An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

More adventures in picky eating

“Mom, it’s Friday. We’re going out to eat tonight, right?”

“Actually, your father and I are going on a date, so your cousin Meredith is coming over to babysit.”

BUT… BUT… WHAT WILL WE HAVE FOR DINNER?!

“Whoa, hey. You don’t have to worry about it. Meredith will fix you something you like.”

WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW?!

“Seriously, Leta. This is not something you have to worry about. Meredith will take care of you.”

WHAT IF THE ONLY THING SHE KNOWS HOW TO FIX IS SOMETHING I DON’T LIKE?!

“First, calm down. Deep breaths. Second, I’ll make sure she knows how to fix your favorite pasta just the way you like it. I’ll even tell her you can have ice cream for dessert.”

“Oh. Okay. You know what? I think you and dad should just have Meredith come over every night.”

“You really think that?”

“It would solve everything.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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