• http://www.theprimamomma.com The Prima Momma

    Careful Katey – you may have gotten one of those models that can FLY! They make those, you know.

  • Megan

    LOL! The Korean nail salon makes me think of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine could tell that the Korean ladies were ripping on her every time she entered the salon to get her nails done, so she gets George’s dad (who speaks Korean from being in the Korean War) to go with her.
    Then when they are dissing her and the dad, he starts yelling at them in Korean and they hiss, “A SPY!!!!” and permanently ban her from their salon.

  • Jennifer

    Thanks Heather! Forgiven.

    Lily B is just like Katey was and is………..



    Katey’s mom :)

  • Anonymous

    WTF, #267??? Seriously?

  • http://www.oneofthesedaysalma.blogspot.com Denise

    You sure do have a house full of adorable kidlets! Whats a girl to do??? DIP IN BBQ AND EAT ‘EM UP!!

    P.S. Cousin Robert looks so much like Cousin George that before I read the summary of the photo? I was all OMG! WHAT HAPPENED TO COUSIN GEORGE!!

    Ok. I’m through yelling at you!

    Keep doing what you do, please! It gets me through my day sometimes!

  • http://serendipitysmiles.com Peggy

    My grand daughter Olivia is 12 weeks old and is holding her head up, giggling, smiling, and the girl is the gassiest baby I’ve ever met! She also has more hair than we know what to do with. The girl was born salon ready!

    You can check out her most recent pictures as she took part in her mommy and daddy’s wedding last week: http://serendipitysmiles.com/2009/09/01/the-wedding/

    (and by the way, I’m the hot, sexy, grand mother)

  • http://www.heathersgarden.typepad.com Heather’s Garden

    OMG, the hair on the baby’s head. Too cute! But yes, she is screwed. Wait until they start driving.

  • elismsue

    So damn cute!! All my babies had those folds and mannequin hands that looked like they got screwed onto their arms.

    Can’t leave out Marlo, though! Those eyes..I see so much of Leta in her

    Bottom line, all 3 girlies are gorgeous!


  • workroom

    The tangential nature of this story made me really feel for jon and his day to day life. Oh the humanity.

  • http://pixitogs.com Pixi

    Too damn cute! Where do you people order the babies with the big blue eyes??? OMG. I totally want one.

  • http://www.happinessontap.com Elizabeth_K

    It’s ridiculous when people brag about their children crawling/walking early — I’m with you and Katey — the earlier they start THE WORSE IT IS!! Moving babies are crazy (and awesome entry, wide ranging and funny, by the way).

  • Amy

    She’s not chubby, she’s hiding a 9 month old in there

  • Julie

    That is one cute baby. <3

  • elise

    OK first off – #267 – this is not your personal soap box, it took me 5 minutes to scroll through your ridiculously long tirade to get to the bottom to post my comment, wow.

    ANYWAY – Heather this post is hilarious!! I’ve been so busy at work I’ve not been able to read your blog as much as I’d like and hot damn I’ve missed it. Plus Katey’s baby is too cute with her little spike of hair!

  • http://twitter.com/laynemarie Layne

    I’ve never had a baby. Can’t you just put them in playpens or cages or something when they start being mobile? Hah

    Anyway. How do you not die from the amount of adorableness in your household everyday?? And did you see Lily’s hair? Because that is some fucking cute hair!

  • http://www.oneofthesedaysalma.blogspot.com Denise

    Karla! BITE your tongue, woman! I have a 17 year old and if I could figure out how, I would sew it shut so NOTHING could shoot out of there for a good long time!

  • Pam

    love love love that last pic!

    ahnyo he-ZEYo

  • http://www.passementeries-diary.com Passementerie

    My unfortunate little infant is SEVEN months old and can’t do that yet. Poor little slow baby.

    And I agree – sleep when the baby sleeps is complete hogwash.

  • http://toadestinationunknown.blogspot.com Nicole S.

    Love, love, LOVE CHUBBY BABIES!!! My third just turned 4 months, and is the only one I have that has rolls on his thighs. I want to eat them! And he also rolls over, tho from the belly to back….i am a bad mommy who lets my kids sleep on their tummies! He is trying to go the other way, and once he does I am screwed!

    Thanks for keeping on keepin’ on. I love reading your work, it makes me laugh every day.

  • http://www.myhormonesmademe.com MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt

    Not to take away the focus because that child is a cutey, but PLEASE oh please teach us how to say Hi in Korean. Please!

