the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Lover, business partner, best friend

About a month or two ago I signed up for Facebook to reconnect with a group of friends I had in college at BYU and since then have noticed several memes making the rounds among my contacts. I’m not usually a fan of memes and couldn’t tell you exactly why, I think it goes back to being forced to participate in group activities when I was growing up in the Mormon Church and how the trauma of having to act like I was having a good time is such that when someone even mentions Pictionary my brain starts to liquify and drizzle out my nose. The quickest way to get me to sneak out of your party is to suggest we play charades, unless the rules are that you have to take a shot of tequila every time someone yells out, “SOUNDS LIKE?” Then I’ll be sleeping on your couch and stealing your Ibuprofen.

I recently saw one going around where you’re supposed to answer several trivial questions about your marriage, and I realized that as much as this website reveals about me, it says a lot less about the man who runs the business end of things. So I thought I’d bring this meme here to give you a peek at the person I spend my entire day with. Every day. All day every day. DAY IN AND DAY OUT. ECHO… ECHO… ECHO…

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Brooke. Jon’s middle name is Hepworth. Can you guess which one of us is a great-great-grandchild of polygamists?

How long have you been together?
We’ve been married six and a half years, together seven and a half.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met him in June of 1997 at an outdoor music festival in Salt Lake City, but we didn’t start dating until June of 2001 in Los Angeles. So, four years.

Who asked whom out?
Hmmm… I guess that would have been me, except I didn’t ask him out, I asked him to move in with me. I do not like to dilly dally.

How old are each of you?
I’m 33, he’s OLD 43. This ten-year age difference is an endless source of amusement for me, and I like to remind him that when he was a senior in high school, I was in third grade learning long division.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Jon is the fifth of six kids, I’m the youngest of three. All but one of the siblings live in Utah, so we see both sets quite often.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think the thing that causes the most stress in our lives, and consequently the most stress in our marriage, is the same as it is for a lot of couples: work. This job is the same as any other in that there are weeks, sometimes months when the toll of it far outweighs the joy of it, and dealing with that toll can upset the balance of the rest of our lives. I’m not as good a communicator as he is, and he’s probably had to spend way too much time than is fair trying to pull things out of me. I’m working on that. I’m always working on that.

Did you go to the same school?
We both graduated from BYU. He got a degree in Humanities in 1992, I got a degree in English in 1997.

Are you from the same home town?
No. Jon grew up in a small northern Utah town called Brigham City, whereas I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. Sadly, our daughter just looks at me blankly when I talk about chicken wangs.

Who is smarter?
Jon is far smarter than I am and can retain information like a computer hard drive. He remembers everything he reads. I have to work a lot harder to process information, but I’m far more driven and persistent than he is. I have to work twice as hard to be half as quick.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
There’s a great sushi restaurant in downtown Salt Lake City called Takashi run by a chef who is half-Japanese, half-Peruvian. Whenever we plan a date this place is always at the top of our list.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Who has the craziest exes?
I wouldn’t call my exes crazy as much as I would describe them as diverse. It’s just, there are so many of them. And I can’t really talk about Jon’s exes as some of them are probably reading this right now. I will say this: none of Jon’s exes ever asked him to stick a kitchen utensil up her butt. He wins.

Who has the worst temper?
Have I ever told you about the time we went as a family to Chipotle after swimming lessons? How Leta was holding her overtired shit together right up until she spilled her entire bowl of black beans down the front of her dress? And she was so inconsolable that we had to pack everything up immediately, and as I was shoving everything into a take-out bag she threw her body face-first on the floor in front of about thirty people. So Jon has to pick her body up off the floor, and she is screaming, SCRAAHEEEEMING, all the way to the car, the entire time we buckle her in, and ten minutes later when she FINALLY calms down, when the chaos has FINALLY silenced and we can all breathe again, Jon whips his head around from the front seat, looks her tear-stained face in the eyes and yells, “WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CHIPOTLE EVER AGAIN.”


Who does the cooking?
Definitely Jon. I have four recipes that I can make, and I don’t ever vary from that menu. Jon loves trying new things and rarely ever goes wrong when introducing something new he found in a cookbook. However, I often have to remind him to add more salt.

Who is the neat-freak?
Let’s just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.

