• doobrah

    Just wait until those apricots start fermenting. Drunk Bronx squirrels!! Can’t wait for that story!

  • SwissMiss

    the Macarena!! dooooooooooooooo it :-)

  • Maggles

    I’ve always been a fan of the Roger Rabbit (backwards Running Man) and if you can do the Cabbage Patch at the same time, Woah. Please let me see your tall skinny body do the Running Man, oh god please.

  • ninesandquines

    i think you learned your lesson about tyrant….he take no shit from nobody and gives it back just as well :-)

  • Melateer

    You know, maybe once you live there for a year, you’ll be insane enough to whole heartedly (hyphen?one word? TWO?) believe you have a gentle bobcat living in the shed.

  • Melateer

    You know, maybe once you live there for a year, you’ll be insane enough to whole heartedly (hyphen?one word? TWO?) believe you have a gentle bobcat living in the shed.

  • Lisa Dickie

    Love the gangsta names! Go geeky with some New Kids shuffle or stick with the gangsta theme and rump shake it! Pretend you are Beyonce if that’s too gangsta. I am feeling for you with the teething. My 14 month old is getting her 4 pointy (eye?) teeth + 4 molars which = much sleep deprevation. Hang in there!

  • Schnauzie_Mom

    The Sprinkler! Those long, noodly appendages are just MADE for the sprinkler:) Or if not that, the Shopping Cart!

  • The Dalai Mama

    We use to have squirrels in our yard–until one of our dogs got lucky and caught one as it feel from the fence. We made her drop it–she did get the shit scratched out of her nose (those squirrels fight like girls-dirty eye-gouging and scratching). Now we don’t seen any squirrels venture into our backyard to steal birdseed.

    I’d love to see you rock a dance like Shakira. Just a thought.

  • Brookelyn Bridge

    I am thankful there really aren’t any bears in your neck of the woods.

    I can make a noise that causes squirrels to attack. It’s a gift.

    And I loved the pictures Tyrant took of you & Jon. So sweet to see photos of you two together. We don’t get nearly enough of those kinds of pictures either. Probably because no one is ever around to take them.

  • EarlGreyHot

    You know what that Tiki planter reminds me of? The adventure game Monkey Island. Anyone remember that?

    This would totally be the kind of thing you’d walk past a thousand times, only to realize later it was something you should’ve put in your inventory because it is the missing piece of the Tiki-mural you need to complete before the secret passage opens in the inactive volcano on the remote island.

    Either that, or it’s part of the decoration in the governor’s house that later turns out to be the long-lost spitbucket of the pirate-admiral which you need to contain his unruly ghost in, lest he haunts you for all eternity. And the orchid is the essential bit needed as a stopper for the bucket, because the admiral had an allergy, which was what actually killed him (a trained assassin-pet-monkey put orchid-seeds in his rum). Go and listen, you might be able to hear him curse in there :)

    Man, I loved that game.


  • Ambrewskins

    I’m pretty sure Little Squee is a red squirrel and they are bad, bad, bad news. Like “eat a hole into your attic roof and destroy everything” kind of bad. Keep an eye on him!

  • Cooky

    Attack of the killer squirrels.

    Coco and Chuck are terrified of those nasty flying rodents for a good reason.

    I like white for rooms especially when you have such awesome sunlight coming from so many angles.

  • Therese

    Ooooooooooh. Please Hammer Dance it up, dude. I mean Dooce. Please! I am already laughing at the mental picture.

    Also, I love how much you care about animals. Even the insane ones that want nothing more than to pellet you with apricots.

  • TexasKatie

    I was just gonna say what doobrah said. I have had drunken squirrels before in my yard and it is HYSTERICAL.

