• Liz

    I didn’t listen to most of that stuff in either of my pregnancies, mostly because I figured that the majority of it was common sense, and if I were actually good about listening to my body, I would be fine. I, too, have had miscarriages, and I agree with you – sometimes you just need to let nature be in charge for once, and oh how liberating that feels!

  • http://www.asongnotscoredforbreathing.blogspot.com Hope

    My first full term pregnancy was smooth sailing after the morning sickness was over. I had miscarried twice before that pregnancy, miscarried once after it, too. The next two pregnancies the doctor told me I was threatening to miscarry and there was nothing they could do about it. I worried about every cramp and twinge all the way through until I got close enough to the due date that if I went into labour they would have been fine. My kids are now 25, 23 and 21. There wasn’t the hoopla about what was good or bad to do during the pregnancy very much then. I do remember feeling guilty for every orgasm I had during the pregnancies because I’d heard it deprives the baby of oxygen. Laughter aside, there was something about miscarrying so much and then having difficult pregnancies where no one could assure me I’d carry full term, that I can still remember the sick feeling in my gut whenever I had a cramp or twinge.

  • http://www.domestiquette.net Wendy

    Do people have no sense of where they stand in the course of history? That some of the most brilliant minds in history were born to mothers who drank, ate whatever they wanted, and gave birth in filthy conditions with midwives? 95% of the world (I’m estimating conservatively) *gasp!* doesn’t know what “prenatal care” even means.

    Sometimes it is no wonder to me that the rest of the world hates Americans. So many of us are completely disconnected with common sense & have no idea how most people on the planet actually live.

    I was far calmer with the 2nd one, and he has a calmer personality. Connection? Or just coincidence?

    ~Shrug.~

  • Lauren

    My first pregnancy was the pregnacy from Hell. I bled until 23 weeks, which happened to be the day my water broke. Then I was hospitalized for 7 weeks and finally delivered my son via emergency c-section.

    Then I went through 3 years of infertility/miscarriage.

    When I was finally pregnant with my daughter I was much more relaxed, to say the least. Until my perinatologist told me they saw funneling of my cervix and OMG I might have another premature baby.

    Thankfully, despite contractions galore, I remained pregnant until 37 weeks and went on to have a healthy baby via unnecessary c-section.

    I think I followed all the rules, except for the one about lunch meat. I probably had a sandwich or two sometime during the pregnancy.

  • http://www.yourwishcake.com wishcake

    Um, yeah. The heroin comment totally made my life. You are seriously a gem!

    Also, you’re just making me want to get pregnant right now and I don’t think my husband is appreciating it. I think I need people constantly telling me that I have many baby-making years ahead of me, and that twenty-four is young.

    (Please tell me that.)

  • http://www.coupledumb.com Lee

    We had a very similar experience. I had a miscarriage between my first and second births. Even though physically the first was a breeze, I was terrified. The second was more difficult but emotionally I was cool as a cumcumber. Even when he was born a little wrapped up in the cord, I was cool. I think it is experience and, in my case, lots of therapy ;) .

  • http://www.borntoshop.co.za/blog.html Katherine

    I was equally relaxed in my second pregnancny and it has progessed into being much more relaxed with my second baby … breaking all sorts of “rules” I wouldn’t have dreamed of the first time around. And yes, the PND medication helps too!!

  • http://www.calobeedoodles.com Caroline

    I felt incredible during my first (and so far only) pregnancy… very much like what you described. I’d never felt more centered or more sure of myself. Pregnancy had a wonderfully uplifting and calming effect on my mood. I remember being very excited to meet our baby girl!

    Now I have an adorable gurgling 5-month-old, whom I wouldn’t trade for the world… but sometimes I really miss the calm.

  • Juliekaye

    I found out I was pregnant the day before I left for 7 weeks of travel and adventure. All went well during that time and I never had morning sickness, but at about 4 months I thought I was miscarrying and was scared out of my mind. I was put on bed rest for the remaining 5 months so the placenta could re-attach where it had torn. I was not a good bed rester after the first week and remember crawling around planting tulips a month before the baby was born. The best thing about my troubled pregnancy was being ordered to consume as many calories as possible, regardless of their nutritional content. French fries, milkshakes, and boxes of chocolate for a week and then I craved vegetables!!

