the smell of my desperation has become a stench


That bag of goldfish crackers was half full when this whole game of torture started. She’d slowly eat one and then another and then another, opening her mouth to show the dogs that she was thoroughly chewing them. You can see Chuck’s tail mid-wag, and Coco is so desperate that she’s gone from sitting to the “down” position and it about to roll over. Like, WHAT TRICK DO YOU WANT, KID?

This is a future Avon World Sales Leader.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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