Who is more stubborn?
I am Southern stubborn, he is Mormon Pioneer stubborn. And together we gave birth to a monster.

Who hogs the bed?
Okay, fine. Me, but it’s not something I have any control over. My limbs take on a life of their own when I’m asleep, and at least once a night I will wake up to find him picking up my entire body and moving it back to my side of the bed.

Who wakes up earlier?
Jon. He’s always up at about 6 AM reading feeds on his iPhone, steeling himself for the list of demands Leta will rifle off when she darts out of her bedroom.

Where was your first date?
The LACMA on Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles.

Who is more jealous?
This information is protected by the therapist-client privilege.

How long did it take to get serious?
We were always serious. There was never a time in our romantic relationship when we did not think we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Who eats more?
Me, no question. I’m usually finishing off the meal on his plate. However, he is the type of person who will stop by the gas station after an hour-long workout to pick up a bag of cherry Twizzlers and a Snickers bar and will have finished both before pulling into the driveway.

Who does the laundry?
Someone cannot ever remember that he is not supposed to put my sports bras in the dryer, so someone is no longer allowed to do the laundry.

Who’s better with the computer?
You should see the veins in Jon’s head bulge against his skin when he looks over and sees that it’s been three months since I ran a software update.

Who drives when you are together?
Jon, but not because he’s a better driver. I lived in Los Angeles for over four years and did enough driving for a lifetime, so I’d be happy if I never had to drive again. However, he’s recently started to drive more slowly, a development we may have to work through in therapy. That session would go like this: I wouldn’t have to nag so much if he didn’t drive like such a dumbass.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. Look how I answered all these questions about my husband without once mentioning his ex-wife!

  • e

    2009/02/18 at 1:51 pm

    Facebook is the bane of my existence!

    Give me a day, and you will have some well thought (non mormon) answers to all these questions on my blog – The comment section here is not nearly long enough

  • Sarah

    2009/02/18 at 1:57 pm

    thanks for the lunchtime laugh! As annoying as these memes usually are, I’ve really enjoyed reading them on FB lately. Maybe its a quick way of catching up with people I haven’t really seen in 10 or 15 years…

    Oh, and I’m with you on the stubborn: I’m a child of cross between scandinavian pioneers and scots-irish presbytarians (with a good helping of former mormon polygamist thrown in) who’s tied her life to a child of good german farmers (whole new kind of speechless stubborn) and french-mexicans. Can’t wait to see how the kids turn out!

  • Claire Tien

    2009/02/18 at 1:57 pm

    HAHAHAHA! You and Jon are perfect for each other and are both blessed 🙂 I’m not sure why but reading that post put a huge smile on my face. Thank you!

  • admin

    2009/02/18 at 1:58 pm

    DUDE. I’m trying to get better GAS MILEAGE. SUCK IT.

    p.s. I have the admin login. Watch your ass, Hamilton.

  • The Dalai Mama

    2009/02/18 at 2:01 pm

    I often find my driving hanging out in the dumbass catagory. I lived in Santa Barbara for 9 years and spent much time in LA. I completely understand why you never want to drive again.

    Thanks for the peek into your life with Jon. It is awesome when you manage to find your best friend and marry them. I know my hubby is my best friend. And we too also knew from the moment we really met that we would be together forever. We are getting ready to celebrate our 9 year anniversay and have been together for over 12 years.

    Keep it up.

  • The Single Sister

    2009/02/18 at 2:02 pm

    I’m still giggling over my sisters response to the laundry question:

    ♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
    Jason. Laundry has always been his department. I just have to forego my right to bitch; usually I comply with that. About a year after we got married, I caught him pulling my bra out of the drier. YOU DRIED THAT??? Whatever, he said, I’ve been doing it for a year and you haven’t noticed. And so it began…

    Me? I’m single. I live with a roommate. I wanted to fit in. So I did one about us

  • Emily

    2009/02/18 at 2:02 pm

    I love the recent comments on Jon’s driving. My boyfriend does the same thing. I constantly tell him that if I wasn’t in the car With him I would be angrilly speeding past him giving him the finger.

  • danielle michelle

    2009/02/18 at 2:02 pm

    I’ve never left a comment on your blog before, but I read it regularly! I wanted to say how refreshing it is to have someone out there who tells it how they see it! You rock and thanks for the smiles today!

