An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

You mean I’m not supposed to be eating raw chicken?

This week I participated in a Momversation about behaviors I’ve allowed in my second pregnancy that I didn’t during my first:

When the producers of the show first told me about this topic, I was all, wait a minute. This has to be a total set up. Do they want me to be honest? Because I still routinely break into the hospital at night just so that I can rub my belly up against the x-ray machine, and I just know that some crazy person is going to try to tell me how that’s bad for the baby.

This topic has the potential to be really divisive because some people are fanatical about their idea of what is appropriate behavior for a pregnant woman, and I am just not one of those people. A few months ago I mentioned here that I’m still working out at the gym three days a week, and more than one person wrote to tell me that I might as well cut open my belly and smother the baby with a pillow, THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. I’m not really moved by emails like this, only because I learned when I was pregnant with Leta to expect the judgmental glances and ridiculous opinions of total strangers. There’s just something about the presence of a pregnant woman that suddenly makes everyone in the room an expert on the health of unborn children.

This pregnancy has been so much more relaxing for me at least in terms of what I’ve allowed myself to worry about, which is somewhat ironic given that I suffered a miscarriage after giving birth to Leta. I think I’ve realized that most of the mechanics of this process are out of my control, and while I can ensure that I am physically and emotionally as healthy as I can be, a lot of this is left up to the mercy of nature. And I have experienced an almost overwhelming sense of freedom and calm in letting myself go to that notion.

Jon will be the first to tell you that I have never been so relaxed as I have been in the last couple of months. I’m not sure he has ever seen me so calm, and I’m not so sure I can explain it. I feel really lucky to have made it this far in pregnancy with no complications, and I’m even more eager and excited for what’s to come and have been preparing myself to work with whatever scenario plays out. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, exactly where I want to be, and this sense of peace is nothing like what I felt in the weeks leading up to Leta’s birth. Maybe it’s experience, maybe it’s because this time I’m medicated, but I have such a better sense of who I am going into this. And I’m so grateful to have been given a second chance to feel this way.

How did you guys feel during your subsequent pregnancies?

  • Nin

    This is my first pregnancy, and I’m currently 38.5 weeks. In all honesty, I’ve been totally relaxed about the whole thing and not at all obsessing about any of it. Throughout the pregnancy I have drunk caffeine, had the occasional sip of wine, eaten blue cheese, heck even had sushi. I also only took prenatal vitamins about 3 times as my body didn’t like them and I didn’t feel right about taking them. Even ran this by my OB as everyone yelled at me and she said it was fine. Oh yeah, I clean the cat litter too- hello people who tell me not to, read the facts on this!! There is a LOT of misinformation out there and it all depends on the lifestyle of the cat, and you’re far more likely to catch toxoplasmosis from an undercooked burger. Does this make me a bad mother? No. All my choices have been informed and they are what works for me and my pregnancy. I’m more of the happy mother=happy baby camp so that’s where I choose to prioritise my energies.

    I’ve been ‘spoken to’ by random strangers on the street for drinking coffee, and carrying things, and one time just last week I got reprimanded by someone else for running through my garden. Gah. So annoying. Different strokes for different folks people, just as all babies are different, all pregnancies are too.

  • E

    So glad everything is going well for you. I look forward to reading about your two beautiful daughters, and of course, you making fun of them!

    My first pregnancy: I had a healthy full-term baby boy and went into labor at 39 weeks naturally. But my son had a knot in his cord and had died apparently just hours before I went into labor. He was 7lbs, 13oz, 21 inches, beautiful, and stillborn.

    I am not brave enough to try a subsequent pregnancy. I still really miss my son. He should be 8 months and 2 weeks old.

    The knot tightened after I ran across the street in a rain storm, so I definitely won’t be running if I’m pregnant again but I totally understand that is not a problem for most pregnancies.

    And I am glad that you have peace with this pregnancy and are enjoying the little girl inside of you. Take care!