    Second baby had possibility of pre-eclampsia, so bed rest again for the last three months. Again, I did not behave until cramps would start, then I would hurl myself vertical and lie there thinking how bad I’d been!

    Both my girls are healthy and smart and I’m grateful they arrived safe and sound. The second time around is more challenging from a logistical standpoint, but I felt so much more in control and capable after practice with the first one. Good luck to you, and I hope your daughters become the great friends that mine are.

  • http://negars.blogspot.com Neg

    I have no kids- we have been tryin for 5 months no result- don’t know what to think yet- we have been married 6 years the first 2 i was severly depressed- 3 after that cool as cucumber on medication after being diagnosed with cronic depression- now I quit the past 5 months because I want to give the child the best chance IF I can survive that is- I am spiralling into the dark and your blog helps.
    It feels so good to hear that you have gone through the fire for my questions about that and that you share it with such spunk. I know you didn’t take anything with Leta and paid for it and now you are and you are sure about it.
    I wish I was sure.
    If it gets worse I will get back on Lexapro. I mean shit man I am not even pregnant.
    Thanks for letting me write here.
    Wish you all the best!
    Negar

  • http://theprdx.blogspot.com M

    I am right there with you. 38 weeks (and a week away from my csection) and I could not be more relaxed about this pregnancy. I’ve continued eating lunch meat, shrimp, drinking caffeine, having a little wine every now and again (so sue me, my doctor said it was FINE PEOPLE). I’ve highlighted my hair and even had a straightening treatment ( I live in Florida, I HAVE to otherwise I will look like Diana Ross). I basically stopped exercising because I was on no movement for the first three months and I found I liked it ;) I think with this one I gained 40+ lbs already so I feel like if I’m going to be a heifer I might as well enjoy things, eat what I want, and worry about losing it later. Of course, I had to go and get stretch marks (which I managed to avoid with my first pregnancy) but screw that. I only have 4-5 and I’ll get them lasered off when I have my tummy tuck. JK, I know stretch marks are permanent no matter what. Not JK about the tummy tuck though, I’m getting that sucker taken care of if exercise doesn’t work. Or if I’m too lazy. Or if I win the lottery.

    The bottom line is I don’t have the time with a 2.5 year old, working full time, and this insane nesting habit that I also managed to avoid with #1. Oh yeah, and husband just had back surgery so I basically HAVE to haul around 30+lb child, groceries, huge boxes full of books because HE DID NOT MOVE THEM BEFORE HIS F-ING SURGERY LIKE I HAD BEEN ASKING HIM TO DO FOR 3 MONTHS. You get the idea.

    With the first, you have no idea what it’s like to have a baby so you obsess about everything that is going on with your own body. With the subsequent pregnancies you’re dreading the every two hour feedings, the pain of trying to get the hang of nursing (if you’re going to do that), and not getting enough sleep. You’re already worrying about what kind of vaccinations you will allow your child to have and how you will space them and if the off-gases from your child’s mattress will cause SIDS. You worry about how the older sibling who is spoiled rotten with being the ONLY CHILD is going to react to the baby. You worry if your mom is going to get annoyed with you because you don’t do things “her” way while she is here to “help” and when you tell her that you can handle it and that you’re not stupid (amongst hormonally induced sobs) she’s going to again tell you to “stick your child up your ass” and give you the silent treatment for three days IN YOUR OWN HOUSE and then pack up her bags and go to your sister’s house. Oh yeah, true story. And all the references to “you” doesn’t necessarily mean you, but they always mean ME.

    Oy.

  • http://wintersfamily.xanga.com/ insane mother of three

    I was really young during my first pregnancy (17) so I did what ever I was told … what did I know?

    12, 15 & 16 years later …. the biggest concern was the size of my babies. I was continually being told how tiny I was for being so far along with the girls, until the last and he was just huge. Other than eat well, I too did not worry about the baby. Unless of course the doctor had one of “those” looks on her face, but I soon discovered that was her “concentrating look”.

    So happy for you to be feeling calm and happy. All your life should be like that!

  • Anonymous

    I know readers say this to you all the time, but I hope you never stop realizing it. Thank you for your honesty about everything. About taking medication. About being yourself. About everything. It helps all of us so much.

