An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

In summer!

I got Marlo this blossom sprinkler for her birthday, and on Saturday we finally had a chance to try it out. She begged all morning to “go out into the water,” but I told her we needed to wait until it had warmed up a bit.

“But why?” she asked

“Because you’ll get cold.”

“No I won’t.”

“Yes, you will.”

“No. I will not.”

“YOU WILL FREEZE.”

“I WILL NOT FREEZE.”

This disagreement continued for hours until I relented and set up the sprinkler in the front yard. Water shot up and out of the sprinkler in every direction and she squealed, the equivalent of a dog happily barking at the prospect of jumping in a lake. She hesitated before running through arching rays of water as Leta and I cheered her on.

“You can do it!” Leta urged.

Marlo finally took off and jumped right over the middle of the sprinkler:

Two jumps later she came running over to me, a total soaking mess, screaming, “I’M SOOOOO COLD! SO SO SO SO COLD!”

Yeah. Three jumps and she was done.

I took her inside and put her in a warm bath while singing a little song under my breath: “I told you so!, I told you so!”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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