  • KellyT

    I’m glad to hear things are going so well this time around. 🙂 Here’s hoping you have a great labor & delivery as well!

    My morning sickness lasted much longer with baby #2, but at least the puking was less. I just felt like I was going to hurl more. LOL

    I was also much more tired since I already had one kiddo to chase after, but I imagine you know exactly what I’m talking about. My second pregnancy was much kinder to me with regards to weight gain and water retention. I actually gained the exact same amount, but for whatever reason I carried it better the second time around. And I kept my ankles, THANK GOD.

    I was just happy I didn’t have a Moon Face with #2. It got bad towards the end of my first pregnancy. 🙂

    I will give you a head’s up and say be careful about feeling so good AFTER the baby arrives. I had a great delivery experience and felt awesome when I got home. So I was up and about doing everything I wanted to do…until my blood pressure went through the roof and my pulse rate dropped. My body had a hard time adjusting to not being pregnant anymore, so my doctor put me on bedrest. AFTER I had the baby. LOL Just make sure you still take it easy those first couple of weeks even if you feel great. 😀

    Can’t wait to see the wee one!

  • My first full term pregnancy was smooth sailing after the morning sickness was over. I had miscarried twice before that pregnancy, miscarried once after it, too. The next two pregnancies the doctor told me I was threatening to miscarry and there was nothing they could do about it. I worried about every cramp and twinge all the way through until I got close enough to the due date that if I went into labour they would have been fine. My kids are now 25, 23 and 21. There wasn’t the hoopla about what was good or bad to do during the pregnancy very much then. I do remember feeling guilty for every orgasm I had during the pregnancies because I’d heard it deprives the baby of oxygen. Laughter aside, there was something about miscarrying so much and then having difficult pregnancies where no one could assure me I’d carry full term, that I can still remember the sick feeling in my gut whenever I had a cramp or twinge.

  • Lauren

    My first pregnancy was the pregnacy from Hell. I bled until 23 weeks, which happened to be the day my water broke. Then I was hospitalized for 7 weeks and finally delivered my son via emergency c-section.

    Then I went through 3 years of infertility/miscarriage.

    When I was finally pregnant with my daughter I was much more relaxed, to say the least. Until my perinatologist told me they saw funneling of my cervix and OMG I might have another premature baby.

    Thankfully, despite contractions galore, I remained pregnant until 37 weeks and went on to have a healthy baby via unnecessary c-section.

    I think I followed all the rules, except for the one about lunch meat. I probably had a sandwich or two sometime during the pregnancy.

  • Lee

    We had a very similar experience. I had a miscarriage between my first and second births. Even though physically the first was a breeze, I was terrified. The second was more difficult but emotionally I was cool as a cumcumber. Even when he was born a little wrapped up in the cord, I was cool. I think it is experience and, in my case, lots of therapy ;).

  • I felt incredible during my first (and so far only) pregnancy… very much like what you described. I’d never felt more centered or more sure of myself. Pregnancy had a wonderfully uplifting and calming effect on my mood. I remember being very excited to meet our baby girl!

    Now I have an adorable gurgling 5-month-old, whom I wouldn’t trade for the world… but sometimes I really miss the calm.

  • Neg

    I have no kids- we have been tryin for 5 months no result- don’t know what to think yet- we have been married 6 years the first 2 i was severly depressed- 3 after that cool as cucumber on medication after being diagnosed with cronic depression- now I quit the past 5 months because I want to give the child the best chance IF I can survive that is- I am spiralling into the dark and your blog helps.
    It feels so good to hear that you have gone through the fire for my questions about that and that you share it with such spunk. I know you didn’t take anything with Leta and paid for it and now you are and you are sure about it.
    I wish I was sure.
    If it gets worse I will get back on Lexapro. I mean shit man I am not even pregnant.
    Thanks for letting me write here.
    Wish you all the best!

  • I was really young during my first pregnancy (17) so I did what ever I was told … what did I know?