  • Joan M

    I was a mess emotionally all through my first pregnancy because I was so worried about having something go wrong (after 4 years of trying and 2 miscarriages I wasn’t sure my body could produce a healthy, normal baby). Then God gave me a healthy happy 10 lb (!) baby boy. Here I had been worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep him for the full term and then the little sucker took 2 EXTRA weeks and I finally had to be induced.

    The second pregnancy was so much more relaxed, because I knew my body knew what it was doing! Didn’t even have to be induced the second time! My petite (9lbs. 15 oz.) baby girl arrived 2 years after her brother. I will say that the 2nd labor and delivery did seem harder for me, but that might have more to do with the fact that she broke my coccyx on her way out! And that was waaaaayyyyy before epidurals when natural meant NOTHING but ice chips woman!

    My boy baby is now 30 and my girl baby is now 28 and the hard part now is getting grandkids from them!! They are just NOT cooperating!

    LOVE your website Heather – this is the first time I’m adding a comment. I’m from Wisconsin, but please don’t hold that against me! :)

  • Bridget

    I am delurking to comment for the first time. I LOVED my second pregnancy the most–my only girl. My first and third pregnancies were more difficult and stressful–boys. Now, my boys have been easier to parent and the girl has been, well let’s just say, more trying. Looking forward to hearing about the new baby!

    Mom from Iowa

    By the way, I really love your writing and sense of humor!

  • Trina

    I can tell you, long long ago, in a land far away, I held my newborn (I had just turned 18) in the middle of the night and smoked a cigarette while I fed her. She is 29 now, happy, healthy and never had any health problems. My son is 25 and although I knew better and didn’t smoke during his pregnancy, or near him after, he was sick all the time.

    The point is do what is best for YOU and your family. NO one has to wake up as you tomorrow, or ever, and NO one can tell you what is best for YOUR children.

    You are a fantastic parent and I can see Leta and the new baby reading your blog some day after you’re gone and laughing until the scotch they’re drinking hits the computer screen.

  • Ashley

    Well, this is my first pregnancy and I’m 23 weeks. I think I’m feeling very similar to how you must have felt with Leta. Unmedicated, tense, and scared shitless. I did want to say that I have had the same reaction from EVERYONE about working out. “OMFG you can’t do bicep curls when you’re pregnant!!! What the hell are you thinking?”

  • http://www.grumblesandgrunts.com Jamie

    I’m still on #1, but can I tell you how unprepared I was for all the people telling me whatever I’m doing is going to kill my baby? At work I picked up a 10lb box and someone told me I should put it down or else the baby will get the cord wrapped around it’s neck and die… gee thanks lady, no pressure.

  • http://chickanuts.blogspot.com/ Kris

    I was much more relaxed, in spite of having three prior miscarriages. Two of them were before my oldest. One was between the two girls. (Kasia’s 12 next week and Emily is 8.)

    And no matter what happens, you’re right…there’s only so much that is within your control. You can’t be a total freak about it.

  • http://laurenfromtexas.com Lauren From Texas

    Thank you, Heather, for writing so openly and honestly about your miscarriages (I just read about them for the first time). Life and death are such intricate things and I cannot pretend to even try and understand them completely, but you put stories into words that I can understand, and feel. I have never been pregnant, so I have never experienced the joy of giving birth or the loss of a child, but I am thankful for people like you, who are able to go through such experiences and share them with the rest of us. It totally puts it into perspective for me, and makes me look forward to the time when I am pregnant, and also to know that I can get through it should anything happen.

    I wish you nothing but a healthy, happy pregnancy and baby. We can’t wait to meet her!

  • http://www.iambossy.com/ BOSSY

    How did Bossy feel during her subsequent pregnancies? She felt almost as though she were carrying a baby in her belly, only larger.

  • rose

    i don’t know if i was more relaxed with my second, or if i was just preoccupied running around after my first. i enjoyed both pregnancies, but with my second things were so much easier because i had done it before. i didn’t freak out about the whole breastfeeding thing because i knew what to do.
    every woman is different, and what works for you is what is best. don’t listen to the haters.

  • http://runningwithscissorsinmyhand.blogspot.com/ Sarah

    I am still not grasping what the big deal about a whole whopping TWO kids is, but I guess we all have different levels of what we find stressful.

    I spent my entire first pregnancy in denial that I was really about to have a baby. I ate a healthy diet, exercised, and stayed away from anything horribly unhealthy. I still drank diet coke because my OB told me that caffeine had indeed been found to increase risk of miscarriage….if you drank an entire pot of coffee each day.

