the smell of my desperation has become a stench


Last week at the behest of my trainer I ordered this posture support contraption. I’ve been very aware of my bad posture for years what with being 5’11” and sitting in front of a computer all day, but she noticed during some exercises that my pectoral muscles are so contracted that it’s almost impossible for me to pull my shoulders back. My goal is to get up from my desk every hour to walk around and wear this thing for increasingly longer periods of time. And not become my Granny Hamilton by age 40.

Of course I needed to have Chuck try it out first, and damn, would you look at that dog. He would have been the perfect muse for Vermeer.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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