    12, 15 & 16 years later …. the biggest concern was the size of my babies. I was continually being told how tiny I was for being so far along with the girls, until the last and he was just huge. Other than eat well, I too did not worry about the baby. Unless of course the doctor had one of “those” looks on her face, but I soon discovered that was her “concentrating look”.

    So happy for you to be feeling calm and happy. All your life should be like that!

  • Joan M

    I was a mess emotionally all through my first pregnancy because I was so worried about having something go wrong (after 4 years of trying and 2 miscarriages I wasn’t sure my body could produce a healthy, normal baby). Then God gave me a healthy happy 10 lb (!) baby boy. Here I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep him for the full term and then the little sucker took 2 EXTRA weeks and I finally had to be induced.

    The second pregnancy was so much more relaxed, because I knew my body knew what it was doing! Didn’t even have to be induced the second time! My petite (9lbs. 15 oz.) baby girl arrived 2 years after her brother. I will say that the 2nd labor and delivery did seem harder for me, but that might have more to do with the fact that she broke my coccyx on her way out! And that was waaaaayyyyy before epidurals when natural meant NOTHING but ice chips woman!

    My boy baby is now 30 and my girl baby is now 28 and the hard part now is getting grandkids from them!! They are just NOT cooperating!

    LOVE your website Heather – this is the first time I’m adding a comment. I’m from Wisconsin, but please don’t hold that against me! 🙂

  • Trina

    I can tell you, long long ago, in a land far away, I held my newborn (I had just turned 18) in the middle of the night and smoked a cigarette while I fed her. She is 29 now, happy, healthy and never had any health problems. My son is 25 and although I knew better and didn’t smoke during his pregnancy, or near him after, he was sick all the time.

    The point is do what is best for YOU and your family. NO one has to wake up as you tomorrow, or ever, and NO one can tell you what is best for YOUR children.

    You are a fantastic parent and I can see Leta and the new baby reading your blog some day after you’re gone and laughing until the scotch they’re drinking hits the computer screen.

  • I’m still on #1, but can I tell you how unprepared I was for all the people telling me whatever I’m doing is going to kill my baby? At work I picked up a 10lb box and someone told me I should put it down or else the baby will get the cord wrapped around it’s neck and die… gee thanks lady, no pressure.

  • Thank you, Heather, for writing so openly and honestly about your miscarriages (I just read about them for the first time). Life and death are such intricate things and I cannot pretend to even try and understand them completely, but you put stories into words that I can understand, and feel. I have never been pregnant, so I have never experienced the joy of giving birth or the loss of a child, but I am thankful for people like you, who are able to go through such experiences and share them with the rest of us. It totally puts it into perspective for me, and makes me look forward to the time when I am pregnant, and also to know that I can get through it should anything happen.

    I wish you nothing but a healthy, happy pregnancy and baby. We can’t wait to meet her!

  • rose

    i don’t know if i was more relaxed with my second, or if i was just preoccupied running around after my first. i enjoyed both pregnancies, but with my second things were so much easier because i had done it before. i didn’t freak out about the whole breastfeeding thing because i knew what to do.
    every woman is different, and what works for you is what is best. don’t listen to the haters.

  • Yes, I think it’s experience. My fourth is 15 months old. His was my most relaxed pregnancy. I was the most excited, too, about him coming, than the other pregnanices. I wasn’t freaked out about babies and handling lots of small children (my oldest is 7). I have learned that you just make it through things one day, sometimes one moment, at a time. And you just do it.

    As to diet, I stayed with my two cups of coffee each day. I no longer cut out my caffeine when pregnant. Coffee breaks give me joy. Cream with my coffee breaks gives me joy. I ate deli meat and feta. I felt that peace, too, that you spoke of. That you can do so much and the rest is out of your hands.

    Don’t give all the credit to the meds. Life has changed you. Own it. Enjoy it.


