Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

“Because I am nice”

A couple of weeks ago when I was dropping Marlo off at preschool I noticed this posted up along with others from her classmates.

recycle_like_that

“Recycling to me is we need to think that.”

It’s like someone got Yoda really high.

I’m guessing the teachers sat the kids down, asked them, “Why do you like art?” and so forth and wrote down whatever came out of their mouths. And this is perfectly Marlo. The total nonsense, pathological liar Marlo.

Sample exchange between me and her:

“Marlo, can you see better with your glasses?”

“I can’t sthee for yesthterday. Thisth morning when I wasth a baby I could sthee.”

We were all sitting at lunch the other day talking about Chuck and how bad it used to be at the old house when he would mark the walls. She was eating a bowl of chicken when she suddenly slapped her fork down.

“GUYSTH! GUYSTH! I have an idea,” she said.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s hear it.”

“It isth called A Dog Walker.”

“A Dog Walker?”

“YESTH. A Dog Walker. And it isth purple. A purple Dog Walker. And it sthprays water to clean up all the pee tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?” I asked. “Why can’t it clean up the pee today?”

“Becausth the pee happensth tomorrow. It hasthn’t ever happened. Stho tomorrow it will happen.”

It’s like she was born in to a place where space and time do not follow scientific principles. And I want to go there.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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