  • BobbieLee

    My oldest baby rolled over when he was ONE DAY OLD! This is true. The doctor was examining him and the doctor almost flipped when he rolled over…again, and again, and again. Then my youngest son, who has a twin sister…’Hi, Nichole!’…walked for the first time when he was five months old. He walked toward the ornaments on the Christmas tree. (I have this one documented in a photo) My youngest sister walked when she was five months old, too. She walked toward my Uncle’s glass of Jack Daniels…

  • dooce

    I have to leave up comment #267 just for ITS PURE AWESOMENESS.

  • Dale

    You totally made me pee myself with this post.

  • Morgan

    267-AWESOME! I had NO idea that movies were clues from the gods. What a great excuse to do nothing but watch movies from now on. And I’ll blame it all on YOU. :)

  • Anonymous

    Jesus, you weren’t kidding when you said CHUBBY BABY! Wow!

    Adorable BTW. And yup, Katey is totally s.c.r.e.w.e.d.

  • http://www.our-married-life.blogspot.com Annie

    My son is 5 months old, and he is the same way! Scares the crap out of me to think he might be crawling when he is 6 months old. I mean, can his brain even handle the responsibility of being mobile at that point?? lol

    Oh, and I would throw tantrums like a 5 year old when I’d try to nap while my son was napping and he’d wake up the second my head hit the pillow! I swear he could hear it. It was an exercise in futility, indeed.

    HA HA! What an appropriate Captcha for the first day of school… “teacher’s killjoy”

  • Nicole

    dude, sometimes your writing gives me whiplash! Johnny Depp, infants, Koreans, cats, postpartum, tequila, AND THEN the story . . . are you POSITIVE you don’t have adult attention deficit????

  • Channeling Barney Frank

    Woohoo…number 267. On what planet do you spend most of your time?

  • http://rubyredrudabega.blogspot.com Charity

    I know how you feel, my oldest son stood up and ran across the room at 9 months, do you hear me 9 months??? It was just down hill from there. He skipped crawling completely and went straight to running.

  • http://paagneta.blogspot.com Amy

    I couldn’t agree more with the awful advice of “sleep when baby sleeps.” Besides being completely impractical, the catnaps are killer.

    Onto the 4 month old flipping. Holy shitmeister. My 10 week old doesn’t even like tummy time and barely picks her head up at all. She too enthralled with her putting her hands in her mouth. Your assistant is screwed!!!

  • Kylie

    Oh poor Katey, she should talk to my Mum. Apparently I crawled at 3 months and was walking at 6 months. Ek. And this is why I hold my newborn all day long, so he doesn’t get the chance lol.

  • taty

    fess up, how many of you are too busy gawping at #267 to comment on the actual post?

    anonymous gorilla, I hope you make a website so that I can share the gospel with my friends.

  • http://www.jennytalia.com JENNY TALIA from Australia

    Yep – you got it right the first time
    Katey is going to be screwed, glued and tattooed with that kid right there
    My advice?
    Put her up for adoption before she gets too attached


  • http://forgingahead.wordpress.com Kathleen @ ForgingAhead

    I do so love how you tell a story! Fabulous. Except the part about starting to crawl at 4 months. That’s a wee bit scary.

  • Sarah

    I had a similar reaction as a gangly redhead in Xi’an. 阨呀!

  • Anonymous

    #246, you couldn’t have explained it better. That’s why so many foreigner’s dislike Americans.

  • http://belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Belle

    I can’t believe the HAIR wasn’t mentioned anywhere in this post. That almost deserved as much attention as CHUBBY. What an edible baby.

  • Anonymous

    I really enjoy reading your blogs. Also, what a cute story, and yes, you are in trouble! :)

  • http://www.spaces.msn.com/gilliangaladriel Gillian

    In all of these posts here lately where you’ve spoken of Katey and Lily, you have failed to mention the delightful soft serve swoop of hair on that kid’s head. It’s delightful. Did I mention?

    Don’t worry, I won’t unfollow you for it.

  • http://innocentsaccidentshints.blogspot.com Michael

    I worked with a number of Filipinas at my last job. Once in a while, we would share a lunchtime, and a group of 5 or 6 of them would be sitting together, chatting away in Tagalog.

    Knowing I had married a Filipina, every couple of months the most vivacious one, Rosa, would stop and say, “Mike? You don’t speak Tagalog, right?”

    “No, Rosa, I don’t.”

    “OK,” she would say, and they would continue.

  • http://casadekaloi.blogspot.com Stephanie

    I LOVE YOU and all of the bits about health care. You are a goddess, and quite witty to boot.