    I had our second child 16 months after our first AND I had a miscarriage in between them. Because of both the miscarriage and the fact I now had a clear understanding that another human being was actually inside of me, I was actually more paranoid the second time around as far as foods go.

    With the third (born 3 years after the second)I was more relaxed. By the fourth (born 2 years after the third) I was comfortable with all of it. I knew exactly what to expect and I knew how my body would respond at every stage of pregnancy and labor.

    Every time I see a woman say she “can’t” lift anything (or whatever the task may be)because she is pregnant I have the overwhelming urge to punch her right between her eyeballs. Sure you can! You just have to listen to your body and use proper lifting techniques. American women become total pansies when they are pregnant. I moved our house when I was 6 months pregnant! I did more and more with each pregnancy. With our fourth pregnancy I was outside in the heat mowing the grass with my toddler in a pack on my back. I don’t get the whole “I am delicate and you must worship me” bs that most pregnant women expect. The point was, I wasn’t delicate in any pregnancy and got progressively less so with each one.

  • http://www.sufficientfortoday.com Dawn

    Yes, I think it’s experience. My fourth is 15 months old. His was my most relaxed pregnancy. I was the most excited, too, about him coming, than the other pregnanices. I wasn’t freaked out about babies and handling lots of small children (my oldest is 7). I have learned that you just make it through things one day, sometimes one moment, at a time. And you just do it.

    As to diet, I stayed with my two cups of coffee each day. I no longer cut out my caffeine when pregnant. Coffee breaks give me joy. Cream with my coffee breaks gives me joy. I ate deli meat and feta. I felt that peace, too, that you spoke of. That you can do so much and the rest is out of your hands.

    Don’t give all the credit to the meds. Life has changed you. Own it. Enjoy it.

    Peace,
    Dawn

  • Tierchen

    Heather, you are a complete breath of fresh air!

    I’m currently pregnant with my first child and didn’t change my lifestyle at all (besides alcohol and smoking)! I drink black tea and coffee (altough not more than two cups a day), go running and biking and – god forbid – climbing, eat salami and mozzarella and even SUSHI… Once I had a small sip of red wine tough. If all goes well, I’ll have a homebirth in late August! Fortunatelly I had no bad experience yet and I dare anyone ;-) . The chances that you get an infection through food is really low, chances are bigger you are hurt in a car accident – but driving is fine? So far I’m totally relaxed and can not understand the fuss about pregnant mothers, they are adult, educated and informed individuals, why does society treat them like naive children???

  • Elizabeth

    I’m a few days away from starting m 2nd trimester of my 1st pregnancy. I am attempting to be as laid back as possible and not freak out over little things. Most of my friends already have two kids and have told me that lunch meat every now and then won’t kill the kid. A coke a day won’t hurt the baby. Luckily my husband is supportive and realizes that the “rules” against all of these things were made for people who do not understand moderation.

    I’m starting to get over the hump of being tired and can’t wait to enjoy the 2nd trimester. I love reading this blog and all your comments!

    And God help the person that says anything to me about my eating habits during pregnancy. I may just tell them I’m not pregnant and they can shove it up their ass!

  • ErinLG

    I want to read more of these comments — I only got down to #60 — but the monkey is waking from his nap. Funny, most comments are saying that they are/were more relaxed with their subsequent pregnancies … I am way WAY more stressed with my second (and I’m only 16 weeks). My first was super easy, a little bit of nausea, swollen feet close to the end, but nothing major. This time, with friends going through multiple miscarriages, and just knowing more about labour, and all of the horror stories people (thankfully) saved for after my first was born, I”m a nervous WRECK. My nausea stopped after week 8 — that was a sure sign something horrible had happened (nope). I haven’t been an emotional mess — there must be something wrong (nope). UGH!
    Good luck, and keep this calm … forget about YOU, it’s good for ME :)

  • http://www.artasaction.org Sadie Jones

    dear Heather-

    I am a faithful reader of your blog but have never commented before. After reading your experience with your first pregnancy here and in your wonderful book, this post moved me to tears. It is so wonderful and so deserved that you are experiencing such peace during this second pregnancy – you have more than earned it.

    thank you for being brave enough to share the bitter with the sweet

  • Krista

    Zen is good!!! With my second, everything starting with the pregnancy test was different but it was all really good. I knew (approximately) what to expect and when to expect it, and I worried a lot less about what people thought, which was probably a lot easier because I was at home with my son rather than working in an office full of nosy women. I was very zen until about 10 days before my due date when I started to have anxiety about the labor, which was (i hate to tell you this) but harder :(

    Since My daughter was born, I have been able to enjoy her ages and stages a lot more than with my 1st. I don’t totally freak out when she coughs, or gets a little diaper rash or bonks her head. It is so neat to get to slow down a little with the second and enjoy things.