  • Elizabeth

    I’m a few days away from starting m 2nd trimester of my 1st pregnancy. I am attempting to be as laid back as possible and not freak out over little things. Most of my friends already have two kids and have told me that lunch meat every now and then won’t kill the kid. A coke a day won’t hurt the baby. Luckily my husband is supportive and realizes that the “rules” against all of these things were made for people who do not understand moderation.

    I’m starting to get over the hump of being tired and can’t wait to enjoy the 2nd trimester. I love reading this blog and all your comments!

    And God help the person that says anything to me about my eating habits during pregnancy. I may just tell them I’m not pregnant and they can shove it up their ass!

  • dear Heather-

    I am a faithful reader of your blog but have never commented before. After reading your experience with your first pregnancy here and in your wonderful book, this post moved me to tears. It is so wonderful and so deserved that you are experiencing such peace during this second pregnancy – you have more than earned it.

    thank you for being brave enough to share the bitter with the sweet

  • PS: I just watched the Momversation video and YOU. ARE. HILARIOUS. The line about the cocaine was too much. 🙂

  • Almudena

    will someone, anyone, please say that not only is the second pregnancy amazing, but that having another baby is by far the easiest most magnificent experience a person can have? no seriously, in those EXACT words someone please say that. my subconscious desperately needs to hear it before taking the rather deep plunge into second-time mommyhood. tell me about the baby who only cries when she’s hungry, the restful nights, the happy toddler elated at the thought of sharing her world with another sweet little one. anyone??

  • Jen S.

    I’m 37 weeks with my first, so I can’t speak to your actual question, but I’ve gotten a lot more relaxed in the last trimester. I had a hot dog at a bbq the other day and it was AWESOME. I think if I did get pregnant again, it’d be much more enjoyable than this one was for the first two trimesters where every little bump and hitch scared the shit out of me and sent me running to the internet for immediate relief (bad place to look for relief, btw). I can’t control whether I have the same gnarly morning sickness, but at least I’d know what to expect. Experience has so much to do with how you approach things in life, and I’m sure that having been down this road before has made your second pregnancy easier. That and the meds!!

  • Definitely more calm the second time through. I drank my morning cup of coffee and ate lunch meat as well. I exercised and danced until the day I popped my baby out. I think second pregnancies generally incur much less stress, but is also a bit easier because you are so distracted by your other child that there just isn’t time to sweat the small stuff.

  • Brookelyn

    Like you, I am much more relaxed this time around. I’m not reading all the books and making sure everything is ready (yet). I think it’s because I’m not going into uncharted territory. And I realize that buying the kid their very own special laundry soap is bunk.
    Now, I can’t say this pregnancy is any easier. I’m definitely more uncomfortable earlier and I gotta tell ya, people are totally rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because it’s a girl this time and the hormones are more bitchy this time around.

  • Isabel

    I felt better the second time around because I had CUTER CLOTHES! I cannot stress enough the importance of “quality” maternity garb–which for me means no freaking bows and a minimum of pastels, thank yee very much. (Um, incidentally, I mention this stuff in my blog–excuse me for shamelessly promoting myself:
    After a few installments of bad-maternity-garb shopping sprees wherein I just collected more crappy, ugly, ill-fitting junk, I bit the bullet and threw down some coin for some really nice pants and good tops. I still wear those clothes now, three months post-delivery, not because I have to but because they’re well made and beautiful (and fit “thin,” too). Ultimately, being able to dress nicely during those awkward months, to feel as good as I could with that big ole’ gut, made a HUGE difference–the emotional boost was well worth the money spent. Good luck, Heather–I’m rooting for you!

  • Adrien

    After at least 4 miscarriages and then getting pregnant (naturally) with twins I will be happy never to be pregnant again thank you. I love how relaxed you are this time around and I hope it will continue. My twins are a little younger than Leta and I have been following you since long before you had her so I am happy this pregnancy has been so good for you. your pics are hilarious and you are just too cute pregnant!! keep it up!

