the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Cranberry salad

Leta saw me with camera in hand headed toward Chuck with this wreath and she exhaled as if someone had just shown up to the prom in the same dress she had on.

“Why do you keep putting things on his head?” she asked.

“Because he likes it,” I answered and then I slid the wreath over his ears. He made this face.

“He doesn’t look like he likes it.”

“Leta,” I explained. “He may look like he’s getting poked in the butt right now, but you saw him come running into the room when he heard me turn the camera on. He gets a treat for this.”

She watched me take photos for a minute or two, and when she could tell I was finished she coyly twisted her lower lip with her right hand and asked, “If you stick that wreath on my head can I have a candy bar?”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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