    I know that I enjoyed everything when I had my son but we were always worried about everything and rushing to get the camera when he did things for the first time. Now, I just make sure I write on the calendar when she does things and try to get them on camera the 2nd time, i’m sure no one will ever know the difference :)

    Love and zen are the way to go, you’re doing a fantastic job Heather, and thank you again for sharing your life, thoughts and fears with the world!

  • http://laurenfromtexas.com Lauren From Texas

    PS: I just watched the Momversation video and YOU. ARE. HILARIOUS. The line about the cocaine was too much. :)

  • Katka

    I am not pregnant yet, but plan to be in the near future :) And I consider your blog an excellent source of information along with the What-to-expect kind of books. What you do is amazing and I love your style of writing and think you are hillariously funny.
    We have in the family one of the fanatic mothers who all together ate about 5 foods during their pregnancy because everything is either deadly for the child or potential allergen. Their first child turned out to be a copy of Leta :) Wouldn’t eat anything, wouldn’t sleep, horribly stubborn plus sick all the time. And you know what? The second kid is an angel. Will eat anything, sleeps well and is totally laid back.
    And I totally believe not-Maria will be a really relaxed baby as well :)
    Oh, and I loved the heroine/cocaine provocation at the end.

  • Almudena

    will someone, anyone, please say that not only is the second pregnancy amazing, but that having another baby is by far the easiest most magnificent experience a person can have? no seriously, in those EXACT words someone please say that. my subconscious desperately needs to hear it before taking the rather deep plunge into second-time mommyhood. tell me about the baby who only cries when she’s hungry, the restful nights, the happy toddler elated at the thought of sharing her world with another sweet little one. anyone??

  • Myranda

    Actually, my first was more relaxed than my second. I was sick as a dog the first few months, but after that I felt awesome.

    Then the post partum depression hit me like a ton of rocks afterwards. In a year I was divorced, and the medications worked intermittently over the next few years. I had a bad breakdown maybe 2 years post partum.

    Anyway, I was remarried, and 6-7 years after my first, I was pregnant again. My doctors told me to go off the medications. I did, and things got bad pretty fast. I went back on for the remainder of the pregnancy, but my equilibrium was not quite the same. Post partum was iffy, though not as bad as the first. My newborn had congenital cardiac problems & I had a cdif infection which put me in the hospital too.

    When my third came along, I stayed medicted the whole time, did well emotionallly except I had morning sickness pretty much the whole nine months.

    I was a total basket case after my first, not just because of the PPD but I had never been around kids, had no idea what to do, was isolated, and had an emotionally abusive spouse. Therapy told me that all my negative feelings about my childhood were being dredged up and I was directing all this anger and negativity at myself.

    By my third I was comfortable and felt confident about my abilities as a parent. And I had a supportive spouse. And I stayed medicated.

  • Jen S.

    I’m 37 weeks with my first, so I can’t speak to your actual question, but I’ve gotten a lot more relaxed in the last trimester. I had a hot dog at a bbq the other day and it was AWESOME. I think if I did get pregnant again, it’d be much more enjoyable than this one was for the first two trimesters where every little bump and hitch scared the shit out of me and sent me running to the internet for immediate relief (bad place to look for relief, btw). I can’t control whether I have the same gnarly morning sickness, but at least I’d know what to expect. Experience has so much to do with how you approach things in life, and I’m sure that having been down this road before has made your second pregnancy easier. That and the meds!!

  • Megan

    Thank you for this post. I’m 27 weeks pregnant with #2 and I’m definitely allowing myself more cheese, lunch meats, etc. with this pregnancy. I’ve also been having one caffeinated coffee drink a day. Then I have friends who are pregnant who won’t even eat chocolate because of the caffeine. Come on. What is annoying is that question you get “oh, so you are drinking coffee?” Yes, leave me alone.