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 2:03 pm

    Very funny and sweet. I’m curious to know what you think about the crap going on over at Facebook with terms of use…

  • Hannah!

    2009/02/18 at 2:03 pm

    Ditto on the cooking and the laundry for us. Exactly ditto. 4 recipes, fried sports bras (and when your bras cost that damn much, ain’t NOBODY allowed to put them in the dryer).

    I also (a) asked my husband out and (b) proposed to him. In the international foods aisle of our local upscale grocery. The conversation went like this:

    Me: So, your brother (who lives in Burma and comes to the US once a year in July) is coming in July. Wanna get married so that we don’t have to wait another year?

    Him: Sure.

    Most romantic thing EVAR.

  • coleen

    2009/02/18 at 2:04 pm

    you two sound just like my husband & i, except that i am jon & kelly is you!!!!

    i love these blurbs about you two. makes my marriage seem so much more normal, as we routinely have weird converstations about what our future pets will be like.

    interesting? or just plain strange?

    thank you for the coffee break.

  • Sam Tamlyn

    2009/02/18 at 2:05 pm

    My husband and I are also 10 years apart (he’s 36, I’m 26), and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I had to date and/or marry a guy in his twenties, I think I’d join a convent just to save myself the horror. 🙂

  • Phoebe

    2009/02/18 at 2:05 pm

    You have no idea how much I wish we could be friends on Facebook. 🙁

  • Heather's Garden

    2009/02/18 at 2:07 pm

    It’s clear the love you have for your husband reading your answers. How many stalkers do you anticipate on Facebook now?!

  • Sabrina

    2009/02/18 at 2:08 pm

    So…did you and Jon get married in the Mormon church, or was it like barefoot on a beach out in Cali?

  • Kerri

    2009/02/18 at 2:08 pm

    I am unashamedly obsessed with the random facts on Facebook. LOVE EM! I’m glad to see you put one up here.
    My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 16 (7 years) but met when we were 12.
    Laundry: He does it, and he does it well. Plus, I’ve instilled such a fear in him about drying particular items, that he starts shaking whenver I’m putting the clothes away (I’m a little amazed by the power I can hold). He still hasn’t messed up!

  • Adrienne

    2009/02/18 at 2:10 pm

    “I wouldn’t have to nag so much if he didn’t drive like such a dumbass.”

    Seriously. I could not have said it better myself. I have to physically restrain myself from pushing on his leg. Just step on the goddam gas already!

  • Ann

    2009/02/18 at 2:13 pm

    Thanks for the laughs! I love reading these, but probably will never take the time to answer a list for myself…

    PS. I don’t believe the driving slow = better gas mileage thing.

  • Valerie

    2009/02/18 at 2:14 pm

    Dude the Chipotle story realllly hit home AND made me laugh my ass off. I don’t know how many times that exact scenario has occurred with my kids and my husband did the EXACT same thing. Wait til the kid calmed and the POUNCED. Why??! Haha, thanks for the hilarious read!

  • Krystlyn

    2009/02/18 at 2:16 pm

    You two seem like a great pair! You said it was ok so here is my survey! I love these things!

    What are your middle names? Mine is Starr, his is Edward.
    How long have you been together? 9 years and 4 days
    How long did you know each other before you started dating? 30 minutes, seriously, not joking!
    Who asked whom out? I asked him as I chased him down in a parking lot.
    How old are each of you? Both 28, but he says he’s older even thought only by 9 months.
    Whose siblings do you see the most? His, mine live 5 hours away and are in the terrible 6’s and 9’s, his is 45 minutes away and in the delightful 35’s.
    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Work taking up a lot of time.
    Did you go to the same school? Same Jr. College in Lake Tahoe.
    Are you from the same home town? Nope. But we now live in his home town.
    Who is smarter? Depends on the category.
    Who is the most sensitive? Depends on the category.
    Where do you eat out most as a couple? Taco bell
    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Hawaii for our Honeymoon.
    Who has the craziest exes? Exes? What exes? No one existed before each other!
    Who has the worst temper? Him for sure!
    Who does the cooking? He is much better at it! Mine would require a bigger food budget for everything I’d waste burning.
    Who is the neat-freak? Me, although he pretends he is tidy, but it’s a delusion.
    Who is more stubborn? Me, and proud of it because it has been a talent mastered over time and practice.
    Who hogs the bed? We equally hog and equally wake up with bruises from apparent mid-night fistyciffs for covers.
    Who wakes up earlier? It varies on who stayed up later catching up on the days TV shows.
    Where was your first date? Taco Bell and a movie
    Who is more jealous? I’m jealous that he can walk into any situation and always be right. wink wink!
    How long did it take to get serious? 2 weeks.
    Who eats more? Me, I’m 50 lbs over weight and he literally has gained 1 pound in 9 years. With no work out. Asshole.
    Who does the laundry? He’s “afraid” to ruin my cloths which is code for he doesn’t want to do it.
    Who’s better with the computer? Me, it’s my job.
    Who drives when you are together? Him, otherwise I have to hear about how I’m doing this wrong and that wrong, even thought I’m the one with no tickets or accidents attributed to me.

