the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Who wore it better?

I ordered this orca costume for Coco when I ordered Chuck’s peacock outfit, and she’s just not as cooperative or talented or I guess as willing to put up with this shit as he is.

Of course, Marlo found the head/hat on the floor of the dining room and dressed herself one night last week. She walked around for an hour with this thing on, diving off of the couch and jumping on side tables exclaiming that she was a shark. When I corrected her and told her she was a whale she said, “No. I’m a shark. I checked.”

Oh, EXCUSE ME. She checked. Triple snap. Hair flip. Here’s the document that was notarized, MOTHER.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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