    I imagine the same will happen after the baby is born.

    I’m definitely less stressed this time around and honestly annoyed with the amount of prenatal visits I have to go to. Who has time to go to the doctor when you have a 2 year old to find child care for, a job, and a life. I’m not looking forward to those every week appointments. I don’t usually have any complaints or questions to ask. I guess I should feel fortunate about that. Here’s to having a safe birth that is easier than #1! And I wish you the same!

  • http://www.surprisinglysane.com Tamra

    Definitely more calm the second time through. I drank my morning cup of coffee and ate lunch meat as well. I exercised and danced until the day I popped my baby out. I think second pregnancies generally incur much less stress, but is also a bit easier because you are so distracted by your other child that there just isn’t time to sweat the small stuff.

  • rb

    I was extremely anxious during my second pregnancy, probably because my first child had died at age three, I’d had two miscarriages and my new husband didn’t think pregnant women were sexy. During my third pregnancy, which was unplanned, I was so busy working and mothering a 13 month old I didn’t have the luxury of worrying so much. (Also, my husband had worked out his issues.) So even though I was much more tired, I was far less anxious.

  • Brookelyn

    Like you, I am much more relaxed this time around. I’m not reading all the books and making sure everything is ready (yet). I think it’s because I’m not going into uncharted territory. And I realize that buying the kid their very own special laundry soap is bunk.
    Now, I can’t say this pregnancy is any easier. I’m definitely more uncomfortable earlier and I gotta tell ya, people are totally rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe it’s because it’s a girl this time and the hormones are more bitchy this time around.

  • Anonymous

    Glad your keeping the crack down to weekends only, your daughter will thank you when she is born!

  • Isabel

    I felt better the second time around because I had CUTER CLOTHES! I cannot stress enough the importance of “quality” maternity garb–which for me means no freaking bows and a minimum of pastels, thank yee very much. (Um, incidentally, I mention this stuff in my blog–excuse me for shamelessly promoting myself: http://roniadarc.blogspot.com/2009/01/weekend-wrap-up.html).
    After a few installments of bad-maternity-garb shopping sprees wherein I just collected more crappy, ugly, ill-fitting junk, I bit the bullet and threw down some coin for some really nice pants and good tops. I still wear those clothes now, three months post-delivery, not because I have to but because they’re well made and beautiful (and fit “thin,” too). Ultimately, being able to dress nicely during those awkward months, to feel as good as I could with that big ole’ gut, made a HUGE difference–the emotional boost was well worth the money spent. Good luck, Heather–I’m rooting for you!

  • cattitude

    I was scared during my second pregnancy because the first birth was so horrific (72 hours of wanting to die kind of pain, ended up going natural after the epidural because the baby was in distress from it, forceps, suction, episiotomy, 21 stitches…yeah.)
    It ended up being much MUCH better than the first, though, even though the second baby was bigger (21 hours, no episiotomy, one stitch)
    All that fright for nothing! :)

  • Adrien

    After at least 4 miscarriages and then getting pregnant (naturally) with twins I will be happy never to be pregnant again thank you. I love how relaxed you are this time around and I hope it will continue. My twins are a little younger than Leta and I have been following you since long before you had her so I am happy this pregnancy has been so good for you. your pics are hilarious and you are just too cute pregnant!! keep it up!

  • http://www.moderngeartv.com Tamara

    Well, I am pregnant for the second time. I haven’t told my boss, and I haven’t written about it on my blog – and it’s not because of the usual reasons like worrying about employment, etc. but because for this, the second time round, I am just trying to remain calm.

    I delivered our son in a stillbirth at seven and a half months, a little over a year ago – about 15 months ago I guess. And we’re expecting again…I am 8 weeks today.

    We found out after losing Henry that there is, in addition to the Rheumatoid Arthritis that I’ve had since age 6, a few other things that are complicating factors – antiphospholipid syndrome, and the lupus antibody are a few. I had mini strokes in the first pregnancy, and in the end had severe pre-eclampsia.

    This time we hope to mitigate those risks with Heparin therapy (I start next week) and a calm environment.

    But that second part, the calm thing, is a bit of a challenge when I remember what we went through not so long ago, and the pain after (since).