  • Skylar

    2009/02/18 at 2:16 pm

    Wow… Are you sure he is not a polygamist because I think I live with him?! Our therapy goes a lot like that… I wouldn’t be such a bitch if he would stop doing things the wrong way.

    Thanks for the insight into Jon, I am sure he appreciated it too.

  • Undomestic Diva

    2009/02/18 at 2:16 pm

    We may have married the same man. I can literally fry electronics (especially computers) just by looking at them and my husband is a software engineer.

    I think anti-virus software is just a theory and my husband has to create highly secure “firewalls” to protect our “network” from the shit I was never supposed to download in the first place.

  • Dani

    2009/02/18 at 2:18 pm

    Thank you. My sisters in law look at me like a crazy person when I say I do all the laundry. Maybe their spouses understand that you have to seperate collors and change the settings on the washer and dryer to apply to the items your washing but mine finds these ideas foregin and confusing.

    On the other hand he’s the cook in our relationship. It’s not that I can’t it’s just that he’s so good at it…..and I’m realy realy lazy.

  • Tiana

    2009/02/18 at 2:18 pm

    I personally am addicted to Facebook and these types of notes.
    I have over 300 notes that are all generally like this one. Only, I’m not married. I’m 15. But I do plan on filling this out when I marry in the next little while. And then I suppose I’ll keep the divorce one on hand just in case I marry my father. Poor mother.

    I love your answers, by the way. And I’m so surprised I logged on to find only 15 comments. This is a record for me. Usually there’s about 500-1000 comments and I give up on replying. Today… nuh-uh. It’s MY day.

  • Leesha

    2009/02/18 at 2:18 pm

    I fail as a woman. I didn’t know that bras aren’t supposed to go in the dryer. Guess that might explain why my bras don’t last that long.

    This was fun to read. You make memes bearable!

  • alex awesome

    2009/02/18 at 2:21 pm

    Oh man… here we go. Keep in mind, we aren’t married, but it keeps coming up in conversation, more and more as a serious subject and less as a joke.

    What are your middle names?
    Norma and Eugene. If we went by our middle names, we’d be the awesomest old people couple evar. He’d be the feisty skinny dude with the cane and the pervy sense of humor. I’d be the sweet, demented, fragile looking old lady obsessed with LOLCats.

    How long have you been together?
    About twoooothree years? Oh man, I suck/fail at this.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating?
    A couple of months. We never actually dated until after we were together. So hrm. We have a relationship that screws with space and time!

    Who asked whom out?
    I can’t remember. Our relationship was fueled by a mutual love of whiskey and battlestar galactica, so you can appreciate why details like that might be hazy. I say he made the first move when he gave me a joke valentine with a bible verse on the back.

    How old are each of you?
    23 and 22. Aww.

    Whose siblings do you see the most?
    We’re both only children, so if I tell you that we see my siblings the most, you’ll know that I’m nuts. I do have a step sister, but she’s in another country, making the point fairly moot.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
    Furniture. Oh, laugh it up, people with children. I swear to god, the only subject that puts us passionately at odds is furniture. He would be happiest living in a cave on some animal skins. I am, apparently, torturing him with soft sheets and indoor plumbing.

    Did you go to the same school?
    Yes. We met at Temple University. Same major, too! Fat lot of good that did us.