  • Cate

    I felt completely awesome right through my second pregnancy, I didn’t have any morning sickness and I threw a lot of my “rules” out the window. I gained 80 pounds and I’m still amazed I didn’t end up with gestational diabetes from all the junk I ate. He was a healthy birth weight and has grown into a healthy kid, albeit with a bit of a sweet tooth 🙂
    I’ve known people who followed the nutritionist to the letter, did everything they were “supposed” to and still had pregnancies from hell and ended up with sickly babies allergic to everything.
    It really doesn’t matter what you do when you’re pregnant, somebody’s going to disapprove.
    You can’t please everybody so please yourself!

  • This one is only my first, but I’ve been remarkably non-crazy for a newbie. I was somewhat concerned for the first several months (up until the first ultrasound) that something might be wrong or I might have coincidentally developed some sort of hCG-secreting tumor due to my LACK of morning sickness. Shortly after that, I gave in to my craving for sushi. Mmmm. Having mostly avoided the pregnancy books, I had no idea I wasn’t supposed to be eating lunch meat until recently. Whoops.

    I’m halfway convinced that when I’m massively pregnant, someone will come up to me while I’m eating sushi and make some sort of comment, at which point in time I will have to aggressively consume some raw fish.

  • mebreeze

    I am 36 weeks into my second pregnancy. The first was a relaxed, easy, experience-I was thrilled to be having a baby and getting married. The second has been much more difficult because I struggled with depression and anxiety during the first trimester. I chose not to go on medication, and have wondered if it was the right thing to do as I still struggle a little and know I will probably have post-partum depression. My anxiety is more about bringing another person into our well functioning little unit of 3, not that lunchmeat and a cup of coffee will hurt the baby. So I still do those things. Ugh, people are annoying. 2 people told me yesterday that I look as though I am about to have my baby tomorrow. Hmm, thanks people. I’m so crabby looking all the time, I can’t believe my mean face didn’t scare them off.
    Good luck with everything, Heather! Looking forward to reading about the new baby!

  • GaullyGirl

    Pregnancy has become some sort of scare tactic for so many people who want to freak woman out. Calm down crazies, woman have been giving birth for MILLIONS OF YEARS! Take pregnancies at face value, do what makes you feel good, focus on what is best for you and the baby and say, “Up yours,” to the fanatical judgment passers. People have no clue what stress they put on woman who are in the process of growing a human. We experience enough emotional stress, worry and anxiety on our own, leave me alone while I enjoy my blue cheese dressing.

    I think the hardest thing so far with my second pregnancy is my emotional inconsistencies with my first daughter. My emotions are rolling and my patience is shot.

  • Louise

    I ate Big Macs and drank any kind of soda or tea I could get my hands on. I craved smells. Gain detergent could give me an orgasm practically, and I carried a bar of Irish spring soap around in my purse so I could pull it out and smell it any time I wanted to. My kids are healthy, happy and so smart it amazes me.

  • jenny

    pregnancy is boot camp for life with an infant. no sleep, sore boobs, sacrifice, sacrifice, joy.

    both mine were very similar and wonderful. i was very relaxed & cautious.
    if “you’re” not willing to give it all up for 9 months, the following 18 years could be torture.

  • Ashley

    Wow, totally reverse for me. I’m more anxious, less healthy, and way more emotionally up-and-down. Maybe it’s having a two-year-old the second time around, but even without his challenging behavior, this pregnancy has been physically harder for me. Nausea and heartburn until about 20 weeks, and I feel like I’m just hitting my stride to start to chill at 31 weeks. I hope to have that feeling of being where I want to be sometime soon. Right now I’m scared shitless about having two kids under three and what the heck this one is going to present. Hopefully a moment of zen will strike when the waddle does.

