the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Those Hollywood nights

Yesterday afternoon I flew to Los Angeles because I’m going to be on “The Talk” this morning discussing Very Important Matters Most Likely Concerning Celebrities. These less-than-24-hours-in-a-city trips usually wreak havoc on my well being, but the flight to LA is super quick and last night I got to sleep in a bed several hundred miles away from Marlo’s room. If I had been in a tent in the parking lot of a Walgreens I would have considered it luxury.

She’s sleeping and then she’s not sleeping and then she’s turning around and not sleeping some more, and now my senses are so heightened that I wake up if I hear the wind change direction outside my window. I’m not going to get into the specifics of what I did to get her to stay in bed (success!) or to put herself back to sleep (TOTAL FAILURE), just that I am going to call her pediatrician to get some advice and go from there. That’s the next step. I hope he can work miracles. Or at least prescribe drugs. Maybe slip me a gift certificate to a spa.

Right now I have pressing celebrity issues to dissect. I’ll be sure to take some photos and notes and report back. Oh! It’s so great to be back in LA. I didn’t realize how much I missed it, but SERIOUSLY LOS ANGELES TURN DOWN YOUR AIR CONDITIONING. Don’t mean to get all shouty, but this was going on when I lived here ten years ago and it is still going on and SOMEBODY had to say it.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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