    Are you from the same home town?
    Sort of. But I lived a mess load of places, so it was only a matter of time before I lived fairly nearby.

    Who is smarter?
    That’s a loaded question. He’d say that I’m smarter, but we’d probably agree that I’m only fractionally smarter. He’s a lapsed mensa member, which I find hilarious. I find css soothing after a long day. So there you go.

    Who is the most sensitive?
    I have very sensitive and delicate skin. He man-cries at sad man-movies.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple?
    We try to eat out-out at a variety of places. We probably consistently go to the local pizza/diner place.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
    New York, NY.

    Who has the craziest exes?
    My exes are just morons. I don’t think that constitutes crazy, though. So it’s a draw.

    Who has the worst temper?
    I definitely do. But I’m funny-angry. In that I spew bile *about* things in a hilarious fashion. I rarely ever get pissed *at* people.

    Who does the cooking?
    Moi. I make him eat horrible, meatless things.

    Who is the neat-freak?
    We both have blind spots when it comes to cleaning. I have a tendency to let mail pile up (shredding is a pain in the ass), but he can’t seem to see the ENTIRE BATHROOM for weeks at a time. When our powers combine, our apartment is beautiful.

    Who is more stubborn?
    I’m laid back, but he’s in a coma.

    Who hogs the bed?
    He says I do, but it’s COLD. And he likes to snuggle, so he asks for it.

    Who wakes up earlier?
    I do. By necessity. Evil, evil necessity.

    Where was your first date?
    My… dorm? Date, huh. Hrm. Probably the movies.

    Who is more jealous?
    I think we’re tied. He growls at men who dare to look upon me, and I subtly let women know that I can eat their flesh and wear their skin without batting an eye.

    How long did it take to get serious?
    A few months. We liked each other and thought it could go the distance. Then we *really* liked each other. Then, good god, we got an apartment.

    Who eats more?
    He eats greater quantities. But I eat more frequently.

    Who does the laundry?
    He does! It’s magical! But I do the dishes, because his hands don’t fit in the drinking glasses and he can’t get the sponge down there. It DOES matter.

    Who’s better with the computer?
    He’s better with the computer technically, in that he installs, upgrades, takes apart, repairs and generally futzes with stuff. I’m good with … uh… alright, he wins that one.

    Who drives when you are together?
    He does. I can’t stand driving in traffic. I much prefer country roads on sunny days.

    I did this because I KNOW YOU CARE.

  • Kristin

    2009/02/18 at 2:23 pm

    Dude, I am OBSESSED with Facebook, and NOT ONE of my over 250 friends has done this meme yet. Sweet, I get to be the trend setter!

  • Milla

    2009/02/18 at 2:23 pm

    do us all a favor and never break up like the couples do after their appearance on the bachelor. that would just shatter my belief in true love.

  • allison

    2009/02/18 at 2:23 pm

    i’m so happy to see somebody else has developed the ‘grandpa-driving’! i read this blog all the time and never comment but we just got home (he drove…)

    we moved to england about a year ago and the whole driving on the left thing was giving me major anxiety … like i had permanent white knuckles so he drove everywhere. but now i’m totally fine. except for the occasional whack of the passenger side mirror on a shrub or parked car i’m much better and driving regularly and even like a normal person again. and i’ve realized that he has been driving like my grandpa the entire time, doing 15 mph on our street because he thinks 25 is just too fast or, ahem, ‘not necessary’. this now infuriates me. and we fight about it constantly…as in just now.

    he also never puts the parking break on. so there 🙂

  • Cat

    2009/02/18 at 2:24 pm

    Do you NOT enjoy kitchen utensils in your butt? My world just shattered around me.

  • JessicaP

    2009/02/18 at 2:27 pm

    OMG yes about the sports bras not belonging in the dryer! I don’t know how many times I’ve become enraged by this. Why do they do it? And you know, I purposely buy them in odd colors so they can’t be missed, but it’s never made a difference.

    So yeah, I do the laundry, I’d prefer to do the driving (he weaves and drifts), and while he’s not a bad cook I prefer to do that too because he uses every damn pot and pan in the kitchen and it is such a mess.

    But I’m not controlling in the least!

