserving of caps… sorry.

    Merry Christmas Armstrong Family!

  • I love that you sing…for real at your family Christmas! This post was hilarious and adorable! Thank you to Leta for sharing her talents with us! I HATE being prego too and the way that you describe things going on inside the body is perfect! Seriously…I think you need to write a book because pregnant moms need to read the truth in a witty way about the journey instead of “what to expect when you’re expecting” which just sends women (or maybe just me) into a tailspin of depression and worry! 🙂 Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you guys!

  • lisa

    I love that Rudolph will go down in mystery. I always wondered about him.

    She is so cute!! Merry Christmas!!!

  • Tara

    Totally adorable – Happy Holidays Armstrong family!!!

  • Siobhan

    So cute, and in her princess dress too!

    I love that time in childhood when it doesn’t *matter* that you only sort of know the words, make up your own words, and can’t quite carry a tune yet and it’s cute. As opposed to annoying.

    I still like my versions better sometimes.

    Merry Christmas Armstrongs!

  • A very Merry Christmas to you, too, Leta, Heather and Jon!

  • Merry Christmas to the Armstrongs from the internet! 🙂

  • Aah American children are so sweet! Also, it’s like Jon singing but with an American girl’s voice, creepy Heather!


  • Merry Christmas Armstrong Family! And the doggies too!

    If I ever feel the need to sing the reindeer song I’m totally changing it to mystery!

  • A Happy and Merry to all. Thanks for the medley, it filled me with joy.

  • JMB

    I don’t celebrate it, but Merry Christmas to you and all of your family and friends!

    I must say, I think this is the first Leta video I’ve ever seen where I could immediately understand her. It sounds like she’s losing her baby accent. 🙂

  • And I thought she was going to be dancing to Beyonce. 😉

    Leta is the cutest. Merry Christmas to all of you.

  • Merry Christmas to the Armstrong Family as well..

    Have a safe holiday and stay as warm as possible all things considering with this horrible winter weather we are having!

  • A Fanny

    Hahaha…what kids sings it that way, “…you’ll go down in mys-ter-y”? Does she have the chicken-box or pumpkin…or perhaps, she’s been reading some of the literature that the Hobo Witnesses bring around to your front door?

    Anyway, Merry Christmas to the entire Armstrong family (and that includes the mutts!)

  • Anonymous

    “Internet Merry Christmas!” I love that!

  • I love reading your blog because I’m going through the same things you are going through. I’m only nine weeks pregnant but have been sick as a dog too. I am just thankful that I can handle nachos and bananas.

    Merry Christmas. Leta is beautiful.

  • Happy Holidays to the Armstrong family, including the little one causing so much havoc with your internal organs right now!!

    Merry Christmas to all!

  • Happy Holidays!!
    Hopefully you can keep all of the delicious food in your stomache and not in the toilet

  • Merry Christmas, Armstrongs!

    Leta made me laugh as much as you did, Heather!

    Thanks for being in my world.

  • Peggy

    All I can saw is Awww. That was cute. Merry Christmas Armstrong’s!

  • mj

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that tonight. You are a lovely singer and you rock the dress.

  • Leta is just beautiful and adorable! (I’m a long-time reader of your awesome blog and first-time commenter–that video was just too cute not to comment on.) Happy holidays and I hope you keep writing forever!

  • aly

    you’ve meant a bunch to me in 2008 ms armstrong

    and although it’s been said
    many times, many ways
    merry christmas – to youuu

  • “Mystery!” I love it. She is the most gorgeous Christmas princess in the world. Thanks for sharing her.

  • Anonymous

    Merry Christmas, and a happy, healthy new year! Thanks for another year of posts.

  • Candice

    And a VERY Merry Christmas to you Princess Leta. Happy Holidays Armstrong Family!

  • Totally cute! Loved the “prompting”!
    My son Dyllan (age 4) was entranced by your little princess…thanks for sharing!

  • With my Mormon parents and my husband’s Catholic family, I too will be enduring some excruciating moments in a church pew this week – much to my chagrin. I’ll be the one mumbling “Jesus Christ” under my breath for a whole other reason.

    Happy holidays to you and your family.

  • Patty N

    Leta is too precious not to comment!! Loved the “concert” and seeing how she has come along so well. I know you’ll probably have your share of the “how can you put your kid out there for the public blah blah” folks, but I think that a little bit of pure joy like that video is needed in these times. Thanks you for sharing your joy with us, and Merry Christmas to you all.

  • “Internet – Merry Christmas” — love it! Leta is the cutest and hilarious. I love her princess dress 🙂

    Happy Holiday to you and your family! Especially to the growling Coco!

  • Honey

    Merry Christmas, Leta. Baby Jesus loves you!

  • Jenna

    Cute! I am completely freaked out right now, Heather if that is you helping her out in the background. Your voice sounds EXACTLY like mine, I swear I thought it was me helping her out in the background. So weird!!!!

  • This is great! Leta did a great job and the Yippee!! there at the end was a nice touch. Merry Christmas to the 4 of you (er….6…..are you people that count dogs as part of the family? Yours have enough personality to definitely count.)

  • So freakin’ cute!

    Merry Christmas one and all!

  • My daughter totally loves (and wants) Leta’s Princess Aurora dress! (She is psychotically into Disney Princesses too)

    Also she heard Jon speak in the background, and was like I want to see that Grandpa! (I guess his voice sounds like her Grandpa, but I busted out laughing…sorry Jon!)

    Best wishes for a Merry Christmas, and a wonderful and happy New Year!

  • Mercutia



  • robinv

    did she finish with “you’ll go down in mystery”?? I hope she did. Puts a whole new spin on the song.

    Happy Holidays, good luck. Remember, if the fights start, you can always throw up on someone.

  • WV Teacher Lady

    Merry Christmas Armstrong Family! Leta’s video really helped cheer up a dark day for me here on the east coast. (My Nana’s dying) Your website is always one of the highlights of my day. I know I’m always going to get a smile from it.
    Best wishes in the new year! Congratulations on the upcoming Armstrong Baby! And your puppies are just TOO cute! (Yes, even Coco, who if ever disowned may come reside here in WV)

    “You’ll Go Down in Mystery!” LOVE IT!

  • Joy

    Seriously…so adorable!!! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  • Annie


    Merry Christmas!

  • zed

    good luck surviving the holidays. and thank you for being on our said when you argue about “the gays”. we need (people like) you now more than ever!

  • zed

    our SIDE that is . . .

  • CSE

    Effing festive? How about Effing Adorable! Best to you all …

  • CSE

    Effing festive? How about Effing Adorable! Best to you all …

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more