Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

My welcome home

I walked in the door last night at about 10:30 PM my time only to discover that Chuck had peed a giant puddle all over the kitchen floor. Tyrant had been watching them yesterday and had let them outside to do their business not three hours earlier. How do I know it wasn’t Coco? The only time Coco has peed in the house was after hearing a frightening strike of lightning, and it was just a very tiny spot in the entryway where she was keeping watch. What we found last night was a veritable lake of urine. He said neither dog had experienced any accident anywhere the entire time I was gone.

It was as if Chuck had been saving up for my return. He gifted me this instead of a fart. I have no idea whether to clap my hands or sternly stand here with them perched on my hips.

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