An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Holiday for Him, 2014

Remember when I posted the gift guide for her and talked about the relentlessness of my five-year-old? I could just post that paragraph here and it would still ring true. She was up all night with nasal congestion and a pretty solid fever, and early this morning my temperature started to climb. When we’re not napping today we’ll be in bed watching “Scooby-Doo” and distracting ourselves with shiny things on the Internet.

1. Vince French Terry Sweatpants $111

2. Casio Calculator Watch $48.98

3. KeySmart Compact Key Holder $20

4. Fujifilm X-M1 Digital Camera with Lens $599.95

5. Frends Taylor Headphones $199.99

6. Minnetonka Camp Chukka Boot $99.95

7. Ray-Ban Polarized Clubmaster Sunglasses $145.35

8. Best Glide Be Prepared Pocket Survival Kit $29.99

9. Kevin Murphy Night Rider Matte Texture Paste $46.90

10. Fallkniven Gentleman’s Pocket Knife $244.95

11. Kryptonite Kryptolok Series 2 LS Bicycle U-Lock with Transit FlexFrame Bracket $36.22

12. Critical Cycles Fixed Gear Bike $219.99

13. Iron And Resin Elk Bobber Glove $138.99

14. Hedge Leather and Canvas Backpack $300

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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