  • Christy

    2009/02/18 at 2:28 pm

    Hilarious post Heather! I loved this post. My husband and I have been together for 18 yrs – we started dating when I was a Sophomore in High School (I’m now 33).I totally laughed when I read your response to the laundry question because he is no longer allowed to do laundry either after shrinking EVERYTHING. I still say he did that on purpose so as not to have to do laundry again. ….

    My friends are all on Facebook and send me these memes from time to time. I find them amusing, but sometimes frustrating and maddening- especially the one that asks you to answer the following questions with only one word (yeah – like I could answer a question EVER using only one word!!) Have you seen this one?

    Using only one word:

    Where is your cell phone?
    > Your significant other?
    > Your hair?
    > Your mother?
    > Your father?
    > Your favorite things?
    > Your dream last night?
    > Your favorite drink?
    > Your dream/goal?
    > What room are you in?
    > Your hobby?
    > Your fear?
    > Where do you want to be in 6 years?
    > Where were you last night?
    > Something that you aren’t?
    > Muffins?
    > Wish list item?
    > Last thing you did?
    > Your pets?
    > Friends?
    > Your life?
    > Your mood?

    > Missing someone?
    > Drinking?
    > Smoking?
    > Your car?
    > Something you’re not wearing?
    > Your favorite store?
    > Your favorite color?
    > When is the last time you cried?
    > Who will resend this?
    > Where do you go to over and over?
    > Five people who email me regularly?
    > My favorite place to eat?
    > Favorite place I’d like to be at right now?
    > Four people I think will respond:

  • Cakes by Tiffaney

    2009/02/18 at 2:28 pm

    We are never allowed to go to Chili’s…my daughter, who is 3, may have threatened several peoples lives there. I think they even have a picture of her at the door under “Do not serve!”


  • Patrick

    2009/02/18 at 2:28 pm

    Should have closed the comments! Nice to get to know you two more.

  • trish

    2009/02/18 at 2:29 pm

    Okay, so I WILL do this question thingy, only because I’ve resisted doing the 25 things about me meme because for some reason it irritates me (my husband will attest I get irritated very easily).

    So give me, like, oh, an hour or two? Then stop by

    But even more important than answering the questions, Heather, is I can’t even tell you what a relief it was to find out that Jon is 43 and you’re 33. I’m 30 and my husband’s 41, and sometimes I just worry about our age difference and having kids and all that. We’ve only been married 8 months (still counting the months!), but I worry about him being too old to have kids, even though guys can sow their seeds after they’re cold and in the ground.

    Anyway, you and I connected, even if you didn’t know it. 😛

  • Kirsten

    2009/02/18 at 2:30 pm

    My husband is 14 years older than me and I love teasing him about it too. I love reminding him that when he turns 50, I will only be 36. Still younger than he was when I gave birth to our first child. The funny thing is that he may be older, but I’m way more mature.

    I also have to give Brigham City a shout out. I used to love going to Maddox as a kid when we visited our relatives in Utah. That is such a good childhood memory for me.

  • Cautionary Girl

    2009/02/18 at 2:30 pm

    I never thought I’d see the day Dooce did a meme, but, true to form, this was highly enjoyable. Thanks for sharing.

    I would share some, but since my marriage is currently in a highly volatile stage, so volatile that I’ve recently taken to blogging anonymously, I think I’ll refrain.

  • Lisa

    2009/02/18 at 2:32 pm

    Loved the age question. Just yesterday, a guy on the local radio station was talking about how his girlfriend was 10 years younger than him. He said when he could buy alcohol legally, she was in fourth grade.

    Wait until the girls start tormenting each other. Ah the screaming and the crying!

  • Lady K

    2009/02/18 at 2:32 pm

    First off I have no idea what a meme is.
    I have one foot firmly planted in the Luddite world…..which gives you an idea to the answers to at least half of the questions here.
    And I am a laundry dictator. Comes from years and years of working professionally in the wardrobe department on film sets.

  • Teri

    2009/02/18 at 2:33 pm

    What are your middle names? Mine is Lynn, his is Franklin.

    How long have you been together? 23 years, 1 month and 18 1/2 days.

    How long did you know each other before you started dating? 1 day.

    Who asked whom out? I guess since it was a mutual kiss, we both wanted to see the other again.

    How old are each of you? Both 40, but I am officially older by about 9 months.