  • ladydayholiday

    I have two words for you and your squirrel problem. Pellet Gun. My dad’s dogs get excited every time he sits out on the back porch with his pellet rifle because they know they’re going to get evil squirrel to snack on. And yes, I know that is pretty country but squirrels can be some pretty destructive creatures. They’re fluffy demons. Digging up my potted plants and fornicating in the attic space above my bed at night to keep me awake with their LOUD squawks? CHECK AND CHECK.

  • Becky Cochrane

    I played the video for my dogs. They couldn’t be bothered to wake up. Next I’m getting them one of those tiki planters.

  • tokenblogger

    Put more delicious squirrel food in all your neighbor’s yards (front and back)…

  • jantzie

    Ummm… shall I be the first to ask? Where might one find that tiki planter? I adore it as well. :)

  • GlamourGirlSabrina

    You should totally do the Macarena or break dance with the catarpillar and windmill! LMAO! Love all you’re doing, as usual!!


  • Erika from Canada

    I found Notorious G. He’s binging on comfort food after a stressful night in your window well. http://twitpic.com/2i2q2c


    Have I ever told you about the squirrel (for some weird reason we called him Simon) who grabbed a PBJ sandwich out of my 2-year-old’s hands?

  • rtsmama

    Many years ago we lived in a very old house and a squirrel made its way into our spare bedroom. It couldn’t find its way out and we couldn’t let it out into the rest of the house so we shut the door. After much deliberation we decided there was only one solution. We had to shoot the damn thing. Yep, my husband retrieved his .22 pistol and shot it dead. Blood and guts all over the wall and carpet. It was disgusting. They are pesky little SOB’s and will destroy everything given the chance. Yep, get a pellet gun.

  • ATV_07

    An idea for your office remodel. You mentioned all those messy cables and I cant wait to see how you manage those. Perhaps a nest for squirrels. Or how about if Verizon would offer this for free on all new customers who mention “dooce”

  • shuggilippo

    Oh dear lord, please do The Sailboat next video…

  • hmae25

    You should get all ghetto and do the “stanky leg” or the Carlton (Fresh Prince of Bel Air).

  • chasingamazing

    One morning this Spring my husband ducked and scurried back through the screen porch door as I warned him of the squirrel I’d just seen perched inside above the door. It took over four hours, the use of a hockey stick to poke him (the squirrel, not my husband!) in the butt, one scream from hubbie when the squirrel missed landing on my head by an inch, and fun with deck furniture cushions to get him off the porch.
    That was almost as fun as the night my husband came squealing back in from the same porch after going out there to grab soda and encountering a raccoon who snuck in after chewing a hole in the screen.

  • Kayscoth

    If we are going with a dance that will prove your lack of shame, I second whoever has suggested the sprinkler! I think that it would be visually fucking amazing! :) But as a second choice, the stanky leg would also be quite hilarious.

  • freckleface

    Soulja Boy :)

  • Lily Hydrangea

    we never had squirrel problems until our cat Sylvia passed away. now the squirrels in our yard have taken over Sylvia’s old fence post perch & in the process, chewed off all of the fine wood detail as well as regularly taunt our dog Priscilla to chase them up a tree.
    Cats don’t seem to chase squirrels, Sylvia wouldn’t even let them enter the yard unless they were traveling through the tree tops.
    Is it possible for you to get a cat?

  • mjryates

    Gosh, I never knew squirrels could be so destructive. The squirrels here in Bloomington are smarter than the students… they at least look both ways before crossing the street.

  • jan001

    The squirrels in my yard have figured out that Lydia can’t get to them through the glass. Lydia, on the other hand, has not figured this out. They sit on the windowsill all “Yeah, you’d like summa this, wouldn’t you? Come on, reach for it, you know you want it.” I offer photographic evidence: http://bit.ly/9LFway (my Flickr account)

    Forgive the quality — I had to shoot it quick with my phone. Lydia’s petite and the squirrel’s pretty robust, may even be related to Notorious G.

    And I cast another vote for the Macarena!!