  • KB

    Staying calm is good. Have you decided on whether or not to use an epidural? I did with my first three, but had the last one without meds. We have horrible insurance and I am that cheap. Wishing you the best. I can’t wait to see the little doll. I am hoping that she has your cute chin.

  • Kristine

    Heather, no!
    You have to cut the blow to every OTHER weekend or your baby will be born with 2 heads.
    Christ, I thought everyone knew that.

  • Chucky25

    Wait until you’re pregnant with #4! Hee hee! And at 3 years old, he is such a cool, relaxed little guy. I have found that with each pregnancy, I was more calm and my kids seem to each have soaked it in because they are more calm as well.

    Well, except for after my 3rd birth….when post partum reared its ugly head. Nothing a little Zoloft couldn’t fix. And, I breastfed while on Zoloft and he is a smart, funny, creative 5 year old.

    Just ENJOY the moment….

  • I think as long as you aren’t drinking, smoking, punching yourself in the stomach then people shouldn’t get crazy over it. I was always under the assumption that exercise was good for the mother and the baby!

  • Angelina

    I was so nervous the first time that I did not fully appreciate the pregnancy. I was 19 and had only been married a year and half. My second pregnancy was so much fun. I had a 6 month old when I found out I was expecting and I enjoyed everything. It fact my children are just like my pregnancies. My oldest is always worried and stressed and my second one is carefree and playful. Weird huh?

  • Michele

    Loved your post today. I too suffered a mismarriage between my first and second pregancies. I was so nervous before the first ultrasound the second time around, even though I just felt this one was right this time. Once I saw a healthy baby, and once I made it through the first trimester, I definitely have been more relaxed than I expected to be. Plus- I’ve maintained my morning Starbuck’s Half-Caf and allowed myself the occasional glass of wine— even in public (gasp) while working out at the gym twice a week and walking daily. I honestly feel like the picture of health right now at 33 weeks. Its a great feeling. But its amazing, out of everything, the most people question the gym workouts. You talk to any doctor and they say exercise is one of the best things for the baby. Skydiving and other extreme sports— yeah, probably want to avoid those. But treadmill, ellipical, and other light to moderate weights and exercises that don’t exceed what you’ve done before- perfectly acceptable and actually GOOD FOR THE BABY! I guess this wasn’t common knowledge for the previous generation, so I try to be patient as I explain this to worrisome folks. now, I’m with you, definitely at peace. or probably the more appropriate phrase, “the calm before the storm” (will soon have my second boy, 27 months apart….gulp)

  • I was much more worried and stressed during my second pregnancy. I think there are two main reasons. First, I was in medical school during my second pregnancy. Let me tell you, ignorance is bliss. Daily, I was learning something new that either my baby or myself could die from. Second, I had some abnormal test results and measurements during my second pregnancy. Everything turned out fine, but it hung over me like a cloud the entire time.

  • KellyS

    My daughter was 2 during my 2nd pregnancy, and she kept me so busy & distracted I just didn’t have the time & focus to obsess like I did with #1.

    In fact, I remember crying and begging my husband to buy some silly stuffed animal in a dept. store because this new baby had “nothing! We’re not even thinking about him!” etc.

    Now he’s 4 1/2 and making up for that “lost” attention in spades.

  • I love this video (and the entry, as always) because it also highlights the bizarro comments pregnant women get. My mum is firmly of the opinion that when you’re pregnant, you stop being entirely your own person, both literally in a physical sense and also culturally.

    I really never liked that perspective, no matter how true it might be. I’m much more likely to go a step further and tell my husband, “she [the barista] does know that I’m about to give her an espresso enema the hard way, right?”

    Never having been pregnant, I think this is interesting because it also kind of underscores the underlying issue that comes out more frequently (but not exclusively) during pregnancy. We blur the lines a lot when it comes to women in our culture, and how much they are their own people and how much they belong to the world at large.