  • http://notbychoice.tumblr.com/ Kristina

    Holy tuft of hair, Batman! Lily is so big for having been born three seconds ago, I swear. I guess Marlo’s going to be entering high school tomorrow? Cripes!!!

  • tanya

    Yes, I agree with all the other comments, but really want to thank you for finally breaking the silence on the complete bs of “sleep when the baby sleeps” advice. It’s always just when you fall asleep the baby wakes up with a piercing scream that makes you jump out of your skin in panic mode. That kind of repeated shock can’t be good for my health. :)

    Love love love this site and I recommend it to all my new mother friends/family so I can scare them sh**less for how their lives are going to change after baby! LOL.

  • Esther Kim

    Wow to Dooce and her mommy blogging minions, are your lives so privileged and devoid of any purpose that attaining ‘power’ over people of color working in NAIL SALONS because of fear that they’re judging your ‘nasty’ toes is the new fun thing to do? Last week it was SpoonMe with the girls on Wednesday nights, this week it’s learning a single word in one language to freak out a bunch of people? If that’s the case, why don’t you just go down to Temple Square and scream ‘PENIS’ at the top of your lungs? I’m sure that’ll get you some attention. Hey, how about pulling up to a group of day workers and asking for papers? Ha ha, hilarious. Especially the part when they scatter! Same difference, right?

    I find it fascinating that the focus of a post about a baby rolling over turned into a bandwagon hopping, mean girls-esque bashing of a stereotypical image of a group of people whose life dreams probably weren’t to cater to whiny white women and their jacked up soles. But now I’m sure someone is going to tell me if they didn’t want to do this job they could get another one. Yeah, because employment as well as access in general is completely equalized in this country when someone cannot speak the language at a ‘reasonable’ level. Discrimination doesn’t exist anymore! Martin Luther King! Rosa Parks! OBAMA!!!

    Then again, I’m sure those sneaky foreign language babbling devils who run the convenience stores, dry cleaners, nail salons and restaurants you frequent are all saying shit behind your backs because of the covert implication everyone’s sharing looks over but no one is outright saying: They’re different from us! They’re speaking in a language we don’t understand! This makes us paranoid and insecure! I’m uncomfortable, and when I’m uncomfortable, I get mad, ’cause I live in AMERICA where entitlement only works in one favor, MINE! Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that they MUST be talking shit about us. EVERYONE SEE THAT SEINFELD EPISODE?!? IT’S THE TRUTH!!! LET’S BE ENTITLED DOUCHEBAGS!!’ *cue the Toby Keith music*

    But I’m sure you all have friends of every color, creed and nationality so you’re not racist AT ALL, just look at this photo on facebook from when I went to Guatemala to build wells for all of those grateful indigenous people/my best friend is Mexican/I adopted a baby from China/my great grandma was a Cherokee Princess/Sushi is my favorite food/Michael Jackson’s ‘Black or White’ is my jam — so it’ll be dismissed, chalked up to the mad rantings of a hypersensitive angry Korean American woman who has no idea what I’m talking about, because, hey, did I mention that RACISM IS DEAD?! Just like patriarchy. And someone will probably go all 3rd grade on my ass, tell me their dad can beat up my dad, not invite me to their birthday party and call me a retard (I’m looking at you Anonymous 193. Touche.)

    Yeah yeah, it’s all just a joke right? Don’t take it so seriously. It’s easy for someone to say that when they don’t understand the real implications these jokes have on people who aren’t you. Because, you know, my most favorite thing int he whole entire world is to talk shit on the content written by the queen of the Mommy Bloggers on her own site (bring it).

    P.S. Kudos to #187, #246 and #258 for saying something.

  • http://thisitaliangeminii.blogspot.com Michelle

    What a cutie! I love the patch of hair on top of her head :) So the kid can flip. Does she burp like Marlo? Maybe the two of them can get together and start an act or something…

  • dooce

    Esther, I actually *did* go to Guatemala to build wells for all of those grateful indigenous people, I cannot believe you would denigrate those efforts in such a way.

  • Anonymous

    Fewer cheetos, more tummy time! Poor kid.

  • Becky

    I cannot get enough of you lately, Heather! You are so hilarious, and yes, a busy baby is a rough deal. Poor Katey.

    Totally different subject… my daughter started Kindergarten two weeks ago here in Iowa. Has Kindergarten started for Leta yet? I am dying for a first day of school post and picture!!!!!!!!!

  • thelibrarianne

    Oh my god, that baby! She looks like a Kewpie doll! I can’t deal with it.

  • Cate

    OMG the hair!!!

    It almost, ALMOST makes me want one :)