the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Other than seeing Star Wars, what else could he possibly want?

You can window shop these items for your dude for ideas, or you could go out and buy a stack of gift cards to Applebee’s or The Olive Garden or Chuck E Cheese’s. And when he opens it up cross your arms and go, “Who has two thumbs and totally gets it?”

1. Star Wars X-Wing Knife Block and Set $79.95

2. One In A Million Poster from Wait But Why $15

3. Vince Camuto Corduroy Trim Quilted Jacket $99

4. Tornado Vintage Blacksmith Roosevelt Pen $28

5. Nelos Hardcover Notebook $13.95

6. Ghost Ship Kite by Haptic Lab $76

7. Polaroid Cube Video Camera $99.99

8. Sebago Hamilton Boot $153.43

9. Izola No One Can Fill Shoe Horn $25.82

10. Classic Leather Pencil Case $23.97

11. Natalie Chair $2,499

12. Thumbs Up Ping Pong Hot Pad $7.99

13. Earth Blocks $17.99

14. Classic Wooden Yo-Yo $8.84

15. Mirror Cube Puzzle $3.88

16. One of Us: The Story of Anders Breivik and the Massacre in Norway by Asne Seierstad $19.04

17. The Dogist: Photographic Encounters with 1,000 Dogs by Elias Weiss Friedman $17.11

18. Humans of New York: Stories by Brandon Stanton $16.49

19. What If?: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions by Randall Munroe $14.40

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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