    It irks me no end the number of comments and judgments I get about my body. I’m no celebrity, and I’m certainly not that well known as a blogger. When I walk down the street, I will scare the shit out of you if you make a comment that’s out of line. I don’t know you, I don’t dress up for you, and I sure as hell did not develop big breasts for your benefit. That you appreciate them is one thing – I love my boobs, as does my large and angry boyfriend – but that doesn’t give you the right to talk to me about them or give me suggestions on what I should eat/wear/do with my hair or whether or not I should smile.

    So yeah, this line of conversation opens up some interesting food for thought regarding women’s roles in our culture and how people (men and women alike) respond to us, and how we respond to other women!

  • Erin

    I was more paranoid with my second because I had several complications. I didn’t find out until about 20 weeks that I had placenta previa, so I was more mellow until that point, but after that I was a mess. Then I had preterm labor and finally a placental abruption at 32 weeks. (I wouldn’t have told you this if you weren’t already full term!)

    I ate sushi both times. More the second time. I got some stares in the sushi restaurants, let me tell you! I also drank coffee and tea both times. And I ate whatever the hell I wanted both times. The first time I was just happy I could eat anything, since I had 24/7/40 week sickness. The second time, I was all about the powdered Hostess donuts. I took my prenatals more the second time, because I wasn’t so nauseated that I couldn’t breathe like the first time. (I once had a “friend” tell me that by not choking down the prenatals that made me want to vomit, I was killing my baby. I told her that my doctor said that if taking the vitamins prevented me from being able to eat, I should skip the vitamins and eat food. It was one or the other, baby!) I didn’t eat lunch meats either time, because they were disgusting. Same with cheese. The thought made me gag. No bananas for me either time either, though they’re my third favorite fruit. I also didn’t worry about making sure my meat was thoroughly cooked.

    I don’t know why people would be on you about going to the gym. You’re supposed to continue exercising if you were exercising pre-pregnancy.

    My favorite thing to do was go to the store and buy a six-pack of beer. I don’t even drink, pregnant or not, but it was fun to mess with people.

  • Sara Mama

    Dear Heather,
    First, I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now and I love it. I also saw you on the Today show, and I like your style in person as well as online!
    I was much less obsessively worried with my second pregnancy. My first child was born 6 weeks premature and that was totally traumatic for me. Even though she is totally fine (although totally bizarre, too, being very close in age to your lovely Leta), it took me a long time to get over it. When I finally was ready to get pregnant again, I decided to just trust my OB, stay off the internet (searching for disaster), and similar to you, accept that it was largely out of my hands what would happen (since no one could give me a reason for my first child coming prematurely). So, I was much more relaxed.
    My son’s birth was painful and exhausting–in the way it is supposed to be!–and really wonderful.
    Best to you!

  • hanna

    my first 4 to term pregnancies went off without a hitch. i was great, had a wonderful time, enjoyed being pregnant. with my 5th pregnancy, due to a lot of external stresses – mainly my mother – i didn’t quite enjoy the pregnancy as much as i would have liked. she harped on me about EVERYTHING! this didn’t let up the day i gave birth either. which probably didn’t help matters at all when i suffered severely from ppd. i’m currently pregnant with number 6. this is after a m/c that i’d had between pregnancies 3 & 4 and then after a possible partial molar pregnancy this past dec. i’m a little on edge in some ways however, i am trying to remain rather zen about it all. i’ve been attempting to exercise – which i never did in my previous pregnancies (unless you want to count walking about 2 hrs a day to/from work with my 2nd pregnancy).

    as for what do i eat, what do i refrain from? nothing. nothing that i wouldn’t normally eat to begin with. sushi is an acquired taste, the thought of soft cheeses makes me want to hurl. however, you can pass me a toasted ham sandwich (i don’t microwave the ham), some lo mein noodles from the local chinese restaurant, a diet coke and it’s currently chili dog season at the local creemee. mmm YUM!

    i have 5 kids ranging from 16 to 4 with a baby on the way. You learn what’s important and what’s not. what’s needed and what’s not. the only thing i’m most uncomfortable with is when people come up to me and start talking about things no pregnant woman ever wants to hear about – like the crazy people out there that do horrible things. seriously!?! have some tact! (i had someone come up to me last weekend talking about the woman from a few yrs back)

    btw, i love your belly pic from last week. i haven’t stopped giggling at it. congrats on your newest little one to be!

