the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Top fifteen tracks of 2012

Due to the emotional upheaval of the last year, all the corners I’ve crawled into to hide and cry into my folded arm, all the broken glass under my feet, the hornets swarming my head… I’ve been living inside a nightmare that paralyzes my arms and legs, holds me down and sticks its knee into my throat so that I can’t scream for help.

Someone told me the other day that I have betrayed everyone here by not talking about It, The Upheaval, by not giving details about a decision that involves the privacy and integrity of the father of my children. I’m sorry that person feels that way. I’d like her to know that this has been the most agonizing thing I have ever lived through, that I have no idea if or when I will ever put the pieces of myself back together.

Music has been my haven, and I’m lucky that so much good music was released this year when I needed the comfort of it most. These fifteen songs sidled up next to me, placed a hand on my back to guide me forward. I wish I could thank these artists for the solace they brought to my unraveling life.

15. Delta Spirit, “Yamaha”

14. Au, “Get Alive”

13. Kindness, “Swingin Party”

12. Futures, “We Had It All”

11. Chairlift, “I Belong in Your Arms”

10. Fiona Apple, “Every Single Night”

9. Hot Chip, “Let Me Be Him”

8. Of Monsters and Men, “Love Love Love”

7. The XX, “Angels”

6. Perfume Genius, “Normal Song”

5. Local Natives, “Breakers”

4. Grizzly Bear, “Half Gate”

3. Tanlines, “Nonesuch”

2. Beach House, “Myth”

1. Twin Shadow, “The One”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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