    The specialist has told me that I have a 50/50 chance of delivering a healthy baby and that we could lose this one anywhere in the pregnancy, even as late or later than Henry. And there’s also a 1% chance that I could die.

    We decided to try again, and hope and pray that everything turns out okay – that’s all we can do.

    Best of luck to you, Dooce! And please send good wishes to us.

    Tamara

  • Cate

    I felt completely awesome right through my second pregnancy, I didn’t have any morning sickness and I threw a lot of my “rules” out the window. I gained 80 pounds and I’m still amazed I didn’t end up with gestational diabetes from all the junk I ate. He was a healthy birth weight and has grown into a healthy kid, albeit with a bit of a sweet tooth :)
    I’ve known people who followed the nutritionist to the letter, did everything they were “supposed” to and still had pregnancies from hell and ended up with sickly babies allergic to everything.
    It really doesn’t matter what you do when you’re pregnant, somebody’s going to disapprove.
    You can’t please everybody so please yourself!

  • http://www.belladeluna.com/blog.html sara

    I know I don’t know you, but I love you. It’s just nice to know that someone else in the world views it with a twisty sarcastic view as well. So kudos to that.

  • http://teacheranonymous.blogspot.com/ Teacher A

    This one is only my first, but I’ve been remarkably non-crazy for a newbie. I was somewhat concerned for the first several months (up until the first ultrasound) that something might be wrong or I might have coincidentally developed some sort of hCG-secreting tumor due to my LACK of morning sickness. Shortly after that, I gave in to my craving for sushi. Mmmm. Having mostly avoided the pregnancy books, I had no idea I wasn’t supposed to be eating lunch meat until recently. Whoops.

    I’m halfway convinced that when I’m massively pregnant, someone will come up to me while I’m eating sushi and make some sort of comment, at which point in time I will have to aggressively consume some raw fish.

  • http://ohtobebeautiful.blogspot.com/ Vanessa

    I have not yet been blessed with a second pregnancy, but thank you for sharing how yours has been. I have suffered from anxiety for many years and my first was definitely anxiety overload. I worried over every little thing. I am figuring that with the second I will be so focused on my first born that the pregnancy will become smoother somehow? We shall see!

  • mebreeze

    I am 36 weeks into my second pregnancy. The first was a relaxed, easy, experience-I was thrilled to be having a baby and getting married. The second has been much more difficult because I struggled with depression and anxiety during the first trimester. I chose not to go on medication, and have wondered if it was the right thing to do as I still struggle a little and know I will probably have post-partum depression. My anxiety is more about bringing another person into our well functioning little unit of 3, not that lunchmeat and a cup of coffee will hurt the baby. So I still do those things. Ugh, people are annoying. 2 people told me yesterday that I look as though I am about to have my baby tomorrow. Hmm, thanks people. I’m so crabby looking all the time, I can’t believe my mean face didn’t scare them off.
    Good luck with everything, Heather! Looking forward to reading about the new baby!

  • http://www.paradoxofme.com jen }i{

    When I was pregnant with my first (almost ten years ago), I was fanatical about cutting every “unhealthy” thing from my diet. Including becoming anal about getting rid of the caffeine.

    With my second I was more lax, including caffeine every now and then.

    My first child is and always has been extremely rambunctious and my second child is really mellow and laid back.

    So… with my third, I realized caffeine really had no ill effects on my children and consumed it whenever I wanted. She’ll be two next week and is the happiest, most chill child out of the three.

    The one bad issue I did deal with, with all three pregnancies, was weight gain (fifty-sixty pounds with all each) and swelling. I ate whatever cravings came my way and had a severe addiction to salt, still do, and I didn’t compensate with enough water.

    Eating better, merely for the sake of feeling better in my pregnancies would be something I would’ve done differently.

  • GaullyGirl

    Pregnancy has become some sort of scare tactic for so many people who want to freak woman out. Calm down crazies, woman have been giving birth for MILLIONS OF YEARS! Take pregnancies at face value, do what makes you feel good, focus on what is best for you and the baby and say, “Up yours,” to the fanatical judgment passers. People have no clue what stress they put on woman who are in the process of growing a human. We experience enough emotional stress, worry and anxiety on our own, leave me alone while I enjoy my blue cheese dressing.

    I think the hardest thing so far with my second pregnancy is my emotional inconsistencies with my first daughter. My emotions are rolling and my patience is shot.