  • Heather, you are awesome. I’ve never had kids or been pregnant, so I have no idea. But I have friends with babies and some times I wonder if all the restrictions aren’t about the same as our idea to have a germ free environment. Are we being overly cautious? Any way, I think you are great and that baby is going to be super wonderful, just like the first.

  • Leesha

    I love that you threw heroin and crack in there. Hilarious and extremely brave on your part!

    I am currently pregnant with my second son who is scheduled to be here June 8th (a week before his due date because of a *gasp* SCHEDULED C-SECTION) and have been so much more laid back this time around.

    My first son will be a few days of turning 1 when number 2 is born (totally not on purpose, by the way) and I find that as horrible as it may sound, I don’t really have time to worry about this pregnancy like I did with my first. I’m busy with snacks and naps and laundry and chasing around my increasingly mobile son all day. When people ask how far along I am in my pregnancy, I have to stop and think for a minute, usually counting on my fingers.

    Like you said, so much of the outcome of a pregnancy is out of our hands and so worrying really just makes things worse in the long run.

    I am just as eager to meet my second son as I was to meet my first, I’m just not letting every little thing bother me like I did before.

  • First pregnancy, from the moment I saw the pink + on the pee stick: OH. EM. GEE. DO NOT EVEN BREATHE ON ME! I AM PREGNANT!

    Second pregnancy, at nine months: WTF is falling out of my – oh yeah, right. I’m having a baby.

  • Ashley

    First and foremost… working out and staying in shape is BAD for you? *sigh* It’s like… um, ok people…

    So it’s only my first, but I’ve been really really mellow. I think because I’m surrounded by other preggos that are SO uptight about everything that it’s like, whoa, that looks like it sucks. I mean, I’m not having unpasteurized brie or lunch meat, or a flipping bathtub of gin every day for lunch, but I’m also not completely freaking out about everything. Even that, *gasp* occasional glass of wine.

    Just me, and the way that I do things… people who want to tell me what to do just generally get a “look” from me, and not much else. Idiots.

  • My first pregnancy and birth went almost flawlesly. So I didn’t expect anything to go wrong with the second pregnancy. But it did. I got Preclampsia and luckily my brother-in-law of all people caught it in a freak blood pressure taking Sunday evening at grandmas. We had her the next morning 5 & 1/2 weeks early. So, I WAS calm up until that point. With my first baby, I went nuts, similiar to you. But with my second, I was able to relax and enjoy so many more things. I cherish the moments I got to sit and hold and relax with my second baby.

    I really can’t believe that people would think that exercise is bad for a pregnant person. Really? Don’t they read pregnancy magazines and hang out with OBGYN’s all the time?

  • With all of my pregnancies (three) I never really bothered to restrict myself from anything except alcohol. I ate, drank, and excercied as I wanted. The kids all came out healthy and BIG. Two of them weighed in over 9lbs a piece.

    I guess I was a little more calm with number 2 and 3 since with my first I was a teenagerr (yeah I was that girl). Every day was traumatic when ever I allowed myself to think about the fact I was going to be a MOM and not a KID anymore. Yes, my second two were much easier.

  • Heather, I don’t have any babies, but I know what it’s like for my neurotic tendencies to be SERIOUSLY assuaged by good housekeeping.

    You’re probably calm because of the yummy, luscious, per-purrr-purrrrrfect carpet in the *yawn* nursery (sigh, zzzzzzzz). And the wallpaper is so dreamy it prolly makes Jon sing lullabies in high soprano. Combine that with a few white onesies and you’re golden.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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