• Meg

    Babies don’t come home RUNNING AROUND like puppies do. I am a dog person, I prefer dogs to most people in the world, but a puppy is a crazy kind of exhaustion.

  • cranky kitty

    I am a cat person, but the bit about Chuck living forever resonates with me, I have a 15yo senior kitty, who until this year has had the best of health, this year she’s slowed down and ended up with a nasty infected zit. I keep telling her that she is not allowed to die, not until I do, she has to live at least another 20 years, and then her and I can go to sleep together and just not wake up.

  • John

    Thank you for your frequent reminders that PUPPIES ARE HARD – can you hurry up and publish that book of Coco pictures and set up a kiosk next to the mall pet store?

  • TJ

    My lab as a puppy was so crazy it was enough to make me want to off both of us. It was exhausting. The counter surfing, door chewing, blind ruining… he even at an entire bag of peaches once. He turned two and became the best dog ever for eleven more years, but mark my words, I will NEVER get another lab puppy. Yes, it was almost twenty years ago, but lab puppyhood has not left my memory. It was that bad. My next puppies were a French Mastiff and a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. The Mastiff was such an easy puppy. He was so calm and good that it worried me he was ill. He wasn’t, just super low maintenance personality, never bothered a thing. Cavalier was easy, too, but a bit more energetic. I’d recommend either as pups. They’re still fantastic at six years old. And as a bonus, neither has farting issues. I go with the notion that buying them really good food prevents that nastiness. At least that is what I tell myself when they ring up the bags at the pet store…

  • C

    I just wanted to write to say, I have a dog (named Chuck!) and he’s older, and I loved this sentence so much that I saved it and want to refer to it in the future: “Chuck is not going to die. Chuck might hop on an outstretched wing of
    the wind as it silently careens through a canyon and ride off into
    another life, but that motherfucker isn’t going to die.”

    You are the best. :-)

  • http://oddlovescompany.com/blog/ Katybeth

    “DRIVE YOUR CAR!” I think she might grow up to be a dog trainer. Now that was a fun giggle.

  • KathyB

    dogs are always puppies, loveable but puppies
    Marlo is a trip, seriously

  • katrynka

    This had me laughing out loud!!

  • Joan Hobbs

    I just laughed so hard I peed a little. Thank you for both making me happy and realizing I’m old all at the same time.

  • Angela Walters

    Wait…the kid (My tablet actually autocorrected that to “yid” hoping I wouldn’t notice.) or dog will live to be fifty? If it’s the kid; and who cares about the kid at that age? You’ll be dead and said child is going to be going on vacay with proceeds from the sale of your home.
    So, what are you you feeding it? The kid and the dog? Give the dog chicken breast, yams and rice. Make the kid forage outside for dandelions. Apparently they are edible, according to chefs who make dished the size of baby rabbits. Also, the characters of Walking Dead agree. The dogs already have to work for treats. Children are just gonna be bitter and talk smack to their therapists about that one time in the car you told them to shut up or you would drive them into a lake. Dogs would never tell anyone that shit.

  • Angela Walters

    I laughed so hard I had to decide between finishing the post and getting up to pee. I finished the post. The pee, it was a photo finish. Still, this is funniest, laugh out loud by yourself post I’ve read in a while.

    Seriously though, I have also adopted my very last puppy. No matter how much you research the breed, you will come to find out that YOUR dog is the asshole version of that breed. It will have all the bad traits and none of the good. For dated reference, you will probably end up with the the Jersey Shore of whatever breed mix you adopt. That’s why I like to wait till they are about two years and you can see if you are bringing Snookie home or sweet creature who won’t piss in the bed and eat poop.

  • Ro

    Raw green tripe is meant to have lots of probiotics left in it from the cow’s stomach. And they love eating it. We just started our dog on a natural raw food diet and her health is so much better for it, her skin’s improved massively and she doesn’t get ear infections anymore. And the doggy stink seems to be going as well! I think it’s always better to treat health problems with food when you can. It should work out cheaper in the long run as fewer vets bills, yay.

  • Karen Johnson

    Ditto on the plain yogurt advice. Giving our older lab a heaping tablespoon a day allowed us to start inviting company over again.

  • http://allconsuming.com.au/ allconsuming

    You’re at the green light and you’re driving. OH Marlo, never ever change. Ever.