  • craftyashley

    OMG. My dogs have never seen/heard a squirrel IN THEIR LIVES, but with just that sound, they perked their ears up, and started pacing the floors.

    Hatred for squirrels must be in their DNA.

  • Jennyville

    We have a Blue Heeler and the pair of squirrels in our back yard take great pride in TORTURING HER. They sit just out of reach on the trunk of the tree and chatter just like it’s tea time at the Buckingham Palace. Everything is just grand in the life of a squirrel. Ok, so I’m a little jealous. How awesome would it be to sit just out of reach and torment those who would choose to torment you first. TAKE THAT INTERNET!

  • AshesVonDust

    An orchid. AN ORCHID?! I just swooned a little.

    Also? I heartily approve of your squirrel names. Perfect.

  • Becky Cochrane

    Hmmm. Considering what Lily at #30 said, perhaps you should have held on to Susan Diego. Or at least you could welcome the return of the Mythical Bobcat.

  • Robin DoddPhoto

    Okay.. I’m such a dork. Just figuring out how to be a part of the community of Dooce : ) Yea! I’m in!

  • Sneeka

    Okay first of all, those squirrels are so cute. Like adorable. I’m from New York, Harlem as a matter of fact – just minutes from the Bronx (or da BX) and our squirrels are HUGE! From Central Park to DUMBO to SoHo to the BX our squirrels look like furry cats. They make those little pipsqueaks look like, well…pipsqueaks. Next time you are in NYC – take a moment from fabulous Gwyneth meetings and please go take a stroll through Central Park (uh, in the daytime) and see our squirrels!

    And I love Tyrant and his Flickr!

  • PaigeWAydensMama


  • mandinka

    Dammit woman! There better be a video/photo of Chuck reading Emily Dickenson forthcoming.
    Or at least a masthead featuring Notorious G and Lil Squee.

  • mkdsmall

    Seriously this is one of my favorite posts of all time! Little Sqee! LOL. I will say that those are the skinniest squirrels I have ever seen – here in Massachusetts that are fatter than I have ever seen!

  • Ezza

    Back on the DANCING suggestions. I would very much like to see Heather doing the Elaine Bennis dance. Ostrich in a blender, oh yes.

  • HeckYes

    I think that tiki planter is possessed or something. That thing gives me the creeps! If you ever want to get rid of it you might have to put it through a wood chipper like Rob & Big had to do with that creepy cat statue thing that Big had. You don’t mess with that shit!

  • txgrrl

    After playing that video my dog is now fiercely guarding the front door. At least she stopped barking.

    I’m in love with those squirrel names. I think it is time to name ours.

  • shellipsm

    first of all, dear Heather, those squirrels are TEENY TINY compared to the darlings we get in the Big Apple.

    And um, did y’all give up your iphones? Or is this in “addition to?”

  • wboswell

    Look, woman – you promised us a bobcat, and I WANT MY BOBCAT.

  • everydayamy

    The worm!

  • Bluestalking

    HAHA! Can I ever identify. I have two Jack Russell terriers (I know, right?). JRTs like to dig, and squeeze themselves into very tight spaces. We have a shed in the back of our yard (as in the kind you store things, not as in rusty tin roof), under which a SKUNK considered moving. While he was in there with his realtor, my dogs were going absolutely nuts. The smaller and younger of our dogs squeezed under there with it. I think you know where this is going.

    And yes, it did. Times two.

    So, my 16 year old daughter got out a can of pureed tomatoes to give the girls a bath. My daughter! Willingly doing work! Anyway, long story short, tomato sauce seems to be a total myth, but when the dogs shook themselves post-bath the place looked like a murder scene. I’m still finding bits of tomato in odd places, and this was two or three months ago.

    But doncha love ‘em?

  • Bluestalking

    P.S.: Our smaller/younger JRT climbs trees to get to squirrels. No joke, kid you not.

  • Bluestalking

    P.P.S.: The CHA CHA! Or Salsa, with the Tyrant.