    Whose siblings do you see the most? His – no other comment.

    Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Isn’t it always WORK?

    Did you go to the same school? No…good thing too since I nevered dated anyone from the same town.

    Are you from the same home town? No…see above.

    Who is smarter? I am.

    Who is the most sensitive? I am.

    Where do you eat out most as a couple? Sadly, McDonalds. We just don’t go out to eat very often.

    Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Las Vegas for our 10th anniversary.

    Who has the craziest exes? He does.

    Who has the worst temper? 100% HIM

    Who does the cooking? I do…but he is really better at it.

    Who is the neat-freak? He acts like he is…but that is just a ploy to get me to clean more.

    Who is more stubborn? He is…altough I do give him a run for his money.

    Who hogs the bed? The dog!

    Who wakes up earlier? I do…ugh.

    Where was your first date? Geez, I don’t remember that long ago.

    Who is more jealous? Jealousy is a thing of the past!

    How long did it take to get serious? 1 week.

    Who eats more? He does…like non-stop.

    Who does the laundry? Me, yet most of it is his.

    Who’s better with the computer? Me, handsdown!

    Who drives when you are together? Me…I can’t stand the way he drives!

  • LindserAnnie

    2009/02/18 at 2:33 pm

    I *almost* never do memes either but I was compelled to do this one last week (on Facebook). My answer to “Who drives when you are together” was “We don’t have a car”.

    There are currently about 20 comments under my meme discussing whether or not this qualifies me & my boyfriend to be hippies (though I did not even mention the vegetarianism or vegan-ish ways that take place in our home).

    Of course, we live in Portland, OR so if you ride a bike, rarely eat meat, swap real milk/yogurt for soy (but still eat real cheese!), then you are so totes a hippie. Apparently you don’t have to make & wear your own folksy clothing/accessories or use drugs to achieve alternative states of consciousness in order to be a hippie. I object though — cuz I just don’t believe in hippies anymore.

    So excited to see you at Powells in March! If you’re lucky my boyfriend and I will wittle and paint you some hippie toys 😉

  • Anne

    2009/02/18 at 2:34 pm

    I admit this made me chuckle (getting a few curious looks from those around me). I think I will have to subject my boyfriend to this meme at whoahgirl just to see him roll his eyes to the back of his skull. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing the amusement!

  • Daddy Scratches

    2009/02/18 at 2:34 pm

    Dear god, I can’t get away from the “25 Things” thing. I’ve been avoiding it like the plague.

    I guess if I turn it into a blog entry, that might make it worth the time. Hmmm …

  • TamiA

    2009/02/18 at 2:35 pm

    The main question Heather, is: can we be your friends on Facebook? That would be super awesome. Agh, I’m probably considered “Internet uncool” after saying super awesome. Sigh. Nevermind.

  • Becky

    2009/02/18 at 2:36 pm

    Maybe I’ll just plagiarize yours and confuse my readers. That way no one will know I’m seven years older than my husband.

  • Anonymous

    2009/02/18 at 2:40 pm

    Haha, i love the chipotle story

  • Jessica

    2009/02/18 at 2:41 pm

    Oh my goodness, I nearly died laughing. You and Jon are so Me and Edwin. Why do men suddenly start driving like grandma’s?! If I had to drive behind him I’d be rude too. He doesn’t get why people tail gate and swerve around him. Perhaps it has something to do with driving UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT???

    Also, too funny that Jon came on to defend his driving.

  • Alison

    2009/02/18 at 2:43 pm

    This makes me laugh because I just did a Facebook/Gmail search for possible contacts for the hell of it, and you showed up in my list because I’ve emailed you.

    My husband is 13 years older than I am, and we each do our own laundry because we have different things that DO NOT GO IN THE DRYER. And that’s all I’m doing of that meme.

    (My CAPTCHA is “stick device.” Heh.)

  • Krissa

    2009/02/18 at 2:44 pm

    OH, he demoted you to maiden name! It is so on.

    Have you tried just pushing on his leg while he’s driving so as to add pressure to the gas pedal? 😀

  • Phoo-D

    2009/02/18 at 2:44 pm

    Isn’t an age gap great? I love reminding Mr. B how OLD he is. The Chipolte story cracked me up…I think Leta may have the prize-winning temper in the family!

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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