the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Assigned seating

Go ahead. Send me condescending email taking me to task over the fact that Marlo is still sitting in a high chair. I’m lazy and that chair is really easy to clean up, and did I mention I’m lazy? Good. That’s established. Moving on.

Coco sits right there underneath her every time she eats and catches any food before it hits the floor. Whenever we are out to eat and one of my kids drops food on the floor, a part of my brain immediately goes, “Not a big deal, Coco will take care of that.” Why do restaurants not have their own dogs? They’d be saving the planet singlehandedly. World peace would follow. Boom. Solution. Elect me.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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